As we stood in silence for a moment, I tried to think of something to say to her. “I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye,” I said softly, looking down into my cart.
Ellen’s hand grasped mine tightly. “I understand. We all understood.” She gave my hand a squeeze before letting out an “Oh!” of surprise and pulling away.
She stared at my finger, and I automatically moved my right hand over my left to cover my engagement ring.
“You’re engaged?”
“Yeah.” I stopped awkwardly. I didn’t know what to say.
Ellen cleared her throat again and gave me a weak smile. “So tell me, are you here visiting your father?”
“No. Actually we’ve moved back to town. My fiancé just got a job in Hartford, and we drove from Boston yesterday.”
“You were in Boston?”
I felt terrible that the woman I once thought of as a mother figure didn’t know where I’d been for the past five years of my life. I suddenly found myself questioning my decision to cut the Harpers off completely. Would it have been so hard to call or send an email just to let them know I was okay?
“Yes. It’s a lovely city,” I said, not knowing how to express my guilt.
“Well, I’d love to hear all about it — and about the rest of your life. Would you come to dinner next Saturday?” she asked, a genuine smile on her face.
I envisioned a big Harper family dinner, and my heart rate sped up. I wasn’t ready to face them all as if nothing had happened.
“Um…”
“Of course you’re welcome to bring your fiancé,” she added kindly, if not a little uncomfortably.
“Oh, well… Sure, I guess that would be okay. Can I ask a favor, though?”
Ellen smiled. “You want me to make my double-fudge brownies?”
I laughed. “Well, yes, actually, I would love that. But I was going to ask if it could be a small dinner…only you and David?”
She nodded solemnly. “Of course. I understand,” she said, squeezing my hand again. “Just me and David, I promise.”
“Thank you,” I said gratefully, giving her a half-smile. It was hard for me not to see Cameron when I looked at her, but I tried my best.
“Well, I have to get going — lots to do today.”
“It was good to see you.”
“You too, sweetheart,” she replied, giving me a quick hug. “See you next Saturday about seven. You remember how to get to the house?”
“Yes, I remember.” As if I could forget. I’d spent almost as much time in her home as my own while I was married to Cameron. I mentally walked through the rooms and could almost smell one of Ellen’s cherry pies baking in the kitchen.
“Goodbye, Charlotte,” she said, giving me one last look.
My simple trip to the grocery store had turned out to be quite stressful. Of course I knew I’d be bumping into people from my past life, and I’d even suspected I’d see the Harpers around town, but I never expected to be confronted with them all within the first few days.
I finished up the last of the shopping as quickly as I could so I could return to the safety of my dad’s house. I was piling my items on the conveyor belt at the checkout when I heard an excited voice.
“As I live and breathe — Charlotte Harper. I didn’t expect to see you back in town,” the cashier drawled.
I flinched at my married name and instantly recognized Amanda Foster, a girl I went to high school with.
“Hello, Amanda. It’s Charlotte Barnes, actually.”
“Oh, of course. How rude of me. Habit, you understand,” she said with a shrug. She blew a bubble with her chewing gum as she started swiping my items over the scanner.
The ten years since high school had not been kind to Amanda. She’d gained at least thirty pounds, and her once-auburn hair was now showing signs of gray.
“How’ve you been?” I asked, hoping I could keep her talking about herself so she wouldn’t have a chance to ask anything about me.
I only half listened as she droned on about having married Ethan Davis, our high school quarterback and my senior prom date, and how they had four children. Not soon enough, she had all of my items scanned, and I paid her.
“Bye,” I called over my shoulder as I carried the bags out as quickly as I could.
Before I could turn to see where I was going, I smacked into someone and fell to the floor, my bags spilling everywhere.
“Shit,” I whispered under my breath, frantically picking up my fallen groceries and shoving them roughly into the brown paper bags.
“I’m so sorry, miss. Let me help you,” a deep voice said from above me, stopping me cold. It was Cameron. I’d know his voice anywhere.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I tried to think of an escape plan.
I kept my head down and allowed my hair to hang over my face as I finished collecting my items. The only thought in my mind was to get away from him as quickly as possible, so I didn’t want to look up or speak — I knew he would recognize me. I prayed he wouldn’t bend down to help.
Once I had the last of my items, I sprinted out the door without acknowledging him at all. I was grateful that the rain had slowed, but I still had to maneuver around some of the larger puddles. I dumped all the bags in the backseat and ran around to the driver’s door. I could hear deep laughter coming toward me, and my hand froze at the door handle. Cameron was behind me.
“Miss, you um…forgot your spermicidal jelly,” he said, chuckling.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I had two choices. I could jump into my car, ignore him completely, and have him think I was just some rude bitch, or I could turn and face him. I chose option one and wrenched the door open, ready to speed off down the street.
“Hey, miss,” he said more firmly.
Then everything came to a standstill.
Cameron’s hand clamped around my wrist, and his fingers rubbed the back of my hand. I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes as he spun me around to face him. He was silent for a moment, but he didn’t let go.
“Char — Charlotte?”
