by Nalini Singh
Felix laughed when she brought the car to a stop halfway down the mountain. “Reservations?”
She grinned and went to grab the picnic basket in back, but he’d already seen it, lifting it out with an easy strength that made her want to shape her hands over every taut, muscled inch of his body. Damn, but the man was hot. And sweet and smart and good with his hands to go with it. Was it any wonder she wanted to sigh and pounce on him at the same time?
Touching her fingers to one of the blooms in the bouquet she was leaving safely in the car, she picked up the picnic blanket with a racing heart, tucked her arm into his, and led him to a stunning glade she’d discovered a month before while on a solo run late one night.
Situated beside a small, clear spring that burbled water out over smooth rocks, it was private and lit with the last faint glow of the setting sun as they walked to it, but she’d snuck up here earlier and added solar-powered fairy lights. Those lights flicked on three seconds after they reached the spot, pretty dots of color in the dark.
Felix froze.
Desiree’s skin burned. Shit, who was she to try to be all romantic—but it was too late to take down the lights. Ready to fire back a flippant response if Felix teased her or if he laughed, she heard: “You did this?” It was a rough whisper. “For me?”
His unhidden pleasure was like sunshine in her blood.
“First time ever,” she admitted. “I’m not very good at romantic gestures.” Being one of the boys had always come much easier.
Felix wrapped a careful arm around her waist. “I think you’re really good at it.”
Drawing in his scent, she felt her cat stretch out in a pleasured arch, a purr caught in her throat. “Let’s set up the blanket.” She forced herself to separate from him and flicked out the tartan blanket; her reward was to see him set the basket to the left and lie down on the blanket, his eyes on the fairy lights above.
A shy glance before he raised his hand toward her. Her blood warm and heavy, she came down onto the blanket and—careful to watch for his responses—placed her head on his chest, her fingers spread over the warm strength of him. He didn’t jerk, his arm coming around her, and they lay together in contented silence for long minutes.
When Felix began to play with her braided hair, his fingers brushing her nape now and then, she couldn’t restrain her purr. He halted . . . but only for a second. Boneless after several minutes of the lazy petting, she luxuriated in the rumble of his chest when he spoke to ask, “Who does these braids?”
“I do.” It took some calisthenics, but she was pretty good at it now.
“I’ve never seen your hair out of them.”
She ran her hand down his side. “It’s much neater and easier to handle like this while I’m working.” Her hair was all exuberant waves otherwise.
“Would you . . .” A pause, his chest rising. “Would you wear it unbraided for me one day?”
A thousand butterflies fluttered in her stomach. “Anytime you ask.”
When wolf song rose on the air minutes later, she almost felt Felix’s wolf prick its ears in interest, but he didn’t join in. “They’ll figure out where we are,” he said to her when she asked why. “Nosey parkers.”
Laughing, Desiree rose up on her elbow to look down at him. His gaze connected with hers for a powerful instant, skated away long before she’d had a chance to drink in his gorgeous eyes. Patience, she counseled herself not for the first time. In being with her, she was asking Felix to go against his most deeply rooted instincts. If her leopard was confused by what was happening between them, so was his wolf.
“So wolves are the same as cats in that respect at least,” she said lightly. “Pack gossip runs fast and hot.”
He spread his hand on her lower back, a delicious, heavy weight. “I lived in private apartments and hotel rooms while I was working as a model,” he told her. “No Drew poking his head in to tease me, no Madison knocking to ask if I wanted to treat her to takeout, no one hassling me about my life or bending my ear about their own life.” A deep breath, his next words quiet and potent with emotion. “I hated it.”
Desiree stroked her fingers through his mink-dark hair, the strands cool, heavy silk. “Why did you travel so far? Everything I know about you says you’re a man who prefers home and family.”
He folded one arm behind his head. “You might have noticed I’m a little shy.” Color on his cheekbones.
Desiree couldn’t help it. She reached down and kissed each blade-sharp cheekbone in turn. His lips tugged up at the corners. “I used to be much worse,” he told her. “It frustrated me until I couldn’t breathe sometimes. I’m happy being submissive—I have no desire to become a dominant—but I hated being so shy. It was crippling.”
“So you decided to take up one of the most aggressive and brutal jobs in the world as far as self-esteem is concerned?”
He shrugged at her dry comment. “I had to figure out some way to make myself get over the shyness or I knew I was going to end up imprisoned in the den.” Shaking his head, he said, “It would’ve made me resent the place and the people I loved and I couldn’t bear that.”
His decision displayed a deep internal strength that had her leopard paying careful attention; this man, the animal realized, was far more complex than simply being a sweet, smart playmate. “How long were you away from the den?”
He didn’t immediately answer, his gaze connecting with hers again for a fleeting instant. “Your eyes have gone leopard.”
“My cat likes you, wolf.”
Hand flexing against her lower back, he made eye contact again, holding it for long, beautiful seconds this time.
“I was gone five years,” he said after breaking the intimacy of the connection. “Even though I couldn’t return home often, I stayed tightly connected with my family and the pack. After that, I spent two years apprenticed to a horticultural expert in another state—but that was close enough that I could visit the den regularly.”
