by Lauren Wood
‘Deeeeeep breath,’ she reminded herself.
Then she saw it; Burmont Dr. Nicole breathed a small sigh of relief and turned down there. She recognized the house Gregory lived in with his roommates as soon as she came up to it. She parked and hurried up the stairs, one hand holding the railing while the over was draped over her chest. She knocked lightly on the door and waited.
Lewis, one of Gregory’s roommates, opened the door. With the door wide open, the sounds of video games mixed with joking male voices could be heard in the back.
“Hey Nicole.” Lewis said, “What’s up-?”
“Where’s Gregory?”
“Well he’s out Nicole. You know he does this-“
“Where is he?!”
“I don’t know Nicole.” Lewis said, trying his best to not lose his friendly tone, “He doesn’t tell us. He just leaves every once in a while. I’ll let him know you stop by.”
Nicole rubbed her chin frantically, shifting her eyes back and forth.
“Are you ok Nicole? Did something happen?”
“I-I-I just really need to talk to him right now. I don’t know what to do and-and-“
Nicole held her stomach steady with both hands now. Lewis only had to glance down for a second before it hit him.
“Holy shit! You aren’t-…Oh man. Yeah, I will let him know as soon as he gets back that you need to see him. Oh my gosh Nicole.”
“Can I wait here till he gets back?”
“Uh, I dunno Nicole. You see, he probably wouldn’t-“
Nicole’s voice barely registered above a whisper, “Please Lewis.”
Lewis silently looked at her, caught between two hard places, “Yeah Nicole. You can take his room. We’ll probably be up when he gets back, so I’ll let him know.”
Nicole gave a forced smile and stepped inside. As she made her way to Gregory’s room, she could hear the whispering behind her.
***
A knock on the door woke Nicole up from her slumber. It took her a few seconds before she remembered how she got her, and the importance of her visit. She hurried to the door to open it, but it swung open before she reached it. There in the door stood Gregory, his big shoulders slumped to the sides. As she looked at the somber face of her boyfriend, Nicole recalled how his bearded face usually made him seem jolly. Now, he looked like a homeless man.
“Lewis told me you were in my room, and…” Gregory said, unable meet Nicole’s eyes.
“I just wanted to let you know as soon as I did.” Nicole said, “I just didn’t know what to do. I’m so scared.”
Gregory nodded and wrapped Nicole in his arms. He then led her to his bed.
“What were you planning to do with the child?”
“I don’t know. I just wanted to tell you. I-I think I just wanted to know how you felt about this since we’re together and all.”
Gregory sighed and rubbed the back of his head. He tried to make a grab for her hand, but Nicole backed away from him.
“Look, if you aren’t ready for this, I understand, but I was expecting a bit more sympathy from you-“
“Nicole, there’s something you need to know if we’re going to go forward with this.”
“Wha-what?”
Gregory sat back, took a deep breath, and then looked Nicole in the eyes more intently then he had all night.
“I’m a bear shifter.”
“A what?”
“It’s kinda like a werewolf, but I turn into a bear. It’s crazy, I know, but it’s the truth. I get these strong urges to change now and again and I have to go off into the middle of nowhere.”
“So the baby would…”
“It’s possible. I don’t know how I got it for myself. It’s still new for me. The guys are cool with it, kind of. Listen, I’ll understand if you want to, you know…”
“Abort.”
“That and possibly never want to see me again.”
Nicole was silent for a while.
“Were things ever going to work out between us? Were you going to walk away from me because of what you are?”
“I don’t want to Nicole. I really don’t want to.”
Gregory’s gaze weakened and he began to grip the sheets tightly as he looked away. He was surprised when he felt Nicole’s hand stroking his. He looked up to see those loving eyes that had kept him scared of ruining the relationship because of what he was.
“We’ll figure this thing out.” Nicole said, “The two of us.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“After all that I have told you?”
“Yes Gregory.”
Gregory was quiet for a few moments, but then he lunged forward and kissed Nicole passionately on the lips. His face pushed her into the pillows as his body slowly began to compress down upon her. With each successive kiss he gave her, Nicole could feel a combination of warmth and desire arising within her. He lifted his body up slightly and she could feel his fingers slipping underneath her shirt, dragging it off her body. Her fingers fumbled blindly for his pants as she began to get them off of him. After the pants came his shirt. Once that was off, she skimmed her fingers along his hairy upper body. Before, she had enjoyed this part of him because it made him seem rugged and almost primal. Now, having been told the truth, it gave awoken in her a beast of her own.
Gregory is part-bear. Oh God; he’s part-bear. How did this happen? How? How?!
This must be what Bella had felt; not that Nicole even liked that book series, but just the concept of discovering someone you cared for wasn’t…wasn’t fully human.
It was kinda exciting to be honest.
