by L. P. Maxa
Are you being safe? I know Jett is eighteen now, but you aren’t. I worry about you. I can’t help it.
I thought about you constantly while I was in Hawaii. For some reason the breeze at night always made me picture your face.
I don’t know if you’re reading these letters, or burning them unopened. Part of me hopes you don’t read them, because if you do, I sound like a real hypocrite, huh? I keep telling you I need to keep my distance and that my feelings for you are inappropriate. But then I sit down and pour my heart onto these pages.
I’m the worst.
T.
Chapter Seven
Marley
Before
Fucking Talon and his stupid sweet letters with all the angst and heart. I wish I was burning them unopened. But no, I read every single word, more than once. In fact, I was sure they would have disintegrated any day now from overhandling.
I’d never had a crush until Talon. Hell, I’d never even thought about a guy that way until Talon. I didn’t remember seeing him at Landry and Brody’s baby gender reveal. Sure, I recalled Clashing Swell being there, but I don’t remember ever noticing him the way he said he noticed me.
The first memory I have of Talon was him coming into the red barn with Brody one night after Wyatt was born. I thought he was gorgeous with his surfer good looks and laid-back vibe. He seemed to be everything that I wasn’t, and I was instantly drawn to him.
When he followed me down into the basement, my heart had been pounding inside my chest so hard I heard it in my ears. And giving him my phone number a few nights later was the boldest thing I’d done, regarding a guy, that is. Because let’s face it, I was a pretty bold type of chick. I went after what I wanted, as evidenced by the massive corporation I was in the process of building.
Every time my phone dinged with a text notification, my stomach did somersaults. Most of the time, it was Jett. Or maybe my parents halfheartedly checking up on me. But on those special occasions when it was Talon? My day was made.
I was seventeen and he was twenty-four, and I knew that was a drastic age difference. Except, I wasn’t a typical seventeen-year-old. Holding a dying woman’s hand, trying to ease her pain, would do that to a person. It made time seem so relative. But still, I understood Talon’s reservations. I understood his hesitation.
Hearing another girl’s voice after he’d finally admitted that he missed me, and that he thought about me? That had ripped my heart clean out of my chest. I’d lain awake that night, clutching my phone and silently praying he would reach out. That he would tell me he sent her home. That she meant nothing and that he only wanted me. But his call never came, and neither did his text.
No. What I got, weeks later, was another handwritten letter. He put distance between us, and my heart continued to ache.
“Are you even listening to me right now?” Jett waved his hand in front of my face. “If you aren’t paying attention to this stupid movie, then can I turn it the fuck off? It’s grossing me out, MVP.”
I shoved his still obnoxiously waving palm away. “I’m watching, what are you even talking about?”
“That chick just got an axe through the sternum and you didn’t so much as blink. Either I need to have you committed for severe lack of empathy, or you were lost in that giant brain of yours.”
“I was thinking about the meeting we have with the contractors in the morning.” That was a lie, but it was definitely what I should have been thinking about.
“Yeah, can this be our last meeting? We’ve interviewed four companies and you find something wrong with each one of them.” Jett threw his head back against the headboard of his bed dramatically. “It’s getting hella boring.”
I sighed, pausing the movie in the middle of yet another gruesome murder scene. “Whatever company we choose is going to be keeping our biggest secret. Excuse me for being picky, you giant annoying baby.”
“No matter what company we choose, they will have to sign so many non-disclosures their wrists are going to cramp up. Legally, we’ll have every one of them by the balls. So, really, it’s all about the one who will build me the most badass Indiana Jones tunnel.” He grabbed the remote and turned the movie off altogether. “Which is company number three. We both know that.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll tell you what’s getting hella boring is listening to you go on and on about your tunnel.”
“My tunnel is—”
“Hey, man, thanks for coming by, I’ll be ready in just a minute. Jett’s back in his room though if you want to go say hi while you wait. I know he’d be pumped to see you.”
My stomach clenched, and then dropped. I don’t know how I knew, but I did. I knew that Uncle Luke was talking to Talon. And that I’d be seeing him face-to-face in a matter of seconds. Manically, I glanced around the room, wondering what I should do.
I could jump out the window, like I’d seen Crue and Beau do so many times. I could hide in the bathroom, which I knew for a fact Jett had girls do frequently. Or I could put my bitchy mask on and act like seeing him did nothing to me.
“Jett, hey kid, how’s…”
Talon’s greeting trailed off when he stepped into the room to see Jett and me sitting side by side on his bed. I watched as T’s intense dark eyes moved from my face to Jett’s hand resting beside my thigh. His jaw clenched, and so did my core. He was jealous, and it turned me on as much as it pissed me off. He had no reason to be jealous of Jett, but more than that, he had no right.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize you had company.” Talon swallowed, his hands fisted at his side. He tried to smile, but it appeared forced and out of place, even to me.
Jett threw his arm around my neck and pulled me playfully against his bare chest. “It’s not company, it’s just Marley.”
