The hope Kenton had been clinging to began to slip away. He’d figured that even if Julian found out about Benjie that he and Max would be able to protect Benjie. Like Max, he’d figured that no judge would give Julian custody. What he didn’t know was how to protect Benjie from the knowledge of who his father was. All it would take was one parent saying something in front of a classmate of Benjie’s who then, in turn, repeated the information to Benjie.
“She needs to tell him,” Kenton said, a bit surprised when Max nodded his head.
“I agree. He’ll be devastated if he finds out in any way other than directly from her.”
“If she tells him herself, Julian has no power over her.” Kenton hesitated. “But she’s not going to tell him now.”
“I don’t think so. She thinks he’s too young, and she may be right, but that won’t matter in the least if he hears about it in some other way.”
Though Max hadn’t told him what he wanted to hear, Kenton thanked the man then excused himself from the table where just the two of them had remained after Sunday dinner at the Callaghan home. He’d gone to church earlier with his family and had heard a sermon on joy.
He’d kind of hoped for a sermon on finding God’s will, given that he had recently decided to seek that in his life. However, the sermon had made him reflect on what he had always thought had brought him joy in his life—hockey. The fact that it no longer brought him the joy it once had made him question if he really knew what joy was at all.
If he didn’t end up with Avery and Benjie in his life, where would his joy be then?
If he kept searching for joy in the things and people around him, his level of joy would constantly be in flux. But he knew from having heard his dad and Bennett talking with Max at dinner about the sermon, that rooting himself in God and seeking his joy in Him was where he needed to start. That would mean that regardless of what happened with his career or with Avery, he would still have joy in his life.
But still, he wanted to find a way to have them in his life.
“I think you need to tell him, sweetheart.”
Avery frowned at her mom then shook her head. How could her mom think that was a good idea? It was her job to protect her son. Benjie already knew his dad was in jail. He just didn’t know why. There was no way that telling Benjie that his father had tried to kill her was a good thing.
“I think he would understand,” her mom said. “Okay, well, understand might be a bit of a stretch, but I do think he could grasp the situation. He and Elliot are part of a generation who are being taught that drugs are not a good idea. He is also being taught as part of his sports involvement that things like steroids are not good things. What happened with you and Julian would reinforce that teaching for him.”
“And if he wants to see him?” Avery frowned at the thought of the two of them meeting.
“Then you cross that bridge when you get to it. But in the meantime, you remove the chance of Benjie finding out by accident what his father did to you.”
“What happened, Mom?”
Avery jerked around to see Benjie standing in the door of the living room, his pajamas rumpled, and his curls mashed to one side of his head. Her stomach lurched at the thought of what he might have heard.
“What are you doing up, sweetie?”
He ventured closer to where she sat in the recliner. “My stomach hurts a bit.”
She pressed her footrest down and got to her feet. “Do you feel like you’re going to throw up?”
“No. It just hurts a bit.” He hesitated and peered up at her. “What happened with my dad?”
Of all the scenarios she’d envisioned him finding out about Julian, she hadn’t imagined it would be because of a conversation between her and her mom. But if anything, it proved a point. Benjie could find out at any time what had happened with her and Julian.
Avery had a split second to make a decision. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”
Benjie frowned. “Is this a we’ll talk about it tomorrow but never do? Or will we really talk about it tomorrow?”
She sighed, realizing that the decision had been taken out of her hands, and perhaps this was God’s way of directing her to His will when she was resisting this option. In fact, she’d dismissed it out of hand.
“No. I promise, we really will talk about it tomorrow.”
Avery took him back up to his room, a bit concerned when he complained that his head also hurt. She pressed her hand to his forehead, not surprised that it was warmer than usual. Benjie rarely ever complained of feeling sick because it messed with his ability to go to hockey practice or to games, so for him to be up because of a bit of a stomach ache and a headache told her that he was probably feeling worse than he was letting on.
“Why don’t you come sleep downstairs with me, sweetie?” she suggested. It was one thing for him to be upstairs with her mom when he was feeling well, but when he was sick, Avery preferred to have him nearby. Because of that, she had a twin bed still set up in her exercise room so that he could sleep there when he needed to.
When he didn’t argue with her, she was even more convinced that he was sick. She took him back downstairs and collected the items that she and her mom kept handy for when the boys came down with a bug. Armed with the thermometer, throw-up bucket, towels, and bottles of water, Avery took him down to the basement.
She took his temperature, frowning when she saw how high it was already. Benjie sat slumped on the bed, his eyelids heavy as he watched her. That was definitely another sign he was sick. She gave him a dose of medicine to bring down the fever then made him drink some water. Once he’d done that, she tucked him into bed with the bucket, the bed underneath him covered with towels. He was usually pretty good about hitting the bucket if it got to that point, but it was always good to be prepared.
“Sip water whenever you wake up, and if you need me, you yell, okay? I’ll leave both doors open.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Benjie said. “Love you.”
She brushed the hair back from his face. “Love you too, sweetheart.”
“And remember we’re going to talk tomorrow.”
