by Shey Stahl
“Savy!” Bristol called out to her, carrying a bag in one hand and a water bottle that looked like she’d dropped about a million times in the dirt. “I got you a cookie!”
“Where’d you get a cookie?” I asked Bristol.
“Grandma made them.” She stared up at me, pushing her hair from her dirty face. Yes, 90 percent of the time my kids were head to toe covered in dirt, but they were loved and happy.
But then I thought, damn, my mom made cookies and didn’t bring me any? Rude.
Just as I was going to hunt down said cookies, Mom appeared with a bin full of them.
The girls and I made it to the autograph session with the kids. They loved being a part of when their dads were out in the public.
Standing in line with Hayden and Lily, they laughed about the reactions the guys were going to have with us wearing Casten’s Racing apparel. I wasn’t laughing. I knew the reaction my husband was going to have.
Lifting my gaze to the row of drivers settled behind turn one at Devil’s Bowl Speedway, I found the one who held my attention always. He never failed to evoke a reaction from me. And I knew all the women standing in line to meet him today felt the same way. They leaned in, offering up their tits and anything else they thought he might sign and usually, he did. He didn’t give a fuck. Never one to turn down a dare, I once saw him sign a man’s ass cheek because Axel bet him fifty bucks he wouldn’t.
Inching forward, dirt clung to my flip-flops, I considered that I should have worn actual shoes tonight, but I didn’t give it enough thought to actually change.
In the middle of the row, Rager sat next to Casten at the table, the blaring sun on their faces and reflecting off their mirrored shades. Every so often, Casten nudged Rager’s elbow when it was time to sign a rack card or program.
After the tenth time, Rager had enough and slammed his hand down on the table and knocked Casten’s stack of cards into the dirt. “Knock it off, asshole. I’ll shove this Sharpie up your piss hole.”
Casten frowned and reached down to pick up his cards. “I doubt it’d fit. Piss holes are relatively small, dude.”
Rager never lifted his gaze from the table. “Which is why it will hurt.”
Dad was next to them, laughing, but not because of their conversation. He’d spotted us and what we were wearing. I smiled, as did Hayden. She was wearing a tank top that said “Proud pit lizard” with Jameson Riley splayed across her chest.
Hayden—never shy, never quiet—loudly asked, “Will you sign my tits?”
At first, he stared at her tits, for the briefest of moments and then diverted his eyes like he hadn’t seen it. Shaking his head, he cracked a smile. “Nope.”
Hayden’s hands flew to her waist. “Why the fuck not?”
Dad lifted his sunglasses, eyeing her face, not her chest. “Because I don’t want to.”
“Told you he wouldn’t do it.” Wrapping her arms around Hayden, Mom giggled. “He’s getting too old for that shit.”
Mom said that on purpose. To piss Dad off.
Tommy, who was in line with us, and wearing cut-off jeans and a ladies’-sized wife beater, gave Dad a head nod. “We’re getting old, Jameson. Every day I wake up and when there is no morning wood waiting for me, I get so sad.”
Dad stared at Tommy for what seemed like a very long time, but in reality was probably only a second. “That’s never happened to me.”
Tommy clasped his hand on his shoulder. “Yet. It hasn’t happened to you yet. But it will.”
It was hard to believe—but then maybe not really—all this was taking place in front of fans and they were laughing. If only they knew this was daily conversation for our family.
We shuffled through the line again, forward two steps and I was now in front of my husband. I slid a picture over the table lined with memorabilia and photographs of him in his racing suit and standing next to his car. It was my picture I slide across that caught his attention. It was one of us in victory lane last year, his hand on my ass as he lifted me into the air, kissing me.
He raised his head, his bright blues hidden behind mirrored shades. After our fight this morning, I wondered what his reaction to me wearing my brother’s racing shirt would be. Inherently jealous by nature when it came to me, Rager lifted his shades to offer me a glare. No words, just a glare. He sucked in a deep breath through his nose, causing his nostrils to flare.
