by Ann Rinaldi
"You can do it, yes?" he asked.
"I can do it, yes," I returned.
"Excellent." He clasped his hands together. "I wait right here. You don't forget. Bring back the Confederate flag. It must not be seen on the roof. The whole idea is that once the French flag is up, this mill is neutral territory."
"Yes," I said. And I proceeded to plant my feet firmly on the roof and get my breath.
One step at a time, Leigh Ann, I told myself. Slowly, go slowly. There, one foot on each side of the peak. Keep your balance. Oh, the roof is hot! I should have worn my boots instead of these silken morning slippers. What's wrong with me? I should have taken the time to change! Oh, don't look down, even though you can see the whole town from here and it's so beautiful. Even though the water is there that powers the mill, the cool, cool water. Oh, how I wish I could put my feet in the water!
Careful. Oh, I almost tripped! There, I'll use the staff of the flag to lean on. See, I'm not stupid. I'll make it, and someday I'll tell my grandchildren about how I did this.
Oh, I'm more than halfway across. I want to stop, but I won't let myself. Let me think, was that Jon I saw listening in the hall outside the kitchen when I was talking to Roche? I wonder why he's been languishing around Viola so much lately. Oh, damned flag, you almost got me killed, blowing in front of my face like that. I should have bound you up.
Here, here, a few more feet and I'm at the Confederate fag. Now what to do?
Kneel down is what, if I can manage it. Oh, don't drop the flag or all will be for naught. Just hold it tight and kneel. No, wrong. Cant hold the damned flag and pull the Confederate one out of the receptacle at the same time. Try getting up again and putting the French flag between your knees and kneeling down again. Should have worn boys' pants, too. All right, that's better.
Now, reach and grab the Confederate flag.
Damn, what did they do, lock it in? Yes, it's screwed in, I can see that. Now what? Have to undo that screw.
Ohhh, I've cut my finger. Damn, it hurts. Just a few more turns now and, there, it's loose. Lift it up now and, oh, it's heavy and tipping over and, hell, I've got to let it go or it will take me with it.
Well, there goes one perfectly good Confederate flag tumbling down the roof and splashing into the water. Darned shame. Maybe we can rescue it later. Hope it doesn't mess up the works. Now I've got to get the French flag up from between my knees and set it in the receptacle, like this. Oh, the darned wind. I'm fighting the wind.
There, I've set it in, but Roche gave me nothing to screw it in with. Well, I've done my best. Yankees come, they'll likely shoot it down anyway. I don't believe they'll accept this claptrap about neutral territory. Those Yankees are animals from what I hear. Now I have to get up and turn around and start back.
Oh, no, I can't do this again. It's so far back. How did I ever come all this way? And the roof is burning hot. It was one thing making my way here, but I never considered going back. I just can't do it.
My head hurts. I feel like throwing up. I'm thirsty. Let me just close my eyes for a minute. Oh, what are all those swirling lights? And why is my breath coming in heavy spurts?
God, I've got to get away from here! You can't abandon me now!
I started forward, one step, two steps, but everything was going around and around. I stopped again and closed my eyes and sat down.
"Leigh Ann! What in the name of the devil's wife are you doing up here?"
That's what Teddy would say. I heard it inside my head. He said things like that. Oh, how I wished I could hear it now.
"When I get you back down I'm going to hang you by your thumbs until the Yankees come and then let them have you."
Yes, he said colorful things like that all the time.
But then I heard footsteps coming toward me and I opened my eyes.
Teddy. A good distance from me, but not so far that I couldn't see the steam coming out of his head.
"You've done it now, little girl. This is it. This is the end. Now you can go with Louis and good riddance to you."
He meant it.
"Teddy," I started toward him.
"Shut up and don't move!"
I did both. He made his way toward me like he was a circus performer. When he got to me he maneuvered me around in front of him and held on to me, guiding me all the way back to the trapdoor. He let me go down first, and I stood there and waited while he came down, locked the door shut, and snapped the ladder into place.
Waiting for us in the hall was Jon. He grinned at me. I kicked him in the shins. Teddy pulled me away. "If he hadn't warned me, you could have been killed," he said. "Now get the hell home."
