by Lauren Wood
“Well no, of course not. And I wouldn’t just move in with some man I’d just met without doing the same thing.”
He smiled. “I’m very glad to hear it.”
“But that only makes it worse, what she’s planning ... or could be planning, I really can’t be sure.”
“But you’re concerned about leaving your father unprotected.”
“Naturally!”
“No, Dana, that’s not necessarily so natural for everybody; for a person like you it is, but others ... they’re not so attuned to that sort of thing, I’m sorry to say.” He gave it some thought, leaning back in his barstool, Hector watching us from the end of the bar, keeping a respectful distance. “Let’s look at the possibilities. One call, I could have her fired.”
“No, Hutch, no, I’m not even sure about what I’m saying, it’s just a .... a hunch, y’know? I love my father, I care about him, but I can’t just sit around -canning everybody I think is looking at him sideways, that’s not me.”
“I’m glad to hear it, Dana. That’s not my style either, not that I shrink from it when it has to get done. What about your old man? Maybe he’d like to retire?” I couldn’t disguise my confused surprise, so Hutch explained, “He won’t have any need to work, not after we’re a family. I’ll set him up like I did with my folks, and my in-laws. Anywhere he wants in the world, a blank check.”
I loved that idea, and I loved Hutch for offering it, but I knew my father would never go for it. “No, Hutch, no, he’s too proud for that, and too young. He’s not even fifty years old, he’s vital and active -- ”
“So he can be vital and active, does he have to be those things here?”
“He’s happy here.”
“He’s happy because you’re here, Dana. And you’ve been happy here with him and that’s great. But things change, your life is changing. Maybe it’s time for his life to change too.”
“I dunno, Hutch, it seems like ... like so much.”
Hutch shrugged. “Maybe we should just leave him be. He’s a grown man, Dana, he’s been through a lot. He’s the captain of a cruise ship, for heaven’s sake. I think he can take care of himself.”
“Sure,” I said, “he thinks the same thing.”
Hutch asked, “Does he know that you’re going home with us?” I shook my head. “Dana, if you’re serious about leaving with us -- ”
“I am, Hutch, I really am -- ”
“Then you have to tell him, Dana. You have to tell him now, before he hears from somebody else. I don’t doubt that the ship’s buzzing with it.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“In fact ... I’ve already spoken to him.”
“You what?”
Hutch held his flattened palms out to calm me. “I was just asking for your hand, as it were, looking for his blessing.”
“Did he give it?”
“It was only hypothetical, Now we’ll go see him together.”
I gave that some thought, but my mind was scattered, it was hard to make a quick decision. “I dunno, Hutch, you talked to Blu alone, maybe I should do the same thing with my father.”
Hutch considered, nodding as we strolled along. Caroline ran out of the door onto the deck in front of us with a terrified expression, mouth in an open frown, brows arching upward toward the center of her forehead. But when she saw us, those brows leapt toward the very top of her head, blood draining from her alabaster face. She froze in her tracks, spun, and reached for the door.
Hutch said, “Hold it!” and she stopped, turning slowly as we walked up to her. “What’s going on? Where’s Blu?” Caroline stammered a bit, looking around haplessly before he said, “You were looking after Blu! Where is she?”
“I ... um .... we were in the arcade, and she was playing Pacman or something ... I went to get some quarters, and I turned around, she was gone ... I mean, she ... ”
“What are you saying, you lost her?”
“I didn’t ... I didn’t lose her, she ... she ran away, there wasn’t anything I could do! I’ve checked your cabin, but it’s locked. If she’s in there, she wont’ answer for me.”
Hutch looked around, lips tight, eyes burning with an angry glow. Caroline was quick to say, “But, I mean, she’s got to be safe, I’m sure. There’s nothing that could hurt her onboard.”
Hutch glowered at Caroline. “What have you done?”
