by Lea Linnett
“Ellie, I can’t.”
“But—”
“Devis,” Helik cut over her, and suddenly the conversation was happening far above Ellie’s eye-level, out of her reach. “I’m sorry,” he said, sharing a meaningful look with the other levekk.
Devis just nodded, and beside her Scott’s eyebrows set into a firm, resigned line.
Helik pulled away without another word, fleeing the room and leaving Ellie frozen on the carpet. She looked at Roia, Devis, and Scott in turn, but all had their eyes on the floor.
Roia was the first to speak. “My apologies, Devis.”
Ellie flailed on the spot as the xylidian exited, looking wide-eyed at Scott. “I—I don’t know why he did that. Scott, I…”
But it was Devis that stepped forward. “Thanks, Ellie,” she said, placing a clawed hand on her shoulder, and Ellie forgot that she was meant to be scared of the levekk female. “But he’s right. If he gets involved, the entire program’ll go down. So many more people will get hurt.”
“But Scott will…” The words died in Ellie’s throat, her heart taking their place as it thundered with panic.
“We’ll work something out,” said Devis, sharing a look with her human.
She allowed the couple to gently herd her from the room, but Ellie was not placated. She barely took in her surroundings as she exited Devis’ penthouse and joined Roia in the elevator. She didn’t hear a word of anything Roia said over the blood rushing in her ears.
Helik had walked out. He’d abandoned the only person whom Ellie could dimly classify as one of his friends, and had barely batted an eye whilst doing it.
And it didn’t only affect Devis. Scott would—
Ellie ran a hand through her hair, ruining the neat bun she’d pulled it into. Somewhere above her the elevator dinged, but she scarcely heard it. She moved on autopilot as Roia escorted her to the transport, guiding her down into the back seat.
She came back to Earth long enough to notice Helik, sitting in the front passenger seat now with his gaze firmly locked on the front windshield. She opened her mouth to say something, but the words died on her tongue when Roia turned to look at her from the driver’s seat. Her blood red eyes were sympathetic, but clear.
Leave it.
“Duck down when we pull out of here, okay?” Roia said. “Those assholes are probably still out there with their cameras.”
Ellie nodded stiffly, but inside her blood boiled with rage. She was sick of the secrecy, and pretending that she didn’t have as much of a stake in Helik’s life as she did. She was sick of playing cat-and-mouse with the entire world, never knowing what was okay to say and when. She sank down into the seat, the seatbelt cutting into her skin, and prepared to cover her head with her hands.
This wasn’t the end of it. It couldn’t be the end of it.
Ellie couldn’t afford to lose anyone else.
28
Ellie was still fuming when they arrived at Helik’s apartment building, and they rode the elevator up from the underground parking lot in stiff silence. They were alone, Roia having said her goodbyes and taken the transport back to the office, where apparently panicked comm calls were already flooding in.
Helik wouldn’t look at her as he let them into the apartment, but when the stony silence followed them into the living room, Ellie couldn’t hold back her frustration.
“What the hell is up with you?!”
Helik froze in the middle of the room, his hunched shoulders silhouetted against the light from the open balcony.
“Helik?”
The levekk swayed, his fists clenching at his sides. He turned, and for once his face wasn’t blank and controlled, but it was also so jumbled with emotion that Ellie couldn’t tell what he was thinking. She wondered if he could, either. “You know there’s nothing to be done,” he said in a low voice, sounding resigned.
“Scott could die, Helik,” she said, stepping forward. “Or at least be sent away somewhere. Devis could be locked up. Don’t you care about them?”
What little composure he had fled him. “What do you want me to do, Ellie?!” he snapped. “The rumor is out there now—there’s proof! Devis and Scott aren’t going to be able to fix their reputations.”
“You still can’t just abandon them! You’re a big-shot senator, aren’t you? Change people’s minds, use the program if you have to.”
“They broke the law,” he hissed, stepping up close and wrapping his hands around her shoulders. His touch was gentle, but she could feel how his hands shook. “I’m in no position to rewrite a law that’s been upheld for the last two centuries.”
Ellie looked up at him, staring into eyes that were knife-like with fear and anger now, rather than the iciness that had once lived there. Her anger softened at the sight; at least he was being honest with her. “Then help them leave, at least,” she whispered. “Get them somewhere safe—off-planet, maybe.”
Helik jerked as if someone had ripped the floor out from under him, his eyes widening. He opened his mouth soundlessly, obviously wrestling with a million different voices in his head, and Ellie placed a hand on his chest, trying to ground him through the thick layers of levekk fabric.
“I can’t.”
Against her will, she felt tears threaten to spring from her eyes. “Why?”
“If I get involved, the spotlight will turn onto me, Ellie. Onto the program. This is already going to be a public relations nightmare—I can’t let it drag down everything I’ve worked for with it. I need to take a stance against this!”
Ellie felt like she’d been punched, Scott’s fears about Helik pummeling against some backdoor in her mind. “You’d ‘take a stance’ against your best friend?” she asked, horrified.
“For the program? Yes. This is my life, Ellie,” he said, leaning down so they were face to face.
“W-why don’t we all leave then?”
