by L J Andrews
Chapter 12
Every inch of my body ached. For two weeks, Thane, Raffi, and now Leoch had trained me to use weapons properly. Teagan had slowly drifted to more of an observer. Occasionally, he would step in and offer guidance on harnessing energy to thwart multiple attackers. We would use the connection of our mage bond to create spectacular feats of energy, but I still sensed a wall building around him, blocking me out.
The Skog mages hadn’t reached out about any contact with the Coille family, and I could see how it rattled Thane and Gaia. Yaba had left the night before to search for any breath of the Coille family on our own. We had yet to hear. In the coming days, we would move to find the common wyverns. It was a feat I needed to do, but it was frightening to travel only to be discarded as the Skogs had done. The more time that passed, the less of a chance we had of bringing Onyx back safely.
Ruby reminded me much of Teagan now. Quiet, reserved, with her thoughts always somewhere else. I had to hold on to some sort of hope that Onyx was still fighting. Donovan had less fits from his bond, but two nights prior he’d nearly fallen to his death from darting so precariously close to the edge of the cliff in a trance. Thankfully, Leoch and Raffi had been on guard that night and caught the mage before he lost his life. Teagan had left quickly with Ced and Gaia to remove the dark bond from his mind. Someday we would all sleep peacefully again.
“Your thoughts are busy this morning,” Gaia muttered through her typical peaceful smile. She was working with a pure crystal and was focusing on turning it into pitch black. Her fingers trembled as she hovered her hand over the crystal, slowing bleeding the white color with inky darkness.
Gasping, she removed her hand, and instantly the crystal returned to the color it once was. She muttered a curse under her breath, much like Teagan did oftentimes. I chuckled and glanced at the whetstone I used against the cutting edge of my sword. The blade was sharp, but I found the motion soothed my unease and helped me connect deeper to my weapon.
“You’re getting better,” I offered, nodding to the crystal.
Gaia sighed and tossed the stone out of her sight. “I am supposed to be able to break mountains should I command it,” she grumbled. “Now, changing one stone to another is a daunting task.”
“I’ve seen your strength; it’s still in there.”
“Yes, but waking it up has been quite the challenge. Prince Ced believes I’m rejecting the power out of fear.”
“Fear of what?” I asked.
Gaia cleared her throat, and I thought she paused as though considering whether she should speak. “I suppose I fear if I accept night energy completely, I might lose myself. Like Bron.”
Gaia wasn’t one to show any vulnerability, and I knew she hid her own fears of her different energy from us all—apart from Thane. More than once during my wanderings had I caught the pair speaking low by the fiery pit, Thane holding her close and Gaia’s voice broken. I didn’t do them the dishonor by eavesdropping, but I knew her fears. She’d lost her family to Bron once before, and feeling so powerless frightened her. It frightened me too—I had many fears. So did Teagan, I just wished he would speak with me the way his mother spoke with his father.
“I have full confidence that you will be able to open up the night energy. You are too good inside to turn into Bron. I mean it.”
“Yes, I can feel that you mean each word,” she smiled. “I will be fine. It is you I’m concerned for right now. What has your heart so heavy this morning?”
I shrugged. “I suppose I’m just thinking over all I’ve learned. It’s a bit daunting.”
“You’ve done remarkable. I think Thane would rather you denounce the throne and join the warriors now, he’s so pleased with how well you handle the sword. He has compared you to your father no less than a hundred times.”
I laughed, placing the sword to one side and breathing in the pale sunlight. There was a tightening around my middle as I stretched out. I felt the changes beginning, and it thrilled a part of me that I had hidden away, since it seemed having a child only caused more worries for everyone around me.
“He is a good teacher. I can see why my father would have trusted him as his warrior.”
Gaia nodded, leaning back so her shoulder brushed against mine. “Would you like to share what really bothers you?”
I glanced at her. She had become a mother to me since we’d met. I enjoyed speaking with her one on one. She’d been my mother’s closest friend, and whenever Gaia was near, I found I felt a bit closer to my own family.
