by C. M. Albert
It was like we had to expand our repertoire and get more creative to fill the void and high that Brighton left. Even if it was an unspoken understanding, I knew Ryan felt it, too. But he stopped asking me to talk dirty to him about our shared time together. At first, it turned him on to hear me describe our nights together, telling him what I’d loved, what made me climax the fastest, and what turned me on the most. It was like an aphrodisiac, making us both hungry and carefree as we explored our connection even deeper to fill that void. But everything—at least for me—seemed to pale in comparison.
Lately, I found excuses to have some alone time, trying to sort through all the feelings in my heart so I could process everything that had happened over the summer. We weren’t talking about it together, but I was working through the loss of Brighton on my own. Now that I was able to start facing the loss of our babies, it was easier to process the hole he was creating, too.
Even though I saw him most days, Brighton was being respectful and keeping his distance. Part of me dreamed of him pushing me up against one of the walls at the house just like he’d done at Babalu’s. But I knew it wasn’t healthy and would lead to no good. So even though he fueled many of my fantasies, that’s all it was these days.
The night before the chandelier was to be delivered, as we climbed into bed, Ryan let me know that he was expected at work the next afternoon for an all-hands planning session and reception with the returning professors, faculty, the provost, vice chancellor, and chancellor of the SUNY school system. Unfortunately, spouses weren’t invited because it was just for school employees.
“That’s okay,” I said, curling against Ryan’s chest. “We’re installing the chandelier late tomorrow afternoon. It’s the last thing we’re completing on his punch list for the day because we’ll need his foreman, Rob, for it, and he’s coming over after his last job. The thing is massive. I can’t wait for you to see the library this weekend when it’s completed!”
“You’re really excited about this, aren’t you?” He kissed my forehead, rubbing my shoulder with the hand that was wrapped around me as I snuggled into him. “I can’t tell you how happy it’s made me to see you like this, Liv. I wasn’t sure if you were going to be able to stick the job out.”
“Like what?” I asked, tracing his chest with my finger, drawing circles through the sprinkle of dark brown hair there.
“Full of life,” he said quietly. “Do you realize you haven’t stayed in bed all day for weeks? I think it was after the accident—that was the last time. That damn Brighton Effect,” he said drolly.
“It’s more than that,” I said. “Yeah, that helped. I was skeptical at first about that, but you were right. The trust that required, and the vulnerability to be so free, it changed me. It made me open again in a way I’d not let myself in a long time. I’m sorry about that. About all the time I wasted grieving when we could have been living. I think that’s what we should take from their losses. Instead of wanting to die because they didn’t make it, I’m finally ready to live, to honor their memory. I think I’ve realized how precious life is because of them.”
Ryan rolled over to face me. “Liv, this is huge.”
“I know. I mean it too. I can’t go back to the darkness, Ry. After I’m done with Brighton’s job, I’m thinking of going back to work full time. I hope that’s okay.”
Ryan dipped his head, kissing my lips softly. He teased the lower lip with his teeth, desire tugging at my body. He pressed his tongue forward, a soft, slow sweep that was sexy as hell. I reached up, lacing my fingers through his hair and pulling slowly. His kiss deepened, widening his mouth so he could take everything I was willing to give. And I gave it all. I surrendered to my husband in a way I hadn’t in a long time—letting him take the lead, dominating every inch of my body until my thighs were trembling from exhaustion and my heart was racing from the intense pace of it all.
We fell asleep wrapped together like we did in the good old days—during the before. We were naked and sweaty, and I couldn’t care less. My heart and my body were overflowing and grateful. And for the first time, Brighton wasn’t the last thing on my mind as I drifted off to sleep.