Helik froze. “What?”
“We just pack up and go. Take Scott and Devis with us—even Roia! The rules are different, remember?” she added softly. She reached up, clasping his hands in hers. “My sister left Earth. Maybe we could find her…”
Helik stared at her, his fingers like blocks of ice in hers. But she held on, not daring to look away, wanting him to know how serious she was.
“No.”
Ellie shivered, her eyebrows dipping in dismay. “No?”
“I can’t!” Helik hissed. “If we’re caught trying to help Devis—trying to escape with her—we’ll all look guilty. I can’t risk all of that!”
“We won’t be caught!” Ellie argued. “You have connections! You’re a senator—I bet the enforcers wouldn’t even be able to touch you.” She bit her lip, squeezing his fingers. “Besides, there’s no evidence about you and me—you could hire me as an assistant or something and no one would bat an eye.”
Why else had they been living this lie?
“I don’t have the connections you think I do, Ellie.” Helik twisted his hands in hers until he was almost crushing her fingers. “Even if I did, there are no guarantees. And what about the program? The other humans? You want me to abandon them?”
Ellie frowned, her lips set in a thin line. “Maybe you’d do more good for them if you stood up for this publicly.”
Helik’s jaw dropped, speechless.
“You and I both know how stupid this law is,” she continued. “If levekk and sub-species can do what they want off-planet, why shouldn’t they be able to here?”
“Ellie…”
“I’m serious. Why can’t a levekk and a human or a cicarian or a frickin’ Calideez martian just be together? Why can’t they have families?”
“It’s the law—”
“So change the law! You’re a senator, Helik. If not you, then who the heck will?”
“Ellie, that’s not how it—”
They were both interrupted by the buzz of his wristlet. Ellie dropped the levekk’s hands abruptly, sick of things interrupting them whenever they were trying
to discuss anything, but Helik stood stock-still for a long moment, staring at the device.
“Who is it?” she asked, exasperated.
“…Reception.” Helik’s voice was distant, but he shook himself, answering the call. “Helik Kaan speaking.”
“Hello, Mr. Kaan,” chirped a voice, and even through the static Ellie could tell it was a cicarian. “I thought I would just inform you that our maintenance team has been by your apartment as per your request. Your heating system was suffering from a local malfunction, which has since been taken care of. Please let me know if you have any more issues.”
It was as if Helik turned to stone right before her eyes, and as she put two and two together, Ellie felt a shiver run up her spine. Devis’ words from earlier flooded back, pushing all thoughts of her argument with Helik from her mind.
We had a heating problem in the penthouse a couple of weeks ago. Someone came up to fix it, but…
“Th-thank you. I think the problem’s fixed,” Helik said weakly, hanging up the call. He looked at Ellie, and they shared twin looks of fear before turning towards the staircase in unison.
Helik thundered ahead, taking the stairs two at a time, and burst into his bedroom, Ellie following close behind. He practically threw himself at the window, deactivating the blinds and combing the glass for any slight nick or imperfection. It didn’t take him long to find what he was looking for.
High on the window, almost in the exact place where it had been at Devis’ was a tiny hole, bored clean through the glass and allowing a faint whistle of wind to breeze through.
Ellie almost forgot how to breathe, staring at the hole unseeingly.
She gaped at Helik, who looked similarly stricken.
“Is that…?”
He nodded.
A bubble of fear rose in Ellie’s chest, making her throat go dry. “Can we seal it up?” she asked, stepping closer to peer up at the hole.
“I think you should go back to Manufacturing.”
She froze mid-step, and blinked up at the levekk, sure she’d misheard. “What?”
Helik wasn’t looking at her, his plated brow twitching as he stood by the window. He reactivated the blinds with a sharp command, and as the sunlight faded, Ellie could see the panic in his expression.
“It isn’t safe for you here,” he finally bit out. “They know. You need to go back there.”
“You can’t send me away,” Ellie replied, her voice faint. Her heart thumped in her chest, stomach turning at the thought of going back to Manufacturing after all this time. Despite the lack of humans and her run-in with Remmie, the Senekkar felt more like home to her than the Outer Districts ever had. Out there she was nobody, just a young woman trapped in a dirty clothier’s who wasn’t sure where her next meal would come from. Here, she had freedom. She could go where she wanted, be who she wanted.
With Lena gone and Augusta estranged, Manufacturing held even less appeal.
She couldn’t go back there.
“If I leave now, it’ll look even more suspicious, won’t it?” she asked, seizing upon the first excuse she could think of in her panic.
Helik let out a strangled sound, reaching up to run a hand over his plated head. She could tell he was struggling with it—did that mean he didn’t really want her to go?
“Stay then,” he finally said, “but either way, we have to stop. We can’t keep doing this.”
Ellie frowned. “W-what do you mean?”
He stepped toward her, taking her arms in his hands again. “I won’t let them take you,” he promised, and for a moment he reminded her of how he’d been before, tight-lipped and panicked at her mere presence. “If you’re not even safe in here…”
“But Helik—”
“You have two options,” he said, his tone turning flinty and his grip on her skin tightening. “Either you stay here, with me, and continue the program, or I have Roia take you back to Manufacturing.”
