by Jamie Magee
I sat still, wanting that feeling to come back - but it didn’t.
“That was beautiful,” I whispered, thanking whatever had given me that moment.
I heard Kara yelling my name. I sighed before standing and carefully placing the guitar on its rack. Before I left the room, I scanned the air, finding it empty - the way any normal person would.
When I reached the bottom level, Kara was holding a brown box, waiting on me.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“You tell me,” she said, handing me the small brown box. “A delivery man just brought it for you. He refused to go until I signed your name.”
I curiously reached for the box. There wasn’t any kind of label; only a small piece of tape was holding the sides down.
“If that’s Chinese food, it’s going in the trash,” Kara said, crossing her arms.
I felt my face flush with fear…could they have found me – that fast? What was this?
I pulled the tape loose, and on the inside on a purple pillow was a phone with a single red rose lying next to it. A small note was taped to the touch screen that read, I think I found most of your bands and put them on here. If I forgot anyone, you can buy them with the password ‘Charlie’.
Britain didn’t sign it, but I recognized his handwriting. Kara shook her head as she read the note.
“I’m starting to regret mom taking this from you,” she said, pulling my phone from her pocket and laying it on top of the one in the box.
“I knew they’d find me.” I mumbled, closing the box and putting it under my arm. “Do I really have my phone back? Mom said so?”
Kara nodded. “She said, ‘When Charlie goes to that party tonight, make sure she has her phone. I don’t want her driving without it.’”
“I still don’t believe she’d let me go to something like that,” I said, looking for any reason to doubt Kara.
“I told you it was having a party, not going to a party.”
I shook my head and scaled the stairs to finally take off this dress.
Chapter 5
I shed my dress and pulled on my favorite jeans and a black tank top, covering it with my hoodie. I grabbed the box with my phones and laid them across my bed. My phone had my headphones wrapped around the top. I pulled them loose once I could see the screen, and I saw the blue box telling me that I had eighty-two unread messages. I shook my head and cleared that box and turned on my music.
I hesitated as put my headphones in; I wasn’t sure that I wanted to cover the silence I’d found inside this house – but yearning to hear music outweighed that comfort. As the screaming guitars began to echo in my head, I felt all the tension leave my body.
Most of the music I listened to was instrumental with only a few lyrics here and there. I liked how it allowed you to make the song whatever you wanted. It was easy to feel the emotion of the creator, but the way the music was written seemed to be individualized, meaning that each person that listened to the music heard something different; it just depended on what they were going through in their own lives.
I went back to the message screen and started to scan through the texts I missed. Most of them were mass texts from my graduating class, each of which had some kind of quote or saying, followed by congrats. I knew the sender wouldn’t care if I responded or not; they were all just random acquaintances. Once I got to Friday, I saw a text from Madison: ‘worried about u tomorrow can’t come fast enough.’
I responded to her text: ‘just got my phone back over here now if you want 2 come.’
Before I could scroll to the other texts, she responded: ‘Phone car party – welcome home Charles.’
I shook my head and texted: ‘2 tired 2 go 2 a party : (’.
She responded immediately – just like I knew she would: ‘Take a nap I’ll be over soon the bands start playing at 8’
The clock on my phone read four fifty-five. I figured I had at least two hours before she showed up. In that amount of time, I was sure I could think of some way to get out of going or at least convince her to stay here. I had too much to think about to have fun. I needed her help if I was going to get anywhere with my random thoughts and feelings.
The next texts were from Bianca. She must have known my mom would have my phone because nothing she said sounded like the real her; they were just random phrases - , ‘so thankful we are all ok, an innocent movie night gone wrong, next time will cook for ourselves, I feel so bad this happened, my dad is going to get the bottom of what happened with the delivery guy. My head is killing me.’
I rolled my eyes as I deleted them. Britain’s texts were before that; the only one he sent that I hadn’t read was ‘good morning sleeping beauty’ that was sent Friday at four PM. I grinned, remembering that I’d slept another eight hours after that.
I picked up the phone he’d sent and scrolled through the music that was added. I was surprised to find that he’d remembered and found almost every song that I listen to. He only really missed one – and it was the one that I’d grown dependent on over the last few days.
I reached for my phone and scrolled to the song I was thinking of. The opening sound of the guitar was simply godly in my mind. I could imagine an empty dark room with a single player connected to his gift. As the drums came to life, I’d feel my heart race. The base and the lead guitars came next. The lyrics were so poetic, they’d make my heart cry. My favorite one was ‘My soul intertwined with the divine…an angel I wish were mine.’
I’m sure most girls would envision a boy confessing his love for her through these lyrics, but I didn’t; I thought of my father…it seemed when I was scared, I always thought of him – like I was asking him to protect me from wherever he was.
I always felt that my soul was connected to him in some way, but now he was a part of something bigger than me, heaven itself, and the only thing I could wish was that he was mine, that I didn’t have to share him with some divine spirit that lingered in the heavens above. I knew I could never explain my interpretation to anyone because my emotions had twisted the lyrics into something I wanted to hear.