With all their clothes off, Gregory began kissing her shoulder blade, working his way up the neck. Nicole’s fingers dug into his back, enticing a guttural groan from his lips. She wrapped her legs around him as he began to thrust. Nicole cried out with passion, arching her body backwards and allowing her lover to enter deeper into her. As he kept going, Gregory began to smother Nicole’s neck with kisses some more. Her breaths were barely coming out in gasps now. Her eyes and mouth were wide open, unable to express recognizable emotion. She couldn’t even scream. She was caught up in the epicenter of it all. His touch felt even better than usual. It was ecstatic. It was heavenly. It-
It was right then that Gregory nibbled on her neck.
“Stop!” Nicole screamed, “Stop! Stop! Stop!”
Despite his large size, Gregory was off her in an instant.
“What?!”
Nicole couldn’t stop her body from shaking sporadically. When she looked at him, Gregory could see something in her eyes, something he didn’t want to see.
“Nicole, what’s wrong baby?”
“Why’d you bite me?”
“I’ve done it before. What’s the problem?”
“It’s just that you…uh.”
Gregory’s eyes narrowed.
“Because you know I’m part bear now, isn’t it?”
“I’m sorry.” Nicole said in a low whisper, “I’m not meaning to make you think that I care about that.”
Gregory looked at her, unable to speak. Nicole averted her gaze and began picking up her clothes. Gregory walked over and put his hand over hers.
“Let’s just call it a night. Clearly you need to process this some more, ok?”
“Ok.”
“You ok sleeping here tonight?”
Nicole nodded. Gregory lightly kissed her on the cheek and began to pull on his clothes. The two went off to bed and slept without another word being said.
***
Nicole rubbed the mark where Gregory had bitten for about the tenth time at work today, and she had only been there an hour. She felt conflicted about it all. Deep down, she really was ok with Gregory being who he was. It was weird, and didn’t seem all that possible, but this was who Gregory turned out to be.
Maybe he was one of those, what’s the word, furries. Maybe he had some furry bear costume in his closet that he walks around in when he gets
those urges of his. I mean so long as he stayed his loving, loyal self, he could be into nearly any non-violent lifestyle he chooses.
But that bite, she thought as she rubbed it again, that was something else entirely. After being told he figured himself a half-bear, that bite just immediately conjured up some gory thoughts in her head. She had pictured him throttling her by her neck, blood flying everywhere. She shuddered at that thought, not wanting to think any more about that, or even how that ruined her feelings about Gregory. He was such a sweet guy, and it must have taken a lot of courage for him to reveal that about himself.
She looked down at her stomach and wondered, ‘What would a half-bear baby look like?’
“What are you looking at?”
Nicole turned to see her co-worker Abagail staring at her, a coffee mug in her hand. Nicole gave an embarrassed smile and straightened out her shirt.
“Oh, nothing.”
“Oh hey! How did that doctor’s appointment go? Did you get anymore news?”
“Well…”
Abagail gave a big, toothy smile.
“Oh my God!”
She wrapped Nicole in a big hug, shaking both her body and Nicole in a fit of excitement.
“You’re gonna be a mother! That’s so exciting!!”
A female customer passing by stopped and turned to the two customer service employees having their little moment. She gave a small laugh of amusement. Abagail saw this and slowly assumed a more professional stance.
“Sorry about that. My friend just found out she’s going to be a mom.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
The two watched the woman leave before having a hushed laugh. Abagail made her way behind a register before turning back to Nicole. She was about to say something when a customer approached her.
“So have you told Gregory yet?” she asked once she was free again.
“Yeah. I told him right after I found out.”
“And what’d he say?”
“He was…happy. A little concerned about whether I wanted his child.”
“Would I hope he should! The two of you are dating!”
“He’s just recently been diagnosed with some stuff and-“
“What?! What kind of stuff?!”
Nicole shushed her before continuing.
“Just private stuff. I don’t think he’d like me talking about it.”
“Well if it affects the kid, then he better get himself checked or fixed or something.”
“I’m sure everyone is going to turn out fine.”
“Listen Nicole, I have heard you talk about a lot of guys who you just couldn’t click with. You’ve waited this long for the right guy and if he isn’t it, then you need to find the courage to get out.”
“No Abby. He’s not like that. It’s just we had this big talk last night and I learned some new things about him that I just need to think on.”
“Are you sure that’s all it is?”
“Yes!”
“Ok. I wish you two the best then.”
Nicole smiled and turned to face the customer who had just approached her register.
***
During her lunch break, Nicole grabbed a coffee and a croissant from the Starbucks in the store. As she was sitting down to eat, her cell phone vibrated. It was a text message from Gregory asking if she was doing alright, considering everything that went on last night.
‘Yes. Everything is fine.’
‘Are we still fine?’
Nicole replied that they were, but Gregory wanted to see her to make sure.
‘Maybe. Sometime later when I’m not so busy.’
‘Ok then. When are you free?’
Before she could respond, a second text message appeared.
‘I really want to get things straightened out. I need to know if this can still work.’
Nicole bit her lip, and then took a sip of her coffee.
‘Tomorrow we’ll talk about it.’