Jett rarely wore all his clothes at one time, choosing to go without pants or a shirt constantly. I’d grown up around it, and it didn’t bother me. But I could tell by the look in Talon’s eyes that he wasn’t a fan. I smirked, raising one eyebrow like a real brat and daring him to say something.
To say anything.
“Hey, Marley, how’ve you been?”
I sat up, pushing off Jett’s hard pecs, playing into it more than I normally would. “I’ve never been better.” I swung my legs over the bed and stretched my arms over my head like I didn’t have one damn care in the world. “I’ve got to get going.” I turned to Jett, fanning the invisible flames. “I’ll see you tonight?”
He nodded, holding his hand out for a high five. “You got it, MVP.”
I picked my shoes up off the floor by his bed and made sure not to let any part of my body brush against Talon’s on my way out of the room.
I held it together as I left Jett’s house, then sat down on their front porch to put on my shoes. I let out the breath I’d been holding and closed my eyes, giving myself a moment to feel everything that was floating around inside me. I was nervous and scared, and excited. I hated the excitement, resented it even.
“Hey.”
I opened my eyes, choosing to look down at my feet instead of at the guy hovering near me with his hands shoved into his jean pockets.
“I didn’t know you were over here. If I had…”
If he had, he would have stayed away. Because seeing me was the last thing he wanted to do, like it was the last thing I’d wanted too. “Well, I’m leaving, so feel free to go the hell back inside.” I was proud of how strong my voice sounded even though I felt like my insides were vibrating as they twisted themselves into knots.
“Did you read my letters?”
This was one of those moments that I wished I had more self-preservation, where I could have pulled a page from Avory’s handbook and simply turned my nose in the air and lied like an unfeeling pro. But I wasn’t my sister. I was me. “I did.”
“I’m sorry.”
I nodded, getting to my feet and crossing my arms protectively over my chest, trying to look badass, when I was really hugging myself to keep from f
alling apart. “So you’ve said.” I took a step past him, wanting nothing more than to flee the tense moment. But he reached out and grabbed my elbow, stopping me in my tracks.
“Wait, please.”
I let out a shaky breath, hating how much I loved having his hand on my body. No one had ever made me feel even a tenth of what Talon made me feel, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
“I want to see you. I need to talk to you, to try to explain myself.” He let go of my elbow and I wanted to cry at the loss. “I know I’ve hurt you and confused you. But I’m confused too, and if we could talk for a few minutes then maybe—”
“There you are, I have those contracts pulled up if you’re ready.”
My Uncle Luke interrupted us and gave me the out I needed. I threw a casual wave over my shoulder and bounded down the front steps. I made sure to keep a neutral expression on my face as I made my way down the driveway and toward my house. It wasn’t until I heard the front door close that I let my shoulders relax and my emotions start to bubble over.
My cell buzzed in my pocket and a tear escaped. I knew who it was, and I knew that he was going to wreck me.
Talon: I know I said I wouldn’t try to contact you when I was here, but seeing your face today broke me. Please, even if it’s just for a few minutes. I need to try to explain myself, please, M.
I stopped walking, crouching down and squeezing my cell so hard I was surprised it didn’t shatter in my hand. I should tell him no. I should tell him to fuck off. I should be the strong one, the smart one, and end all this before it could ever really start. I knew that logically. I knew there was only heartache waiting for me when it came to the gorgeous blond guitarist.
But even smart girls can do huge stupid things.
Marley: I’ll be working at the barn tonight, any time after midnight.
Chapter Eight
Talon
Before
I spent the afternoon at Luke’s house, signing all the new contracts for the next album we were putting out under RiffRaff Records. Then I shot the shit with Jett for a bit, trying to fill my day and distract myself from thinking about seeing Marley later that night.
I played with Wyatt. I worked out in the mini gym the label had set up in the pool house for us. I cooked dinner for Dane and Brax, who were both itching to get the album finished so they could get back to the things they loved. Dane, the surf. Brax, the sex.
I showered, and got dressed, then lay on my bed with my hands resting on my stomach. I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself by going over all the things I wanted to make sure I should tell her tonight. I knew afterward, she wouldn’t want to see me. I’d make sure of that. I was too old for her, and having her in my life was my greatest temptation. I needed to keep the distance between us. But at the same time, I didn’t want her to ever think I didn’t care for her. Because I did, and her believing she didn’t matter would break my heart.
I dozed off at some point because I woke when the alarm I’d set on my cell went off. I unplugged it from its place on the nightstand, put my feet on the floor, and stood. My heart was pounding, like I was about to fucking march to my death or some shit.
I slipped out of the house quietly, not wanting to have to explain to my bandmates where I was headed at 12:30 in the morning on the Devil’s Share compound. What would I even say? Midnight stroll? Not likely. Going to smoke? They’d want to come. No, it would be better for everyone if I snuck out and back in undetected.
I made my way through the tall grass, not even needing the light from my cell phone this time. I could see the red barn in the distance, and knowing Marley was there was like a beacon. I was excited to see her, and terrified of the conversation we were going to have. I didn’t set out to make tonight’s “talk” happen at all. I meant what I said in my last letter, that I wouldn’t seek her out while I was in Austin recording our album.