“Nothing, I -- ”
“You duplicitous bitch,” Hutch said, “if you’re cooking up some bullshit I swear I’ll -- ”
I said, “Hutch, Hutch, take it easy! I’m sure Caroline didn’t do anything to Blu.”
“No,” she said, “of course not! She deliberately ran off! I wouldn’t hurt that beautiful little child! I was trying to find her -- ”
“Then keep trying,” I said. “Tell everybody, we have to comb every inch of this ship.”
Hutch turned glancing out over the sea. “What if she ... what if she jumped?”
A chill crawled up my spine, blood almost freezing in my veins. “Don’t say that, Hutch, don’t even think it!”
Caroline said, “I’ll get the word out, we’ll search the ship.”
Hutch said, “I’ll check our cabin suite, she’s probably there. I’ll call you, let you know what I find.”
I said, “I have to tell my father.” This made Caroline even paler, as she knew what that would mean for her, personally and professionally. But she also knew it was protocol, that a captain would have to be notified if a passenger went missing. And there was no time to lose. “You two get the word and start the search. I’ll find my father and we’ll spread the word through the rest of the crew!”
We parted company, but not before another long, silent stare between me and Hutch. We’d already faced significant challenges on our road to love, but this one could yet be the end of that road, and in more ways than one.
Chapter 22
Dana
“She’s what?” My father’s expression was as big and loud as his voice, eyes wide, mouth downturned in a shocked frown.
“I’m sure it’s fine, Daddy,” I said, trying to convince both of us and not having very much success. “Hutch didn’t find her in the cabin suite, but she’s gotta be hiding somewhere.”
“Why? What happened?”
“I don’t know exactly, Daddy. She was with Caroline in the arcade, Caroline said she ran off.”
“Caroline lost her? Jesus Christ!”
“Daddy, let’s not get carried away! Blu never took much to Caroline, the cruise is coming to an end, a lot’s going on right now, you can’t blame the kid for running off.”
My father looked at me with a cold tension, one I hardly recognized as it never came up between us. “No, I ... I don’t suppose anybody’s really to blame, are they?”
“Daddy?”
He hesitated, and that hurt even more. “It does make me wonder, Dana ... if you’re ready for this.”
“What? Daddy! I’m not the one she ran away from. To be honest, if I’d been the one with her, she probably wouldn’t have run off at all.”
“But you don’t know that, Dana. All you do know, all any of us knows, is that you’ve begun an affair with that man, the girl’s widowed father, and now you’re apparently going to live with them ... something you didn’t even bother to tell me, your father and your captain!”
A cold stone sank in my gut. “I meant to tell you, I swear I did, of course. I was coming to do that now, but this came up, and finding Blu is really what’s important now, we ... wait a minute, did Hutch tell you that, about me moving in with them?”
“We had a little ... heart to heart.”
“Those were his intentions, but now it’s official. After he spoke to you, he asked me and I said yes ... as you assumed I would.”
“I was right about a lot of things. It’s not that I want you to spend your life babysitting me, Dana, I don’t. I want you to go out and live a life that you enjoy, that fulfills you, makes you happy. And if life with t
hat man will make you happy, if that will fulfill you, that’s fine with me. I’m happy for it and happy for you. But you have to ask yourself, now more than ever, if you really know what you’re getting into, and if you’re really capable of handling it.”
He was right. I didn’t want him to be, and I resented him like hell for it, but there was no denying the matter. At twenty-one, I’d had some amazing experiences and they’d gone straight to my head and to my heart. My father’s age and wisdom had once again given him the perspective I just didn’t have, and couldn’t have. But I knew Hutch in a way that my father did not and could not. And I knew myself better than anybody else could, and one other thing I knew more than anything else; we had to find Blu and fast.
My father and I split up and joined the search. He spread the word first, instructing everybody to follow the standard protocol for a missing passenger. Stores were searched top to bottom and then locked closed, kitchens and eateries the same thing. Staff checked the public bathrooms, called heads out at sea, locking each one as soon as it was deemed empty.