When I left he was bawling out Roche.
***
And that was truly the end of it with me and Teddy. His disgust with me that day knew no bounds, and he showed it in the only way he knew how to convey it.
He did not make me sit in a chair for an hour to contemplate my sins. He did not hang me up by my thumbs. He did not spank me as Roche said he did with his sister. I would have preferred any of these things.
He simply would not speak to me except to issue sharp orders. And when he did this, he would not look at me. He would not have to do with me in any way. He went inside himself so far, I could not find him again.
But the French flag flew on the roof of our cotton mill. And I had put it there. And someday I would be able to tell my grandchildren about it.
***
The next morning, without saying a word to anyone, I dressed and left the house before breakfast. Teddy had not yet come home from the mill. Louis had left early for the mayor's office to close things up. I mounted Trojan and rode to Louis's office and went in.
He looked up from his desk in surprise. We'd already said our goodbyes the night before. "What's wrong?" he asked. He eyed me solemnly.
"You've got to take me with you."
"Look, I know things are bad between you, but..."
"It's more than that, Louis. He doesn't want me around anymore."
"Oh, I'm sure it's not that. He's just worried about the Yankees coming."
"He doesn't want me around anymore. Why won't you believe that?"
He rubbed his face with his hand. "What you did"—he shrugged his shoulders—"is pretty serious, Leigh Ann." He shook his head. "No words can mend it."
"He might as well kick me out. He won't talk to me, look at me, or anything."
Louis nodded. "It's his way of punishing you."
"So you'll take me with you, then? I can go home and pack?"
Louis bit his bottom lip. "Honey, if I take you, you'll never mend it with him."
"He doesn't want to mend it."
"Yes, he does. He told me. But he's just so angry. You did a stupid thing, Leigh Ann. I'm sorry, sweetie, but I have to tell you. He said you were frozen in fear up on that roof. He can't get around that. This time you've gone too far. He can't forgive you right now. You have to give him time."
"If you were in charge of me, what would you do?"
"Not fair," he said kindly. "But it wouldn't be pretty between us, either."
"No wonder he and Carol don't have any kind of a marriage. I'd sooner marry a crocodile."
"Now, it isn't your place to talk about his marriage. You overstep yourself. If I take you away, you'll grow up during the most important years of your life without him. And he's your guardian. He has a lot to contribute to your upbringing."
"You could be my guardian."
He smiled. "Sweetie, I told you, I'd spoil the hell out of you. But right now I'm more concerned about Viola. Has Teddy said anything yet about her being pregnant?"
"No. Anyway, she's married."
He raised his eyebrows. "You know this?"
"Yes. She told me. It's a secret. She and Johnnie were married when she went to Richmond. She didn't want the Cummacks to know, because they wanted him to marry someone else."
"You must tell Teddy this."
I looked at the floor. "How,
when he doesn't talk to me?"
"Leigh Ann, if push comes to shove, you must tell Teddy. Even if Viola doesn't. You are obligated. Promise me."
When Louis said promise me like that, you promised.
He pulled some paper out of a drawer and scribbled a note, then put it in an envelope but did not seal it. The envelope had the mark of the mayor's office on it.
He handed it to me. "My last official act as mayor." He winked at me and came around his desk to kiss and hug me. "Leave this on Teddy's desk when you go home. Don't forget about that silver we buried."
"When will I see you again?"
"Next time you need a lecture about boys."
I got out of there fast, because I was crying. When I got home I read the note, as I supposed Louis had intended me to, because he had not sealed it.
Dear Brother:
She wants to go with me. I would love to take her, but I will not let myself. She belongs with you. You have always done right by her and I trust you always will. Right now, she's brokenhearted because she thinks you don't love her anymore. Enough of this discipline will make her strong; too much will kill her spirit. I pray you will know the difference. I wish you luck with the Yankees. Don't be too brave. Be back soon.
Love, Louis
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Two days later I came upon Viola crying in her bedroom after breakfast. On her bed was laid out her best summer dress.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"Nowhere." She blew her nose. "I've got to marry Jon."
I stood rooted in my place. My head whirled, worse than when I'd been on the cotton mill roof.