Ellie’s heart seized. “What? I don’t understand.”
“If you stay in the Senekkar, you don’t go anywhere without Roia or a driver,” he continued, all business. “Someone we can trust. And we don’t—” He swallowed. “This… relationship ends.”
“Hey—”
“If you go to Manufacturing, you disappear. We’ll say a family matter brought your time at the program to an impromptu end. Maybe the news of your sister escaping?”
His eyes were intense, two ice-cold pools that threatened to drown her, but still she found the strength to pull herself from his grasp. Her insides felt like they’d been wrung into a knot, her blood boiling with rage. “How dare you,” she whispered, recoiling when he reached for her.
“This is for your safety, Ellie.”
“Don’t treat me like a child!” she exploded. “Do you understand how insane you’re sounding? You’re not making any sense!”
“Keeping their eyes off you makes plenty of sense to—”
“No! It doesn’t! You want to lock me in here forever? Or put me away in Manufacturing where I’m not a problem anymore?”
“I want you to be safe!” he yelled, his voice booming around the bedroom, and Ellie backed up a step. For a moment, she felt very small, and despite the worry in the levekk’s gaze, she felt a lick of fear run through her.
She didn’t let it take her though, and she pressed her trembling lips together.
“Fuck you,” she muttered, and turned on her heel, crashing through the double doors. She didn’t look back to see if he followed her, instead wanting nothing more than to escape to her bedroom and put a couple of solid walls between them. Once inside, she leaned back on the door, pressing her palms flat against the wood. Her breaths were shaky, hot anger battling a chilling pain for purchase in her gut.
When she cast her eyes around the room, everything felt different. The small bed was made of strange metals, the desk and chair reflected the light in the most alien way, and her sewing machine was a chrome monstrosity sitting atop it. Not even the reams of paper—clothing patterns strewn about while she worked—were enough to offset the unnatural tint to the room.
She gulped, finally peeling herself from the door, and was glad that Helik hadn’t followed her.
How could he abandon Devis and Scott that way? Even worse, it had sounded like he might speak against them in public. She couldn’t fathom doing that to a friend.
She moved over to the bed on uncertain feet, sinking down onto it with a sigh.
Maybe she was being unreasonable. She knew what Devis and Scott were doing—what she and Helik were doing—was illegal. She knew that there was only so much one levekk could change. But did that mean doing nothing was okay? She didn’t think so.
She was sick of lying. She was sick of having to stay quiet and live furtively. Maybe standing up for Devis and Scott publicly was too much of a rebellion, but surely they could have helped the couple escape? Ellie didn’t care if it led back to her. Who could touch them once they were outside the muggy atmosphere of CL-32?
Besides, she was sick of people ‘protecting’ her.
Lena had tried to keep her out of trouble for so many years that Ellie was barely able to live. And then she’d abandoned her anyway, probably going off-planet where no one could bother her and Kormak. Helik was just repeating history, except this time she had a choice: be locked up in Manufacturing or locked up here in the Senekkar. Either way, she lost Helik.
She clenched her hands into fists in her lap, gritting her teeth.
She’d lost her parents. She’d lost her sister. She’d lost Augusta.
Seeing Lena and Kormak together and seeing how the gruff levekk had come back for her sister against all odds, injured and exhausted, Ellie had hoped that maybe Helik would do the same. Maybe things with him would end up differently from everyone else in her life.
But no. Helik was so worried about keeping her safe that he’d rather simultaneously clip her wings and leave her alone.
Well, Ellie was sick of it.
She spotted her satchel in the corner and went to snatch it up. Placing it on the bed, she crossed to the small closet, pulling her meager assortment of clothes from their hangers. Shorts, skirts, shirts, and dresses, they all came off, and still her bag was only half-full. She turned to her desk, collecting her belongings and rolling up a few of her patterns to slide in alongside everything else. Her fingers skated across the pile of patterns for Helik’s soot almost by accident, and the quick sketch she’d made for him. She thought about leaving it there, just out of spite, but crumpled at the last moment, stuffing it into her bag with the rest. She could take one thing to remember him by.
Within ten minutes, the room and her tiny bathroom were stripped, and everything she owned was back where it started two months earlier.
She glanced around, her heart thumping wildly. That was it. That was everything she’d owned. She’d lived here for two months without actually living here. She’d left no marks, only cleaned them away day by day by day.
She didn’t belong here, she now realized. The city was bright and noisy and full of excitement, and she loved it, but it had never welcomed her. She wouldn’t let herself be kept here against her will.
But she also wouldn’t let anyone force her back to Manufacturing. She’d made her peace with the place, and there was so much more to see.
Her hands shook as she pushed through the door to the laundry, and they struggled with the handle when she made to exit into the hallway. But she didn’t look back.
She would never return to this empty human bedroom in this huge levekk apartment. And that was fine by her.
---
When Helik arrived in the living room, it was to find Ellie with her hand already on the front door panel.
“Ellie…”
She paused, looking down at her feet for a moment before finally turning to face him. “I’m leaving,” she said firmly, her furry human eyebrows set in a sad line.