I kept my eyes closed and tried to teleport myself anywhere else on the planet, but the chilly air and warm hand holding me in place did not change. With a sigh, I slowly opened my eyes, but I looked at the ground, not wanting to see his face.
“Hello, Cameron,” I whispered, my voice cracking and barely leaving my throat as I stared determinedly at my shoes.
“Oh, this is yours,” he said awkwardly, holding the jelly out to me.
“Thanks.” I grabbed the very edge of the box, keeping my fingers as far from his as possible. Touching him was not something I was willing to do.
I could feel tears starting to burn in the corners of my eyes, and I wanted to get away from him, but he was still holding my arm. I pulled against his grasp, and he let go, as if he hadn’t realized he was still holding on.
“Charlotte…”
“There’s nothing to say, Cam. I’ve moved on,” I said as strongly as I could, but my hands were shaking and my voice wasn’t as steady as I would have liked.
He looked at me sadly and nodded. My curiosity finally got the better of me, and I looked up to see him properly for the first time. I had to bite my lip to swallow back the sigh.
He was my Cameron.
Sure, he was older — he had small lines around his eyes, and he’d lost weight in his face — but it was him, and part of me cried out to hold him. I wanted to soothe the dark circles from under his eyes and run my fingers across the stubble that covered his chin. My body was betraying me again, as easily as it had five years ago, so I stepped back, pressing myself against the side of my car.
“Are you happy?” he asked, looking at me with his soulful, dark eyes.
I froze and gasped for air. Eye contact with Cameron was paralyzing, and I didn’t know how to break out of his hold. He just stared straight into my eyes.
I wasn’t going to let him suck me in. I was already emotionally vulnerabl
e, so I had to be extra strong. I gave my head a quick shake to clear my thoughts and folded my arms over my chest.
He noticed my change in demeanor and straightened his posture. “I… I’m sorry,”
I looked at him incredulously. Did he really think a simple apology would mean anything to me now? “I don’t need your apologies, Cameron. I meant what I said in this parking lot five years ago. I don’t want you in my life.”
I was quite proud of myself. Inside I felt like jelly, but I didn’t think I gave any indication of that to Cameron. I turned to get into my car, and he grabbed my arm again.
“Please, Charlotte, will you just talk to me?”
“About what? There’s nothing to say!” I yelled, giving him the full force of my anger. I pulled my arm out of his grasp and tried to get into the car again.
Cameron slammed the door closed just as I was about to get in and stood in front of it. I could feel the fury building inside me, and before I even registered what I was doing, my hand shot up and slapped him hard across the face. He let out an “oof” as it made contact, and he looked at me in shock.
My hands covered my mouth as I realized what I’d done, and I took a few steps back. I wanted to apologize, tell him I didn’t intend to hit him, but I couldn’t find the words. No matter how horrified I was, I also felt quite justified.
“I deserved that.” He rubbed his bright red cheek. “Is it out of your system now, or would you like to take another shot?”
The rage surged through me again. He was joking around as if we were play-fighting. He obviously didn’t take me or our situation seriously at all.
“Let me get into my car,” I stated firmly.
He stared at me for a moment, testing my resolve, and finally stepped away. I pulled the door open and sat down. Before I could pull it closed, however, Cameron stood in the way and leaned down.
“Where are you staying?”
I just glared at him.
“I would just like a way to contact you. I think we need to talk…sort this all out.”
His eyes were sparkling, and I could feel my anger ebbing away. Danger! my brain shrieked. I could tell he wasn’t going to move or let me leave without giving him some information, so I sighed and twisted in my seat so I was facing him.
“My fiancé and I are staying with Dad until we find a place of our own,” I said angrily.
His face went pale, and he leaned back as if I’d slapped him again. His eyes traveled down my arm and froze on the ring on my left hand.
“I believe you met him last night. Owen,”
He nodded slowly, and I could see tears forming in his eyes. Any elation I felt at causing him pain for the first time, instead of him crushing me over and over again, quickly disappeared. As angry as I was and as much as I wanted him to leave me alone, it still hurt me to hurt him.
“Goodbye, Cam.” I pulled the door closed and started the car.
For the second time in my life, I drove out of that parking lot, watching Cameron in my rear-view mirror. My hands shook on the wheel, and the thought of going home to an empty house was not appealing. I could imagine myself sitting and crying all day, not to mention that Cameron now knew I was staying there, and he could show up without warning.
I stopped quickly at Dad’s to drop off the groceries and grab a blanket, and then I got back in the car and drove out of Fairfield. I’d often enjoyed driving through the forest when I was a teenager, and I took the turnoff to Southport, the next town over. I drove the usual fifteen-minute drive in ten and pulled up in the parking lot at Southport Harbor.
Grabbing the blanket off the passenger seat, I opened the door and took a deep breath of the fresh air, feeling instantly calmer. Walking slowly down to the harbor’s edge, I soaked in the view. It was just as beautiful as I remembered.
I kept walking until I found a spot of soft grass where I could sit. I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and pulled it under me as I looked out at the waves. So many of my memories of Fairfield were tied up in Cameron, but this was one place I could come and have memories where he wasn’t featured.