I laughed, winked, but I didn’t budge because he’d been mean and damn it if I couldn’t be stubborn when I wanted to be.
Hayden leaned into the table, her hands splayed in front of Rager. He was not smiling at her. “Hey, asshole, sign it and move along.”
Would you believe me if I told you he signed it?
He didn’t. Refused to and pushed it aside, reaching for another program a little girl handed him. He even winked at her. I was his wife and didn’t even get that.
Guess he was still upset and I’d made it worse.
As we were walking away from the tables, I noticed Olivia in line, staring at my husband like she wanted to eat him. And not like you’d devour a plate of tacos. Like how you’d ate a piece of chocolate cake. Slowly, savoring every last bite.
“Ugh,” Lily groaned when she noticed her. “Why is she here?”
“She’s working for Ricky’s team this year,” Hayden added, knowing the dirt on anyone. She knew everything in the racing world. Who worked for who, who fucked who. All the details. Which was another reason she wasn’t allowed to have social media. She called a late model driver out for cheating on his wife last year. Okay, he had it coming. He posted a picture of his wife and told her she was the most important person in his life. And Hayden jumped all over that.
I looked over at Lily, who’d had run-ins with Olivia too in the past. Much like myself. Hell, she slept with Easton while we were still married. I did not like her and the fact that she was now staring at Rager, well, I wanted to run over there and rip her fake eyelashes off her face. “She just keeps making her way around, doesn’t she?” I noted, watching Rager never look up at her. Neither did Axel.
Good boys.
“Bitch up and take her out,” Hayden told us, as if she was rolling up her nonexistent sleeves.
Lily gave her the look. The one we had to give Hayden daily. “We can’t fight her just because she works for another team.”
“Uh, yes you can.”
Mom wrapped her arm around Hayden’s shoulders. “You three reminded me of me, Emma, and Alley back in the day.”
“Does that mean I’m the outsider?” Kinsley asked, carrying Jameson Grace in a pack on her chest. Probably to keep Hayden from trying to chew on her baby.
Mom smiled at her and made a scrunched-up cooing face at the baby. “No, you’re like our little pet we went to the store and found.”
Kinsley laughed. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”
“I know what will.” Mom pointed at her motor home. “A nap. Let me hold the baby and I’ll let you sleep.”
“Deal.”
Lily, Hayden, and I took the kids back to the motor home for lunch when Jonah got stung by a bee. Right on the crease of his eyelid. It swelled up immediately. “Can you watch Jacen and Savannah for me?” Lily asked, loading Jonah into her mom’s car.
“Yeah, totally.”
Hayden and I took the kids back in the pits one last time before motor heat began and the night’s activities were underway. They wanted to get their shirts signed by all the drivers tonight.
She had Rowyn on her hip, trying to walk through the rocky uneven ground in flip-flops, and I had Hudson in my arms. We couldn’t let either down in the pits. They’d be gone in a heartbeat. “I can’t believe how much his eye swelled up.”
“I know. But remember when he got stung by that mosquito, he did the same thing. Jack used to as well.”
Both Hayden and I looked at one another at the mention of Jack. Pain hit my chest. I hated that he wasn’t here with us anymore. He would have loved all his new cousin
s. And I bet he’d be racing midgets by now. But no, he wasn’t doing any of that.
AFTER THE HEATS had finished, Rager found me and locked me inside the hauler with him. Alone. I spun around to face him. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for the pill draw? I heard them call the drivers.”
“Something more important came up.” Rager cocked his head to one side and studied my face. That adrenaline-driven stare sent shivers down my spine. Only one of two things happened whenever Rager looked at me sideways like that, and both were harsh and exactly what I wanted. “Why are you wearing that?” He took a step toward me, kicking tools out of his way and Hudson’s push bike to the side with his foot.
I took a step backward and flinched when my lower back collided with the counter. “Because I wanted to support my brother.”
Lie. All lies and guess what? He knew it.
“Bullshit.” He took another step in my direction, stopping right in front of me. Reaching out, he wrapped his hand around my neck and though it wasn’t forceful, it provided enough pressure I wanted more. “Believe what you want,” I mumbled.
