by L. P. Maxa
“You thought that he and I had snuck off into the basement to be alone?” She laughed, but in a sort of sarcastic, deranged way that made me nervous. “Are you serious, Talon? Did you really come over to catch me with Jett?”
“I—”
“No, don’t answer that.” She held her hand up, shaking her head frantically. “How dare you. How fucking dare you come storming in here, trying to catch me in a lie. What the hell were you thinking?” She sliced her arm through the air. “I’m so over the back and forth, Talon, I really am. You pushed me away. I was following your wishes.” She took a deep breath, like she was about to yell at me some more. But instead, her voice was soft when she spoke again, “You can’t stay away even when you try. So please, explain to me why you feel the need to fight whatever this is between us so damn hard.”
“You’re right.” I nodded, staring into her dark, sad eyes. “I can’t stay away, even when I know I should. Even when I know that I can’t have you. That we can’t be together. There are so many reasons why I’m all wrong for you, Marley.”
“That’s a cop-out, and we’re both better than that.”
I scoffed, getting annoyed that she kept cutting me off. “It’s not a cop-out. Our age difference—”
“Would matter if we were fucking.” She cut me off yet again. “I’ve never had sex before, but I assume it takes actual physical contact, right? Your dick would need to be inside me, right?”
I closed my eyes, groaning, her words making my stomach clench, my dick harder, and my breath leave in a rush. She was killing me. She was strong and smart. She refused to let me jerk her around. She’d told me off better than anyone else ever had. And now she was turning me on, her innocent lips saying those sexy words. I wanted to grab her and haul her against me. I wanted to kiss her senseless.
“Well? Are you going to answer me? Or continue to stand there looking all wounded and confused?”
“I want to fuck you,” I screamed and then covered my mouth in partial embarrassment and complete shock. “Dammit, Marley. I have to fight it because you are seventeen and I’m twenty-four. I have to fight it because you’re still in high school and I’m touring the world with my band. And I have to fight it because it’s the responsible thing to do, the adult thing to do.” I hung my head, at a loss over what had become of my plan to keep my distance. “Being near you, talking to you, it makes it all so much harder for me. I do want you, M, and I hate myself for it. And you should hate me too.”
Other than the sound of the irrigation system kicking on, it was so quiet you could hear the weed growing. Marley stepped closer to me, whether to get away from the light mist or because she wanted to be near me, I wasn’t sure.
“I should hate you.” She reached out and put her hands on my chest. “But I don’t, Talon. I don’t hate you. I’ve missed you. I read all your letters, over and over again. Like, so many times, I basically have them memorized.” She slid her palms a little lower and I put my hands on top of hers to halt their movement. But then I threaded my fingers through them, pulling her in for a hug.
I wrapped my arms around her neck, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair. I shouldn’t be touching her. I shouldn’t be reveling in this small moment of contact. But I was, I so fucking was.
“Please stop pushing me away. Stop thinking that you know best and that it’s your job save me.” She stood on her tiptoes and rested her chin on my shoulder. “I don’t need to be protected from you.”
“I don’t know what’s right anymore.” I moved my hands to her waist, pulling her tighter against me. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Your dad is my boss, and my best friend is married into this family. I’m scared of being with you, and I’m scared of not being with you.”
“I’m scared of never feeling this way again.” Her words were muffled against my shirt. “And I won’t be seventeen forever, Talon. Please don’t give up on us.”
My plan had gone to utter shit. I was clinging to her, rapidly doing the math in my head. Eighteen and twenty-five still sounded like a pretty righteous age difference. But at least she wouldn’t be a minor anymore. Maybe if I explained things to Dash, maybe if he knew how much she meant to me. Maybe if Brody was on my side and I could prove to everyone that I’d never meant for this to happen.
Holy shit. Was this really something I was contemplating?
What was the alternative?
Move on?
Try to forget about her?
I’d gone that route, and look how well that had turned out.