I found the song on my phone, set it to repeat, then reached for Madison’s tattered sketch pad. The first sketches were of her zodiac sign, a Scorpio inside of a sun and the Virgo sign inside of a moon. I remembered this sketch – she was reflecting her moon sign entwined with her sun sign. Madison loved this science that I couldn’t seem to comprehend – she told me that our moon sign is how we feel on the inside….she told me every planet helped shape our personalities….the fact that I wouldn’t completely agree with her – but understood her point of view - seemed to prove to her how much of a Libra I was. Apparently, Libras have a knack for seeing both sides to every point.
The next sketch showed a music note with two bulls on each side of it. I didn’t know astrology well enough to know what sign she was mocking, and I couldn’t remember seeing this sketch before. I turned the page to see an outline of a man looking out at dark shadows. I didn’t remember this one either, but it was as if this man was looking into the nightmares of others. I turned the page quickly, wondering why she’d sketched something so dark. The next sketch showed another man, but the shadows he was looking at seemed more peaceful, almost like dreams or ambitions.
I turned the page, mumbling the words “Nightmares,” then “Dreams.” In the third sketch, I found an outline of a girl; she was looking at images, too, but Madison had focused on what looked like colors around them. In small text at the bottom, she’d written ‘emotions speak what I see’.
I bit my bottom lip, wishing I could see what my emotions were speaking. I turned to the next sketch to see another sketch of the girl standing in front of a dark image. Behind this image were countless detailed images of the dark image in action – it was almost like this girl could see the life behind the image. Beneath the sketch, Madison had written ‘Reality sees the nightmares, dreams and emotions.’
I couldn’t stop staring at the sketch of the girl; I fe
lt like I remembered her sketching this…right now I have a million questions about this, but in my memory I was calm - almost honored that I was able to see this come to life.
My curiosity caused me to turn the page again, and the next sketch made my heart stop. It was the image of a girl – one that looked like Bianca. She was looking over her shoulder in an alluring manner, and Madison had captured the birthmark of the broken heart on the back of her neck.
As I stared at this, I had a flash of memory - one that didn’t make any sense. It was clearly back in time. It had to have been centuries ago. I saw Bianca look at me over her shoulder as her arms held a man I couldn’t recognize – I could just feel the heartbreak, jealousy, and rage.
I slammed the book closed and rubbed my hands across my face. I looked at the clock and debated on calling Madison to come over now. I knew I must have told her about what I was afraid of. I had to have been vivid enough for her to capture my emotion in that sketch. It didn’t make any sense. I wouldn’t care if Bianca and Britain were a couple – I wouldn’t care if he was with anyone else. My head spun with questions of why I couldn’t remember what I wanted to talk to him about – why I was determined to protect him and others from Bianca…nothing made sense.
I stared at the phone Britain had sent for countless moments before finally deciding to text him.
I let out a breath and texted: ‘you found me’.
He responded immediately: ‘did I get you in more trouble by me sending it – I told the messenger to give it to you and no one else’.
I knew if I told him the messenger had given it to my sister, whoever that was would lose their job. That’s just how it is with Britain and Bianca’s family: if you didn’t do as you were instructed or show proper respect to their family, you’d pay a price. I thought of the guy that had delivered our food the other night; I really did hope he was guilty of some crime and wasn’t used as a martyr for Bianca’s alibi.
I texted back: ‘they had already given me mine back Ill mail this one back to you.’
His response was immediate: ‘it’s yours in case they take yours away again – how’s Salem r u still in trouble.’
I bit my bottom lip as I fought the urge just to turn the phone off and pretend that he didn’t exist anymore.
My stomach tied itself in knots as I texted the words: ‘How did you find me?’
At that moment, the phone began to vibrate with a silent ring. I looked to the short wall, knowing that Kara would hear whatever I said, and I didn’t want her to know I was talking to him. I crawled off my bed and walked to my closet – it wasn’t as big as the one I had at the apartment, but I could still close the door and muffle my voice.
I answered in a whisper, “Hello?”
“A whisper…,” he said in an amused tone. “You really must be in trouble.”
“The house echoes; I don’t want my voice to carry.”
“Were they mad when they saw the phone?” he asked.
“Yeah…how did you find me?” I asked again.
“It wasn’t hard…Madison had tags from Salem when she came to see you last month – you said you’d been friends since you were kids – one Google search and...well, there you were.”
“Stalker,” I said in a flat tone.
“Did you not want me to know where you were?” he asked in a tone that almost reflected pain.
I squinted my eyes closed and balled my hand into a fist. “I don’t know what I want right now – those drugs have really messed with me….I just want to be alone.”
“You’re never alone…we both know that,” he said quietly
“Do we?” I asked, questioning if anyone beyond me knew about the sinister whispers that haunted me.
“Yeah…” There was an awkward silence. “I just needed to know you were OK. I can tell that you aren’t yourself right now,” he answered tenderly.