But seeing her today at Luke’s house, sitting all cozy next to a shirtless Jett, had driven me absolutely fucking crazy. I wanted to rip her away from him. I wanted to demand he get dressed and stop touching her. But I couldn’t, so instead I stood there, letting my eyes travel all over her body. She was wearing my shirt, the one I’d sent her for her birthday, and that image alone had my traitorous dick twitching in my pants. Her tight jeans and messy bun didn’t help matters.
I knew right then and there how badly I still wanted her, distance be damned. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay away without her help. So I’d come up with this plan. I’d tell her everything I was feeling, and then I’d tell her all the reasons we’d never work. I would explain that the only thing waiting for us was heartache and drama. Something I was sure neither of us wanted. My plan was solid, and that was the thought I kept repeating as I let myself into the barn, then into the basement.
Marley was standing at her little lab, looking through a microscope with her back to me. She had to have heard the door whoosh closed, which meant she knew I was here. I made my way down the concrete steps and across the large space that smelled like weed and dirt. I stopped a few feet from her, not trusting myself to not reach out and touch her.
Her hair was still on top of her head, but she’d put on a long black sweater and a floral pair of combat boots. “Hey.”
I watched as her shoulders rose and fell with the deep breath she took. “Hey.” She still didn’t turn around, and I had to clench my fists at my side so I didn’t grab her hand.
“Marley, could you look at me?” My voice sounded shaky, and I cleared my throat and tried to fix it. “Please?” That sounded only marginally stronger.
She sighed, putting down the sharpened pencil in her hand and spun to face me. Her arms crossed over her chest and her hip jutted out to the side. She was all attitude, and it made me smile, even though I was sure that wasn’t her intention. “Say what you need to say, Talon, then get out.”
She was still wearing my shirt under her sweater and it looked so fucking good on her. “I’m sorry about the phone call, about what you heard—”
“Are you sorry it happened? Or are you sorry I heard it? You’ll have to forgive the fact that I need clarification, you’re so damn confusing.”
I deserved that, and truthfully, I expected nothing less from the tough, compassionate, brilliant girl I’d come to know. “Both, I guess. I shouldn’t have invited her over, and I shouldn’t have called you that night.” I backed up a few steps and sat on one of the stainless-steel stools next to her lab area. “I regretted it the instant I did it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Who are you, the fucking Riddler? Did you regret calling me, or calling her?”
“Her,” I answered immediately. “And I sent her home right after you hung up on me. I didn’t want her company, I wanted… It doesn’t matter what I wanted. I made the wrong choice and I hated myself the second she walked into my house. So I’m sorry if hearing her hurt you. I’d never intentionally hurt you, Marley.”
That was probably the most honest thing I’d ever said out loud. I would never, ever, intentionally cause Marley pain. I was pretty sure hurting her would rip my heart out.
“Hearing her voice?” Marley paused. “It made me feel stupid and naïve, which are two things I don’t ever want to feel again.” She moved toward me but stopped before she was within arm’s reach.
“I wasn’t in a good place that night, I was feeling too much. And I texted her out of desperation—”
“You were so hard up that you were going to force yourself to have sex with a girl when you didn’t actually want to?” She scoffed, shaking her head. “That’s pathetic.”
“It is pathetic.” I threw my arms wide open. “I am pathetic when it comes to you. Okay? I’m pathetic. And I was hard up. I was hard up for some fucking emotional contact. That night I wanted you. I wanted to talk to you, and hold you, and I couldn’t.”
“You did call me though.” She licked her prefect pink lips. “You told me you missed me.”
I nodded. “I did, in that momen
t I did miss you.” There was no denying it really. I’d told her I missed her. And I had fucking meant it.
She cocked her head to the side, her messy topknot bouncing from the sassy movement. “In that moment? You’d never missed me before then? Because from all the letters I’ve gotten over the past few months, it seems like you’ve missed me since then.”
Was this chick really seventeen? Or was this all some kind of elaborate prank set up to make my charmed life become difficult as fuck? I should have known she wasn’t going to make any of this easy on me.
I ran my hands through my hair, making it swing into my face. “What do you want me to say, Marley?”
“How about the truth, Talon?”
I looked back up at her, loving her perpetually feisty stance. “The truth isn’t going to do either of us any good.” I steeled my spine, preparing myself to do what I came here to do. “In fact, that’s why I wanted—”
“No.” She held her hand up, stopping me from saying another word. “I’m not going to stand here and listen to you list all the reasons why we can’t talk, or be friends, or hang out.”
“Marley.”
“Talon.” She rolled her chocolate brown eyes. “Just get out.”
I opened my mouth, not really sure what I was going to say, almost thankful when she cut me off again.
“I’m serious, Talon, leave. You’re a fucking walking contradiction and I don’t want to hear any more.”
I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stand beside her. I wanted to watch her work and listen to her kick my ass some more. I had missed her, so fucking much. And now that I was here in her space, leaving felt like actual torture.
But what would staying accomplish? She’d told me to get out, and the best thing I could do for either of us was to do what she’d asked of me.
So I did.
Chapter Nine
Marley
Before
