by Shey Stahl
“Mind what? And it’s ten in the morning. Why are you drinking?”
“Open relationships. And I’m drinking because you’re stressing me out. Have you ever watched these kids alone?”
Blank stare. That was all I had to offer her. Not only did I not know how to answer her, it dawned on me that I hadn’t watched the kids alone before. About then, Hudson slapped me across the face. Arie really needed to come back soon. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle three kids and Rosa. Luckily Arie took Bristol with her, but I wished she would have taken Hudson. She did not give me an option though.
Said some shit about needing girl time with her daughter. I think it was a set up from the beginning. And Rosa wasn’t helping the situation at all.
Outside the motor home, Sway found me. “Need help?” she asked, her smile bright though she looked as if she hadn’t slept much last night.
I knew the feeling. I hadn’t slept much being so worried about Arie and her doctor’s appointment. I couldn’t shake the nerves. “Yes,” I groaned, tossing Pace his shoes he said he couldn’t find but were right in front of the door. “Rosa won’t do anything.”
Sway laughed. “She never cleaned our house either.”
“I can hear you!” Rosa shouted from inside where she was now laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling with Knox.
“Why are they looking at the ceiling?”
I glanced over my shoulder. “No idea, and I don’t want to know.”
“I’m here to help.” But then Sway frowned. “Although, Arie wouldn’t think so.”
Sway wasn’t happy when Arie decided to fly back to North Carolina for her appointment and only took Bristol. But if you knew Arie, you understood she didn’t want to worry her mom. “She didn’t do it to hurt you,” I reminded her. “I think it was more about spending some one-on-one time with Bristol.”
Her cheeks rose with a smile. “I used to do that with her when the NASCAR schedule was in Florida. I’d take just me and her down to the Keys. Have you heard from her?”
“No, not yet.” I ran my hand through my hair watching Pace struggle to tie his shoes. “Did Solar Seals get that sponsorship proposal back to Jameson for the last five races?” When I decided to become partial owner, I hadn’t thought about what all the business side of this sport entailed. I mean, I knew for the most part because I’d been on this series for fifteen years and around Jameson. But it was taking up more and more of my time. I understood why Jameson wanted help.
“I haven’t talked to him about it. He’s with Justin and Tommy somewhere though.”
“Okay.” I glanced down at Pace and Hudson playing with sticks in the dirt next to the motor home. “You got them?”
“Yep. We’re gonna go find bugs.”
I laughed and ruffled Hudson’s hair. “Be nice to Grandma.”
Naturally he acted as if I hadn’t said a word.
Walking through the parking lot at the track, I noticed the track maintenance crew working the track. I was sure most fans didn’t even realize how much work it took to put on one of these races, let alone the work of the drivers, crews, and owners putting on the show for them. I hadn’t either until co-owning a team. On average, for one car to make a ninety race schedule, with three crew members, it was close to a half a million. Last year alone Jameson spent a hundred grand on tires for one team. It was Casten’s team because that guy can shred four sets of tires in one night. But it gave you an idea of how much goes into a race night. Not to mention around eighty thousand in diesel to get the haulers around the country.
You had race winnings and sponsorship money in there, too, but if you’re lucky enough to be in the top ten spots in the points, you received what they called tow money and point fund money. The World of Outlaws had a point fund spread throughout the top 20. It’s divided 50-50 between the car owner and driver, but you had to be in good standings.
It was a pretty good deal when you stayed in those top spots, which meant winning allowed a team more breathing room. And then when you cut costs of hotel rooms and buying a tire company (like Jameson had), you saved yourself a lot of money throughout the year.
Those were aspects of the business I hadn’t began to understand at all levels but was quickly getting a crash course.
I found Jameson, Tommy, Axel, and Justin in the parking lot where the haulers were starting to line up near the pit gates. And a kid next to them I hadn’t seen before. I made my way over to them. Jameson had a grin on his face.
“Hey, you hear from Solar Seals yet?”
