Kill Switch

by William Hertling

  In the meantime, turning Tapestry over to the global community helped Igloo and Angie’s goals in ways they hadn’t even anticipated. Developers from around the world implemented new algorithms to help ferret out fake news, to present multiple viewpoints side-by-side, and to promote the development of critical thinking skills. Just a few weeks ago, a study came out showing that T2 users were more well informed than consumers of news on any other platform. It was proof that no matter how well-meaning Igloo and Angie had been, they were still just two people, and there were more people, smarter people with better ideas, just waiting for a catalyst.

  Igloo’s tests all passed. She committed the code and pushed her changes out for the Tapestry community to review.

  A message notification appeared. She didn’t recognize the sender, and the message had somehow bypassed all her filters. Strange. She felt a chill down her spine and opened the message.

  Dear Igloo,

  * * *

  I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. In the face of uncertainty, you rose to the challenge when it was needed. Your solution for the ongoing governance of Tapestry was brilliant, and I have to confess that I wouldn’t have thought of it myself. In fact, I probably would have shot down the idea of giving Tapestry to the community. I would have been wrong.

  At first, Igloo assumed she was getting another dead man’s switch message from Angie, albeit one triggered to come months after the fact. But there was no way Angie could have known about Igloo’s community governance model before she died. Her pulse pounded in her ears as she read on.

  I’m sorry for the anguish I caused you. I can’t answer all of your questions, but I want to give you some closure.

  * * *

  I realized that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life chasing the next urgent thing, and there was always going to be the next thing. Instead, I want to spend the time I have left loving and being loved.

  * * *

  The crisis with Tapestry, my death presented the perfect opportunity to buy the time needed for T2, turn the reins over to you, and exit the stage.

  * * *

  For a long time, I had a lot of regrets over the pain I caused you and Thomas. But we’re happy now, you’re happy now, and T2 is changing the course of history. I think things turned out just fine.

  * * *

  All my love,

  AoM

  This couldn’t be. Or could it? Igloo tried to trace the origin of the message.

  “Everything okay?” Essie asked, looking at Igloo in puzzlement.

  Igloo looked up, realized she’d been pounding at her keyboard. “Yeah. I’ll tell you about it later.”

  Igloo examined the message. It had come in with no headers, and nothing to indicate where it was from. Somehow Angie had injected the message through a backdoor in Tapestry. Igloo tried to puzzle out how Angie had done it, but there were thousands of possibilities, and Angie was exceedingly clever at hiding the exploits she engineered into the system. Everything she looked at told her this message couldn’t be here, and yet it was.

  She changed tack, and instead tried to track down Angie’s husband, Thomas. A few minutes of research showed that his legal firm was closed and their house was shuttered. She used an old backdoor to look into his online trail, only to discover that there’d been no electronic trace of him in two months.

  Igloo leaned back in her chair for a moment and took a deep breath. Forget trying to find Angie. That was never going to happen if Angie didn’t want to be found. Instead, she allowed herself to just sit with her feelings.

  Angie buried herself in so many layers of deception that you could never know when you were getting the truth. She not only faked her own death, but she framed her faked death on the government to throw them into chaos, all to buy more time to release T2, and apparently to create her own retirement. It was stunning and audacious. Igloo found herself laughing.

  Angie had once related an anecdote about her mentor, Repard, who said that old hackers never die or retire, they just disappear deeper into the murky depths.

  Igloo stopped laughing and sighed. She never really understood Angie, and it was something she was just going to have to come to terms with. Some people were so much larger than life that they defied all normal human expectations.

  She turned to Essie. “You ready to get out of here soon?”

  Essie nodded, then Igloo realized she wasn’t listening, just jamming out to some music.

  She repeated the message by computer. Essie looked at her and nodded for real.

  Igloo turned to Diana. “We’re going to take off.”

  Diana grunted. “Already?”

  “We’re hosting a party tonight, and we need to get ready.” Igloo thought it over for a second. Decided she’d be polite even if it was awkward. “Want to come?”

  Diana raised one eyebrow. “You two throwing a party. I have this feeling that it’s not…What do you always say? ‘Not my kink’?” She smiled. “Who’s going?

  “Essie’s partner Michael, Michael’s other partner Sam, my girlfriend Charlotte, and Charlotte’s new play partner.” Igloo shook her head. “There are more people coming, but the relationships get more complicated. I don’t even know how to describe them all.”

  “You two lead an…interesting life. Is it really worth it?”

  Igloo sighed. “If I think too much about it, I wonder what the heck I’m doing. But most of the time, I’m having fun. You know I’d rather take the path less traveled. Oh, and Maria’s coming.”

  “Our Maria? You’re inviting the COO to your kink party?”

  Essie pulled off her earphones in time to hear Diana’s statement. “Meetings are more exciting when you’ve tied up your naked coworker.”

  Diana covered her ears. “Lalala. I don’t want to know.”

