Hannah Downing
OMNIFIC PUBLISHING
DALLAS
Copyright © 2011 by Hannah Downing
All Rights Reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior written permission of the publisher.
Omnific Publishing
P.O. Box 793871, Dallas, TX 75379
www.omnificpublishing.com
First Omnific eBook edition, April 2011
First Omnific trade paperback edition, April 2011
The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Library of Congress Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
Downing, Hannah.
Pieces of Us / Hannah Downing – 1st ed.
ISBN 978-1-936305-68-1
1. First Love — Fiction. 2. Finding Yourself — Fiction.
3. Connecticut — Fiction. 4. Divorce — Fiction. I. Title
Cover Design and Interior Book Design by Coreen Montagna
THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO MY MOTHER, LESLEA DOWNING, FOR FILLING MY CHILDHOOD WITH BOOKS AND SHARING HER LOVE OF READING AND WRITING WITH ME.
AND TO JLA—TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS. FOREVER AND ALWAYS XXX
“I’M SELFISH, IMPATIENT AND A LITTLE INSECURE. I MAKE MISTAKES, I AM OUT OF CONTROL AND AT TIMES HARD TO HANDLE. BUT IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, THEN YOU SURE AS HELL DON’T DESERVE ME AT MY BEST.” — MARILYN MONROE
Chapter One
The Journey
“Charlotte,” Cameron whispered in my ear. “Wake up.”
I opened my eyes groggily and looked around the room. Embarrassed, I rolled away from him.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Is the movie over?”
He chuckled, resting his hand on my shoulder and turning me back toward him. “Yes, it finished a while ago.”
“Did the zombies kill everyone?” I asked, sitting up and trying to cover a yawn with the back of my hand.
“No, that big tattooed guy we thought had died came and saved the kids. Happy ending… Well, not for the zombies,” he added, reaching out to smooth my hair.
I raised my hand to touch the beehive on top of my head and groaned. In my daydreams about waking up with Cameron, of which there were many, it was never this embarrassing.
Cameron and I had been dating for about a month, and I still felt kind of nervous around him. Dating in high school had been different. It was all official dates: going to dinner or a movie, and then home. Being with Cameron was a real adult relationship; we went on official dates, but we also just spent time together. We hadn’t gotten to the spending-the-night stage yet, though, so I was mortified to have bed hair in front of him already.
I ran my fingers through my hair, brushing out the knots as best I could before giving him a shy smile.
“You’re cute when you’re asleep,” he said, smiling back at me.
I pushed him playfully and stood up to stretch my legs. His couch was comfortable, but my muscles were tight from being in one position for so long. I glanced at the clock on the wall and saw it was close to midnight.
“I better be getting home.”
I’d begun to dread the end of our nights together. It felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind, and I hoped one day we’d move in together and never have to say goodbye again. He frowned and grabbed my hands, pulling me down to his lap.
“You could stay,” he cooed into my ear.
My head fell back to his shoulder, and I sighed loudly. He had no idea how much I wished I could, but my father was the sheriff of our town, and he’d made it quite clear that no eighteen-year-old daughter of his would be “catting” around with boys at all hours of the night. My parents had given me a curfew, and I was expected to keep it.
“You know I can’t,” I whined.
“Call your parents and say you’re staying with Lucy. They won’t mind that. Besides, I don’t like the idea of you driving this late at night.”
I thought about his suggestion. My parents would be fine with me staying at my best friend’s house — and I was awfully comfortable in Cameron’s arms. A wicked grin spread over my face, and I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket.
“Just give me a second?”
He smiled and nodded, releasing me so I could get up to make the call. I dialed quickly while I walked down the hall and into the kitchen for some privacy. I knew my dad would be the one to answer. He had to be on call at all hours for work.
“Sheriff Barnes,” he answered, using the authoritarian voice he reserved for official business and when he was angry with me.
“Hi, Dad, it’s me,” I said, suddenly feeling very nervous.
“It’s almost curfew, Charlotte. Are you on your way home?”
“Actually, I was wondering if you’d mind if I stayed at Lucy’s tonight.”
There was a pause and my heart rate sped up. My dad wasn’t a stupid man, and he was an experienced police officer. He could tell when people were lying. I tried to keep my breathing even and stay as calm as possible so he wouldn’t suspect anything.
“I thought you were out with Cameron tonight,” he finally said.
“Oh, I was earlier…but I’m with Lucy now, and she’s been dumped by her boyfriend and really just needs some girl time.”
I felt bad lying to my father. I’d never done it before. Sure, I’d omitted the truth on occasion, but never an outright lie until now. I hoped the mention of “dumping” and “girl time” would be enough to stop him from asking follow-up questions and just agree.
He mumbled something I couldn’t make out, and I heard my mother talking in the background.
“Char?” my Mom asked. My father had handed her the phone.
“Hey, Mom,” I said, trying again to sound normal. My “girl time” excuse wouldn’t work as effectively on her. I started to wonder if I should just go home and forget about spending the night with Cameron.