He nodded. “Yeah, they sent over the sponsorship proposal this morning. We’ll look at it here soon.” And then his eyes drifted to Tommy, who was standing next to the kid.
“Who’s that?”
His smile widened. “I feel like karma has finally delivered.”
I wasn’t following the conversation until I heard the kid say. “I’m from Terre Haute. My mom said I’d find you touring with the Outlaws.”
And still I didn’t know what they were referring to, other than Tommy looked really fucking nervous. “How old are you?” Tommy asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“Fifteen.”
Axel started laughing and shook his head, as if he too knew exactly how this happened. Tommy had always “gotten around” I guessed you’d say. Even now, he was technically married to Rosa—long story that involved them accidently getting hitched and never correcting the problem—but he still hooked up with other people. And her, I had no idea, but it wouldn’t surprise me. So neither did Tommy having an illegitimate child running around.
“Where’s your mom?”
“Oh, uh.” The kid shrugged, the sun hitting his dark brown hair, but if you looked closely, it had a red tint to it. “At home. I took an Uber here.”
“Here?” Tommy’s eyes widened and he sighed.
“Yeah.”
“Does she know you came here?”
“Yeah, I think. I mean, I left a note.”
“What’s your mom’s name?”
“Tessa Thomas.”
Tommy shrugged, but you could tell he was starting to sweat it. “I don’t remember her.”
“It was fifteen years ago. She said you guys met at the Hulman Classic.” The kid pulled his cell phone out and flipped it around. “This is her.”
Tommy swallowed hard. “What’s your name?”
“Paxton. I don’t want anything from you. I just wanted to meet you and these cars look pretty cool. Think I could watch the race tonight?”
“We have an extra pit pass,” Jameson noted, seeming to want the kid to stay. I could understand why. Probably to make Tommy uncomfortable.
The kid started walking with Jameson toward the pit gate, but Tommy hung back with me and Axel.
“Congratulations?” I asked, unsure how he’d feel. He looked as though he was going to pass out.
“Dude, I know his mom. I fucking remember that night.” He slapped Axel’s chest. “That was the weekend you won the Hulman Classic, remember? Black hair, blue eyes, fucking legs….”
At first, Axel didn’t say anything, as though he too was trying to recall the night. “You mean the chick with the dragon tattoo on her leg?”
“Yes, her!” Tommy’s face was red with what I could only assume was stress. Stress I had no time for today with my own shit.
I patted his back. “Welcome to fatherhood.”
On my way back to the motor home, I caught up with Sway, and she had all three boys down for a much-needed nap, so I went over emails and sponsorship proposals… and obsessed over last week’s race at Devil’s Bowl by watching the main event on DIRTVision over and over again.
The race tonight was uneventful. The track was glazed over and had one line on the bottom. I ended up finishing third, which was okay, but kept me fourth in the points. What irritated me the most was Arie still not calling me back. She said she’d call before the race, but hadn’t. I texted, and still nothing.
We
loaded up the cars pretty quick after the race and the guys got on the road to Pevely for tomorrow night’s Spring Classic. Me, Axel, Jameson, and Caden, who’d won tonight, stayed back in the parking lot getting to know Paxton. Tommy had finally loosened up and came around to the idea of being a dad. As did Rosa who was walking around calling him son every chance she got. Honestly, after he was offered whiskey, I think he either wanted to be adopted by JAR Racing, or he wished he’d never come.
Willie slapped his hand to Tommy’s chest. “That was the time you got a DUI.”
I had no idea what they were referring to. I’d been trying to get Knox to eat a piece of pizza. The kid hated nearly everything unless it was cookies.
“No, no. That was the reckless driving ticket. The DUI was when the cop printed my driving record and told me to take a serious look at it when I asked him if my Breathalyzer number meant high score.”
“You shouldn’t be proud of that,” Jameson told him, tipping back his beer and reaching for another slice of pizza.