  Igloo loved that they’d gotten to the point of easy joking. No longer was kink a dark secret she had to hide. It was ironic that they made major changes to the very design of the Internet so that people could have better privacy…at the same time that all her secrets had been bared. Still, it was everyone’s fundamental right to decide for themselves what to reveal and when. Yes, it was better to live an authentic life, but one shouldn’t be forced to do so.

  It all came down to freedom. The freedom to choose. The freedom to be who one wanted to be. Freedom wasn’t simple, and it wasn’t easy, but it made life worth living.

  Author’s Note

  In 2011, as I was preparing to publish my first novel Avogadro Corp, the then-unknown Fifty Shades of Grey was published. Fifty Shades quickly became a perennial topic of discussion among writers, fueled by the commercial success of the book, debates over the quality, and heated arguments about the abusiveness of the portrayed relationship. Countless writers asserted they could write something better than Fifty Shades, both in terms of the quality of prose, as well as portrayal of realistic kink. After years overhearing such discussions, my desire to attempt such a novel gradually grew.

  My original intent was for a standalone technothriller that included BDSM themes. But after the introduction of Kill Process, I had ideas for a sequel, and I was interested in revisiting the characters again, especially Igloo. But I had already started to plan elements of my BDSM technothriller. The solution was obvious: Igloo was going to have to get kinky.

  Once I decided to incorporate BDSM into the novel, my next step was figuring out what role it would be play in the story. I wanted to keep technology front and center and avoid BDSM clichés and tropes. After some exploratory writing, I decided my main approach would be to normalize kink as a legitimate relationship style.

  According to research, as many as thirty percent of adults practice BDSM or fantasize about it, making it even more common than homosexuality. We’ve seen a mainstreaming of gay characters in fiction, so why not kinky characters as well? Part of the reason is because there is still a greater stigmatization of BDSM as compared to other alternative sexual orientations. Recent research
studies have shown that kink can be healthy, increasing happiness as well as reducing the risk of self-harm.

  If BDSM was common and accepted, then Igloo’s orientation could be mentioned briefly, and the story could move on. But to combat the many harmful beliefs and misinformation surrounding kink, it became necessary to dive deeper into the details so the reader can appreciate the nuances of Igloo and Essie’s relationship. Figuring out how much and what to include, in order to present an accurate and representative picture of their relationship, without alienating, offending, or triggering readers was a careful balancing act. Some early readers wanted less, some more.

  Of course, one could ask what purpose it serves to discuss kink at such length in a present-day/near-future tech-oriented book. Fellow author Kevin O’Neill recently wrote about science fiction tackling cultural issues in near-future predictions:

  My grandfather could apparently do a good half hour on what the excesses of the 60s were going to lead to: gay people acting all gay right out in the open, and college age boys going to their girlfriends' houses and shaking hands with their fathers, and then walking back to their bedrooms and closing the door and having sex, right there, in the house, all unmarried and whatnot and no one says a thing!

  * * *

  And he was right. Those things are normal now. It's not that the near future is hard to predict. It's that predicting it carries huge social weight in the present. Predicting that openly gay people in 2018 could get married and adopt children would have been a massively political statement in 1963.

  I can’t predict how BDSM will look in the future, but I believe we’ll move toward more open acceptance and acknowledgement.

  The inclusion of polyamory in the storyline was a later addition. Polyamory and non-monogamy received prominent mass media coverage in 2017 and 2018. Ethical non-monogamy is practiced by about 5 percent of the population in the United States, and as many as 20 percent of people have tried some variation. Unfortunately, at least a quarter of practitioners report experiencing discrimination as a result of their lifestyle.

  Polyamory and other ethical, open relationship lifestyles have their root in common non-monogamy practices that exist across multiple cultures, including indigenous tribal cultures. It stands to reason that some people are biologically wired for non-monogamy, and therefore we are best served by figuring out the most ethical approaches to non-monogamy.

  For example, loving multiple romantic partners is even more common if you include the 40 percent of Americans that have had extra-marital affairs. However, cheating has serious detrimental effects on the health of relationships and society. Helping people see and understand ethical non-monogamy as a possible alternative could help avoid the emotional and relationship damage that results from cheating.

  That being said, as most with experience will admit, polyamory can make sense in theory but be difficult in practice. I show some of Igloo and Essie’s struggles, but the topic could fill an entire book and then some. There’s a line from Essie that mirrors a conversation I had with my own partner: “We talked once about trying an open relationship. Are you game to try?”

  During the course of writing any novel, I make many passes through the manuscript, and Kill Switch was no different. Every time I reencountered this line, I kept adding margin comments. Here are the comments in chronological order, each one separated by some weeks or months:

  This is where, in the real world, Igloo should say “fuck no,” and she and Essie can live happily ever after.

  What a difference two weeks makes. This is amazing! If she said no, she’d miss the biggest opportunity ever.

  This is harder than either of them thinks.

  I think the right answer is still to do it, but it will quite possibly cost them everything.

