by C. M. Albert
I nodded, moving my beer so the waiter could set our burgers onto the table.
“Liv and I have never had problems—in or out of the bedroom. It’s always been easy with us . . . until it wasn’t. We wanted a family so bad. We would’ve done almost anything to make it happen. We’ve lost three babies, Kerrington. Three. You can’t imagine what that does to you.”
“I’m so sorry, man,” I said. Then I shared a condensed version of the same story I’d told Olivia the night before while he ate his lunch. I thought maybe it would help to know he wasn’t alone in his grief. It was one thing to show your vulnerability to your wife, and another to share it with a bro. I considered Ryan a true friend now, so hopefully me sharing my deepest, darkest suckfest would make whatever he needed to get out a little bit easier.
“You do know, then,” he said quietly. “I wish you didn’t. No one should have to go through something like that. After our first loss, we rallied together, held each other up, even though Olivia was pretty shaken from miscarrying the baby so late. The miscarriage that followed was brutal, too. Especially because it was too soon after our first loss. Liv thought I didn’t want it. But that wasn’t the case. I just needed to talk through it with her because I was scared shitless.”
He took a pull from his beer to finish it and signaled the waiter for another.
“It was the first fissure in our ‘perfect’ marriage,” he said, using his fingers to make air quotes. “We were so close to just giving up after that. It hurt so fucking bad each time, but I know it hurt Olivia even worse to have those babies inside her, and then not. She says I can’t understand what it’s like, and I know I can’t—but I’ve seen the way it’s wrecked her. Changed her. It’s been brutal.”
Tears were pooling in Ryan’s eyes, and he didn’t try to hide them. Instead, he looked dead at me. “The last pregnancy was our miracle baby—it happened without us even trying. We’d finally gotten it in our heads that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be for us. Then out of nowhere, she got pregnant again. It was like a gift from heaven. We let ourselves celebrate. Decorated the nursery. Picked out a goddamn name,” he said, choking back his anguish.
The waiter dropped the check and beer off, but took one look at Ryan and muttered, “No rush.” I grabbed it before Ryan could object, setting my black card under the receipt.
“Laelynn. That was her name. We buried her eight months ago now, and almost every day since then has been a struggle.” He shook his head. “Some days, I can’t tell if we’re getting better, or if Livy’s really broken like she says she is.”
“What about you?” I asked quietly. “It wasn’t just Olivia who lost a daughter.”
“No, it wasn’t.” He pursed his lips, biting back the tears. “It’s been hell for me. I grieve when I think too much about who our babies would be right now. What our family would look like if even one of them had lived. The happiness Liv would have if just one thing was different.”
“Nothing’s guaranteed. I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself to make her happy.”
“No, I’m not,” he insisted, shaking his head. “Olivia’s my soulmate. There’s not a single thing I wouldn’t do to make her happy. To crack that pain wide open and see her soar again like she was meant to. This pain is changing her. I’m scared if I don’t get her back soon, she’ll be gone to me forever.”
“And you think I can help somehow?”
Ryan nodded. “This may not make sense to you, but just hear me out, okay?”
I nodded, curious where this could possibly be going.
“I want you to share a night with Livy and me.”
Whoa. That was so not what I was expecting him to say. “Come again?”
“You heard me. I want you to join us—intimately.”
“Like—a threesome?” I asked, my brows furrowing in disbelief.
He nodded, his eyes clear and sharp. “Exactly like that.”
I cleared my throat and chuckled. The man had lost his goddamn mind. Luckily, the waiter came back with my card and the receipt. I signed it, grateful for the momentary distraction. When he left, I turned my focus back to Ryan.
“Why in god’s name would you share her with me, Ryan? How is that supposed to help?”
“She’s intrigued by you. She lights up when you’re around. I think if she can completely let go of any inhibition and be vulnerable again with someone, it may open her heart back up for good. With me, she’s open, but her heart is still so fragile. She’s told me she can’t help but see Laelynn whenever we’re together. It’s not that she doesn’t love me. But she can’t seem to separate me from the pain she’s experiencing.
