by Jolie Damman
And it felt like father had just given up on me.
I wasn’t worth becoming the new Don of the family.
I am not his heir anymore.
Alide
I buried my head in the pillows and cried. Rita crept open the door and uttered some things, but I didn’t pay attention to her. My mind had been consumed by what had happened. I should have known he wasn’t right for me.
I should have buried into my mind that falling in love with someone that dangerous couldn’t have become a good thing.
It never had a chance of being something different.
Reading that agreement between his father and mine was like unveiling a pile of shit someone painted to look nicer.
But, it wasn’t and could never be.
My dad was wrong. We couldn’t happen. One thing that pissed him off would be enough to make him kill me.
And Luca… he might as well be dead now.
The treatment was doing wonders on him, but without Angelo… I wouldn’t have the money to continue paying it. The nice nurse who took care of him and became his friend would never see Luca again.
That was that.
And I wouldn’t have money for his medicine.
Nor for his games.
And he wouldn’t be able to buy another used game for his PS4.
I might as well be killing him now too. Angelo and me… we’re the ones who crushed little Luca’s hopes of having a normal life.
The door crept close. Rita tried and insisted some more, but I just didn’t have the mind to talk to anyone right now.
I was sure Luca was asking now what was going on with me, and Rita wouldn’t know what to tell him. Just that he should be strong because this was going to be temporary.
That was what I was hoping.
Because I needed to find another job soon.
And I needed to forget Angelo entirely. Thinking about him and remembering all the good times we had together was too painful.
I had no idea how much time had passed, only that the sun was now rising over the Atlantic Ocean. Its light penetrated through the dark red curtains and revealed the contours of the room.
I should be getting off the bed right now.
But I couldn’t. There was so much happening, and staying here, lying on this bed was like being successful in running away from everything.
Maybe it was all going to fix itself soon.
Perhaps, I was going to learn it was nothing more than a bad dream in the end.
I hand settled down on my shoulder. For a moment, I hoped it was Angelo’s. But it was much smaller and gentler. It couldn’t be him, and yet, I was hoping so much he had come here to tell me he was wrong.
But he hadn’t come, and he never would.
I’d do well to keep that in mind.
“Alide.” It was Rita’s voice, sounding distressed. “You need to eat. You’ve been sleeping for hours, and it’s time for lunch. Luca is worried about you.”
Luca.
I couldn’t fail him.
I had to be there for him.
With a grunt, I sat up on the bed gradually. My body felt like it was made of granite, and my eyes hurt so much. Never before did I cry so much in my life.
“I don’t want to talk about him,” I announced right away because I didn’t want to remember him. And I knew that expression on her face. She had a lot of things to tell me.
“First, let’s have lunch,” she declared with a small smile on her wrinkled expression.
With an uncomfortable smirk, I got off the bed and walked like a ghost to the door. Luca was standing right in front of it, his hands clutching his phone.
“Sis, I was super worried. I thought you didn’t want to talk to me…”
I disheveled his hair, though doing that didn’t feel like the other times I’d done it. It felt distant, like I was forcing myself to do it.
“Don’t worry. I’m here and I’m okay. Now, let’s have lunch.”
A moment of silence. “I already had it…”
“Oh.” I gave him a phony smile. “It’s alright. I’ll eat by myself then.”
Rita took me to the kitchen table and said, “I haven’t had lunch. I’ve been waiting for you to get up.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so selfish.”
“You haven’t been, but you’d do well to tell me what happened.”
“It’s… Angelo.”
She nodded, an expression of clearness on her face.
“And you won’t believe what I learned about him. My father vowed to make him marry me. They even have a contract with his signature and everything! I can’t believe he kept it hidden this whole time!”
She rested a hand on top of the table.
“He wasn’t the only one.”
My heart skipped a beat. “You don’t mean…”
“I do. Your father entrusted you to me until you were of age and could marry Angelo, but things changed. A lot happened, and you then turned 18, and Mr. Romani and I decided to stall the wedding until we felt you were ready.” She gave me an uncomfortable smile. “I guess that having you work for him all these months must have changed his mind.”
I took a step back, not believing what she was telling me
It wasn’t enough that Angelo kept the wedding plans veiled from me all this time – she had been doing the same thing as well. Who else knew about all this madness?
Before I could think about doing something I would regret, she hurried to me and grabbed my hand. She then pulled a chair with force and we sat down.
Her hand was gentle as she held it.
The expression in her eyes exposed all she was thinking.
She did what she did for good reasons, and it wouldn’t be right for me to bash her right now.
“I’m sorry I had to do it. Mr. Romani insisted that he wanted to make his son reveal the wedding plans himself. That’s why I didn’t tell you anything about them.”
I didn’t feel like withdrawing my hand, and I could understand why she did what she did.
All these years she cared for me and Luca when I didn’t have another family. She didn’t do it to hurt me. She did it to protect me.