WE ENJOYED A lazy morning in bed reading and catching up on news before we finally got up to eat. I checked Brighton’s room, but he must’ve headed over to the house already. His work boots were by the backdoor, though, and they were covered in mud. I could’ve sworn they weren’t when I swapped out the laundry last night before we crashed. I glanced out the window and saw a lot of foot traffic over at Kerrington’s place. Things were really hopping now. There was scaffolding set up around the perimeter of the house, and men were dangling at various heights, spraying the Hardie board with the paint color Brighton approved.
“Looks like they’re busy today,” Ryan said, coming up behind me and kissing my neck. I nuzzled into him.
“You heading over after breakfast?” he asked.
I nodded. “I need to show Brighton some ideas in my inventory for staging. I might take him over to the warehouse soon so he can see a few things in person. Let him decide on a couple pieces I’m torn on. By the way—what’s going on with the garage? I thought he wasn’t redoing it?”
Ryan chuckled. “Yeah, we kind of beat the crap out of it a couple weeks ago. Demoed the whole inside in one morning. Not sure what his plan is with the space. I thought he’d loop you into whatever he was planning over there. The color looks nice though.”
It really did. He’d already repainted the exterior of the garage, and it looked so much nicer now with the fresh coat of Roycroft Pewter, bright white trim, and Tricorn Black shutters. I’d have to ask him what his plans were for the inside. Even though I wasn’t a landscape architect, he’d asked for my help with designing and decorating the outdoor living space, as well. He wanted a similar setup as Ryan and I had, only he wanted a hot tub installed under a trellis thick with vines. I told him we could certainly plant a climbing vine, but they’d take time to fill in. Once they did, it would offer some much-needed privacy, since we could see into one another’s backyards, despite our driveways separating the two homes.
Ryan and I chatted some more about our day and kenneled Stitch, as we were both going to be gone for so long. I’d have to run over and let him out at least once. He really was the best puppy though. I set his favorite blanket in with him, and he was out like a light before we even locked the back door.
Ryan stopped short on the back steps and I nearly collided into him, knocking him over.
“Why’d you stop?” I asked, placing my hand on his back. He stepped aside and I gasped.
Sometime overnight, Brighton had planted hundreds and hundreds of tulips lining the entire interior perimeter of our white picket fence. A thick sea of romantic, deep-purple flowers stared back at me. My heart constricted with both the tenderness of his gesture and the pain of what it represented, and what we’d never have. The tears swelling in my eyes didn’t escape Ryan’s attention as he turned to look at me.
“Was this Kerrington’s doing?”
I bit the corner of my lip and nodded. “I think so. I mean, who else would do this for us?”
“For us? Or for you?” he snarled.
“I don’t know, Ry. Okay? I’m assuming it’s for us since it is our house.”
Ryan picked up his phone and called Brighton, leaving him on speaker phone.
“What’s with the explosion of tulips, Kerrington?” he asked, the second Brighton answered.
Brighton chuckled. How he could be so blasé about it, knowing the significance, was beyond me. He said easily, “Just a little way to say thank you for all the free labor I got this summer. I’m paying Liv, but you put in a lot of sweat equity into this place, too. I can’t thank you guys enough.”
Ryan nodded, appeased. “A case of beer would’ve been fine, but thanks. I guess. Liv is on her way over.”
“Cool. You coming, too?”
“Not today. Have a work event this afternoon, then a reception to schmooze with the
chancellor later.”
Brighton laughed. “All right. Maybe tomorrow then? I could use some help with a custom build I’m doing in the small office off the front room. My little pet project.”
“Sounds good,” Ryan said.
I rolled my eyes when he hung up. “Satisfied?”
He looped me in by the waist and kissed me firmly on the lips. “Nowhere close. Maybe you can help with that later,” he said suggestively.
I swatted at his arm, laughing. “Good luck today.”
I kissed him one last time before heading across the yards, my housewarming gift for Brighton in my hands. The house wasn’t done yet, but I thought it’d be a good time to give it to him since it wasn’t as labor intensive today.
