by Girard, Dara
Peter squeezed his eyes shut. “The wheezing started almost instantly. Thomas couldn’t catch his breath.” He opened his eyes and stared sightlessly ahead. “I recognized that he was having an asthma attack. I tried to help him up the stairs, but he couldn’t make it and collapsed. I got my father and he carried him upstairs. My mother called an ambulance, but by the time the EMTs arrived, he’d suffered a stroke and he never fully recovered.
“The strain of my brother’s care caused my parents’ divorce. My mother eventually remarried. I have a stepsister who is a physicist and a stepbrother who is a neurologist. My father never remarried. He raised the two of us.” Peter took a deep breath. “He’ll never say it but my father blames me, and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about what Thomas could have been. I think about it most when it rains.”
“Your brother is who and what he is,” Claudia said softly. “I know you love him no matter what, and that’s okay.” When he didn’t respond, she continued. “I had an aunt who came to stay with us for a while and one day I broke a beautiful teacup and desperately tried to put it back together so I wouldn’t get into trouble. Of course that was impossible, and my aunt caught me. Tearfully I apologized, and she said that it was fine and left it at that. A few days later she showed me a mosaictile trivet she had made. She said this is a lesson about life. Sometimes in life things break and can’t be put back together again as they were. They must become something else. I still have that trivet as a reminder. Don’t see your brother as broken—see him as he is now. He is worthy now.” She licked her lip, uncertain. “Why didn’t you tell me about him before?”
“A number of reasons.”
“Name one.”
Peter opened his mouth then closed it. “It’s complicated.”
“No it’s not. Did you think I would judge him or something?”
Peter looked away.
“I knew you were hiding something from me even back then.”
“I wasn’t hiding anything. I just didn’t want my family to interfere with us. You don’t know what my father’s like.”
“I don’t know what any of your family is like. You never introduced me.”
“You didn’t miss anything.”
“Your father couldn’t be any worse than my mother.”
Peter sent her a look but didn’t reply. His meeting with Claudia’s mother hadn’t gone well. Although Mrs. Madison appreciated that he was working toward his degree, she wished he had more ambition.
“Now I see it wouldn’t have worked out between us.” Claudia rolled onto her back.
“Feeling validated now? You dodged a bullet. You don’t have to deal with a man who has a damaged brother and father issues.”
Claudia regretted her words. “That’s not it at all. I—”
“Like I said, my family is complicated and I didn’t want you swallowed up in it. I knew you would try to get involved, and I didn’t want that. Back then you thought you could solve everything. You were opinionated and stubborn. It would have been a mess.”
“So I’m nosy, opinionated and stubborn, huh?” She sat up. “With a list of other faults you probably haven’t shared. I’m surprised you wanted to marry me in the first place.”
“Blame it on the idiocy of youth.”
Peter meant to hurt her, and he succeeded. She pushed back the covers. “I knew this was a mistake.”
“Wait. Dammit. Come back to bed.”
She pulled on her nightclothes.
“I—I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. We weren’t meant to be together. I just regret it happened the way it did, but it was the right choice.”
His gaze pierced hers. “Why did you say yes?”
“Because I loved you and I wanted to be your wife.”
“But you ran away and I never saw you again. Who or what changed your mind?” He held up his hand when she opened her mouth. “Forget it. I don’t want to know. You explained everything in your letter. Just tell me one thing.”
“What?”
“Were you pregnant? Did you get scared and have an abortion or have the baby and give it up?”
“No. No, I’d never keep something like that from you.”
“What would you keep from me?”
“Nothing. I’ve told you everything.”
“Dammit! Then why do you keep looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“As if I’ve hurt you.”
Claudia sat on the side of the bed and let her shoulders slump. “It’s just a look of regret and painful memories.”
“A good diagnosis, Doctor.”
She straightened. “Don’t mock me.”
“I’m not.” He sat beside her. “I won’t hurt you if you promise not to run away from me again.”
