by Liza James
“Stella.” My name is barked out as an order behind me, just as my head is crudely yanked back by my hair. I stumble against a hard, muscular chest and a tiny satisfactory smirk pulls at my lips. Sharp teeth and heated breath scrape against my ear. “What the fuck did I tell you?”
My heart pulses in my chest and my blood seethes underneath my skin. “Not to wear my hair like this unless I wanted to be in trouble?” I say innocently, as if I’ve made a mistake and forgotten.
I didn’t forget.
“Oh, you’re in big fucking trouble, baby girl.” His hand pulls back and he crashes it against my ass. The tight latex making it somehow sting even more than usual.
I love the pain. I crave the sting he offers me.
“But we need to talk first,” his voice changes, softens a bit and that grabs my attention. I turn in his arms and he releases my hair by a fraction, maintaining his hold while his other hand slides around my waist. “I received word that there’s been an influx of drug trafficking through the realms.”
My eyes narrow in confusion and my brows pull together over my forehead. “What? Drugs? I don’t understand.”
“It looks like Kano. A supernatural drug that has been skyrocketing in production. It’s named after the ancient Viking Runes, meaning opening. It acts as a euphoric high, essentially opening you up to different realms. People used to use it in an attempt to contact others in different dimensions. Lost ones, lovers, friends who passed away. But it’s highly addictive and when given too much, can completely warp your mind and make you susceptible to manipulation. It was banned years ago when the drug began being used against Fated pairings.” He pauses, sighing in disappointment before he continues. “When you’re in that state, you lose sense of your surroundings, of what reality is. It’s an escape for some, and a weapon for others. It was easy to pick and slaughter people who weren’t aware of what was happening to them.” He explains everything perfectly, but my mind struggles to keep up with him. The sounds of the club become louder in my ears, my blood surges with concern and apprehension as I try to understand what point he’s getting at.
“What does that mean exactly? What are you trying to tell me?” I pull us backwards and towards the wall where I can hear him better. He cages me in, placing his hands on either side of my head as he leans down and dips closer to me.
“I think Sunan and Danner could be using it with Amelia,” he exhales and looks to the right, where Leon is grinding against another Succubus. When he first began coming to Avernus, I was caught off guard. Here, he can reveal his true form, and I hadn’t realized he was hiding anything on the Upside. But as I watch him and the small blonde that dances against his body, his long, black horns break through and spiral out the top of his head. He doesn’t show them often, choosing to keep the hidden. But down here, he’s a little more lenient, and I think the anger that courses through his body lends to the release of his natural state.
Leon suddenly turns his gaze towards us, clearly watching our private conversation while he grips the blonde’s hips and moves against her.
Nathanial’s eyes fall back to me. “If they are, they could essentially do whatever they wanted without her fighting back. I’m sure she’s already weak and in pain, but the drug would erase any strength she had remaining. Her mind would be open to countless different tactics, they could warp her reality into something that convinces her to fall in line with her mother’s beliefs. She would be addicted, absolutely. I doubt they are managing her intake in the slightest.”
My head falls back against the wall and I close my eyes, letting his words process through my already worried mind. “So how do we stop it? How the fuck do we get her back, Nathanial?”
“The good news is that we have a lead. We have someone on the inside who was able to provide the information for the trafficking. We know several of the places they have been dropped off at in the past, and can plan to watch for the next one so that we’re there.” Nathanial grips my jaw with his long fingers and tilts my head down so that I open my eyes and look at him. “We’re closer. A lot closer.”
“But not close enough,” I whisper the words as his lips brush against mine. He drops his forehead to my own as I fight back tears.
“It’s Kano, isn’t it.” Leon’s voice erupts behind Nathanial and I look over his shoulder to meet Leon’s vacant gaze.
“I think so,” Nathanial says as he straightens and turns toward Leon.
He ditched the blonde dancer, and now his body is rigid and tense with that familiar rage.
“I wanted Amelia dead, not for this to be drawn out and for her to live in torment,” his voice breaks as he drops it lower. “It’s fucking killing me.”
“Then help us, Leon. Please, we have to find her,” I beg, hoping he surrenders to what his blood and body are craving. He may hate her, but he needs her as much as she needs him.
“Fine,” he sighs as he scrubs his tattooed hand down the front of his face. “Let’s fucking get her back.”
