“Thank you,” I say quietly.
He grabs my hand, and we walk toward the exit when I see the lithe little nurse with the Bible, Kendra, I think her name was. She has no Bible this time, and Kendra stops in front of us.
“Going to dinner?” Kendra asks.
“I’m not on call today. Do you remember Ashley?” Kevin asks.
Kendra only nods, still apparently not willing to address my presence. I suppose this is what it’s like dating a human Adonis. And it doesn’t feel fun. At least with Seth, you knew the women weren’t exactly gathering around to garner his attention. Maybe that’s not exactly true, Arin had her own attention-getting tricks. I never will understand women who go after other women’s men. I mean; if you “win,” don’t you have to live with the fear that someone younger and perkier is coming along?
“Kendra, right?” I say, and thrust my freshly moisturized hand forward.
“Have fun at dinner,” Kendra says without taking my hand and walks down the hallway away from us.
“If there’s something I’m getting in the middle of, because with where I’ve been lately, I’m not really interested in—”
“You’re not in the middle of anything. Kendra wants a doctor for a husband. Every hospital has lots of women like that. I’m just the freshest cut of beef at the moment.”
I laugh out loud. “Freshest cut of beef?”
“Filet mignon,” he says with a wink. “Not that hamburger you’re used to.”
“Where do men get their egos? Can I buy one?”
“An ego for a lawyer? Now, there’s a novel idea.”
I cross my arms. “Are you giving me lawyer grief?”
“I could comment that you found the hospital by chasing an ambulance here, but I won’t.”
“You’re terrible. I mean, really terrible. Don’t quit your day job because, as a stand-up comedian, you haven’t got a chance.”
“Oh really? You, who watches So I Married an Axe Murderer over and over again, are going to tell me about humor?”
“Who told you that?”
“Kay. I called there looking for you.”
“Don’t be picking on my movie, or we’re going to have to call it quits. I can’t trust anyone that doesn’t know at least two lines from that movie.”
“I can quote from both the Harriet poem, and the ‘orange on a toothpick cranium’ scene.”
I fall into Kevin’s arms. “Then you have distinct possibilities.”
His arms close around me and his eyes meet mine. It’s never good to feel this strongly. This lacks control, and I don’t ever want to lack control. But as Kevin bends down to kiss me, I can’t feel my feet and so I know to fight it is futile.
He’s too good to be true, I tell myself. Too good to be true. Think dogs. Think longevity. But I’m lost in his kiss, and I don’t care about the facts. Which makes me start to giggle, and Kevin pulls away. “Remember that scene where his mother says the Weekly World News is full of facts? These are facts,” I say in my best Scottish accent.
“You know they’ll be hauling you away one of these days? And that my family has never heard of Mike Myers?”
I’m still giggling. “So which will you choose, Kevin? Mensa? The country club? Or the sophomoric humor and never-ending statistical facts of Ashley Wilkes Stockingdale?”
“You drive a hard bargain, and I’ll let Mensa go, but I think I might run a check on that SAT score of yours.”
“SATs are just memorization,” I say through my laughter. “I have a memory as long as this hallway.” I point to my temple. “It’s full of legal cases, patents, several thousand quotes from People magazine, and George Michael songs.”
“Now that is a combination I cannot refuse.”
He kisses me again, and I have to admit, my appetite has long since gone away. On the other hand, if I don’t get to a restaurant soon, I’m in danger of playing with fire.
“You can refuse. Seth refused. I think it was my lack of initiative to learn Matrix lines.” There I go again, bringing up the ex’s name. I lack tact.
“Seth is history. I knew he would be the minute I laid eyes on you singing that hymn.”
I’m hearing Ariel’s aria from the Little Mermaid in my head, wondering if my voice has that much power. Do you think?
“Back to earth, Kevin. Your head is like Sputnik.”
Kevin throws back his head in laughter. “And you love me anyway.”
I draw in a deep breath. Kevin presses his lips to mine once again. I pull away and look down the hallway. “We have a really bad habit of kissing in inappropriate spots. Did you ever notice that?”