Avery couldn’t help but smile. “I remember.”
She went back upstairs to let her mom know about Benjie’s fever and to get a drink for herself before going back to her bedroom. There was no way she could go to work the next day. She didn’t like to leave Benjie when he was sick, though her mom would watch him, but more than that, she didn’t want to expose Kenton or Emily to whatever bug Benjie had.
She took a quick shower and changed into some warm pajamas before going to check on Benjie again. He seemed to be dozing, but from the feel of his forehead, she knew his fever hadn’t started to drop yet.
Back in her room, Avery settled into her bed figuring she might as well go to sleep early since there was a good possibility she’d be up through the night. Before she fell asleep, she had her devotions, then decided to text Kenton about the change in plans for the next day. After all, she’d said she’d be at the gym on Monday.
I’m not going to be able to make it to the gym tomorrow. Sorry!
Kenton: No problem. Is everything okay?
Benjie has come down with the stomach flu, I think. He’s complaining about his stomach hurting, and he’s running a fever.
Kenton: Sorry to hear that. Does he get sick often?
No. So I knew it was serious when he complained about not feeling good. He never says that because being sick means no hockey.
Kenton: Poor buddy. Hope it doesn’t last too long. Sounds like the bug is going around.
Yeah. So we’ll try to do our part by not spreading it. Hopefully, it won’t last too long as he has a game this weekend and he will not be a happy camper if he has to miss it.
Kenton: Let me know how he’s feeling tomorrow. Hope you both have a good night. Take care of yourself. P.S. I still have Elliot’s gift for him. Remind me the next time I see you.
Avery allowed the conversation to en
d without telling Kenton about Benjie overhearing her conversation with her mom. She wasn’t sure why, but for some reason, she just wasn’t ready to share what had happened yet.
After an up and down night, Avery was glad she didn’t have to go to work the next day. Benjie had had a rough night, but he was a trooper and hadn’t complained even after being sick to his stomach for the third time. Just before five, his fever broke, and his stomach seemed to settle. She figured it was too much to hope that it was a twenty-four-hour bug.
She crawled back into bed, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep before he was sick again. And she really hoped that her constant handwashing and use of disinfectant spray would keep the germs at bay. The last thing she wanted was to come down with whatever he had.
“Momma?”
Avery came to wakefulness in a start, worried that Benjie was sick again, but quickly realized that he lay in bed with her. “Hey, sweetie. How are you feeling?”
“Stomach still hurts a little bit but not as bad as it did.”
She reached out to touch his forehead, grateful to feel that it wasn’t as warm as it had been the night before. “Looks like your fever is still down too.”
“Do you think it will come back again?”
“Unfortunately, I think it might. Are you still drinking water?”
He lifted up a bottle so she could see in the dim light from the area outside her room. “Yep.”
“Good boy.”
They lay there in quiet for a couple of minutes, and Avery felt the tug of sleep again.
“Can you tell me about him now?” Benjie’s voice was quiet, but his question was clear. “Will you tell me why he’s in jail?”
Avery didn’t want to tell him, but she had said she would. Now it was just a matter of how much detail she wanted to give him.
“Your dad was a professional football player when I met him.”
“Like in the NFL?”
“Yes. He was a star quarterback, just like his father had been, but he got injured shortly after we were married. He went through physio and everything, but he wasn’t healing fast enough for his liking. Then when he was healed enough to play again, he felt like he wasn’t strong enough, so he started to take steroids to gain strength.”
“Steroids are bad,” Benjie said. “Coach says we’re never to take stuff like that. That it messes with our bodies, and that it’s cheating.”
“He’s right.” Avery hesitated. “They also can be really bad for making people angry.”
“Angry?”
“Yeah. They call it roid rage.” Her memories from that time began to flood back, and she had to swallow hard to keep her emotions out of her voice. “And your dad was already frustrated and angry about his recovery, so adding in the steroids just made everything much worse. One night, he lost his temper and…basically went ballistic. I tried to calm him down, but that made everything worse and he….he started to attack me.”
“Attack you? Like…he hurt you?”
“Yeah. You know the scars on my arms? Those are from the attack. I also had some on my face and stomach.” She swallowed down the fear that rose as she recalled the start of the attack which was the only clear memory she had of the night. “I almost died.”
“He tried to kill you?” Benjie asked. “What about me? Did he try to kill me too?”
“No. He…didn’t know I was pregnant with you.”
“Does he know about me now?”
“He was arrested for trying to kill me, and after a trial, he went to prison. I never told him about you. He didn’t deserve to know he was your dad.”
“Will he get out someday? Will I have to meet him?”
Avery was sort of surprised at how well Benjie was taking it all, and by the questions he was asking. “He is getting out soon, actually, and no, you don’t have to meet him. I’m still hoping that he won’t find out about you.”
“What would happen if he did?”
She reached out and feathered her fingers through his hair. “I’m not sure, to be honest. Would you want to meet him?”