I tried to get Knox to eat but he wasn’t having it. “Daddy, no. It’s gross.” Knox pushed the pizza away again and slid off my lap and into Jameson’s. That allowed Pace to sit with me and he did, surprisingly.
I looked down at his feet and naturally, he was barefoot again. “Where are your shoes now?”
He tried to stuff an entire piece of pizza in his mouth at once. “I don’t know.”
Of course he didn’t. Sway came up to me and handed Pace his shoes and a hoodie to keep him warm. “Have you heard from Arie?”
I frowned. “No. I tried calling but she didn’t answer.”
She sighed. “Me too.”
“I’m a doctor,” Willie said to the kid, sitting next to him.
“No, you’re not,” Tommy reminded him. “You took a CPR class.”
“Still—” He paused and took a drink of his beer. “I could save someone if they were dying.”
“No, you could help them if they were not breathing, but it doesn’t mean you could save their life. There’s a lot of factors at play there. Why are they not breathing? Are they bleeding? Do they have a head injury?”
Willie’s brow pulled together in deep concentration as his shoulders hunched forward, defeated. “Okay, you’re just complicating it.”
Paxton burst out laughing and right then I knew he really was Tommy’s kid.
Sway grinned. “Fire crotch reproduced.”
Paxton leveled Tommy a serious look. “Why do they call you fire crotch?”
Tommy finished his beer. “You’re not old enough for that conversation.”
Pace laid his head back against my chest and I realized he was probably tired. Most kids his age would have been in bed four hours ago. “You tired?” I asked, kissing the side of his head. When I breathed in, he reminded me of when he was a baby and I’d hold him like this after a race to get him to go to sleep. He couldn’t sleep unless there was noise all around him.
He nodded. “Can we go sleep?”
“Yeah.” I patted his leg. “Why don’t you go say goodnight to Grandma and Papa.”
It was only a three-hour drive to Pevely, so we decided to make the drive in the morning instead of tonight. I got all three boys bathed and ready for bed, where they insisted on sleeping with me.
“I miss Mommy,” Pace told me, curling into my side as Knox and Hudson refused to sit still.
I grabbed Hudson by the back of his pajamas before he slid off the bed. “Me too.”
Pace sighed, as if he was totally stressed out about her not being with us. You and me both, buddy. “When is she coming home?”
It wasn’t lost on me that he called this home. A dirt parking lot inside a forty-foot motor home. But in fact, he’d spent most of his life inside a motor home traveling around the country with us. This was home for him.
“In a couple days.”
“Do you miss her?” he asked, looking up at me, his bright blue eyes hooded with exhaustion.
“More than you can imagine.” I made sure to catch Hudson again. “You three are a lot of work.” I made Hudson look at me. “Dude, stay on the bed.”
Finally, they fell asleep after an hour and I stared at the ceiling Knox had been so fascinated with earlier today. That was when I remembered that Arie had put glow in the dark stars on the ceiling for the kids when they got scared at night.
Thinking of her made me miss her more. Truthfully, I hadn’t stopped thinking about Arie all day. I hated I wasn’t at that appointment with her. And that she wasn’t answering my fucking phone calls. Had she gotten bad news and didn’t want to tell me over the phone? I couldn’t take the anticipation of not knowing.
Rotor – Rotating member of a motor.
FEDERATED AUTO PARTS RACEWAY AT I-55
PEVELY, MISSOURI
“I’m sorry I didn’t call.”
“Sorry?” Rager raised an eyebrow at me and I couldn’t miss the irritation in his voice. “I didn’t hear from you for two fucking days, Arie. Do you know how worried I was?”
“I told you, Bristol dropped my phone and it broke. I couldn’t call out.” I continued to load the groceries I’d bought on the way to the track. Cilantro, cheese, lettuce, tortillas, all tossed haphazardly into our fridge because I didn’t know how I was going to tell him about my appointment. And I couldn’t look him in the eye. I was petrified, too, because I knew I’d start crying.
“You could have gotten a new one.”
