by Lauren Wood
“Oh, I sure wish I could find someone to help me plow the field today.” Sara had muttered loudly as he was eating the breakfast she had cooked.
“What about Henry?” Ben had asked her.
“He’s off to school right now.” Sara had answered.
“Okay, how about your grandpa?”
She hadn’t even answered him. She had gotten up and went to the kitchen. “Ask your grandpa?” She muttered under her breath as she began to wash the dishes.
“I guess the fact that he’s old and can’t handle the horses wouldn’t be apparent to some hot shot movie star. Or the fact that even if I asked, he would be too ashamed to help me, and what others in the community would say about him.” She said angrily to the air.
Sara knew that Ben was aware of her own standing in the community. However, what she wasn’t aware of was that he might have no idea what that meant to everyone else. Hopefully, Henry and Sally could avoid too much harm. After all they were young enough that the community could see that they had to stay where they were. If her grandpa had been younger, he would have quickly taken them in. At that point, they might have even decided to kick Sara out of the community. That would have depended on who believed her about Elizabeth or not. She hadn’t known during rumspringa that Elizabeth had sex. In fact, she hadn’t seen much of Elizabeth during that time. But no one in the community would believe that. No her and Elizabeth had always been together, so why would it be different at any point? That’s what they all thought; she could see it in their eyes. She was sure that the vote would have been to expel her right away. She would be placed in exile and never allowed back into any Amish community in this area, and perhaps others.
Her mind was on all of this as she started to get the horses ready for work. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ben as he approached. The horse wasn’t cooperating with her, for some reason he seemed frightened.
As she took her eyes off of the horse to look around at what might be scaring him, she didn’t see anything. The next thing she knew was she was in the dirt, spitting it out of her mouth.
“What in the world did you do that for?” She yelled at Ben.
“He was charging right at you, didn’t you see him?” Ben yelled back. “He would have killed you if he ran you over. What in the hell were you doing?” His voice was loud and carried far.
Sara looked around to see if anyone was going by close enough to hear him. “Can you please lower your voice?” She asked. “I was looking around to see why he was scared. I didn’t see him coming at me. Thank you very much for saving me. I apologize for yelling at you.” She said calmly.
As she had been sitting up in the dirt she had seen Ben calm the horse down and tie him up. “How did you calm the horse so quickly?” She asked. She tried to stand up and almost fell down again. Ben grabbed her quickly, “Did you get hurt?”
“Yeah I think it’s just a little twist though. I can put some ice on it after I get to the house. But I may need your help to get there.” She said.
“No problem just lean right on me if you need too.” He lowered his arm so she could grab on to it. She felt a rush of heat go through her body as they touched.
Flushed she took an unsteady step, but quickly recovered as she felt more of his body press against hers. He had steadied her and quickly moved away though.
“So to answer your question I know all about horses. See I was raised on a ranch in Texas. My parents ran a small one outside of Amarillo Texas. That’s where I grew up, every year since age 2 I knew about horses. I rode my first horse at that age, by age 4 I was riding them alone like they were a part of me. I love them.” Ben’s eyes has been wistful as he talked about growing up. “Don’t ever tell anyone that I’m just a small town country boy, it will hurt my image!” He laughed.
She chuckled. “I can tell you still love horses. I honestly would have never imagined you to be a hard worker though.”
She saw him flinch at the comment. “Well I mean since you’ve been here you’ve done nothing.”
Ben had the decency to at least look embarrassed by her comment. “Looks like I’m going to have to help now. I’m sorry if I’ve seemed so lazy.”
He helped her into a chair in the house and went to get the ice to put on her ankle.
Chapter Six
Ben came down to see Sara hobbling to work on dinner.
“Hey I can do that, sit down.” He ordered her.
“I’m okay; really it doesn’t hurt much at all anymore.” She said.
“Yeah I can tell by how much weight you’re putting on it. That means I think you’re lying.” Ben pulled out her chair and told to sit down. “I can do this for you, no problem. I’ve had to cook before. Here put this ice on your ankle and I don’t want to see you up again.
Sara sat down and looked towards the kitchen. She had laid, her ankle hurt quite a bit still. But they needed to eat dinner, what else could she do? Sally was out doing other choirs on the farm, and Henry shouldn’t cook. Well he could in emergencies, but she wouldn’t trust him to be able to boil water.
Of course she had no idea what kind of cook Ben was either. She hoped that she wouldn’t smell anything burning.
She had listened to him a while when they got back as he had talked more about the small ranch in Texas. He had seemed so happy when he talked about most of his childhood.
“So what about your parents, what were they like?” Sara asked Ben.
His face had changed instantly and the happiness faded right before her eyes. “Well they didn’t get along at all. They were always fighting about something, anything, and everything. If dad breathed the wrong way, mom would yell.” He had explained.
“Why? Didn’t they love one another?” Sara had asked curiously.
“I often asked myself the same thing, many times. I don’t know, I think they honestly loved one another. It wasn’t all moms; dad would do the same thing to her. I guess that is one of the reasons I’ve never seriously considered marrying.” Ben sighed.