Cameron and I had come here together, of course, but I’d had many childhood friends in Southport and spent plenty of time here with without him. I lay back on the grass and looked up at the sky. I felt completely at ease here and made a mental note to bring Owen to my special place.
Cameron’s words kept running through my head, and the sound of the water, relaxing as it was, did nothing to drown them out. Was he right? Did we need to talk? Did I even want to sort things out with him? And if I did, where would that leave us? I was with Owen now, and I was happy. But Owen had told me he wanted me to talk with Cameron. Would he be upset to learn I’d had that chance and run away? I needed Owen and couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him. Despite my urge to run, I knew Owen was probably right. I’d have to talk with Cameron eventually.
I breathed in the salty air and watched the sun move across the sky and behind the clouds. I don’t know how long I lay there thinking, but when the clouds started to turn pink I decided to head home. I took one last look at the water lapping at the rocks and stood up, brushing the grass from the blanket and giving it a quick shake before heading back to my car.
The drive back to town went quickly, and before I knew it, I was turning into my dad’s driveway. His car was there so I knew they were home from their fishing trip.
“I’m home!” I called as I came in the front door.
Owen appeared from the kitchen with a big smile on his face and pulled me into his arms, kissing me and spinning me around in the air.
“I missed you today,” he whispered, placing me back on the floor and leading me into the kitchen with one arm around my waist.
“We have dinner, Char. Fresh fish,” Dad said, beaming as he prepared the filets in the sink.
“That’s great!” I smiled as I pulled away from Owen and opened the fridge, taking out some of the vegetables I’d bought to make a salad.
“What did you do today?” Owen asked.
“I went grocery shopping and then out to Southport to sit at the harbor.”
“The harbor used to be your favorite place to think,” Dad said with a smile.
Owen gave me a curious look, and I cursed silently. Now Owen was going to wonder why I went there today.
“Yeah, I just went there to ground myself and see if it had changed.” It wasn’t a lie. I couldn’t help it if some thinking had occurred while I was there.
“How was the fishing?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Great!” Owen said, hugging me to his chest.
I loved how he always had his arms around me, as if he couldn’t get enough. I snuggled into his embrace. I felt safe there.
“Your boy is a natural fisherman,” Dad said with a grin. “Don’t let this one go!”
“I won’t.”
Owen kissed the top of my head and sighed contentedly. “Can I do anything to help?”
“You could peel the carrots,” I said with a giggle. “But don’t peel your fingers!”
Owen was good at almost everything he tried, except cooking. He’d offered to help me in the past and had come away injured several times.
“I’ll do my best,” he said, giving me a wink.
I chopped some parsley and garlic, mixed it with butter, and spread it over a freshly halved loaf of bread. I put it in the oven to bake, then started on a lemon pepper dressing for the salad as Dad went to grill the fish. Owen mixed the vegetables together next to me. We didn’t talk, but it was a comfortable silence.
Once all the food was ready, we sat at the dining table, ready to dig in.
“Damn!” Dad swore, jumping out of his seat.
“What is it?” I asked, alarmed.
“I forgot the beer!” He chuckled and pulled three bottles from the fridge.
“To coming home,” Dad said, holding his bottle in the air.
“To coming home,” I echoed.
“To a ne
w life,” Owen added with a smile.
We clinked our bottle necks together and took a sip before turning to the food before us.
“So how was your first day back in town?” Dad asked through a mouthful.
“It was a little bizarre, to be honest. Everything is exactly the way it was when I left. It’s like traveling back in time.”
I remembered my conversation with Ellen and promise to join her and David for dinner next weekend. I knew Owen was going to be uncomfortable with that.
“I bumped into Ellen in the store,” I began.
Dad froze, fork halfway to his mouth, and stared at me. Owen looked from Dad to me curiously.
“Who’s Ellen?” he asked.
“Ellen is Cameron’s mother,” I said, reaching across the table to hold his hand.
He just nodded and took another bite of his food.
“How was that?” Dad asked cautiously.
“It was okay, actually. You remember how lovely she always was to me. She treated me like her own daughter. She actually invited me to dinner next weekend.” I took a long drink from my beer, watching Owen carefully and cringing when he choked a little on his food.
“That was, um…nice of her?” Dad questioned, shifting in his chair.
“Yes, it was very nice of her. She invited me and Owen to come over, so you’ll be on your own.”
He shook his head at me. “I’ve been doing fine on my own for years, I think I can manage for one evening.”
“You agreed to go?” Owen asked, looking shocked and a little annoyed.
“I’m sorry. She was being so nice, and it seemed rude to say no. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I know it will be really uncomfortable for you.”
“Oh, no. I’ll be there,” he replied firmly, taking another bite of fish.
We ate the rest of the meal in silence, and afterward I helped Dad with the dishes and Owen went upstairs. I knew when I got up there we were going to have a very uncomfortable conversation, and I was dreading it.
“Thanks for helping, but I can finish up,” Dad said.
“Okay, goodnight,” I said, kissing his cheek. When I walked upstairs, I could see the light on under the bedroom door, and I knocked softly before going inside. I wasn’t sure why I’d knocked on my own bedroom door, but I felt like I should let him know I was coming in.
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