Marley was everything I’d ever wanted in a partner. She was strong and smart and funny. She was sarcastic, and she didn’t give a shit about other people’s opinions. She was independent, and was building an empire in order to help dying people for fuck’s sake.
She was a combat-boot-wearing, gorgeous, sassy saint. And I wanted her. I wanted her kisses and her attention. I wanted her laughter and her body. I wanted her present and her future. And taking it all was probably going to condemn me to hell.
“And what would be the plan in the meantime? I’ll be in the studio and back on the road. You’ll be here going on dates with assholes and lying on Jett’s stupid naked chest.” I sounded jealous, but we both knew I was so there wasn’t any use in trying to deny it anymore. I couldn’t touch her, and that meant I didn’t want anyone else to either. And that included Jett.
She laughed and took one small step back in order to look up at me. “Well, I can happily stop the dates with assholes.” She winced. “But I doubt I can get Jett to wear clothes. Many have tried and many have failed.”
“This is dangerous, Marley.” I sighed, defeated as I rested my hands back on her hips, squeezing her tightly. “This is actually illegal.”
She smirked as she glanced around the large basement. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t really have much regard for laws.” I chuckled and her beautiful smile grew. “And there is nothing illegal about us being friends for the next six months.”
“Friends?” I brushed a fallen strand of dark hair away from her face. “Friends who just so happen to not date anyone else? And talk all the time and think about nothing else other than seeing each other?”
She shrugged. “I mean, I have plenty of things to think about on a daily basis. I can’t help it if you’re, like, obsessed with me or something.” She said the last part in a voice I suspected was her mimicking Avory.
“You’re trouble, M.”
She nodded, kissing the side of my neck and then backing away out of my reach. “Most things that feel good are.”
“You’re doing it again.” I clenched my hands into fists, trying to stop myself from reaching for her. I already missed the feel of her body pressed against mine, and I wanted it back.
She bit her bottom lip as she slowly backed further away. “You should go.”
“You’re right.” I followed her, matching her step for step. There was nothing wrong with me holding her, right? That wasn’t crossing any lines. “But friends don’t let friends work alone in creepy basements and then walk home in the dark.”
“Neither do business partners.” We both stopped, turning to see Jett standing at the top of the stairs. “You seemed so down, and I felt bad about staying at that party when you wanted to work tonight.” His eyes moved to me, a question clearly on the verge of coming out of his mouth.
“Since when do you choose optional work over a party?” Marley picked up a tool that looked like it might take core samples. “Have you been possessed? Are you a pod person version of Jett effin’ Matthews?”
She was distracting him, trying to keep him from asking why I was here. Why I’d been stalking toward her when he’d come through the door. She was already having to keep us a secret, and we hadn’t even started yet.
Jett shrugged and bounded down the stairs. “If I’m a pod person, shouldn’t you take advantage while you can?” He came to stand behind Marley, putting his hands on her shoulders. “I got thi
s, Tal, you can head out.”
I wanted to tell him to fuck off. I wanted to tell him to take his hands off my girl. I wanted a few more minutes with her. A few more minutes when we were alone and things didn’t seem too difficult. But I couldn’t say that, and I couldn’t stay and hang out for no reason.
She’d truly be mine one day. But today wasn’t that day.
So I nodded, waving a quick good-bye as I left them both in the basement.
Chapter Twelve
Marley
Before
“Hey, you want to do a movie later? It’s supposed to start storming and you know I hate to leave the compound when it’s raining.”
I rolled my eyes as Jett plopped down on my bed, making my laptop bounce. “Can’t, I have plans.”
He laughed like I’d made a joke, so I frogged him in the thigh. “Ouch, Marley, fuck.” He rubbed the spot with a frown on his face. “What was that for?”
“You laughed when I told you I had plans.” I glared at him over the top of my computer. “I do have a life, you know.”
He snorted. “Yeah, I know. But I’m the only person in it.”
Talk about harsh but true. I couldn’t even argue with him since he really was the only person I hung out with. I didn’t have any girlfriends. I didn’t connect with girls because we weren’t interested in the same things. Well, that and the fact that all the girls in school were jealous of my close relationship with Jett. They weren’t nice to me.