He shook his head, smiling, and reached for a pair of scissors beside me. “You’re my wife. You will only wear my shirts.”
Ah, yes. There was that possessive guy I knew so well. Trying to fight back a smile, I looked down at the scissors in his hand and the grip he now had on the shirt. “What are you doing?”
“Showing you what it means when you piss me off.”
Like I didn’t know that already. I slapped at his hand, pushed against his chest and laughed, but it was no use. He had a hold on me, and I wasn’t going anywhere until I was stripped bare for him. I shifted uncomfortably when he reached up and palmed my breasts.
He didn’t notice.
“You better stop laughing, or I’ll carve my name in your ass with these scissors.”
He wouldn’t, but it was just like him to threaten it. Despite me laughing, and him pissed off, I knew exactly where this was heading.
Until, as our luck would have it once again, there was a knock at the door.
“Rager! I need you out here.”
Stepping back, Rager smirked at me and set the scissors on the counter beside him. “Go change.”
I rolled my eyes when his gaze swept to my shirt. “You’re so possessive.” And I walked out of the hauler. “By the way, you lineup third for the dash.”
Rager laughed out a breath. “Honey, you ain’t seen possessive yet.”
Outside the hauler, I found Bristol and Savannah in the dirt. “Come on, pretty girls. Let’s go sell some T-shirts.”
“And change yours,” Rager yelled after me, but I couldn’t miss the playful demeanor.
With my hands in the girls’, I looked over at my husband. “You win the dash and I will.”
“Wait, Mama,” Bristol yelled and yanked her hand from mine.
“Bristol?”
“I forgot to tell Daddy good luck.” And then she ran full speed at him.
When he turned and basically caught her as she jumped at him, my heart was in my throat. Not because she’d run off or that cars were moving around us, but that he was holding our baby girl.
Pulling back, she smiled at him and kissed his cheek. “Good luck, Daddy.”
He blinked slowly, smiling. “Thanks, darlin’.”
Heart melted.
When Bristol returned, she slipped her hand in mind. “He should win now. I sprinkled him with magical fairy dust.”
“Is that like cocaine?” Rosa asked, surfacing out of nowhere. “Can you sprinkle me with some?”
“Sure.” Bristol stopped walking and waved her hand at Rosa. “There you go.”
I smiled at Rosa, walking slowly. “Now all your dreams are going to come true.”
Rosa adjusted her neon pink visor on her head. “Looks like you’re getting a divorce then.”
I rolled my eyes again, walking faster. “Of course you’d wish for that.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault.”
“Uh-huh.”
At the T-shirt trailer, the roar of the engines echoed off the grandstands, a thick layer of dust looked like smoke in the air. As I walked through turns one and two and back behind the grandstands to the row of trailers, I noticed Mom working Dad’s trailer. She had the boys in there with her and all three of them were now covered in chocolate ice cream.
I frowned. “Mom, they haven’t even had dinner yet.”
She held her hands up. “I didn’t give it to them. Your dad did.”
“Of course he did.” I let go of Bristol and Savannah’s hands as they stepped inside the trailer with the boys. Pace shared his ice cream but Knox and Ryder, nope. Not a chance. Greedy little buggers. “Hey, can you watch the kids? Lily had to take Jonah to the ER.”
Mom’s face paled. “Why?”
“He got stung by a bee. He’s fine, but it was near his eye and swelled immediately.”
“Oh no. Poor Kid.”
“Hayden has Rowyn and Jacen with her in the trailer.”
“Where are you going?”
I held up my phone. “We’re doing a live tonight on Facebook and we can’t have Hayden do it.”
Mom laughed. “I got the babies.”
I went on to watch the dash, where Rager won, so I changed out of my brother’s shirt and into my husband’s. He smiled when he removed his helmet. He was in the midst of talking with Dad and Caden, but his attention was on me.