Desiree petted his hair again, loving the feel of it, loving even more how his eyes closed in unspoken trust and his breathing evened out. “Do you ever miss it? That jet-setting life?”
“No.” Simple. Absolute. No room for doubt. “What about you? Do you like to travel?”
She wanted to kiss each one of his lashes where they lay in a dark fan against his skin. Man, she was so sunk. “I roamed for a couple of years when I was younger,” she said, her voice huskier than usual. “Most leopards do.” It was part of their nature. “But while I liked seeing the world, visiting other packs, it was fun only because I knew I could come home anytime I liked.”
Felix’s eyes opened to reveal pupils dilated in pleasure from her petting. “You wouldn’t mind being with someone who’s a homebody?” His heart thudded under her hand as he asked that question, as he let her see that he was thinking beyond this moment, beyond skin privileges.
“I’d love it,” Desiree whispered, her own heart thudding as hard. “I’m a homebody, too.” She could feel her smile deepening as all the hopeful joy inside her fought to escape. “I’m also a really good cook. Bet you didn’t expect that.”
• • •
Felix was forced to admit he hadn’t; she was so much the soldier that he’d never linked her to anything domestic. “Did you make the picnic?”
“Yes.” Sitting up, she reached for the basket. “I even made dessert.”
Rising to a seated position beside her, Felix tried to hold on to his heart when it wanted to burst out of his chest and lay itself at her feet. It was all happening too fast, too hard, but she was destroying him. More than one woman had tried to seduce him over the course of his lifetime. In the modeling world, would-be lovers had attempted to do it with fancy dinners and dressed in sexy clothes. Within the pack, it was flirtation and sensual play.
No one, however, had ever done something so painfully romanti
c, spent so much time and effort to create a night that would make him feel special, with no expectation of a return. Desiree knew full well his wolf wouldn’t permit total skin privileges tonight, that they might never get to that point, and she’d still given him romance.
How was he supposed to hold on, keep himself from falling?
Swallowing the raw emotion in his throat, he said, “What’s that?” as she set out pieces of French bread, then spread them with something fresh and herb-scented she had in a small jar. She topped the bread with chopped onions, tomatoes, and green peppers.
“My take on bruschetta.” She lifted a piece to his lips.
Taking a bite, he groaned. “More.”
Smile bright, she fed him the rest. He picked up the second slice before she could and held it out to her. She bit at it, threatened to nibble on his fingers. He decided he wouldn’t mind, his wolf charmed into lowering its guard by this dangerous, beautiful cat who treated him as a man. Not a submissive, not a pretty plaything. A man.
It only got better from there.
The night was intimate and magical.
Picnic eaten, they lay on the blanket again, talking and occasionally kissing. Felix’s heart slammed against his ribs each time his lips touched Desiree’s, her long and limber body rubbing against his. She was so small in comparison to him, her weight far less. It made him feel intensely protective though he knew it was a foolish thought, given her lethal nature and skills.
That didn’t change how he felt. When they pressed up against each other for a kiss, he turned and took her with him, ensuring she was on top so her back wouldn’t be against the hard ground. Afterward, their breaths short, he dared stroke her throat with his hand.
She shivered, some of her braids falling over one shoulder to kiss his chest. “Why does that feel so good?”
Felix’s wolf nudged at him, guilt twisting in his abdomen. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” he admitted, unable to steal the gift.
“Why not?” Desiree closed her fingers over his wrist but her grip was light, more caressing than caging.
“It’s intimate,” he admitted. “Between wolves. To touch the throat, it means a lot.”
Desiree’s eyelids lowered, leopard-green eyes glinting at him from between her lashes. “Sneaky.”
He drew in a deep breath, released it. “Yes.”
“I’m a cat,” she said, leaning forward to flick the tip of her tongue across the seam of his lips in a quick, playful caress. “I like sneaky.” Then she took the hand he’d dropped off to the side and brought it back to her throat. “Pet me.”
The husky demand made his already hard cock throb.
Chapter 6
Arousal a fist around his throat, his respiration shallow, and his wolf astonished at her trust, Felix stroked lightly with his fingertips. They were rough because of his work but Desiree purred at the sensation, her eyes fully closed as she arched her neck. The move pressed her pelvis against his and it took every ounce of control he had not to grind against her.
She hadn’t given him the go-ahead for such intimate skin privileges and, in spite of his need, Felix wasn’t sure either one of them was ready to push that hard and that fast. His wolf found her incredibly sexy, but it remained painfully aware that she could rip out his throat before he realized she’d moved.
When her claws pricked him, he froze in his stroking.
Her eyes opened a little. “Don’t stop.” Flexing her claws against him again, she suddenly dropped her head to meet his gaze. “Oh, sorry.”
Felix was the one who grabbed her wrist this time, doing it without thinking. “No,” he said. “I don’t mind.” He was a wolf; being a little rough in bed was all part of the fun as far as he was concerned. “I just wasn’t sure if you were telling me to stop.”
Lips curving, she did that flexing thing with her claws again. “I’m kneading at you. It’s a very bad kitty habit.”