“I promise.”
He lay down then drew her down next to him. “You’re wearing too many clothes.”
She took off her nightdress.
“That’s better,” he said. Then they both settled down into sleep, never believing they could. But once they closed their eyes they did, daring to believe in promises again.
Chapter 12
North Carolina
The first sign something was wrong was the dirty welcome mat. When Claudia entered her apartment, she sighed as she looked around at the wilted plants and the stack of papers on the floor. Madame Curie, a silver tabby American shorthair, came up to greet her with a look of rebuke.
Claudia stroked her. “I’m sorry, but she’s family.”
Madame Curie released a low meow. The sound surprised Claudia, because Madame Curie was usually a quiet cat who only made sounds when she was displeased—such as when Claudia’s mother came to visit and referred to her as “that thing.”
“At least you look well fed,” Claudia said, continuing to stroke her cat to get her to purr.
Madame Curie blinked instead.
“Aunt Claudia! You’re home!” Her twenty-year-old niece, Tess, barreled into the room and gave her a fierce hug. Her older brother’s middle child was an exact replica of herself. She was tall but not as thin, with slightly ample hips, which she showed off by wearing painted-on jeans with a tight-fitting purple T-shirt that emphasized her perfectly sized bosom and exposed her midriff. Her hair, which was about the same length as Claudia’s, was left in its natural state and looked like an out-of-control bush that needed to be tamed. Like her aunt, she was not one to wear a lot of makeup, but she loved putting on false eyelashes and wearing pink lipstick, which she outlined with a dark purple lip pencil.
Madame Curie meowed again, and Tess jumped back and scowled down at the animal. “You know, I think Grandma’s right. That cat is the devil. She actually swiped at me when I took away her food.”
Claudia picked Madame Curie up. “She’s usually very gentle. Maybe she hadn’t finished and you annoyed her.” She set the cat down. “Just leave the bowl next time and wait until she walks away.”
Madame Curie meowed again. This time long and loud.
Tess pulled a cat hair from Claudia’s blouse, annoyed. “Fine. I hate when she does that. I fed her, so I don’t know what she’s whining about.”
“She’s not whining. She’s just talking. Um…Tess—”
Her niece’s face suddenly lit up. “You’re right. Let’s not talk about the cat.” She hugged Claudia again. “I’m so glad you’re back! I’ve been waiting to hear all about your trip! I made dinner. Well, actually I bought dinner. But I put the dinner on plates, so in a way I sort of made dinner, because I wanted everything to look nice when you got back. Here, let me take your bags.” Claudia let her niece hustle her to the dining table, which at least was clean.
Claudia looked at her dry plants. “Tess, about the…”
Tess sat and uncovered Claudia’s plate. “I hope you like shrimp-fried rice. They had regular fried rice, but I thought the shrimp would be a nice touch.”
“Tess—”
“I can heat everything up if yo
u want me to, but I think it’s still warm. Did you have a smooth flight? I hate bumpy ones.”
“Tess—”
“I’m always afraid the stuff in the overhead bins is going to fly out and hit us on the head.”
“Tess!”
“Yeah?”
“The place is a mess.”
Tess looked around, surprised. “Really?”
“Did you water the plants?”
Tess slapped her forehead. “Oh, yeah. I knew I was forgetting something.”
“And the paper?”
“I started a stack and then got busy. I promise I’ll do better next time.”
Claudia opened her mouth then closed it. There shouldn’t be a next time, but she knew there would be. Tess was Chester’s baby, and he wouldn’t be happy if Claudia fired her. Tess had a week to prove herself while she was in Bermuda. Otherwise Claudia knew she’d have to hire someone else before leaving for six weeks in Europe. Claudia scooped up her rice, too tired to think about it.
“Well?” Tess said.
“Well what? The shrimp is nice.”
“No. I don’t care about the food. How was Hawaii?”