“Am I acting different?” I asked.
“Just confused – two days ago, we were happy…now you willingly went two and a half hours away from me.”
“I didn’t go willingly – I wanted to stay there,” I said, regretting that I hadn’t fought harder to stay – Salem wasn’t my secret anymore.
“With me?” he asked in a charismatic tone.
I hesitated before I answered him. “I just wanted to figure out what I was wanting to talk to you about that night…do you remember?”
“Us.”
“There is no us – we’re just friends,” I said shortly.
“Well…maybe that’s what you wanted to talk to me about…maybe you wanted to change that.”
“That’s not it,” I said, shaking my head and growing more frustrated with myself.
Silence took over for countless moments, and I started to think of an excuse to get off the phone. Before I could come up with one, he asked, “How did your afternoon go with mom – did you have a family celebration?”
My heart started to race as I remembered lunch…Draven. I took in a deep breath. “Just lunch…I got a car, though.”
“Really? What kind?”
“A bug,” I said, halfway smiling.
“A bug…interesting.”
I knew he wouldn’t care for it; he drove an Aston Martin – one of the fastest, most luxurious cars there were.
“I received a surprise gift, too,” he said.
“What - a house?” I said, halfway joking.
“Yep.”
“Are you serious?” I asked, not believing him.
“Very…just outside of a place called Salem.”
“What?!” I said, louder than I intended.
He laughed at my tone. “Yeah…I was a little upset about you moving away…my dad said he’d been looking at houses in that area for a while, so he placed a bid on one this afternoon. We should know soon if the offer was accepted – one way or another, I’ll be there in a few days…Bianca’s coming with me – she misses you already.”
I felt sick so sick, I had to cover my mouth. Sweat came across my brow, and I started to pace the little floor space my closet had.
“Don’t come here – I’m in enough trouble – I’ll come back to New York in a few days. My mom just has to open up her offices in Boston – when she’s back home, she’ll want me in New York with her.”
“I doubt that,” he said quietly. ”And if you go back to New York, it’s not like I don’t have a place there, too.”
“Britain, I want space – I’m furious at Bianca – even if you came here, I couldn’t see you; they wouldn’t let me.”
He didn’t say anything for a second or two, and I could feel the tension building between us.
“Bianca made a stupid mistake…don’t make me pay for it. They don’t have to know you’re seeing me…you have a car now – just take a drive – they’ll never know.”
“I have to go,” I said in a frustrated tone.
“Why?”
“I’m tired. I want a shower – I just need to think right now.” Not waiting for him to respond, I hit ‘End’, then ‘Sleep’ on my phone.
I opened my closet door, and in a daze and walked to my bed and fell across it. I stared at the open ceiling, fighting frustrated tears that wanted to surface. Britain’s phone vibrated as a text came in. I didn’t bother to read it –I just wanted to forget him.
The sound of a guitar gently playing pulled me out of my thoughts. I focused on the sound. I felt like I recognized the chords, but I didn’t know from where. I reached for my headphones and pulled them to my ear, only to find my favorite song still playing. I knew every sound that song had, and the sound I was hearing wasn’t coming from there. I paused the song so I could hear the faint sound more clearly. For a second, I thought that somehow the whispers were mocking the sound. When I realized that this sound was too pure for that to be true, I walked to the short wall of my room and looked down, then up. I couldn’t explain it, the sound was so faint, it almost wasn’t real. A moment later, it was quiet again – oddly, I found the quiet
more mysterious than the sound.
I couldn’t relax; I was too worried about the moment the whispers would surface again. They’d never been this unpredictable before.
I decided to get ready. After talking to Britain, going to hear bands play sounded perfect. I needed a way to forget my worries.
The only make up I wore was black liner, and I only used it sparingly around the corners of my eyes. I pulled out my favorite skinny jeans and my small, dark purple affliction shirt; the only thing it had on it besides the name brand was a black Celtic cross that centered itself on my stomach. I had to dig through a bag of belts my sister had packed before I found my black studded one. I fastened the skull buckle, then looked for my short combat boots. I pulled the laces loose on purpose and left them untied. I checked myself in my mirror, hoping that this outfit looked as good on me as I thought it would when I put it together. I never wore the same clothes in the same way more than once.
All at once, the silence of the room broke again and I could hear the same guitar sound as I did before. I stepped into my room in an attempt to follow it, but it still had no real source. I took the short stairs to the top floor; the sound wasn’t any clearer up there. I glanced over the guitars still sitting where they remained before I turned to go down the stairs. I walked past my level and made a point to stop in every room to see if the sound was more defined, but it wasn’t; I swear, it was as faint as the air.
I found Kara at the kitchen table, typing at the speed of light. She had her headphones in, and I could hear the faint sound of the music she was listening to, but that wasn’t the sound I was hearing either. I walked over to her and pulled one of the ear buds out, and she jumped back - It was obvious I’d jerked her out of a deep thought.