Sighing, I looked to the sky for help. A calming breeze ruffled through my hair, and my shoulders slowly relaxed. “Was Thane excited for Teagan to be born?”
“Ah, I see,” Gaia whispered. She stared toward the horizon, a soft smile breaking over her face as she conjured her memories. “I’d always believed wyvern warriors were fearless. Until I told Thane he was to be a father.” I chuckled when Gaia hugged her knees against her chest. “We didn’t think such a thing was possible, if I’m being honest. I was thrilled. I didn’t consider children when I was married to Bron—thankfully. But to know I would be bonded with Thane on a deeper level—it was so exciting to me. It took some time for Thane to feel the same, not because he didn’t care about me, or Teagan, it was for the very reasons I see my own son withdrawing. The war was not over. Our enemies were still out there. We were in hiding, much like we are today.”
“What changed?”
“Well, when it was harder to hide that I was with child, that helped,” she smiled, her eyes drifting toward my middle. “And the instant Teagan was born, there was nothing that could have crushed that joy for Thane.”
I closed my eyes, ashamed of the sting of emotion building behind my eyes. Gaia’s arm wrapped around my shoulders, and I leaned my head against her. “We haven’t even spoken of it since the night we found out. Teagan works on keeping the walls protected all morning, practices his energy with the mages, helps where he can with me and my training, and then busies himself with old books and writings from the mage all night. Each time I try to speak of it, somehow we end up talking about something else. He’s keeping things inside. How can I get him to talk to me? Even if he tells me he’s angry, or scared, or not excited, at least he would be talking—I once was the person he could speak freely with.”
“You still are,” Gaia insisted, squeezing my shoulders tighter. “Teagan lost his family just as you lost yours, in a way. Since we were reunited, I’ve felt how passionately Teagan feels for you, Jade. The thought of losing you, and now a child, is enough to break even the strongest of spirits—especially when he knows better than most how possible it is.”
“I just feel like…” I wiped my eyes, unable to keep the sting hidden any longer. “I can’t speak of my own excitement. I can’t speak of the good things because of all the risks, all the bad surrounding us right now. I feel like you did. I have a destined bond with Teagan, a mated bond, and now something even deeper has tied us together. But even though I feel like I might burst with happiness, I stay silent because of the burdens I feel weighing on his shoulders that he won’t ask me to help carry.”
Gaia kissed my hair, like I imagine my mother might were she alive, and wrapped both her arms around me now. I felt safe, for the first time in weeks, I was safe. “I’m afraid the need to protect one’s family is not secular within the mage and the wyvern races. There is an instinct to protect loved ones within all energies.
“One thing I learned when Thane and I were first mated is to speak what is in your heart. Don’t hold things inside. I had worries about Bron when I was married to him. I don’t speak of it often, but I was concerned long before the attack happened. Yet, I stayed silent. I hold that guilt, and I vowed I would never stay silent to things on my heart. I am more bonded with Thane than I ever was with Bron because of it. Whether we are excited, or burdened, we speak to each other. Teagan will not shut you out, and you have the right as his mate to speak your heart. Perhaps it will encourage him to d
o the same.”
Sitting straighter, I met her eyes. Gaia still had the golden honey flowing in her irises, and I had to admit the darker mage markings suited her almost better than the jade color did. She was certainly unique now, just like Teagan.
“I’m glad I have you,” I offered sincerely.
“You always have and you always will. Just as Eisha promised, I promised your mother I would protect you. And I intend to keep that promise until my dying day.” She grinned and rose to her feet. “I think I should tell you—if you ever need someone to get excited with you for this child, please speak with me. I’m nearly bursting each morning at the idea.”
“Really?” I chuckled.
I’d never really seen Gaia seem overjoyed, she was very calm and peaceful, but the way her eyes ignited like fireworks, I couldn’t help but laugh a little louder. “You do realize this is my grandchild. I will allow you and Teagan to greet your child first, but then no one but me gets to hold him or her. I mean it, I’ve already warned Thane and Eisha—though she insists I have it completely backward. We’ll see who overpowers whom.”