“With you, she’d have to set it all aside to really let go—to explore her actual feelings again. She’s so disconnected these days from what she’s really feeling. It would be nice, for just once, to see the real Liv again—to have her be present in her body, with all her wide-open feelings. To see passion running through her veins again. You think she’s gorgeous now, wait till you see her when she feels aligned. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to see that Liv again. Nothing.”
“Including sharing her,” I marveled, starting to feel what he was throwing my way.
“Exactly.”
“Why the three of us? Why not just Liv and me?”
“Because she’s still my wife,” he growled, as if I needed the reminder. “If anyone else is touching her, I will be, too. This isn’t about me being a cuckhold. This is about me—and hopefully you—waking Olivia back up. Bringing her back to me.”
“So, I’m nothing more to you than a basic stud horse,” I said, grunting in disbelief. He really thought I could taste Olivia and walk away? Was he insane?
“It’s not like that.”
“What’s it like then, Ryan? Enlighten me,” I said, shaking my head.
“It’s not just what I need. Olivia needs you, too.”
“What are you talking about?”
“She’s already told me she wanted to be with you.”
“She what?” I sputtered in complete shock. “She’s never hinted at anything like that with me. I swear to you.”
“I know,” he said. “We have a truth pact we made years ago. We keep nothing from each other, no matter how badly it might hurt to say. No matter how broken she’s become, that pact is sacred to us. She would never admit that to me unless she means it. I asked her point blank, and she admitted she wants you, like that. As much as I hate it, there’s nothing I can do to change it. So, I figured it was better to lean into her desire with her, rather than taking away one more thing that would bring her joy. She’s lost enough already.”
Shit. What could I say to that? I took a long pull from my beer, meeting Ryan’s eyes. Everything he was feeling was mirrored in those dark pools of pain. It was either the most noble thing I’d ever heard, or the stupidest.
Ryan wasn’t a stupid man, but he was a complete fool to think there would be no casualties from this. Even I knew better.
And yet . . .
The pull of having Olivia—even for just one night—was too strong to ignore. I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t want it. If I hadn’t fantasized about this very thing before.
“All right. I’m in,” I finally said. “But I want our own truth pact, man to man.”
He nodded. “You got it.”
“If this goes south—and I’m fairly sure it will—you don’t blame me. This was your decision. I never asked to sleep with your wife. Don’t you ever forget that.”
I leveled him with my gaze. “Our friendship comes first. I need you to be upfront with me, a hundred percent. If it gets weird—well, weirder than this already is—or if you change your mind, it stops. If I need to move out of your house, you tell me. And if anything changes for me, if I start feeling anything other than something physical, this stops. I respect you, Ryan, and consider you a good friend now—hell, you’re probably one of my closest. And I like Olivia, too. But the last thing I need is a broken hea
rt. I won’t help you fix Olivia at my own expense.”
Ryan was quiet, as if he’d never considered me in all this. That was exactly what I was afraid of.
He met my eyes and nodded, sealing our fates.
What in the world had I just agreed to?
Chapter 19
Olivia
“EXCUSE ME, WHAT?” I was flabbergasted in a way I’ve never been in our entire marriage. Ryan had taken my breath away on more than one occasion, but never like this. “You aren’t serious, are you?” I asked shakily.
I went back to cutting the stems off the summer bouquet Ryan brought home for me. Pale blush-pink peonies, so light they looked like a watercolor version of themselves. They were stunning in the silver square vase Ryan’s sister gave us as a wedding gift.
“Liv, stop fiddling with the flowers and look at me,” Ryan said, dragging my hips around until I faced him, nestled between his thighs. He sat on one of the barstools at the island. We’d finished the paint job and the new swivel stools, with their black wrought-iron legs, looked amazing against the farmhouse red.