Hutch had deliberately left some cabins open for our impulsive use, and only he knew which ones they were. He was checking those personally while I was scouring the arcade and mall and the decks, anywhere a nine-year-old seventy-pound girl could hide. And that could be almost anywhere, including in the lifeboats, storage, almost anywhere.
And it gave my mind plenty of time to wander, something I really didn’t want but couldn’t really help. My father’s warnings were echoing in my memory, and they weren’t alone there. Is he right, I had to ask myself, am I in over my head? What do I know about looking after a little girl, being a ready-made wife and mother? I’ve never even had a steady boyfriend, I was a virgin until this week! Now I’m suddenly turning my whole life around, assuming all kinds of responsibilities ... it’s nuts, maybe Daddy’s right!
I walked on through the empty mall, checking under the benches, in the enclaves that provided drinking fountains every few hundred feet. All right, I told myself, it’s a bit weird, out of the ordinary, there’s no denying that. But everything about Hutch is exceptional, Blu included. Why shouldn’t a future with him be as unlikely as his present or his past? That’s only natural! He rented out a whole cruise ship for himself and his daughter, that’s just not the usual vacation because they’re not the usual people and their lives aren’t the usual lives. But Hutch isn’t the only billionaire out there. It does happen, and this time, it’s happened to me. Am I up to it? Why not? I’m not the one who lost track of Blu. And in Hamilton, we stuck together, I talked her down from her fear and panic. I’m a positive influence. They need me as much as I need them. Am I up to it? I’m the only woman for the job!
But it wasn’t easy to maintain that confidence as the minutes ticked by with no sign of or word from Blu.
Up to handling things, my skeptical self challenged me, when you’re the cause of all this to begin with! Blu disappearing has something to do with this sudden change in her family, it must! How could it not? She’s a sensitive little girl who’s already had to process as much emotional tumult as most adults, and even they can’t often handle it! Now the need for a fairy tale happy ending for the so-called angel of the Atlantic comes at the price of that poor kid’s sense of stability, of security. Who would think a little speech in some shabby hotel room would change any of that?
Fine, I silently braced myself, if I’ve been selfish or been in the wrong, it’s time to make it right. I’ll find Blu and we’ll talk it out, whatever the problems are, we’ll deal with them together. That’s what Blu wants, that’s all anybody wants. If I can just find her ...
As much as I didn’t want to think about it, there were terrible possibilities, and to think of that sweet little innocent child in the center of any of them was enough to make me wretch. I couldn’t bare to think she’d thrown herself overboard. I couldn’t deny the possibility of it, a girl under that much sudden pressure, fearful and confused. But something about that just didn’t sit right with me, perhaps it was desperate hope or just delusion, but I couldn’t accept that, and I wouldn’t. But that only presented other possibilities.
I couldn’t avoid asking myself, What if somebody grabbed her? There are hundreds of people on this boat and they all know how much that child is worth. I don’t know each and every one of them, even after all this time. A lot of them could have connections to people on the islands, people like that young mugger who tried to get away with my purse. That even in itself could have touched off red flags for kidnappers and pirates all over the area!
But I had to challenge myself, How could they get her off the boat? Could she be knocked out and bundled up with the laundry or in one of the band’s drum cases?
A cold chill shot up my spine. Eric. Could he be acting out against me, striking where I’m most vulnerable? Is he that deranged and obsessed with me? I guess it’s possible. Things have changed fast, and that can bring out the worst in anybody. But what would he expect, that I’d marry him in exchange for Blu’s freedom? Or does he just want me to suffer loss, the way he might think I’m causing him to suffer? My God, he’d have to be a lunatic! But he does have that quiet tension, that brooding weirdness. And he was stone-cold in love with me, there’s no getting around that. What is it that they say? ‘It’s always the quiet ones.’