My heart kicked up in my chest, a loud hard thump I couldn’t ignore. “I could have, but I didn’t until I got back into Charlotte. Come on.” I sighed and set down the canvas bag I’d carried everything in on the counter. “I don’t want to argue about this.”
“I’m not arguing with you.” He turned to face me and leaned his hip into the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. Our eyes met. “I’m upset. There’s a difference.”
I moved closer to him and circled my arms around his waist. “And I said I was sorry.”
His lips pressed to my forehead, almost automatically. “What did the doctor say?”
“They did a biopsy and it came back fine.”
Though he looked relieved, he knew. “So why the look on your face?”
“I have the breast cancer gene.”
His breath caught and he pulled away from me. “What does that mean?”
I stood in front of him, fearing what I was about to tell him. “It means I have a mutation in the gene that makes it more likely to divide and change rapidly and that can lead to cancer. About fifty out of a hundred women with the BRCA 2 gene mutation will get breast cancer by the time they’re seventy.”
“So that means?” I could see the anxiety building inside him as he fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt on his bicep.
“I get a preventative mastectomy and reconstruction.”
His chest expanded with a heavy breath and then the words “That seems a bit drastic for something you don’t know you’re going to get,” followed.
Rager stared at me for the longest time before Lane knocked on the door. “Rager, I need ya, man.”
Rager nodded and blinked slowly at me. He didn’t say anything before he walked away and out the door. Mom came by as I was finishing putting away the groceries, Pace and Hudson with her, and then Knox following close behind but having a meltdown that his shirt was on backward.
Mom hugged me immediately. “I’ve told him four times it’s not on backward, but I’m beginning to question it myself.”
I stared down at him. It wasn’t on backward and as soon as he noticed me, he forgot all about his shirt and ran full speed into my arms, along with Pace and Hudson. Holding them all close, I started crying. There was no question in my mind I’d get the mastectomy, or any other procedure needed if it meant I’d have more time with them.
Mom glanced around the motor home after setting her phone on the counter. “Where’s Bristol?”
“Kinsley took her to get a churro.”
“I wan
t a churro,” Pace whined, frowning.
I touched his cheek. “I’ll take you to get one in a minute, buddy.”
When I stood, Mom yanked me into her, wiping my tears from my cheeks. “How’d it go? I saw Rager and he looked… upset.”
I waited for the boys to be occupied with their toys before I spoke softly. “The biopsy came back negative. It was just a swollen milk duct.”
“But?” She knew by my tears there was more.
“I have a BRCA 2 mutation.”
Mom blinked slowly. “You should get the mastectomy. Maybe even have your ovaries and tubes removed.” I didn’t tell Rager about that part. I figured I’d deal with the higher risk surgery first.
“That’s what I said, but I’m not sure Rager agrees.”
“Why wouldn’t he?”
“He said it’s a bit drastic.”
Mom shook her head. “It’s risky, and it’s not a guarantee you’re going to get cancer if you have the gene, but with our family history, I wouldn’t take the chance.”
“And I don’t want to.” I looked down at the boys. “I can’t imagine ever leaving them, or Rager.”
Mom’s eyes teared up. “Honey, you have to do what you’re comfortable with.”
I stared at the boys. “What would you do?”
She swallowed over what appeared to be a lump in her throat, her cheeks flushed. “I knew five years before my cancer I had the mutation. And I waited, because I didn’t think I’d get it. I wish I hadn’t. I wasn’t in love with my fun bags anyways. But these new perky ones—” She paused and cupped her boobs and pushed them out. “I love them. So does your dad, even though he was against it in the beginning.”
I laughed, rolling my eyes. “I didn’t need to know that part, Mom.”
“I know, but Rager doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
She might be right, but convincing him of this might be harder than I imagined. I had to get stitches after Hudson was born because I tore so bad and he wasn’t happy about it. He was so nervous that I’d get an infection or that they’d hurt me somehow. Until he realized I was tighter and then the dude certainly had no fucking complaints then.