“Baby,” he said low, stirring something deep and hidden inside me like he did in the early days. I swear the man used to get me so hot and bothered, just the thought of him made my heart spin in circles like I did when I was as a kid—arms stretched wide open, twirling too fast until I got dizzy, falling over in the grass, and laughing with delight. That’s what being with Ryan felt like. Carefree freedom, an open heart, and laughter.
I wanted that back so badly I could cry.
“Listen to me . . . I promise we’ll be okay. We can do this, just once. One time, that’s all I ask.”
“Why? Don’t you believe me when I tell you I’m happy with you?” I ran my hands over his broad shoulders and down his arms.
“I do. But sometimes, relationships need something else. I never thought ours would. I swear to god, this was never more than a secret fantasy. Never thought I’d be asking you to do something like this—or that I would ever consider it without ripping someone’s face off.”
He squeezed my hip. “I don’t want to share you, Livy, but I will. And I think we need this. We’ve been broken for too long.”
“And you really think having sex with someone else will solve everything?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.
“It couldn’t hurt to try,” he said sheepishly. “We’ve done everything else. I just want to see you happy again. I want to see something light you up and bring back that energy I fell in love with.”
“Ryan, that girl doesn’t exist anymore,” I said sadly.
“No, but the one before me does. And we have a lifetime of happiness to still live together. But we can’t do that if we don’t start really living again. You used to look at me the way you look at Brighton. And don’t try to deny it—I’ve seen the way your eyes follow him around. When you look at me, all I see is pain in your eyes. I know you still see Laelynn when you look at me. You’ve said as much.”
“Ry—”
“It’s okay, Liv. I get it. Kind of. But I don’t want you to just think about what we lost when you look at me. I want you to see me as your partner. As someone who excites you and brings you pleasure. The way I used to.”
“You still do. I don’t know how to make you believe me.”
“By doing this for me. By showing me that you can see beyond what we lost. That we have something more than just pain to build our future on. Consider this our relationship’s defibrillator. Just once, Livy. If you never want to again—we don’t have to. I just need you to trust me.”
I nestled my head into his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent. I wrapped my fists around the collar of his shirt. “I’m scared, Ryan. What if this changes things?”
He calmly brushed my hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. “That’s exactly what I’m hoping will happen. That we’ll get a new spark—an adrenaline rush like we had in the beginning, when we chased the thrill of doing something that we knew was taboo. When I was sneaking around with my student. You with your professor. Remember that one time—”
“Oh my god! At the awards ceremony?”
Ryan growled, yanking me closer to make sure I knew exactly how exciting he found the memory. “You were so freaking hot, Liv. You still are. This will bring back all those fun memories, back when we were carefree and walked a little on the wild side.”
“I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head. “It just doesn’t feel like the safe way to go about this. I don’t want Brighton, babe. I want you. I want myself back.”
He nuzzled the side of my face with his own, nudging till he found my lips. He nipped the bottom one, sucking it in. “This will bring the old Liv back, trust me. Or maybe an even more adventurous version. We used to joke around about wanting to have a threesome, don’t you remember?”
I groaned, pressing my hips against his thighs as I revisited the numerous times Ryan and I would talk dirty to each other in bed, sharing our deepest, darkest fantasies. Somehow, I’d always imagined a threesome as more about Ryan—which would mean another woman sharing our bed. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined him pleading with me to let another man join us. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it.
Still. The thought of being with both Ryan and Brighton together . . . what woman in her right mind would turn down an offer like this? When it was her husband’s idea, no less. I hadn’t ever let myself fantasize about really being with Brighton because I never would have done that to Ryan. But the thought of getting to touch him, to open to him fully . . . it was almost too much to comprehend.
The scariest part? Now that Ryan suggested it, I wanted it. Badly.
“When?” I whispered, running my tongue over his lips with delicate, sensual kisses as the idea took root.
“Really?” He pulled back and looked at me with so much hope in his eyes. How could I say no to anything he asked after all I’d put him through?
I nodded, biting my lower lip. Because as much as I convinced myself I was doing this for Ryan, heat was already pooling in my lower belly at the thought of getting to know Brighton Kerrington in a whole new light.