Then my mind flashed to the ones who weren’t so quiet, one in particular. Caroline. She’s clever enough to orchestrate a more sophisticated setup, not the impetuous move of a lovelorn psychotic. Caroline has intelligence, Caroline has cunning. But does Caroline have Blu? Isn’t she better off seducing my father out of Hutch’s money than trying to ransom it by kidnapping Blu? Caroline’s too clever to do something that stupid, and too emotionally vacuous to act out of a sense of hurt or vengeance. That’s Eric, not Caroline.
There were too many other people to think about, and none of them led me to Blu fast enough. My mouth was dry, those water fountains suddenly nowhere to be found. The shops were closed up, one after another. Time was running out, and so were the possibilities.
Chapter 23
Hutch
I tore our cabin apart calling Blu’s name, but more and more I knew she wasn’t there. So I set about opening all the damn stupid cabins I’d left open so I could seduce Dana. Not that I regretted that, of course not. But it would end up being less than practical for reasons I couldn’t have foreseen.
Couldn’t you? I had to challenge myself. You know how hurt Blu is, how vulnerable. Even taking her out on this trip was a serious risk. All this area with only so many people to look after her? Stupid!
And worse, cavorting with that girl like you’re some jet-setting stud! She may not be able to see through it, Preston, but you can’t fool me, you devious son-of-a-bitch!
But I had to cut myself off. No, no, I’ve mourned my wife, it’s time to move on. Blu needs a mother, I want a wife and not some vacation whore! And it’s more than that, because Dana is more than that. She’s special, Blu and I agree. I’d never have risked Blu’s security and sense of wellbeing if she wasn’t worth it. Lord knows I’ve had plenty of opportunities.
If Blu’s having a hard time understanding this, that’s something we can work through together. It won’t always be easy, nothing ever is, and that’s something else Blu’s just going to have to learn to live with, the way we all do.
Room after room opened up in front of me, each as empty as the one before it; empty bathrooms, empty closets.
How like our life all of this is, I had to reflect. A luxury cruise ship, room after room, empty. It’s meant for a party, for a whole traveling community, not this echoing silence. When we get back home, we have to fill our lives back up; with friends, with family, with love. Blu’s going back to school whether she likes it or not, and Dana will be right there to help her ... and me ... through it. Everything’s going to be different now, everything’ll be all right ... if we can just find Blu!
Never should have left her with that redh
eaded cow, I scolded myself. That harpy shrew is either scheming or screwing up! But I should have known better. I’ve seen a parade of women like that, and they’re all the same. Not Dana though, she’s not one of them. Wrong to bring her back with me? It’s practically necessary!
But what about her? Is it what Dana really wants? Will she really settle down for the first man she’s ever been with? Maybe her old man is right, maybe she’s just carried away by all this. Who wouldn’t be? I keep forgetting how rich I am, how long I’ve been this rich, how little joy all this money can really bring. To a girl like Dana, it must be overwhelming.
But I know Dana isn’t in it for the money, I don’t have any doubt about that. She’s just not that impressed with it, and that’s part of what impresses me most. She sees through that, and she can see through me. I know she’s impressed with me, everything I’ve taught her and unleashed in her. But other men will come along, younger and better-looking, with just as much money and charm. Those things are fleeting and base, replaceable. And she’s smart enough to know that.
But I had to shake it off. That may be true, Dana’s smart enough to know, but too decent to care. If I can just find Blu and all these other people will just back off and leave us alone, I know we’ll be okay!
But as the cabins trailed off and I lost track of which ones I’d unlocked, my heart started to beat faster and my mind wandering even farther, down darker roads.
I can’t lose her, I heard my own voice say, chiming in the back of my brain. I can’t lose them both. I failed before, unable to stop those bastards ... or even to find them! All this money, all this power, every resource, I couldn’t track down two or three guttersnipe bastard rapist murderers! I won’t let that happen again, not again, not to Blu!
I shook my head, moving faster through that litany of locked doors, each one its own refusal, each one a rejection of my best efforts, each one a sign of my ultimate failure.