“Is she okay?”
“She’ll be fine. She just needs a night of girly movies and ice cream… You know the drill.”
“Well, give her a big hug from me and tell her not to worry. There are plenty more fish in the sea,” Mom said encouragingly.
“I will, Mom. I better get back to her. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight,” she said before disconnecting the call.
I breathed a sigh of relief and made a mental note to tell Lucy she had to pretend she’d just broken up with someone if she saw my mom around town. I put my phone in my pocket and went back to the living room, but the light was switched off and the room was empty.
I made my way upstairs and saw that Cameron’s bedroom door was slightly ajar and a ribbon of light spilled out into the hallway. I suddenly began to feel nervous, having never spent the night with a guy before. Plus, Cameron’s parents would see my car in the driveway when they came home. Would they be angry that I was staying the night?
When Cameron’s family came to Fairfield a few months ago, they all moved in together while getting settled. Cameron was driving back and forth to Hartford for college classes and kept saying he felt ready to get a place of his own. I wasn’t in any rush for him to move out of his parents’ house for fear he’d decide to live in Hartford to be closer to school, but now I could see the benefit of him having his own place.
Trying not to think about the trouble I could get in, I slipped into Cameron’s room and closed the door as quietly as I could. When I turned around, Cameron was sitting on the bed, wearing pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, and it suddenly dawned on me that I didn’t have anythi
ng to wear.
“How’d it go with your parents?”
“Good. They think I’m with Lucy. What about your parents? Did you call them to ask if I could stay?” I asked, hooking my thumb over my shoulder toward their bedroom door.
“Ah, don’t worry about them.” He smiled. “They’ll be cool. Here, I thought you might like something to change in to.” He pointed to his desk chair and some clothes folded neatly on the seat.
I gave him a grateful smile before collecting the clothes. “Thanks. I’ll just go change… Don’t fall asleep,” I said, giving him a shy smile.
“Oh, don’t worry. There’s no way I’ll be asleep when you get back.”
I headed down the hall to the bathroom and changed as quickly as I could. I brushed my fingers through my hair again and rinsed my mouth out with water.
The image of Cameron lying on his bed made me move at a speed I didn’t think possible, and after what must have been only two minutes, I made my way back to his bedroom, stepped inside, and closed the door behind me. I looked over at the double bed and saw that Cameron was indeed sleeping soundly — at an awkward angle, but looking peaceful.
I smiled, laughing softly to myself, and turned off the light. I tried to climb under the covers as gently as I could, so as not to disturb the sleeping man beside me. He groaned and rolled toward me but didn’t appear to wake up.
I lay in the darkness with my eyes open, worried I wouldn’t be able to get to sleep. Cameron shifted beside me, and his arm fell across my chest, pulling me to him. I was surprised at how comforting it was to have his arm around me. It was more intimate than a normal hug.
His breathing was slow and steady, and it flowed over my throat as his head lay on my shoulder. I snuggled down into his embrace and twisted my leg between his, trying to be as connected with him as possible.
With Cameron wrapped all around me, I was warm and comfortable, and it wasn’t long before I fell asleep too. My last words were whispered softly into his ear. “I’ll love you forever.”
***
After more than a year of dating, Cameron and I had settled into a comfortable familiarity. But that’s not to say he didn’t get my pulse racing on occasion.
“Stop it!” I squealed as Cameron’s fingers tickled my ribs and stomach. “Seriously — I can’t breathe!”
“Say it!” Cameron chuckled without stopping his torture.
I wiggled and kicked and tried my best to get out of his grasp, but he was kneeling over me on the couch, and he was too strong for me to push off — especially when I was weakened from laughing.
“I’ll never say it!” I yelled between shrieks of laughter.
“Your choice,” he replied, tickling me harder and faster than before. “I can keep this up all night!”
Cameron and I had moved in together the week before, and as a housewarming gift, his brother Ryan had bought us a game console. I challenged Cameron to an alien-killing duel, and he agreed on the condition that if he were to win, I had to admit he was the “King of All Games.” He won the game, but as competitive as I was, now I didn’t want to pay up. So we were in a stalemate that had evolved into a tickle war, which I was losing.
“Please… stop…” I begged, tears forming in my eyes from laughing so hard.
“Only when you say it,” Cameron taunted with a huge grin. He was enjoying this a little too much.
The phone started to ring, and I silently thanked whoever was calling for disrupting our “game.”
“Damn, saved by the bell. This isn’t over!” Cameron joked, climbing off me to answer the phone.
I sat up and straightened my clothes before wiping the tears from my eyes. As much as I’d been begging him to stop, I wasn’t upset. His playful nature was one of the things I loved most about Cameron.
After he’d been gone for a while, I got up to get myself a glass of water. I walked past the study on my way to the kitchen and heard him mumbling into the phone.
“…do the doctors know what happened?”
I froze. Doctors? I stuck my head into the study and was shocked when I saw Cameron. He was sitting in the desk chair. His elbows rested on his knees, and he looked down at the floor.