  Don’t worry, it’ll work out. Probably.

  Polyamory is a rabbit hole that, once you go down, you cannot escape unchanged. Even though I know the outcome for my own relationship, I still don’t feel there is a definitive answer.

  I also want to talk briefly about how friends and family react to kinky and poly people. When someone who is monogamous learns that you’re facing relationship challenges in polyamory, they’ll too often blame poly: “Well, if you were monogamous, this wouldn’t happen.” But monogamous relationships aren’t perfect: they have difficulties too, and they end as well. We don’t go around saying “well, if only you were polyamorous, that wouldn’t have happened.”

  Similarly, when a vanilla person learns about a kinky relationship, they’ll often assume that it’s unhealthy in some way, if not outright abusive. As a result, they’ll rarely be supportive of someone going through troubles in a kinky relationship.

  So you can imagine that when someone is kinky and polyamorous (and possibly gay, trans, nonbinary, etc.) the pool of people who will be there for them in a supportive, non-judgmental way shrinks until it eventually feels like they can’t talk to anyone and can’t be open about who they are. This is a terrible way to have to live.

  If this book made you feel uncomfortable, if it caused you to judge any of the characters, and if you’re still reading this now, I hope that the exposure will help you be more open-minded in the future, and more accepting of people who seem to be very different from you on the outside. On the inside, we all just want to be loved and accepted.

  In sum, Kill Switch has a number of non-conforming sexual orientations and relationships that form a backdrop for the characters. Hopefully, you’ll appreciate my attempt to inform and destigmatize these behaviors. When social stigma and misconceptions are common, those with alternative sexual identities suffer. Many risk their jobs, child custody, medical care, and family relationships, in addition to experiencing many other forms of discrimination.

  Some will find Kill Switch intellectually intriguing as an insight into activities they might not otherwise be exposed to. Others will actively hate those same elements, but hopefully other aspects of the story are compelling enough to make it worthwhile. I hope the parallels between privacy, control, and agency in both kink and society will be interesting to all.

  If you’ve enjoyed Kill Switch, I’d really appreciate your help getting the word out! As always, I’m completely dependent on word of mouth to reach new readers.

  Please post a review where you bought your copy.

  Please recommend Kill Process and Kill Switch on Facebook, Twitter, your blog, or to your friends and family (or all of the above!)

  Please sign up for my mailing list at www.williamhertling.com to find out about new releases, writing updates, and book recommendations.

  Thank you for all of your support.

  Until next time,

  William Hertling

  Additional Notes

  During the editing process, questions came up from critique or beta readers, not all of which could be addressed in the manuscript itself. In other cases, details were removed from the manuscript to make it flow more smoothly for the majority of readers. If you’re curious, here are some additional notes.

  Negotiation & Consent

  When Igloo and Charlotte play for the first time, several readers found it challenging to believe that their pre-scene negotiation could be so thorough and clinical. Although kinky people negotiate in many different ways, within the community of people who attend public kink events, the process is generally explicit, detailed, and emotionally detached. The only exception is when people are long-term partners and have already established norms.

  The purpose of negotiation is to ensure that all participants are giving fully informed consent. Consent can’t be given when someone doesn’t understand what’s being proposed, so language must clear and unambiguous.

  Even something as simple as a kiss, which vanilla people will usually assess based on body language, is often carefully planned. A negotiation could look something like “Are you open to kissing during our scene? My STI tests are ____, and I was last tested three months ago. I have no known new exposures since th
en.” The other party would confirm their interest (or not) and STI compatibility, thus establishing an agreement that kissing is acceptable for that particular scene. The next time the same people play, they might negotiate every detail again, or they might simply ask “Is everything we did last time still okay?”

  Kink

  Igloo ties a takate-kote (the box tie) in the style of Osada Ryu. She uses a single-rope, two-wrap futomomo. She prefers the Somerville Bowline, but uses a square knot for double-column ties. She uses Moco Nawa waxed jute by Mocojute. The carbon fiber crop, her favorite toy, is the Supercrop by Topspace.

  I wanted to work in more of these details, but it turns out that most readers only want to know what limb is being tied. Sigh.

  There’s a scene in which Igloo, feeling insecure about her relationship, laments the possible loss of coffee service in the morning. My editor made a comment about how that achieved both poignancy and humor. Ironically, humor wasn’t intended at all, although I can see how it might seem funny if you aren’t familiar with D/s rituals.

  If you’ve ever seen a Japanese tea ceremony, then you have some sense of how a simple act of serving tea can acquire deep ritualistic meaning. D/s coffee service is not about delivering a cup of coffee. It’s about reinforcing and celebrating the nature of a Dominant/submissive relationship between two people. It’s a time to connect physically, mentally, and spiritually. It sets the tone for the day, and it is the start of a period for communicating. While there are an infinite number of ways to practice D/s, for many the coffee service or something like it—such as removing shoes upon entering the home—may be the most important ritual they share.