“So what are these mysterious plans?”
I froze, my fingers hovering over my keyboard. I hadn’t thought that far ahead and that wasn’t like me. I wracked my brain, scrambling to come up with a good excuse as to why I couldn’t hang out with Jett that night. “Um, I’m babysitting Wyatt.”
I quickly grabbed my cell and sent Talon a text.
Marley: Offer to babysit Wyatt tonight.
“Since when do you babysit Wyatt? There are about a dozen other people on this compound who offer to watch him nonstop.”
Well, he had me there. I loved Wyatt, but I certainly wasn’t ever the first person to raise my hand when Brody and Landry needed a sitter. Mainly because Uncle Jacks and Aunt B were always trying to get in all the snuggle time they could. And after them, Halen was utterly obsessed with the blue-eyed baby.
“Everyone else is busy.”
I was throwing things out there and hoping they stuck. I sounded like one of my cousins, lying with abandon, like a real moron.
“Everyone else is busy? How is that even possible?” Jett shut my laptop and then laid his head in my lap, right next to my cell as it vibrated. I snatched it up, not wanting him to see Talon’s name on the screen. He’d have questions, and I wouldn’t be able to answer them to his liking.
Talon: Okay, done. They jumped on that real fucking fast. Did I just offer to babysit alone? Or are you going to come over and help me?
I saw Jett’s forehead wrinkle out the corner of my eye as I quickly replied to Talon.
Marley: I’ll come help.
Jett pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking it and then tilting his head back to look at me. “I didn’t text you.”
I snorted, knowing where he was headed. “I have other friends, you conceited little brat.”
He gasped in outrage. “Give me names. I’ll slay them where they stand.”
I stood, his head falling to the mattress as I read Talon’s newest message.
Talon: Sneaking around with the underaged babysitter? Seems cliché.
Talon: And dangerous AF.
Marley: Friends hanging out with the world’s cutest baby? Totally innocent.
“Marley.” Jett got on his knees, bouncing on my bed like a child. “Stop ignoring me, my ego can’t take rejection, you know that.”
I shoved my cell in my back pocket, huffing and turned to my annoying best friend. “You have plenty of girls you can call if you need that fragile ego of yours stroked. I’m here to keep you humble, remember?”
“But it’s raining.” He pouted and then fell back dramatically.
***
My dad had stopped me at the front door, asking me where I was headed and with whom. Which was odd, because he always assumed I was with Jett and never seemed to be all that interested in what we were doing. You know, aside from constantly wondering if we were hooking up behind everyone’s back.
I told him the truth, that I was babysitting Wyatt. There was no reason to lie about where I was going on the compound. It wasn’t as if he’d follow me. He and my mom had plans with Uncle Luke and Aunt Lo in the city. But still, I felt a little nervous. I lied to my family every single day, but this was different. I felt ashamed that I had to hide Talon. He was a good man, a great man. He had morals. He was smart and talented. He truly cared about me. It was evident in our every interaction.
Hiding my ever-growing cannabis company? Easy. Hiding the guy I was into? Not so much.
I wasn’t sure how my sisters did it. Halen and Beau had lied for years, and Avory and Crue did too. They snuck around. They created elaborate alibis. It’d always seemed like a lot of work. But here I was, doing the same thing. Us Connors girls: always choosing those guys we shouldn’t have.
I keyed in the ridiculous code to Landry’s front door, pushing it open and dropping my bag on the floor in the entryway. I kicked off my boots, then padded down the short hall and into the living room. Talon was lying on his side in front of the TV, his head propped up on his hand playing blocks with Wyatt.
Both of them smiled when they saw me, and my heart soared.
“Hey.” I waved, and then I internally cringed because it was the lamest greeting one could give to the guy they’d been crushing on for a year and had finally convinced to wait six months to date them.
Luckily, he waved back, his grin only growing in light of my awkwardness. “Hey.”