In a flash, she removed her hand and rested both of her forearms on the table, eyes looking out to the side yard. “But if you want to hate me, I’d understand. I made a mistake and I should pay for it.”
And in that instant, I cried.
I broke down.
I wept.
Luca was standing by the doorway. I was aware I shouldn’t be looking like this to him, but I just… couldn’t stop. Sadness and remorse were obliterating my mind.
Rita put her arm around my shoulders and kept me close to her until I’d stopped crying.
I wiped my tears with my hands and stated, “I understand why you did it.”
Her eyes widened. “You do? I thought you were never going to forgive me.”
“No, I do. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”
A moment of pause as she digested my choice.
“Alide, let’s have that lunch now, okay?”
I smiled back. At least when having lunch I could forget about Angelo and his betrayal.
Food was always a good medicine.
I dug in and finished my plate in less than five minutes. Never before did I eat so fast. Maybe that was just the rage within me speaking. Whatever’s the case, her lunch made me feel better. By the time I had finished eating it, despite how I had to keep forcing myself to take it down my esophagus, I felt full and a little content.
Rita’s hand looked for mine once I had finished cleaning my plate and cutlery. “We need to talk about Angelo.”
I retracted my hand gently and groused, “No, I don’t want to talk about him. It’s over. I’m not going to marry Angelo. I loved father and all, but I don’t want to marry a man that lied to me this whole time.”
I was going to pace to the backyard when she grabbed my hand again and halted me.
He
r grip was firm.
It was certain.
She had something even more important than everything she’d told me thus far, and she was intent on making me hear her out.
I couldn’t help but peer at her.
Her eyes were just as certain as her grip.
And when Rita spoke the first word, I knew it was going to be hard not to be convinced.
Chapter 17
Don’t Believe in Lies
Angelo
Idid the right thing. Alide broke up with me and now she could find someone much better for her – a man capable of giving her a child I couldn’t. That’s what comforted me right now.
She could now have a better boyfriend.
And then, a husband.
And as many children as she wanted.
I pulled the trigger, shattering another beer bottle to pieces. I took another drag off my cigarette and couldn’t help but admire the One World Trade Center Building in the distance. It was shining like a beacon.
It could almost be interpreted as hope.
But I didn’t believe I had any.
I put my finger on the trigger again when I heard the soft sound of someone’s footsteps.
“Hey, boss.”
It was Prudenzio. He lifted his hand over his head as if to tell me he had come in peace. We weren’t in bad terms or anything like that. I just didn’t feel like talking to anyone tonight.
The stars were shining like diamond shards in the sky. Picturesque in their existence, and reminding me just how small I was and how nothing of what was happening here mattered to the rest of the universe.
“Hey,” I said, lowering the beer bottle and putting it on the step of the stands I was sitting on, or whatever it was called. It stood in front of an abandoned soccer field, or at least, that’s what I’d deduced after finding this place.
The grass was long and marked with spots where it had long stopped growing. The white lines which were supposed to delineate the limits of the field were also faded, like nobody cared about this place anymore.
It almost reminded me of me.
“I heard what happened…” Prudenzio murmured, leaving me to fill in the blanks.
“I thought I was doing the right thing, and in a way, I did.” I swallowed, feeling my throat dry. “There’s something about me you need to know.”
Before now, I would never have considered telling him this. However, things were different now.
Prudenzio said nothing, merely looking ahead as if the Manhattan skyline had been put there by aliens.
I drew in some air and continued, “I’m infertile. I can’t gift Alide a child of our own. She did the right thing by breaking up with me.” I paused. “And now she can find someone better for her.”
I thought he wasn’t going to say anything, but he immediately spoke.
“Does that even matter, Angelo? She was happy with you without even thinking about ever getting pregnant. Shouldn’t that be the only thing that truly matters?”
He snapped his head to me, eyes locking. That resolve in his eyes… I’d never seen it before.
I didn’t talk to him much about my relationship with Alide, but it seemed he knew quite a bit about it. I also got the impression it mattered a lot to him.
“I know that maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this,” he continued, “but she was changing you. She was making you better, and as your friend, I can’t not help you.”
I valued him helping me cope with the breakup, but I didn’t think there was anything I could do to mend things. She didn’t want to see me again. She made that known the instant she barged out of the Bello Italiano.
“It’s over anyway,” I started to say. “There is nothing I can do to change her mind.”
“That’s where you are wrong. You think I don’t know what you are going through?” His eyes grew intense, like he was remembering a wound of his past. “Talk to her again. Go to her house. Make her hear what you’ve got to tell her.”
I waved my hand. “I don’t think that will help. At most she will kick me out of there and call the cops on me.”
He shook his head, and that’s when I knew I was only telling myself what was going to make me feel better. In other words, fooling myself again.
He stood up and situated himself in front of me.