“Just promise me something, Ry?” I asked, looking up into my husband’s familiar brown eyes.
“Anything, baby.”
“Truth?”
“Truth,” he said.
“Whatever happens, or however this goes . . . we’ll get through this together. Honesty all the way. Because I didn’t ask for this. You did. And I never want you to think that this will change the way I feel about you. You’re my whole heart, and I can’t live without you. I couldn’t bear for this to change us.”
“I promise it won’t.”
I nodded, giving him a quick kiss before I returned to finish arranging my flowers. “So, when does this whole thing go down?” I asked, my voice giving away my nerves.
Ryan stood, following me to the kitchen island. He put his arms on both sides of me, the hard lines of his body pressed against my back. He breathed warm against the sensitive skin of my neck as he trailed kisses toward my ear. Goose bumps raced over my arms, and I had to set the kitchen scissors down I was so distracted.
“Tonight,” he said, flicking my earlobe with his tongue.
“Tonight?” I squeaked out, trying to turn in his arms. He wouldn’t let me, scooping my hair to the side, and drawing my skin in between his lips. He sucked hungrily, setting off a chain reaction of sparks that fled south.
“Yes, Liv. Before we change our minds. Now go take a shower. Relax however you need. Then meet us outside on the back patio in an hour. I’ve arranged to have some appetizers and wine delivered from Colloca’s. I even got a couple bottles of your favorite Cabernet Sauvignon.”
“You were awfully confident,” I said. He reached around to cup my breasts, kneading the soft flesh until my nipples responded.
“This is going to be incredible, baby,” he murmured. “Go get ready for us.”
Us.
Oh my
god. What did I just agree to?
Chapter 20
Brighton
WHAT DID ONE bring to his first threesome? I felt ridiculous, stopping by the store after I was done with a sweaty day of work, but I was nervous, and this gave me something to focus on other than the fact that I was about to sleep with my good friend’s wife. I grabbed some sunflowers, hoping Ryan wouldn’t get upset. I didn’t know what Olivia’s favorite flower was, but these always made me happy. Besides, my mother would’ve skinned me if I showed up to a get together without something for the hostess. Then again, I was certain there was nothing in Emily Post’s etiquette book about threesomes.
When I got back to the house, the light was on in the master bedroom, and I couldn’t stop myself from imagining her up there getting ready. I swallowed, dropping my dirty work clothes to the floor and stepping into the shower to wash off the day. I took extra time scrubbing under my fingernails and trimming them, too. I hadn’t had sex in almost six months. The truth was, I was getting tired of the whole pickup scene. I wasn’t into online dating either. And since most of my days were spent with a houseful of dudes, I was resigned to meeting my future wife the old-fashioned way—probably through a friend.
I just never expected the next person in my bed would be my friend’s wife—and my friend. I shook my head, gripping the shower wall. Could I really do this?
Then I thought of Olivia’s cornflower blue eyes, and the way she made me feel appreciated when she looked up at me and laughed. Or the way her fingers kneaded the stress from my shoulders, and how they slid across the blanket to offer me comfort.
I wrapped my hand around myself and closed my eyes, taking the edge off so I’d have more to give Olivia later. I wanted to make sure I could give her everything she needed from this experience, and I couldn’t do that if I exploded like a schoolboy the first time she touched me.
Fifteen minutes later, I was clean and more relaxed than I’d been since talking to Ryan at the pub. I threw on a pair of khaki shorts and a tight-fitting navy dress shirt with a simple pattern of small white dots of different sizes. I rolled the sleeves up high, checking myself out in the mirror. Then I undid a couple buttons, feeling much more relaxed and causal. I ran a hand through my shaggy blond hair with some gel before heading out to the back patio, where Ryan was already waiting. He’d turned on the fairy lights above the seating area; they ran between the ivy, making it look serene, yet magical. I made a mental note to ask Olivia about doing something similar over at my uncle’s place.