“Cam?”
He looked up at me, and I saw tears welling in his eyes. Something was very wrong.
I rushed into the room and knelt on the floor next to him, grabbing his hand that wasn’t holding the phone.
“Yes. We’ll come over tomorrow and help you out… Are you sure there’s nothing we can do tonight? … Okay, see you tomorrow… I love you, Mom.”
He put the phone on the desk and sighed loudly, leaning back in the chair and covering his face with his hands.
“Is everything all right?” I asked tentatively.
“My grandmother died about an hour ago,” he choked out.
Suddenly I felt like crying too. I’d met Cameron’s grandmother once when she’d come to visit the family, and I thought she was lovely. I was sorry I wouldn’t get to know her better.
“I’m so sorry.” I leaned forward and kissed the only part of him within kissing reach: his knee.
Cameron’s hand came down and stroked my head lovingly, his fingers twisting in my hair. “Mom said Dad is really upset. He’s locked himself in his study and is listening to old records.”
“I can’t imagine how hard it would be to lose your mother. I’m sure he’s coping the best way he knows how,” I said. “What happened?”
“The doctors don’t know anything yet except that it was sudden and completely unexpected. We should know more tomorrow.” With that he stood up and moved back to the living room. I followed, wanting to make this easier for him.
I walked over to where he’d seated himself on the couch and gave him a weak smile. “Can I get you something? Coffee — or scotch, maybe?”
“Just sit with me?” he asked, reaching out his hand.
I sat next to him and grasped his hand tightly in mine, offering him the comfort of my touch.
We sat in silence for most of the evening — Cameron staring off into space and me watching him for any signs that I could do something to help.
“She was a great woman, you know,” he finally said, his voice cracking.
“Yes, she was.”
He turned to look at me, and his face softened.
“You must be tired. It’s late.” He ran his hand distractedly through my hair.
“I’m fine,” I said, but a traitorous yawn gave me away.
“I’ll be fine here. Go to bed,” he encouraged.
“I’ll stay,” I said stubbornly, laying my head on his lap and stretching out over the length of the couch.
I wanted to be there for him while he was mourning. I knew I couldn’t take his pain away, but I wasn’t going to leave him alone.
Cameron didn’t say anything, but his fingers stroked through my hair gently until I fell asleep.
***
Shoes, dresses, flowers, music, tuxedos, limo, seating arrangements, and center pieces — not quite one year after the loss of Cameron’s grandmother, every detail of my wedding raced around in my head. I now understood why wedding planners were so popular. Getting married was extremely stressful.
I shouldn’t have tried to plan the wedding all on my own. Cameron’s little sister Bonnie had been great, helping me where she could, but she was still in high school, so all the final decisions landed on me, and this was taking its toll.
Since I was a little girl I’d dreamed of my wedding one day, with a huge princess dress and my own Prince Charming. Now that mythical “one day” had become tomorrow, and I was suddenly terrified and overwhelmed.
I desperately wanted our wedding to go off without a hitch. What if the minister was drunk and slurred his words? What if my limousine broke down and I had to take a taxi — or walk — to the church? What if everyone came down with food poisoning at the reception? What if Cameron got cold feet and wasn’t there?
I froze. Suddenly all other f
ears were gone and a black hole of panic remained. What if Cameron changed his mind? Wasn’t it common for men to balk at the idea of commitment and spending their whole lives with one person?
My heart pounded in my chest, and I sat down on the couch, knocking over the seating arrangement chart I’d balanced on the cushion. I kept repeating Cameron loves me in my head, over and over, trying to reassure myself. But I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling he might not show up.
I tried to be reasonable and logical, reminding myself that he hadn’t shown any hesitation about our wedding. He seemed just as excited as I was. I remembered that when he said he couldn’t wait until we vowed to spend our lives together, his voice hadn’t wavered. He’d seemed so sure. Was he too confident? Was he so convinced this was right for us that he was overlooking serious issues?
How many children did we want? Would we move to a bigger city once he graduated from college? Would we share a bank account? Weren’t married couples supposed to know these things?
My phone beeped, signaling a text message, and I shook myself out of the downward spiral. I flipped open my phone.
This time tomorrow you’ll be mine for all eternity.
His words did little to alleviate my fears. I put the phone down and paced the room, letting my thoughts wander.
My phone beeped again.
Everything okay?
I frowned. No, everything wasn’t okay, and as much as I wanted to reply that it was, I knew I should be honest with him.
Just a little nervous, I guess.
I pressed the send button and waited for his response, which came less than a minute later.
There’s no need to be nervous.
I love you. I’m going to love you forever.
I read the message over and over, trying to believe the words. I wasn’t questioning his feelings for me. I knew he loved me. It was the last word I couldn’t quite believe. Forever. You hear about it all the time — people growing apart and falling out of love. How could we be sure we wouldn’t become another divorce statistic? I had to ask.
How can you be sure?
Pieces of Us Page 1