His eyes were burning with his intention to fix everything that was wrong.
And I knew I couldn’t do anything to change his mind.
Because… I was sure he was going to make me alter my decision.
Alide
The bus bumped each time it drove over a pothole. I turned my head to look out the window and couldn’t help but think about how Rita was just… right. I didn’t even hear him out when I barged through him and rushed back home. I’d presumed he had betrayed me for his own benefit.
But it wasn’t the case. He kept it hidden all this time for a good reason, and I trusted him. Maybe he was just misguided.
Considering all these moments we had together, I should at least have given him the benefit of the doubt. Rita didn’t convince me he was a good man after all the things he did, but she did make me come back to him.
It was dark outside and I had no idea if he was still in the Bello Italiano, but I felt I was doing the right thing, and I wasn’t going to stop for anything until I was with him again.
To make things right, I was willing to meet him, regardless of the consequences.
To try to understand his reasons, it was worth going there when I had no idea how things were going to pan out.
My heart and mind were in chaos, but still… This was the fair thing to do.
I was all alone on the bus. It was crossing the Brooklyn bridge now, heading to Little Italy. The stars were now covered by some clouds, and the light of the moon could barely breach them.
The bus then stopped, and I started walking to the Bello Italiano. Maybe I should have called him first, but I didn’t have the stomach for that. It didn’t feel right to talk to him over the phone about something so important.
My legs were like gelatin as I crossed the sidewalk and then floundered my way to the Bello Italiano.
The sign was standing in the distance, turned off and looking as if it was dead.
I thought I’d never come back here.
A shadow then dashed out of nowhere, and a gun clicked.
It was him.
And I knew that face.
“You are coming with me.”
Angelo
I had no idea Prudenzio could be so convincing when he wanted to. I didn’t ask him about it, but I was sure he was seeing in me something that had happened to him a long time ago. He didn’t want to let it happen again.
I was grateful I had him as my friend.
He was so much more than the soldier I’d been bringing with me to hunt down Vinicio.
He did the right thing, and I now I felt I had to do the same. I had to try talking to Alide again.
One more time.
Just one more time.
Maybe I could make it right. Maybe? No. Unquestionably. I could make it right. Screw being infertile. Screw the marriage.
All she needed was my open heart.
I opened the door to get into the car and my phone buzzed. I fished it out of my pocket and thought about the random number that was calling me. Typically, that meant it was someone who dialed the wrong number, which was pretty common in a city as populous as New York.
I glanced at Prudenzio, who was still with me. We hadn’t left the area where the abandoned soccer field resided yet, and I was just about to call Alide to ask her if we could meet up first before the phone buzzed.
I wasn’t going to just pop up at her place uninvited again without knowing how she would take seeing me one more time.
I tapped on the green button and put the phone by my ear.
And that’s when I knew that, more than ever before, the love of my life needed me.
And she needed me right fucking now.
&nb
sp; ✽ ✽ ✽
He’d asked me to come here alone, and I did. It was an old warehouse just on the edge of the city. Nobody lived nearby, and nobody would ever find out what was about to transpire in here.
The moon was just setting in the distance, and soon the sun was going to be casting its light on New York. The stars were fading back behind the growing blueness of the sky. It wouldn’t be long until it was a new day.
And I was just hoping Alide was going to come back alive.
I didn’t care about my life.
I came here to save her.
This one moment, I decided to do the right thing.
I didn’t want to be a quitter ever again.
I came to this old, decrepit warehouse without a gun. I didn’t tell Prudenzio about the call. I told him it was my father who had called me to come back home, and he believed me.
I felt a little bad I lied to him, but it was the right thing to do. He then headed somewhere. I didn’t ask him where he was going, though. To be honest, I didn’t care. All I knew was that I needed to rescue Alide.
Footsteps rounded a corner, and a man with a woman in front of him showed up. Vinicio and Alide. I couldn’t despise him for what he was doing. The look in his eyes… It showed how desperate he was.
And he wasn’t smiling.
His mouth was deformed, like he was hating himself for doing this.
And I could understand his reasons.
He ran away from our family because he didn’t want to hurt anyone. But ever since then, it was all he did. He almost killed me, harmed other citizens, consorted with the Ancelottis, and was now keeping an innocent woman hostage.
I had no idea he knew about me and her.
He must have been seeking this whole time for a chance to kidnap her.
That was his only way to get himself out of the city, right?
He halted, his hand holding a pistol to Alide’s head. She looked unharmed, but she had a gag in her mouth. She tried to speak and struggle, but Vinicio was stronger than her.
Vinicio’s clothes were worn and holes littered it. That stench too. It had been a long time since he took a shower. Not a surprising thing, to be honest, considering how long he had been on the run.
His best friend also told us all he had on him. We were this close to capturing him, and now I was throwing all that away for a chance to make things right for once.