“It was more wonderful than I expected,” Claudia said, referring to the man she’d woken up to more than the island. He’d nearly made her miss her flight. “We were very fortunate the weather held up while we were there. The sky at night is breathtaking and—” She stopped when Tess shook her head.
“I mean how was he? What was he like?”
“Who?”
“You know who. Peter Warren, the host.”
“Cohost.”
Tess rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Is he as sexy in person as he seems?”
Absolutely. “Yes.”
“Did you two—” her niece made a graphic gesture with her hands “—get it on?”
Claudia’s mouth fell open. “Tess!”
Tess grinned. “Is that a yes?”
Claudia didn’t reply.
“Come on, Aunt Claudia. You’ve never been shy about your men before, and now you might have hit the jackpot and you won’t tell me? That’s not fair.”
“Nothing happened.”
Tess leaned forward. “Not even a little something? A peck on the cheek, a pat on the—”
“Nothing happened,” she repeated in a firm tone.
Tess sighed, disappointed. “Shame.”
“I got you something,” Claudia said, eager to change the subject. She took out a small package from her handbag and handed it to her.
Tess quickly opened the gift. “This is fabulous! Oh, I almost forgot. You got a special package.” She disappeared into Claudia’s bedroom then returned with a small brown package and set it on the table.
Claudia studied it, curious. It had no return address, but it had been sent by special delivery. Claudia opened it and pulled out a lacy black bra-and-panty set. She picked up the note inside and read “For Bermuda.”
Tess picked up the lacy red teddy underneath the bra and panties. “Oh, it’s gorgeous! It must have cost a fortune. Who is it from?”
Claudia took the teddy from her and closed the box. “A secret admirer.”
“I bet you know his name.”
Yes, she did, but she didn’t want her niece to know anything about her affair with Peter. She didn’t want anyone to know, especially her family, because of her past with him. It would make things too complicated.
Claudia only winked then finished her food in silence.
“What’s his name and when will you see him again?” Noreen said when she saw Claudia.
Suzanne looked at Noreen with exasperation. “Tact is a lost art with you.”
“We’re friends. Claudia knows what I mean. She’s glowing with happiness.”
“That doesn’t mean she’s found a man.”
Noreen sent her friend a look as if she was naive.
The three women sat in Suzanne’s sunroom, having finished a light lunch of baked salmon with basil, hot wheat rolls and a fruit salad with whipped cream. The sound of saws, hammers and vacuuming could be heard as workers decorated Suzanne’s house for her annual spring garden party. Suzanne looked very much like a woman of privilege in a pair of beige tailored trousers and a white silk blouse, while Noreen, wearing her signature black-framed glasses, with her unruly curly hair, petite frame and oversize top, looked several years younger than she was.
“Creating a TV show is more grueling than I thought it would be, but I still had a great time,” Claudia admitted.
Noreen adjusted her glasses, her gaze shrewd. “Are you sure that’s all?”
“What do you mean?”
Suzanne frowned. “Drop it, Noreen.”
Claudia looked at them, curious. “Drop what?”
“We didn’t want to say anything, but we both sensed that before you left there was something on your mind.”
Yes, Peter had been on her mind, but she hadn’t told her friends. “It’s nothing. I’ve just never done something like this before, and I didn’t want to screw it up. So far it’s been going very well.”
“Do you think you’ll be able to attend my party? I know your schedule is hectic.”
“I always make time for my friends. I should be back in time for it.”
Suzanne smiled. “Well, we’re thrilled to hear that things are going so well for you.”
Noreen looked unconvinced.
Not wanting to go into details, Claudia opened the large bag she’d brought with her and handed both of them their gifts. “And this is for Luke,” she said, giving Suzanne an extra package.
“I’m sure he’ll love it.” When Suzanne opened her gift—the handblown glass piece—she grinned. “I’ll find the perfect place to put this,” she said then looked up and pointed to one of the workers who was carrying a small, white wicker table. “That does not belong in the house. Will you please take it to the gazebo?”