“No.” The answer came back swift and sure. “He tried to kill you. He’s not my father.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Kenton watched in surprise when Avery walked into the gym on Thursday morning. When they’d texted the night before, she’d said that Benjie was still going to be staying home from school. Something about needing to be fever-free for twenty-four hours before returning to school. He had just assumed that meant she wouldn’t be coming to the gym either.
He got to his feet and met her part way across the room to take her bag, so happy to see her once again. “Hey. I didn’t know you were going to be here today. How’s Benjie?”
“He’s fine. No fever since yesterday afternoon. My mom said she’d watch him today so I could get back to work.”
They walked over to the bench where Avery took off her coat. She wore a turtleneck T-shirt with Benjie’s necklace noticeable against the dark blue fabric. Her shirt was tucked into a pair of light blue, fitted jeans, and she had on a pair of black boots. As usual when she was at work, her hair was pulled back into a clip. She looked beautiful.
He wanted to pull her into a hug, to hold her tight, but there had been no more discussion of what the future held for them. So instead, he just said, “So no one else got sick?”
She gave him a quick smile. “Not yet, and we’re hoping to keep it that way. We used lots of face masks and spray disinfectant along with obsessive hand washing, so we’re hoping that was enough. It’s not usual for one of us to get sick. We’ve all been pretty healthy, but this was a bad flu.”
“Yeah,” Kenton said. “Well, I’m glad you’re back. Hunter isn’t nearly as nice when he corrects me.”
She chuckled a bit at that. “I’m sure you’ve had worse.”
“Yes. Yes, I have.” Kenton leaned back against the wall, stretching out his legs.
She glanced back over her shoulder at him. “As long as you know we’re only doing it for your own good.”
He reached out and touched her hair where it lay against her shoulder. The silky strands slipped through his fingers before he lowered his hand. “Thank you.”
Though she’d turned to face forward again, her gaze found his once more. “For what?”
“For everything really, but specifically for being willing to accept my apology and look past the stupidity of my decision to use the HGH.” Kenton pulled his legs in as he leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees as his shoulder brushed hers. “You had every right to tell me to take a hike, so I want you to know that you won’t regret your decision. I will make sure of that. From now on, I will work as hard as you and Hunter tell me to. You can trust me.”
At his words, she turned more fully to face him. “I know. I wasn’t sure at first, but you’ve shown me in other ways that you aren’t like him.” She paused, her blue-green gaze serious. “Just go with your gut next time. I’m pretty sure it was telling you that taking the HGH wasn’t the right choice.”
“Yes. You’re right, it was. I was just blinded by pride and the desire to be the best again.”
“And you’re not now?”
Kenton gave a shake of his head. “I have had plenty of time to do some soul-searching, and it didn’t take me long to realize that I’ve allowed the people around me to make so many of my decisions that I didn’t know how to make a good one on my own. That will be changing as well. I’m a grown man, for goodness sakes, and the most important decisions I make have to do with how to get the puck to the back of the net. That’s not right, and it’s going to change.”
Avery frowned. “So who's been making your decisions?”
“It’s actually not that simple. Usually, it’s a case of Ward—my agent—and/or my dad presenting me with a situation along with possible solutions. Like if someone approached Ward with an endorsement deal, he’d research it before presenting it to me. When he presented it, he would also offer his recommendation on whether
I should accept it or not. I trust Ward completely, so pretty much each time I would go with his recommendation on what he thought I should do. I could have made a different decision, but I didn’t. I want to personally make more decisions now, not just default to whatever Ward suggests. It still might mean I go with his recommendation, but I need to know I’ve done my own due diligence.”
After gazing at him for a moment, Avery nodded. Before she could say anything, the door opened, and Hunter walked in. He paused when he spotted them then crossed to where they sat, a big smile on his face.
“Avery! It’s great to see you back.” Hunter sat down on the other side of her. “So I guess you don’t need me here at the moment.”
“I think you need to stick around for this first session,” Avery said. “To show me what you two have been working on.”
And just like that, the focus shifted back to Kenton’s training.
“Can we maybe talk later?” Avery asked after they’d finished their session, and he had walked with her to the front doors of the building. He knew she would be heading over to meet with his mom next since she was back to work.
“Of course. Name the time and place, and I’ll be there.” And he would be. It didn’t matter where she asked him to go or what time she wanted to meet. He’d be there.
In the end, she’d asked him to meet her at the same place they’d met previously, and once again, it was after Benjie’s bedtime. He wondered how long it would be before he could see Benjie again. While he had missed Avery tremendously, he’d also missed Benjie and Elliot. He hoped it wouldn’t be long before he could spend some time with the boys again.
This time, Kenton was the first at the café. The same set of chairs was empty, so he settled there then placed an order for a coffee and some pastries that he hoped they’d get to eat this time. He thought about ordering a tea for Avery but didn’t want it to get cold before she arrived.
As he sat there drinking his coffee, his mind played through all the possible reasons for why she’d want to meet. It was difficult not to dwell on worst case scenarios. She was back as his therapist, but was there any hope for something more?
Crossing Center Ice: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 5) Page 31