“Must you narrate everything?”
“I narrate when I’m nervous.”
“I thought you shopped when you were nervous.”
“I shop and I talk.”
“Then let’s feed you since the mall is closed.” Kevin takes my hand and leads me to his car. I keep my lower lip between my teeth for fear I might narrate myself right out of dinner.
28
The restaurant is dark, and live classical piano music makes me feel like I’m in a very expensive elevator. It smells like a mixture of wine and several designer perfumes vying for attention—not the most appetizing scent, I must say. We are the only people under the age of sixty, and I’m the only woman not dripping in carats of diamonds as if a QVC cubic zirconia event was taking place. So this is what the other half does on Thanksgiving, when their cooks are home cooking for their own families, and the well-appointed kitchens become just more quality furniture.
I look at Kevin, and he doesn’t just go straight to the maître d’ like I expect a confident surgeon to do. He stands back, as if waiting for me to take control. Well, I’m not shy. I step forward when I notice he’s halted on purpose.
“What?” I say, like his mother. “Is it my sweatpants?”
He pulls me outside into the parking lot and lets out a laugh as though he’s been holding his breath. “I can’t eat in there,” he says.
“Why not?”
“I didn’t want to have dinner with my parents. I don’t want to have dinner with forty of their closest clones.”
“I thought you were hungry.”
He stares down at me, and I notice, not for the first time, how totally perfect his jawline is. You know how Johnny Depp has that incredible profile, that smoldering look that would inspire his face in marble? Well, I’m serious, Kevin is a major contender for his bust being cast in stone. He’s talking and I must say I got lost for a minute.
“What?” I ask.
“Those people were wearing bibs, Ash. I don’t want lobster for Thanksgiving. It’s like their way of justifying their lives aren’t total garbage. That they can’t admit that there’s no one who wants to cook them a meal, or a place to go. I don’t want to end up like that, so I don’t think we should start like that.”
“Lobster on Thanksgiving isn’t exactly roughing it, Kevin.” As if I need to explain this.
“Did you notice how thrilled my parents were to have an invitation at your parents’ house?”
“I assumed they did it for you.”
“My parents were at a golf tournament for Thanksgiving week, Ashley. Don’t you find that slightly sad?”
I shrug. Doesn’t sound so bad to me, actually. Palm Springs and a golf course and spa? My life should be such garbage.
“They had nowhere to go, so they came here not even knowing if I’d be around. I think they hope I’ll bring some warmth into their week.”
“They seem happy enough. I mean, for people without God in their lives.” I shrug. “When you’re not a believer, what is life but one big way to avoid Him? Your mother was telling me that she came in second in the ladies’ tournament. From what I know about golf, that has to feel pretty good.”
“Far be it from me to judge them, Ashley. I’m happy they have something more to do than the IQ conventions, but I left my Georgia roots for a reason.” He sniffs away the remainder of hi
s laughter. “I’m sorry. I know what you’re thinking. Poor little rich boy. Huh?”
“No, actually, I wasn’t thinking that at all. I was thinking it makes me want to learn to cook. So I could make you feel like you had some-where to go on Thanksgiving.”
“I think that’s the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.”
He stares down at me, his green eyes gazing into mine, and I feel his smooth hand come to my cheek. “I don’t know how I knew about you, Ashley, but I saw it the very first time I laid eyes on you. That day you were singing. It was like a sign that you were just who you appeared to be. You don’t really care to marry a doctor, do you?”
Did he just say the word marry? I’ll be. “I like someone around. And you’re never around and that beeper is always attached. Besides, I’ve been waiting for Prince Charming for a long time. I want to be content with my life just the way it is. I have a great life.”
“I’ll be here, Ashley.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. No one has ever spoken to me like Kevin. He’s straightforward-honest. I’m so used to playing verbal poker with the men of Silicon Valley. There’s no reason for that with Kevin. He says what he means, and means what he says. Without fear or trepidation. Which, of course, makes him completely suspect.