“You should feel lucky to have the chance to marry. That’s been taken away from me now. I’ll never be asked to marry in this community. Not even the older widows will dare come near me.” Sara had looked down.
“I’m sorry.” Ben had said and touched her hand.
Sara had felt that same shock of heat pass through her body. She needed out of here, but she was hurt. “You know what I’m a little tired; I think I’m going to lie down for a few minutes.” She lied.
He had helped her to her bedroom door and she had told him she would take it from there.
“Oh darn it.” Sara heard Ben cry out from the kitchen.
As she went to stand up, he came rushing out of the kitchen. “Don’t you dare get up, everything is just fine. Dinner will be on the table in just a few minutes.” He said to her.
Sara plopped back down on the chair. She would have to wait to see what exactly happened, she just hoped it wasn’t too bad.
“Dinner ready yet?” Henry and Sally came in the door and looked at her.
“Well Ben is cooking tonight since I couldn’t stand on my ankle.” She explained.
“Does he even know how to cook?” Henry asked.
“Let’s hope so.” Sally said.
Sara looked at them seriously, “Now is that anyone to show thanks that he did this so you could eat?”
They both looked down ashamed, “No ma’am.” They answered together.
“Dinner’s served.” Ben came out in a flourish from the kitchen.
What he was carrying might pass for food in his part of the world, but Sara heard a collective sigh around the table. She couldn’t chastise Henry and Sally because she had sighed too.
“Looks interesting, I must say.” Sara finally said.
“Yeah that would say exactly what I was thinking too.” Henry said.
Sally just nodded her head. Sally could tell she was trying hard to hold in a laugh.
Sara was almost scared to take the first bite, bu
t she knew Henry and Sally were waiting for her. She tried to keep her face as neutral as she could, but it tasted horrible. “Hmm, that’s good.”
She watched as Henry and Sally took a bit of their food. They weren’t as adept at holding their faces emotionless.
“Look I’m really sorry, I burnt it a bit.” Ben said.
“It’s not that bad, really. Eat all your food Henry and Sally.” Sara ordered.
They ate begrudgingly, but finished their food. Since they sister was hurt, they actually took their plates into the kitchen.
“I’ll do the dishes.” Ben shouted out as they went out of the room.
Sara heard the telltale sign of the door opening and closing as the two escaped, not even stopping to tell him thank you. She had to laugh, but she wobbled into the kitchen behind Ben.
“Look don’t say a word, let me help you, I’ll stand and wash.” Sara said to him.
He looked like he was going to argue, but finally stepped aside and let her get to the sink. He took the dishes and dried them and made sure to look around and place them in the right spots. He planned on getting up early and making breakfast, and doing a better job of it. He wanted to redeem himself with a better meal.
She picked up a pan and next thing Ben knew she was on the floor. He bent over to help her up. “I just lost my balance, I’m okay.” She said.
Ben helped her stand up, they were so close. The way she was looking up at him made him want to cover her mouth with his. She was close enough; all he would have to do is lean forward a half an inch.
He stepped back. “You sure you’re okay?” He asked.
“Yes, really, I’m fine. But that pan will have to soak with water in it overnight. I’ll never get it clean right now.” She said.
“Great, well I’m going to go to bed now then. Can you make it to your room okay?” He asked.
She looked at him as she was trying to study him. “No I’m fine, I’ll make it there.” She said.
Ben escaped to his room as quickly as he could. When he got to his room, he slowly got his emotions under control.
“What the hell were you thinking Ben?” He asked himself.
He had wanted to kiss her so badly, he had almost done it. Hell he wanted to go and find her right now and kiss her passionately.
“What is it about her?”
She was nothing like the supermodels he always had on his arm. But he had been drawn to her since he had first set his eyes on her. Ben had to admit that more than one night he had fallen asleep and had erotic dreams about her.
But he had to control himself. She would never leave this life, and he didn’t want to live it full-time. No thank you, he thought. I don’t have long left now, and I can leave and never come back. She’s not part of my future, so I have to control these feelings.
Sure I could seduce her and take her, he thought. “That would be far too low; they would banish her for sure if they found out.” For some reason he was sure they would know too.
No he would leave he and she would be left alone, he would now be sure that those emotions didn’t come up anymore.
Chapter Seven
Sara stretched as she woke up. Her skin flushed as she thought about the kitchen last night. Ben had almost kissed her; she had seen a look in his eyes when they had been so close. She had wanted him to do it too, but she felt so ashamed about those feelings.
Her parents had always talked to her about doing the right things. When she had gone on her rumspringa she had been a good girl. She hadn’t done anything like the other kids had, especially Elizabeth.
She wistfully thought about what Elizabeth’s life must be like on the outside. Was it fun? Could she ever do it? There were so many things she was beginning to wish she had experienced during rumspringa. But the truth was that she would never have done anything that she thought her parents might find out about later. She liked them to look at her with pride.