He pulled me into a hug when I entered the kitchen, and I froze for a moment before finally relaxing into his embrace. My barometer lately was—would this make Ryan jealous? I hated that it’d come to that between us when Brighton knew every inch of me as intimately as my husband did. He’d touched, caressed, kissed, or made love to every single part of my body during our brief time together. Nothing had been off limits when the three of us collided.
Now, everything was off limits.
And yet, tulips.
He’d planted my entire backyard as a reminder of our unspoken love. I felt guilty as hell that Ryan had no clue. If he suspected anything, I’d probably come home to the Great Tulip Massacre. Now that sharing was over, it was over in Ryan’s mind.
Only my heart hadn’t gotten the memo, and it was hard to turn off all the emotions that were rooted in my heart and taking over the needs of my body.
“Brighton,” I said, tears flowing over. I hugged him closer, tighter. I was afraid to let go and meet his eyes. I was afraid I’d cave if I did. I’d underestimated the impact of seeing him after such a grand gesture.
He ran his hand from my scalp down my back, comforting me as I cried against him. “Shh . . . Liv, you’re killing me. It was meant to be sweet. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I finally pulled back, glancing up into his eyes and seeing straight into his soul: all the pain, all the pleasure, all the laughter, all the love we’d shared. There was heartache there, too, and I hated that I was the cause.
“It. Was. So. Sweet,” I said between sobs. “Completely wrong, you jerk. But Brighton, my god,” I said, my heart aching just as badly.
He dipped his head, about to brush his lips against mine, when we heard a truck rumble into the driveway. I jumped back, putting distance between us.
“The guys must be back from lunch,” he grumbled.
“That’s okay. We need to get to work anyway. But thank you. I will think of you every time I see them.”
“That was kind of the point.”
The crew came back in, nodding as they passed through to the back of the house. They were doing the final coats of the interior painting downstairs today.
“I almost forgot! Here,” I said, handing him the bag I was carrying.
“What’s this?” he asked with outstretched hands, grinning like it was Christmas morning.
“I always get my clients a housewarming gift, and I saw these at the farmer’s market several weeks ago and immediately thought of you.”
He pulled out the small house plant first, his eyebrows scrunching. “You bought me a pot plant?”
I laughed hard. It did have similarly shaped leaves. Not that I’d know or anything. “It’s a pachira money tree,” I explained. “We need to plant it by the front porch to attract wealth and prosperity in selling the house.”
“Gotcha!” he said, grinning. “At least we don’t have a homeowner’s association here. They might not believe me if I told them it was really just a money tree.”
“It’s not that bad!” I said, quirking my eyebrow at him.
He winked, then dug into the bag and pulled out a green candle. It was from a local herbalist and reiki master. She made her own candles and said she infused them with good energy, whatever that meant. This one was called “Abundance.”
“I’m sensing a theme,” he said, laughing.
“There’s a jade crystal somewhere inside. Burn the candle at showings. It smells heavenly and the jade represents wealth, luck, and prosperity.”
“Thanks, Liv.”
I grinned. “Keep going.”
He dug in the large gift bag again and pulled out the miniature St. Joseph Statue and full-out belly laughed. “Are you trying to get rid of me fast or something? I can take a hint, you know.”
“I just thought since you’re selling this for your family, you probably wouldn’t want to sit on a lease for too long. Anything we can do to bring in luck is worth a shot, don’t you think?”
“I thought you said the secret room was enough of a draw to sell it fast.”
“Oh, it is. But you can’t take a chance in this market.”
“No, we wouldn’t want that,” he said solemnly. “Thank you for everything, Liv. This was so thoughtful of you.”
“We have to go bury the Saint Joseph statue next to the back door,” I told him, reaching into the bag myself. I pulled out the plastic gardening spade. “We’re going to do that together as soon as you open the last gift.”
“There’s more?” he said incredulously. “You didn’t need to do all this, Liv.”
“And you didn’t need to plant a zillion tulips in my backyard, but you did. It’s what we do when we care about someone.”