I’m fiddling with my hands, and he keeps pulling my chin up to look him in the eye.
“I know you’d want to be there, Kevin. But I’m high-maintenance. At least that’s what Seth tells me.” I laugh and start to walk toward the car.
“Seth doesn’t know a thing about you, Ashley. He never did.” Kevin calls after me. “And I’m beginning to think you don’t either.”
I nod. “You’re probably right. He never did.”
“When he brought you the tulips on the beach . . .”
My eyes pop open. “How’d you know about that?”
“I told him they were your favorite. I saw you choose some once in San Francisco when we came out of that garage.”
I knew Seth didn’t have enough sense to bring flowers. “Let’s go eat leftovers from Kay.” I take his hand. “We don’t have to decide about our future here and now. We’ve got all the time in the world.” Oh my goodness, I sound like Seth. “Then, we can go rescue your parents from mine. Or vice versa.”
“Let’s go home to your mom’s. I mean your parents and my parents. Who knows what ugly secrets they’re sharing. There will be left-overs there.”
“And lots of relatives, and my brother especially. Let’s just go eat quickly at Kay’s. Do you mind? Just give me one Thanksgiving where I don’t need Tums to settle my angst.”
Without another word, Kevin opens my door and we drive home to my place. I see Rhett bounding down the street at the corner as we’re driving, but the dog recognizes the car and heads home.
“That dog is going to be the death of me.”
Kevin shakes his head. “That dog loves you.”
“I like him, too.”
Out of the car, Rhett jumps on my Juicy sweatpants, and the autumn-colored yellow, actually called Daisy, now looks like a giraffe print, covered in brown paw prints.
“Rhett!” I bend down and snuggle up with my puppy. “You’ve been a good doggy, home all day. Come on, let’s go get you some doggy treats.”
I bound up the walkway after Rhett and open the door. Kay is watching Terms of Endearment as we come in. She’s sniffling with a Kleenex in her hand, her red-rimmed eyes meeting mine. “What are you doing home?”
“Kevin and I thought we’d grab a bite, if that’s okay with you.”
Kay flips off the television and starts for the kitchen.
“Sit down, Kay. We can help ourselves.”
“No, no. Please let me. It will be good for me to help someone who appreciates it.”
“We haven’t eaten all day long, Kay. We’ll appreciate it like a hard-working cowboy appreciates the wagon train,” Kevin says while patting his stomach.
I look at Kevin with my eyebrows scrunched together. “What are you, Clint Eastwood all of a sudden?”
He points at me. “Go ahead. Make my day.” He comes close to me and envelops me in a hug while Kay merrily hums her way into her domain. “So you’ll cook for me someday?” he says into my hair.
“I said I wanted to cook for you. I didn’t say I could actually do it.” I look up. “But I’ll try.”
“I think it’s hot that you want to cook for me,” he growls.
Breathe in. Breathe out. “Then, culinary academy, here I come!”
He bends down and kisses me with firm and determined lips. My stomach swirls like a northeastern wind, but I shake it off. Something is not right here. P. T. Barnum said a sucker is born every minute. I feel like I’m standing here with my last nickel, ready to give it away.
29
Idon’t know what to expect at my parents’, and I’m leery of walking in the house. It sounds quiet. Eerily quiet. I mean, these are the people who named me after Ashley Wilkes, and while there’s a heart-warming story behind that, no one really knows that. They just think we’re a little off-kilter. And they’d be right.
I look back at Kevin. “There’s no yelling. That can’t be good.”
“Maybe they’re having dessert. Open the door,” Kevin says, like a movie extra waiting to enter the haunted house. Just as we open the door, his beeper goes off again.
I put a forefinger in his chest accusingly. “You’ve got that thing timed!”
He holds up two fingers and shakes his head. “Scout’s honor.”
I open the door, and there’s my family quietly sitting at the dining room table playing Scrabble. With the Mensa people. Wonders never cease.