“But Mr. Gordon said—”
“I don’t care what Mr. Gordon said. Mrs. Gordon says it belongs in the gazebo.” She then noticed one of her outdoor plants in an oriental vase near the base of the staircase and pointed. “Did Mr. Gordon tell you to do that also?”
He nodded.
Suzanne pursed her lips then slowly stood. She noticed her husband talking to another worker. She turned to her friends, keeping her voice neutral. “Excuse me while I go kill my husband,” she said then left.
Noreen laughed as she watched Suzanne march up to her husband, Rick, who was giving their seven-year-old son, Luke, a piggyback ride. “You’d think he would know better than to interfere with one of Suzanne’s beloved parties.”
Even though he wore a pair of dark trousers and a pressed light maroon shirt, Rick looked more suited for a dark alley than a boardroom. There was an untamed energy to him, but despite his dark looks, he looked at his wife not with annoyance or amusement, but acceptance. At one time Peter had looked at her like that, Claudia thought as she finished her drink. “He knows, he just doesn’t care.” She watched as Rick listened to Suzanne then shook his head. “He’s not a pushover.”
“Who do you think will win?” When Claudia sent her a look, Noreen shook her head. “I know. Silly question.” They watched the worker take the wicker table away, but the plant stayed. Noreen grinned. “Ah, compromise! The big word we married people have to live with.” She turned to Claudia and rested her chin in her hands. “Something you don’t have to worry about.”
“Nope. One of the many benefits of being single.”
Noreen nodded then said, “So?”
“What?”
“We’ve been here nearly an hour and you haven’t mentioned your cohost. I saw his picture. He’s definitely worth mentioning. What is he like?”
“You’re a married woman.”
Noreen fiddled with her glasses. “Just because I wear these doesn’t mean I’m blind. Tell me about him. I write romance novels, remember? I can always consider this research.”
Claudia smoothed her napkin
. “He’s very professional.”
Noreen frowned. “He’s obnoxious, isn’t he?”
“No, he’s easy to work with and—”
“You’re lying.”
Claudia stiffened. “What makes you say that?”
“I’ve never heard such a boring description of a man from you.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m lying.”
Noreen was quiet a moment then sighed. “I know things have changed, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be completely honest with each other. I know how you feel. When Suzanne got married I felt a little lost. I don’t want you to feel like the odd one out.”
“I don’t.”
“A part of me used to envy how free you are with men. I could never be so bold. You live life to the fullest, and in a way I lived vicariously through your ad ventures.”
“You’re just being sweet. I know you have plenty of adventures with Michael.”
“I guess I’m just trying to say that we don’t want you to feel weird around us. We love you just the way you are. I’m so proud of you, and this TV series is what you deserve. Some of us are meant to settle down and some of us aren’t. Don’t change.”
Claudia forced a smile then glanced at Suzanne, who was laughing at something Rick said. They looked the perfect picture of wedded bliss. “Don’t worry. I never will.”
Days later, Claudia thought of her reply to Noreen as she shopped for items for her upcoming trip to Bermuda. It was just an affair. Her involvement with Peter wouldn’t lead to anything, so she was going to enjoy it while she could. She didn’t need to get married. Affairs were a lot more fun. They were exciting and uncomplicated. As part of her shopping spree, Claudia decided to visit a small boutique just outside Durham, which specialized in the kind of eclectic fashion she liked.
She bought a wine-colored silk-cashmere wrap cardigan which was perfect, even in summer. She was always freezing on the plane, and the wrap was like a blanket and could also serve as a nice cover-up for any spills. She also found an expensive pair of fashionable sunglasses and an off-the-shoulder full-length exotic-print sundress with a ruffled trim, which made her look stunning. She was completing her purchase when another costumer said, “Oh, my goodness, it’s you. Claudia Madison.”