With Leon on our side, we have an entirely new tool at our disposal.
Amelia, hold on. We’re coming for you.
“Fuck off, you disgusting piece of shit,” I spit the words out at him even though I know it won’t change anything. I do it because it’s my only means of defiance. It’s the only way I can fight back now. Through my voice.
“Why the hell isn’t this shit working on her?” Danner’s vile tone creeps over my skin in the darkness. I don’t know where I am, but I’ve been locked in this barred and rusted cage for countless nights now. I stopped keeping track when I truly succumbed to the fact that no one was looking for me.
I didn’t expect them to. Not even Leon, who I can feel literally wasting away on his binges and party nights. My own agony eats through our blood and courses through our bond. It’s a painful reminder of everything I’ve done throughout my past.
And I wish I could say I regretted all of it.
But I don’t.
My mind is warped and shredded into mixed pieces of individual events. I don’t live a linear stream of memories. Instead, it’s chopped up pieces of what I’ve done wrong, what I’ve done right according to my mother, and the people I’ve hurt, killed and tortured.
Because it’s a long fucking list. And Leon ranks right at the top of people I’ve destroyed.
I learned to hate myself a long time ago, accept the fact that I’ll never be worth anything to anyone. For a while, I thought I was valuable to my own mother, my own blood. Now I know even that was a lie, and instead I chose to hurt the flesh and blood I didn’t even know existed.
Stella and Luna. My sisters.
Two of the people I’ve despised the most over the years and yet they’re the only two who mistakenly try to fucking fix me.
I hate them, but I hate myself even more.
I laugh, a sharp sound of surrender and exhaustion. I’m tired, and I’m in so much pain that my body hardly responds anymore. They try to inject me with Kano, a drug I’m all too familiar with, but they don’t realize that I built up an immunity to that shit a long time ago. So they keep pumping me with it, more and more every single day until they reach the point of where I dissolve into something tamable.
“More,” Danner grits out and his fingers tightly grip the base of my forearm as he jabs the thick needle through my skin for the fourth time.
“If you kill her, Sunan will be livid.”
Please do.
Another deep and gritty voice cracks around me and I know it’s another one of her revolting Demon slaves. How ironic, truthfully. That I was bred to slaughter Demons and mixed breeds, only to find out that I’ve been destroying my very own kind?
It’s okay, add it to the never-ending list of reasons why I want to die.
Congratulations, you’ve successfully survived Stella and Nathanial’s journey. I know it was hard, it was painful, it wasn’t pretty. I get that.
But it was them. It was their broken pieced-up lives finally finding the mis
sing parts within each other. But they had to accept what they were destined to be without the bond first, and I had a feeling their late union would disappoint a few people.
I’m sorry if it did, but I’m not sorry for how that played out. Because it’s a part of who they are alone, and as a couple. I love them for what they went through, the risks they took, the hurdles they overcame. Their story is so complex, and I’m genuinely obsessed with them.
So THANK YOU! To so many people, but firstly, to you. The reader. The imaginer, the escapist, the fantasizer, the believer.
I couldn’t do this without you, and I’m thankful for you.
I want to say thank you to KV, for talking me off ledge COUNTLESS times. And by talking me OFF the ledge, I mean shoving me off into the abyss because I needed the extra push.
To my Alphas, Priscilla and Allison. You guys are rockstars and put up with SO MUCH. So thank you, you keep me true to the story and true to my characters.
To my Betas, Brie, Karlie, Chelsea, and Natalie. I love you guys, you all mean everything to me and I’m so thankful that you take the time to read all of my stories.
Massive shout out to my editor, Amy Briggs, for giving me the best encouragement, criticism and kick ass comments that I could ever ask for. You’re a unicorn.
My PA, Sam. You are genuinely AMAZING. I am so thankful to have you as such a huge part of this journey. I hope you know how much I appreciate everything you do, every minute you spend helping me. I realize I’m chaotic and messy, and you organize things into BEAUTY. I literally could not function through everything without you.
Books&Moods. There isn’t much to say other than I’M SORRY I’M A PAIN IN THE ASS. I love you guys. Thank you.
Lastly, the biggest shout out to my Mystery Girl. You showed up when I needed you. You inspired me when I was falling flat, and you guided me when I thought I was lost. You’ve changed me, and I couldn’t be more thankful to have you in my life.
Website: www.lizajames.org
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