I waited until he was done before I made my way over to him and congratulated him. The sun had set in the distance, a red glow in the pits. He smiled, I smiled, and I leaned into him, fisting my hands into his racing suit. “You smell like the night I fell in love with you.”
He buried his face in the curve of my neck, laughter on his lips. “And you smell like dirt and chocolate.”
It felt good to be like this again tonight after the first part of the season. Despite the nagging reminder in the back of my head when he squeezed me tighter, I tried to ignore the pain in my chest.
He noticed and frowned, running his hand through his hair. “What’s the matter? Are you hurt?”
“I think I have a swollen milk duct or something,” I told him, pulling back.
“Does it hurt?”
“Yeah, it’s red and swollen.”
He swallowed, his brows knitted together. “Maybe you should make an appointment?”
“I will,” I assured him, knowing we didn’t have the opportunity to take this lightly. Not with my family history. “But don’t worry about it tonight. Go win. Bristol said she sprinkled you with magic fairy dust and you wouldn’t want to let down your little girl, would you?”
He smirked, rearranging his features as his laughter returned with a sigh. “We wouldn’t want that, would we?”
“No, we wouldn’t.”
That night at Devil’s Bowl, Caden’s winning streak came to an end and our daughter’s magic fairy dust worked. The image of Bristol standing on the top wing with Rager holding her up will forever be one of my favorite memories.
Pressure Compensator – A device that equalizes the internal pressure of the moto with the external pressure of the environment.
LAKE OZARK SPEEDWAY
ELDON, MISSOURI
“I wanna do the pill draw tonight!” Pace yelled, tossing himself on the ground. “It’s my turn.”
“No, you did it the other night. It’s Knox’s turn.” I didn’t want to break it to him but I drew dead last for the third time this year with him doing the pill draw. Dude was fired from it.
“No, Bristol did it the other night.” Right. How could I have forgotten? She’d spent more time trying to make her dress twirl if front of the fans than she did paying attention to the pill draw.
Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair. “Fine, whatever. It’s your turn then.”
He stomped away from me, every bit of his mama’s attitude. And so did the little bro throwing a fit on the bed all over his diaper being changed. Listen, I�
�ve never been good at changing diapers. I actually hate doing it, but with Arie being gone and you know, needing to pull my weight as a dad this week, I had to do it. Pretty sure Hudson felt the same way about wanting his diaper changed.
“Will you hold still?” He didn’t and screamed at me, kicking his legs. “Why are you crying?”
“No!” Hudson screamed louder. I wanted to scream in his face and tell him he was the reason I had a vasectomy, but it wouldn’t be the truth. I had one before he was born and Arie was pregnant with our fourth kid in three years.
“Daddy.” Pace pulled on my shirt. “I can’t find my shoes. Where are they?”
“I don’t know, P. Maybe in your bed again?”
While I wrestled with Hudson and his inability to reason with me, Pace went to the back of the motor home, ripped his mattress off his bunk bed and threw his hands up without looking. “I don’t see them! I need them!” Yes, he screamed all of this at the top of his lungs. Usually Pace was levelheaded. More so than Hudson, who couldn’t be reasoned with at all most days, but Pace had a fuse. And when it was lit, he exploded. Over simple things like losing his fucking shoes.
“Did you check by the door?”
“Yes!” He threw his arms up. “I can’t find them.”
“Here.” I shoved a pair of shoes at him. “Wear these.”
“No.” He slapped them out of my hands. “Those are girl shoes.”
I nearly lost it on the boys. Aside from Knox who was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling and tripping everyone. I picked his limp body off the floor and set him on the couch next to Rosa, who by the way, hadn’t done shit this morning but watch me try to control the kids.
Knox lifted his head and smiled. “Hi, Daddy.”
I’d literally been here all morning, stepping over him and now he says hi? What a weird kid. “If you find Pace’s shoes, I’ll give you five dollars.”
He stared at me. Of course he didn’t know what I was talking about. Dude was three and five dollars meant nothing to him. Offer candy and he’d do anything you wanted.
“You know, I don’t mind,” Rosa said, crossing her legs and cracking open a White Claw.