Wyatt crawled over to me, so I picked him up, cuddling him to my chest before going back over to where Talon and he had been playing. I sat down, folding my legs and picking up the large pieces of Legos. I started to build a tower so Wyatt could knock it down. It was one of his favorite activities these days.
“You want to tell me why we’re babysitting Wyatt tonight?” Talon sat up, leaning forward and placing a quick kiss on the tip of my nose.
I swear it made me blush. Any physical contact with Talon made me all giddy and girly. Two things I rarely ever was.
I cleared my throat, trying to get my emotions under control. “Jett wanted to stay in tonight and have a sleepover and—”
“I’m sorry, what?” Talon’s eyes narrowed. “You guys have sleepovers?”
I hadn’t decided yet how I felt when Talon got jealous of Jett. Sometimes I leaned toward a little flattered that he cared enough to get jealous. Sometimes I got super annoyed. Right now, I felt…torn. “I’ve been having sleepovers with Jett since I was like two.”
“And yet your dad isn’t convinced you two aren’t fucking? How weird.”
I raised my eyebrows, surprised at his choice of language and his testy tone. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, stopping and starting my response in my head, but never letting the words move past my lips. Should I get mad? Should I calmly reassure him? I’d never been in a…friendship like this before. I didn’t know how to navigate.
Thankfully, before I could say the wrong thing Talon dropped his head, sighing. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.”
This was one moment when his self-flagellation tendencies erred in my favor.
“We stay up all night, watching movies and playing Xbox.” I restacked the blocks after Wyatt swung his tiny arm wide and knocked them all to the floor. “I guess it’s a little odd, to have sleepovers with an eighteen-year-old fuck boy. But Jett is like my brother. I love him. Cash slept next to Halen for months after Beau left. When Avory was five, she went a whole summer refusing to sleep anywhere else other than in between Cash and Crue. This is my life, Talon, and I’ve n
ever really known anything different.”
“This compound is like living on another planet.”
I didn’t say anything, because he wasn’t wrong. The rules were different here, the societal norms a little skewed.
He sat up, turning his body to face mine as he placed his palms on my knees. “I’m jealous.”
I couldn’t help but let out a tired-sounding sigh. “So you keep saying.”
“I know I’m like a broken record, but I want to be honest with you. I am jealous of the fact that he gets to see you all the time. That he gets to hug you and hold you and sleep next to you.” He slid his hands farther up my legs, making chills travel down my spine. “I promise to try to get my shit under control, okay? I know that Jett means a lot to you, I know that there isn’t anything going on between the two of you. This isn’t on you, it’s on me, and I am going to work on it, okay?”
I nodded.
“Now, we have about an hour before this monster goes to bed.” He stood, reaching his hand down and pulling me to my feet. “You want to help me give him a bath? He had pureed peas for dinner, and they’re all in his cute blond curls.”
I smiled, picking up Wyatt and setting him on my hip. He laid his head on my shoulder and I couldn’t help but rest my cheek against it, closing my eyes to enjoy a rare moment when he was still and cuddly.
When I opened my eyes, Talon was staring at me, his gaze soft, and a small frown had formed on his lips.
“What? You jealous of Wyatt too?” I laughed, letting him know I was joking.
He shook his head slowly, reaching a hand out and placing it on my hip. “No, now I’m pissed off at how slowly time seems to be moving.”
Chapter Thirteen
Talon
Before
The sight of Marley holding Wyatt on her hip, her cheek resting against his blond curls, almost brought me to my knees. She was so sweet, so innocent, and so beautiful. And she was mine, for the most part, since I was pretty sure I would always have to share her with Jett.
I stood there watching her cuddle my godson, silently wishing she was older. Or wishing I was younger. Wishing time had been on our side instead of against us. She wasn’t even eighteen. It would be years before she would be ready for a family, before she’d want to be a wife and a mother. After she’d cottoned onto my mood, I’d done my best to shove those thoughts to the back of my mind, refusing to focus on the negatives, and enjoy my time with her.