“Hi,” I say quietly. Don’t want to ruin anyone’s triple word score or anything. I didn’t even know my parents owned a board game.
Mei Ling, my sister-in-law, brings herself to her feet and waddles over. There’s nothing worse than feeling large next to a pregnant woman. Mei Ling embraces me and whispers in my ear. “Get them out of here.”
“Dr. and Mrs. Novak!” I clap my hands together, like I’m announcing circle time at the local preschool. “I’m so glad you were able to come.”
“Oh, Ashley, we had the best time. Did you know your mother used to be Scrabble champion at her high school?”
I look at my mother. I have never seen her play Scrabble. I haven’t even seen her do a crossword puzzle. My mom’s smile indicates that her teeth are grinding against each other, and I have a feeling the Novaks are not her first pick for a set of in-laws.
Kevin gets his parents to the door by putting on their coats as they rise. I look at him and catch his smile. I guess it’s the universal mind to be embarrassed about one’s parents. They stand up, he ushers them toward the door, and then moves close to me and I feel his warm breath on my hair. Seth who?
Kevin speaks into my cheek. “Whatever you do, do not hold me responsible for my parents’ behavior. Remember, they live across the country. You will only see them twice a year.”
I nod, but I’ve already seen them twice this year. And I’m not even officially seeing their son.
“I’ve got to run to the hospital,” Kevin says aloud. “Mother, Father, I’ll drop you at my place on the way.”
“We’re having a fabulous time, Son. Why don’t you come back for us?” Elaine says with a smile, but I can tell by the weary eyes of my family members that they’re ready for a quiet, familiar evening of Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. They’ve had enough of entertaining the brain trust.
Dr. Novak Sr. stretches. He flexes his biceps and parades in front of my father. “Look at that, Hank. That’s what working out will do for you. I could still take my son in a wrestling match, and I’m sixty-eight.”
“Yes, well, Dad, let’s get you back home and you can work off some of Mrs. Stockingdale’s fabulous dinner. It still smells wonderful in here.”
They’re out the door and the collective sigh of relief sounds like a rushing train.
�
�Ash, where did you find those people?” Dave asks.
“Makes me glad my mother is in China,” Mei Ling giggles.
My father gets up and heads for the TV. He points at me as he goes by. “You gonna marry that guy?”
“Not necessarily. Mom, what happened?”
“Nothing, Ashley. Kevin is a darling boy. Don’t concern yourself with his parents. I married your father, after all.”
My father smirks at my mom.
“I’m not getting married. I’ve just met the man. What happened?”
“Never mind, Ashley. It’s not important.” My mother picks up the pie plate from the center of the table. “Help me clean up.”
Again with the cleaning! “Will you drive me home when I’m done, Dave?”
“You know, I could take Seth droning on about The Matrix for a lifetime before I go through that again.” He points at the door. “Those people need help, Ashley. Finish up. I’ll take you home.”
“Come on, no one’s going to tell me what happened?”
“I’ll tell you,” Mei Ling offers, but Dave looks at her threateningly.
“Don’t you say a word, Mei Ling. That garbage doesn’t need repeating.”
I know Mei Ling will tell me later, but apparently I’m going to have to wait.
Three days later I march into the Reasons Sunday school meeting like I’m marching into negotiations in Taiwan. Just try and mess with me. The room is typically Reason. Unlike every other classroom, there’s no coffee. There are no donuts. This is simply because no one can be bothered to pick them up at the front of the church where all the Sunday mothers have put together a platter for each and every class. These people are lucky I’m not the violent sort. They’re all sitting around laughing, completely ignoring my entrance. And I’m wearing DKNY and looking good, so that’s just not right.
I approach Pastor Max and his lovely wife Kelly and they smile at me sympathetically. As in, poor Ashley can’t find a man to save her life. I hear the murmur as my presence becomes known, and Seth’s absence gets talked about. I know what they’re all thinking. Poor, dumped Ashley, can’t even land an Average Joe reject.
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