“Do you think the child will be able to shift?”
Gaia shrugged. “Who’s to say? It would be rather exciting. I know Thane hopes he will have a grandchild to fly with. What I’m most curious about is the mage side. We are the jade bloodline, but the child will be born of the jade royal. So, technically, they could be the mage for themselves.”
“What?” I furrowed my brow.
“Well, each generation protects the next generation of royals. Teagan was a surprise, of course, but it followed suit. My son protects Reya’s daughter. So, technically, Teagan’s child would be the protector of your child, but…”
I laughed. “Since the child is both of ours—I never thought of such things. Do you suppose a new jade mage would rise from a different family?”
“It will be interesting to see, now won’t it? Perhaps your children will have powers we do not even know of.” Gaia’s smile faded slightly, and she met my eye with firm intention. “Jade, there is so much to be excited about. Never feel like you have no one to exclaim it to—perhaps excitement and something so precious to fight for is what we all need.”
Gaia was right. I left her after another hour of wondering, planning, and laughing with a new determination that this was exactly what I needed, what Teagan would need, to win this war.
Night was on the horizon when I walked by a small cavern by the food pantry in the cave. I often snuck extra strips of jerky for the night. I could hardly stave off my hunger lately. I stopped, jerky in hand, when I heard Teagan’s voice. He spoke low and quickly. Peering around the corner, I saw him huddled over a wooden table with the old mage who’d performed our mating ritual. I knew her name was Sahira, but we all called her Gumma, which she preferred. She’d told me it meant Old One in the ancient mage language. And Gumma was ancient.
I held my breath as I listened to Teagan whisper near Gumma’s ear. “So, how does it work exactly? How does it conceal and draw in with the veins of the stones? I’m not sure I understand.”
Gumma’s voice was like the whisper of nature carried on the wind. Gumma’s response was too quiet to hear. I watched Teagan nod and run his hand through his hair, showing he was overwhelmed. He scooted away from the table, closed the parchment book they’d been reading, and muttered something closer to her face. Rushing away from my hiding spot, I found some time to be alone in our room. I’d felt something from Teagan as he spoke with Gumma—a desperation, really. Something about their conversation added to the weight he carried.
The brush of the door over our cavern not long after sent a shock down my spine. Teagan smiled at me and turned to unsheathe his blades. He stripped off his shirt and wiped off the mounting heat building in the cave. As the sun warmed the outside, so did the temperature rise inside. Every time I saw my seal on his back, I smiled, but tonight my breath caught as I read the markings.
“Teagan, more of the seal has filled,” I gasped.
He glanced over his shoulder, trying to peek at his back. “What do you mean?”
As he inched toward our bed, I sat up brushing my fingers over the green seal. “It’s filled in. There’s a bond symbol.” I grinned, running my hands over his shoulder. “I think it’s for our mating. And there’s…there’s a family symbol.” Trying to remember Gaia’s words, I swallowed hard. “For our child—for our family.”
Teagan tensed, and I saw his head hang as though he were lost in thought. Finally he spoke, though his voice was low and deliberate. He didn’t want to show his emotion, and in the moment it angered me. “That’s interesting. I forgot it wasn’t finished. Not until you’re one hundred, right?”
“Right,” I snapped, letting my hands fall from his shoulders. “I’m pleased to know such important events on my personal seal bring you such joy.”
Teagan turned around, his eyes narrowed as he studied my face for a breath. Eventually, I turned away, resting my head on my arm, ensuring my shoulders and back were completely curled away from him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his hand gently brushing over my shoulder. I trembled at his touch—he could melt away any anger with a glance, but I held on to some emotion. As his own mother had said, I deserved to speak my own heart.
Rolling onto my side, I propped onto one elbow and met his eye. “I’m having a baby, Teagan.”
He scoffed and squared his shoulders toward me. “I know,” he said softly. “Last I checked, I was there too.”