His cock pulsed at her purring tone. “I like it,” he said in an echo of what she’d said to him earlier and, breath tight, tugged on her wrist.
She came toward him with a lazy, feline smile, her hair sliding around him as they kissed. The taste of her was dark, intense, luscious. Growling low in his throat, he moved his hands to her lower back, his fingers on the taut curve of her ass. He really wanted to pet that ass, was just about to do it when Desiree kissed her way across his jaw to nip at his throat.
His wolf took over.
• • •
Desiree knew she’d messed up the instant Felix went motionless around her. He’d been all sexy, delicious male an instant before, his mouth and his hands doing hot, beautiful things to her. “Damn,” she whispered, raising her head from his throat at once. “And right after you told me how important the throat is to a wolf.”
Felix didn’t immediately answer, his eyes the rich, dark amber of his wolf. “Fuck,” he said when he did speak, the single word harsh and low.
A second after that, his cheekbones flushed a deep red. It wasn’t shyness this time, she realized. His jaw was set with brutal hardness, his beautifully shaped lips pressed into a thin white line. Desiree frowned, about to ask him what was wrong, when he shifted slightly beneath her and she realized the answer. Her act in nipping at his throat had seriously shifted the balance of power, and in so doing, had put paid to his erection.
His very nice erection.
Not sure how to handle this—dominant or submissive, he was a guy, and guys tended to conflate masculinity with sexual prowess—she rolled off him to lie on the blanket on her back, her face turned toward his. “I’m really sorry I forgot.” She didn’t mind taking the blame for what had been her mistake. “Forgive me?”
His hand was fisted bone white against his thigh, and it sounded like his jawbones were grinding against one another. When he spoke, the words were gritted out. “That’s not the problem and you know it.”
Scowling, she rose up on her elbow to look down at him. “So we hit a hiccup.” It wasn’t the first time, probably wouldn’t be the last. “Don’t tell me you weren’t enjoying it till then.”
Felix braced one arm below his head again, that hand fisted as tightly as the one by his thigh. “When I’m in bed with a woman, I want to feel like a goddamn man, not like I’ve had my balls cut off.”
Desiree flinched at the soul-deep stab. Sitting up fully, her arms around her raised knees, she sucked in deep drafts of the cold night air, but it did nothing to stop the burning in her gut, in her eyes. The second she heard Felix move behind her, she got to her feet and, striding to the nearest tree, climbed easily up into the branches.
“I should get these lights down,” she said, though she didn’t really have to; the lights were solar powered and gave off so little illumination that they weren’t a threat to either pack’s security. She’d intended to leave them here, figuring someone else would eventually stumble across the glade. It had delighted her cat to think of that person’s surprised wonder.
Now all she felt when she saw them was pain and humiliation.
“Dezi.” Felix’s deep voice ruffled her fur the wrong way, made her want to snarl. And because she was hurting and close to crying, she gave in to the urge, saw him jerk where he stood below the tree.
That didn’t make her feel good.
Ashamed of herself, she returned to tugging on the string of lights, not doing much of anything to actually unravel them.
“Desiree.”
Surprised he hadn’t backed off after her harsh response, she glared down at him. “What?” It came out another snarl.
Again, he didn’t back off. Hands on his hips, he looked up. “Come down here. You know I can’t climb like you.”
She made a face at him, not feeling particularly charitable right now. “I didn’t ask you to stay.”
A growl rippled on the air.
It made her claw
s release. With a dominant, she’d have jumped to the ground and gone claw to claw with him. Doing that with Felix wouldn’t release the anger and tension. It would just make it worse.
“I didn’t mean you!” he yelled up at her. “I was talking about me! I’m the one who couldn’t fucking keep it up!”
“Because of me!” Desiree yelled back, jumping to the ground. “It’s the truth so stop dancing around it.”
“You know I didn’t mean it that way.” Felix held her gaze for a single, powerful second, his eyes blazing. “You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever met. The problem is with me.”
Desiree’s anger spilled out and away from her, leaving her empty, her emotions a bleak gray. “No,” she whispered. “You aren’t a problem.”
Felix was a man at home in his skin, part of the reason she’d been attracted to him from the start. The idea that she’d made him see himself as damaged or not enough? It hurt worse than any words he’d spoken in the heat of the moment. “I’m not the problem, either.” Sadness clenched its fingers around her heart, squeezed so hard the pain was blinding. “We’re exactly who we’re meant to be.”
“And maybe,” he finished, his voice echoing her bleak realization, “we’re just not meant to be who we are together.”
• • •
Felix buried himself in work the next day, but even as he dug his hands into the earth, he couldn’t help looking out for his cat with the green eyes, though he knew that seeing her would only twist the knife deeper. After their disaster of a date, it was impossible to avoid the harsh reality that he and Desiree weren’t compatible on the level of the hierarchy.
Felix had never thought he was a proud man, but it turned out he had a mile-wide streak when it came to Desiree. Every time he remembered his body’s icy and demoralizing response to her little nip, he felt his gut twist. That wasn’t how it was meant to be. He might be a submissive, but he was built to care for those who were his own. Yet he couldn’t even give Desiree the skin-to-skin contact she needed without—
“Hey, Felix.”