Nicole put her phone away and tried to finish her lunch and not think too negatively about what talking to Gregory was going to be like.
They were going to get through this.
They would be just fine.
At least, that’s what she hoped.
***
Nicole got back to her apartment around six in the evening. She carried the groceries up the stairs, unlocked the door and pushed it open. After putting everything away, she started cooking some dinner. Normally she would be satisfied with a half-hour of cooking some spaghetti or meatloaf, but tonight it was going to be some microwavable corn dogs.
Nicole stood watching the food turning around when she remembered how the microwave could radiate some things to give her cancer, and jumped away. She covered up her belly with her arms almost instinctively, and then slowly let them fall to her side. She lifted her shirt and rubbed her belly. She knew that the child wasn’t far enough along that they’d start kicking back yet, but there was still something developing in there. A week ago, she didn’t realize how much her world was changing. Nicole recalled how stunned she had been when she had missed her period after a few months. She had scheduled a doctor’s appointment as quickly as she could. They did their tests, and then they came back and gave her the news.
But they never told her that the child she held was going to be half-human. She was already going to need to seek some advice for how to be a mother and she doubted they had self-help books on her current situation. What would it even look like when she gave birth to the child? Would it slide out like a baby, or maybe claw its way out with bear paws.
There may be a lot to this that she would have to ask Gregory when she saw him.
***
The drive the next day felt nerve-wracking. Never in her life did Nicole expect to have the discussion that she was about to have, and yet there were questions that were absolutely key to what her future was going to hold.
She knocked as confidently on the door as she could. Gregory opened it. There were evident bags under his eyes and his clothing seemed pretty ruffled. Despite this, he was smiling like everything was alright.
“Hey.” He said.
“Hey.”
“I appreciate you coming over as quickly as you did.”
“Of course. I know this is important to you, and it’s rather important to me considering…”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“Would you like to come inside?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
Gregory stood to the side as Nicole walked in. The two headed to Gregory’s room, which looked slightly better than Gregory did. The bed well-made and the carpet looked almost brand new as well.
Gregory headed over to the bed, Nicole following close behind.
“You can set your bags down by the nightstand.”
Nicole did as she was instructed, and then taking a spot on the bed opposite of Gregory after she was done.
“I’ll go first.” Said Gregory, “I feel that since I’ve told you about me being half-bear, that you’ve been very put-off with me. I get that this was big news and you can’t be expected to process this almost immediately, but this is more than just you and me. You’re pregnant and I don’t want you having to carry around this child if you don’t want to. So I need to know what you’re thinking about all of this. Please don’t be afraid to be honest to me, even if it’s not what I want to hear.”
“Gregory I…I just don’t know. I mean, half-bear? I don’t know if that makes you someone in serious need of psychiatric help, if this is just “who you are”, or if you’re some dangerous monster. I just, how do you expect this to work? Is this child going to be part bear?”
“I told you Nicole, I don’t know! I’m the only person I know who deals with this! I don’t know beyond what people tell me!”
“What people?!”
“My roommates. They came out a few nights and just watched me when I got the urge. I mean, they are
very weirded out by this, but they aren’t going to rat me out. They say I’m harmless.”
“They have seen you turn into a bear?”
“Yeah.”
“So if I go out and talk to them, they’ll say they followed you somewhere-“
“To a park.”
“To a park, ok. They’ll say they saw you out there and that you turned from a man into a bear and back into a man?”
“Yes!”
“Do your friends bring any sort of drugs along when they experience this?”
“You don’t believe me!”
“Do you take drugs before you turn into this “bear”?”
Gregory got to his feet, “This is a pointless conversation if you are just going to deny everything being told to you.”
“Gregory, I don’t want to believe it.”
“So why did you come then, huh Nicole? You have no respect for me or who I am, so why bother even coming here?”
Tears began to form in Nicole’s eyes, “I mean I don’t want to believe that the love of my life can turn into this animal from time-to-time. I don’t want to believe that the child, the child that is supposed to be the light of our lives, is possibly going to go through the same things too. I don’t want to believe that out of all the faults that you could have, it is one that I can’t possibly hope to understand.”
Gregory seemed to look very unsure, watching as this supposed “accuser” was slowly making her way on her knees over to him.
“I want to understand Gregory. I want to know all that makes you tick and love every inch of you. I want to love your body. I want to love your soul. I want to love the features that this creation of ours will have from each of us, but I just can’t. I want to understand. I want…I want to see this.”
“See what?”
“Show me the transformation.”
“Why would you want to see it?”
“Because I will always be wondering about it if we find a way to stick together. Not knowing this side of you will haunt me always if I don’t see this. Gregory, I need to see this thing of yours.”
“Fine. If it will help with this whole thing.”
Nicole’s whole body seemed to ease itself up. She collapsed on the bed with a sigh of exhaustion. She scooted a little to the side as Gregory took a seat down. She curled up beside him, slipping her hand in his. He tightened his grip on her hand ever so slightly, stroking her fingers with his.