For that reason she hadn’t gone on rumspringa but for a few days. But when she had come back only her parents had known. She had asked them to just allow her to let everyone think that she had been gone.
They hadn’t understood her reasons for it. But she had known. She didn’t want Elizabeth to be right about her. Of course her and Elizabeth had planned to do all sorts of things together on rumspringa. But as the time had gotten closer Sara was more nervous about the adventure. She didn’t say anything to Elizabeth though, and just acted like she was excited. Sara had hoped once they were in town she would become excited about the prospect.
However, after they had gotten to town, Sara found that she was too nervous. Elizabeth had talked her to at least going to a bar for a drink. Sara had felt guilty the whole time; she had taken a small sip of the alcohol. The only reason had been because Elizabeth had been watching her so closely.
Sara had excused herself saying she hadn’t felt well. Elizabeth had stayed in the bar. When Sara had woken up the next morning, Elizabeth still wasn’t back. She had been scared, thinking perhaps Elizabeth had been killed.
A few minutes later when Elizabeth came in, Sara had first hugged her friend, but then became angry.
“Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?” Sara had asked.
“Look if I wanted my parents here with me, I would have stayed at home. I think I’m going to get my own room, or maybe stay with a friend. Your just a chicken and you won’t do a thing, you’ll probably turn and run back to the community once I leave.” Elizabeth had said.
So as far as Elizabeth had known Sara might have stayed. Even though after that night their relationship had never been the same; Sara had still stood up for her friend.
The truth was she had honestly believed Elizabeth’s story about Seth raping her. Why would her friend lie to her? When all this started her parents died so suddenly, they couldn’t share the truth about what they also knew. Sara had been telling the truth when she hadn’t been with Elizabeth.
Well there was nothing she could do about that now, why focus on it?
Ben on the other hand, she had to get these feelings under control. If she kissed him, and anyone found out, she would be banished for sure.
Though she was curious about the outside, she feared it more. She didn’t think she would have a chance to survive. Most likely she would end up like those destitute women she had heard the old ladies talk about. “All women who are banished end up on the streets selling their body, they have no hope of any redemption.” Sara had heard more than one time.
“I can’t allow that to happen.” She cried. “I will be strong; I will not allow these thoughts to come into my mind again. He’s a movie star, he’ll be gone soon, and I’ll go back to my normal outcast life.” She pepped herself up before she went to collect the eggs outside.
She opened the door and began to make her way to the hen house. She sees him walk around the corner of the hen house; he’s collected the eggs already. Sara feels her resolve melt instantly. I wish he would have kissed me; she thinks and smiles to herself.
Chapter Eight
“Hey how are you feeling?” He asked her.
“I’m okay, thanks for getting the eggs.”
“It wasn’t a problem. I’m trying to pull my full share now. A decent woman once told me I was lazy. I listened and wanted to prove to her that I wasn’t.” He smiled at her.
Sara looked down at the ground quickly, her heart fluttered. “I have to go into the market, your welcome to come if you want.”
The truth was she was sure it was a bad idea to invite him. She would explain to him on the way into town that he would see a few things he might not like. But he needed to just ignore it all.
“Sure sounds fun.” He said. “Let me just put these eggs in the house.”
She watched him run into the house. Would he be worth leaving this life for? She thought it and then remembered his words, how much he didn’t want to be married. So why would he want to marry her? Sara laughed at herself. Her flight of fancy had made her rea
lize just how far out of her league Ben really was.
As they headed to the market, Sara broached the subject lightly. “So when we get to market there may be a few people there who don’t like me much.”
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“They think that I should have been banished with Elizabeth. None of them know that I came back home early. The only two people who knew that are dead now.” She explained.
“Okay so they think you should have been banished, the hell with them.” Ben said.
“Ben please don’t say that.” She said quickly.
“Oh I’m sorry.” He watched the scenery go by.
As soon as they got to the market the trouble started. “Whore.” An old man walked passed her and said.
Ben looked at her quickly and asked, “Did he call you what I think he did?”
“I didn’t hear anything.” She lied.
“Well I heard it clearly.” Ben muttered. “If anyone else says something like that I’ll make them pay for it.”
“Please Ben don’t, you’ll only make more problems for me.” Sara pleaded with him.
“Fine, but only because of that, trust me I’ll be thinking of doing it.” Ben said his teeth clenched tightly together.
“You are a whore; you should have been kicked out with her.” And young man came and stood in front of Sara. Ben was okay, until the man spit on her.
He drew back his arm and connected square with the man’s jaw.
“Ben don’t stop please. Get off of him; he has a reason to be mad.” He could hear her yelling, but didn’t want to stop hitting the man.
“Hey look that’s Ben North!” He hears a scream coming from his side.
“Where?” Ben hears someone else.
“Over there, fighting that Amish guy.”
Ben stopped immediately. He stood up and looked around.
“Hey your right, Mr. North can I get your autograph.” Ben hears as the people swallow him up.
He tries to find Sara and spots her for a minute, and sees the Amish who are standing around her. Their looks are unmistakable, she’s crossed the line, and they will make sure she pays.