The twitch of his jaw didn’t escape me. “Yeah, care about someone.”
I handed him the last gift, a small rectangular box I’d wrapped in silver. He opened it, setting the paper and box cover onto the kitchen island. “What is this?” he asked, looking at the inscription on the small pewter plaque.
It read: “May God’s blessing rest upon this house and all who dwell within! May all who enter this house also be blessed!”
“It’s a mezuzah,” I explained. “I know you’re not Jewish, and we’re not either. This is just a housewarming one, but the idea’s the same. It’s a blessing you normally attach near your front door. I’ve always loved the tradition after learning about it from my best friend’s family when I was a kid. Ever since then, I’ve always hung one anywhere I lived. We have the same one in our house.”
“This is thoughtful, Liv. I really appreciate everything.”
“It’s nothing,” I said. “This home has a special place in my heart. I just pray whoever winds up here loves the home as much as we do, and that they make many happy memories here.”
“I don’t deserve you,” he said, picking up Saint Joseph. “All right. Let’s go bury a saint.”
Chapter 38
Brighton
WE BURIED POOR Saint Joseph upside down outside by the back porch as directed by the little hand-scripted card included with the good luck talisman. Then we spent the afternoon going through the punch list for the project, and Liv’s own punch list for her design plan. She showed me the look and feel she was going for with staging, and I loved it. It was every bit as warm, inviting, and classic as the Wells’s own home. It complimented the historic home but wasn’t stuffy. In fact, it was bright and inviting, with lots of plants and clean lines. The rooms spoke for themselves with their ornate woodwork. This allowed potential buyers to not focus too much on the furniture and pay attention to the details that would sell it.
She was a smart woman. Not that I didn’t know that before. But she was in her element when she was discussing design. And it was sexy as hell. A couple times I found myself brushing away a stray hair off her face or touching her arm while we were laughing. I couldn’t help it. She was like a magnet, and I couldn’t fight the pull no matter how hard I resisted.
Luckily, Rob got there before I could do anything stupid, but the tension had been building all day. I was finding reasons to brush against her, or accidentally touch her hand. The electricity between us hadn’t died just because Ryan said it was over. How come he got to decide anyway? Shouldn’t Olivia have
a say, too?
Rob brought a team of six men with him and together, using the balconies as leverage for a pully system, along with a thirty-foot scissor lift, they managed to remove the old chandelier and install the new one.
We closed the blinds and flipped on the lights, and I was blown away.
“Brighton!” Olivia squealed. The guys all smiled at her reaction.
“I have to admit, I was skeptical when you told me you picked out an antler chandelier.”
She laughed. “This isn’t your average antler chandelier for sure,” she said, her eyes raking over the giant light fixture.
The bottom was a circle, the hoop measuring about four feet across. It gradually tapered as it went up the full five feet to the top, branching out a little at its peak. It looked more like artfully arranged driftwood than it did antlers, but I’m sure that was the point. It was upscale rustic elegance.
“Where in the world did you find this thing?” Rob asked, tilting his head back to take it all in. The small naked bulbs cast a warm glow, making the massive library feel cozier, just as Liv wanted. It was a stark contrast from the cold crystal chandelier that was there before.
“It used to be in a restaurant in New York City,” she said. “A famous chef I shall not name owned it. He decided to fold when the market crashed, and I’ve been saving it for the right project. This is a showstopper and needed the perfect space for it. None of my other projects felt right before. This,” she said reverently, “is the perfect home for it.”
“Kinda sucks that I have to sell the place. It’s growing on me,” I said, looking up at the manly, yet elegant, light fixture. Ryan would have my balls for even joking about that. But it was going to be hard to walk away from this house. It had grown beyond just a flip, or even a passion project. It wasn’t just Liv who had my heart; these walls did, too.
“If I ever find another one-of-a-kind Grand Teton antler chandelier, you’ll be the first to know,” she joked, bumping my hip.