“Yes, but do you want to be?” I snapped. “There, I mean? Do you want to be there, for me, for our son, for our daughter? Or do you want to continue to add walls around yourself because there are dangers that might affect our family—and you want to avoid the hurt? Do you think pulling away from me will make me love you less? Do you think if you don’t form a connection with your own child, it won’t hurt as much should the worst happen?”
Teagan shot to his feet, and I found my words dissolved on my tongue. I’d struck something inside him, I felt the hurt, the fear rush into our small space. He stood against one wall, the muscles in his jaw pulsing as we sat in silence for several agonizing minutes.
His blue eyes crushed me when he glanced across the room. Like an electric storm, I felt the torment rolling over his shoulders. Clearing his throat, he stayed away but spoke with more power than before. “You think I’m trying not to love you and our kid?”
“I think you’re burying your feelings, and it is creating a rift between us. You haven’t mentioned anything about our child since the night we found out we would be parents. Do you feel anything at all?”
He scrubbed his face with his hands and groaned behind his palms. “Do I feel anything?” Sometimes I didn’t enjoy having empathetic abilities. The emotion—I couldn’t find the word to describe it—like a tight fear mingled with unconditional love enrobed my entire body when he crossed the divide between us in three paces. His hands trapped my face, and his eyes were like lightning when I met his gaze. “I feel everything. So much, I don’t know how to process it all. I wake up each morning filled with so much fear I don’t think I can move. Every night I dream of what Bron or Nag will try to do to you or our baby.” His hand rested gently on my tight stomach. “When you sleep, and I’m still awake—when it’s totally quiet, I can…I can feel the energy reaching out to me. Like he or she recognizes who I am.”
Teagan’s eyes brimmed with emotion I hadn’t seen for months. I rested my hands along his neck and gently kissed his cheeks. He sighed and rested his head against mine. “Jade,” he rasped. “I grew up with no one who understood me. Aunt Liz tried, she really did, but I was always alone. You…you changed my life.” He grinned, though his voice broke slightly. “You were the most important person in my life until the night we found out…now, you share that spot with someone I’ve never even met before.
“How do I face this knowing what could happen? I’m forced to watch you train for the chance that someon
e tries to kill you. It’s practice, it’s preparation to you, to my parents, everyone—but to me, it’s what I see every night. I choose not to sleep now to avoid the dreams. I’m sorry if you believe I’ve been distant because I don’t want to feel anything for you, or for our child. I’ve been trying…to better understand my power so that I can fight for you. So I can keep you both safe, and so I can love you and our family freely, without fearing I’ll be forced to hide this little girl, or little boy, away from the people who love them the most.”
A sob burst from my throat, and I pulled his mouth to mine. Teagan kissed me with unbridled fury, his nails digging through my hair. I clutched to him as though it was the last time we would touch. Our cheeks were soaked when we broke apart. “Teagan,” I breathed. “I promise you, with every ounce of my soul, you will never have to say goodbye to me, or our child. Ever. You don’t have to bear this alone—I feel fear too, but I want to share in the joyful parts with you. I want to do every step of this with you. The good and the bad.”
He nodded, kissing my hands. “Then just know, your mage—the one destined to protect you—has no idea what he’s doing. Your mate, the one who is supposed to defend you and be your strong place to fall, is scared out of his mind.”
I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I will accept that,” I whispered against his ear. “If you accept the same of me. We do this together, Teagan Ward. As we always have. Together.”
He buried his face against my neck, his strong arms holding tight to my waist. “Forever,” was his soft, loving reply. And for the night, I didn’t need to hear another word.
Chapter 13
Clanging metal and the scrape of blades echoed along the edge of the cliff. Raffi gasped close to my face. Sweat beaded along his brow. Inside, I felt like I would vomit—I’d never done such a thing before—I was certain it would be awful. The two blades I held in my hands crossed over my head, cradling the fierce sword Raffi clutched firmly in his grip. Ripping my two swords apart, I broke free from the blade lock. The dirt dug into my bare feet when I spun on my heel and slashed one sword toward Raffi’s middle. He grunted in frustration, blocking my strike. Swinging his fist toward me, the warrior tried to shove me away, but I ducked.