"Jon?" I repeated the name like the village idiot. "Jon? Why?"
"Because he went and told Teddy he's the father of my child."
"Jon did that?" For a moment I had doubt. I counted the weeks. "Viola, he isn't, is he?"
"Of course not," she snapped. "You think I'd cohabitate with that low-down reprobate? He'd do anything to be part of this family. It's all he's ever wanted. He told me so."
I wasn't sure what cohabitate meant, but it sounded like it covered the situation.
"Then why marry him?" I asked.
"Because I've got to do the right thing and save the family name. Do you realize what a disgrace I'll be, walking around pregnant with no husband?"
"Why don't you tell Teddy you're already married?"
"Because Colonel and Mrs. Cummack have money and I don't want them to think that I want it for my baby."
"You have a marriage license."
"Yes, but the Cummacks will still think I'm after their money."
"When are you getting married?"
"Tomorrow evening. Reverend Pratt is coming here."
"You can't, Viola. Please!"
"I'm doing it. My baby needs a father."
There was no sense in arguing with her, no sense in getting her in a state again. I turned, remembering the promise I'd made to Louis. I scampered across the hall and knocked on Teddy's door, hoping he'd not yet retired for the day.
Carol answered. She was in her nightdress, a flimsy thing. It made me embarrassed, seeing her like that. There wasn't much that was hidden underneath it.
"Yes, Leigh Ann." Clearly she was annoyed. "What is it?"
"I have to see Teddy. Just for a minute. Please?"
"When are you going to get the message that he doesn't want to see you? Don't you know what you've done to that man? He's absolutely dispirited these days. He's put so much into you, and after the other day, he feels he's failed with you and he can try no more. He's down in his study, if you dare approach him. And if you do, please don't upset him. I'm waiting for him, so don't put him in a bad mood."
She closed the door in my face.
I ran downstairs and hesitated outside the study door. Then I knocked softly. There was no response. I turned the knob, opened the door slowly, and went in.
Teddy was at his desk, poring over the newspaper. He did not look up. "Who said you could come in here?"
"I have to talk to you, just for a minute."
"Did I say I wanted to talk to you?"
"Please—I know you don't want to talk to me."
"Then get out, please." He was still reading the damned newspaper, and he never raised his voice.
I took a deep breath and started again. I'm doing this because I promised Louis, I told myself. And for Viola.. What I r eally wanted to do was throw something at him, the damned crocodile.
"Just listen to me for one minute," I said politely, "and you don't ever have to again."
He turned the page of the newspaper. "Leave, please."
"I won't. I don't care if you hang me by my thumbs. I don't care if you hit me."
More reading. "I want you out of here in two seconds or I'll drag you out. I mean it."
"Teddy, this isn't for me. It's for Viola."
He got up, came around his desk, threw down the newspaper, grabbed me by the arm, and dragged me out of the room. I fought him. I kicked him in the shins, and he yelled, "Ow!" I even hit him. In the face. I hit him good.
"Damned crocodile," I shouted at him.
He said nothing. He never hit me back. But before I knew it I was out in the hall and the door was slammed behind me.
I stood outside, my heart beating rapidly. I tried the doorknob. It was locked. Oh God, what to do. Louis, I thought, this was all your idea. Tell me, what do I do now?
I must think! "Teddy," I called out. "Teddy, please listen. Just this once let me in and I'll never bother you again."
If Viola marries Jon tomorrow, I thought, it's all my fault. And I won't stay around here. I'll run away.
"Teddy!" I called again.
No answer. I started to cry, bitterly. I slumped to the floor, leaning against the door.
Then I had a thought.
"Teddy, I know you don't want me around. Carol told me what I've done to you. So, how about this? If you hear me out, I'll leave. I'll go and live with Mrs. Stapleton, James's grandmother. She said she'd be glad to have me. Only all I ask is one minute of your time. Then I'll go."
No answer. So even that didn't work. Well then, I might as well go and live with Mrs. Stapleton, for all he cared. I might as well go and pack my things right now.
I leaned with my forehead against the door, accepting it all, even while I couldn't believe what had come about. Then suddenly the door opened and I fell in against my brother's shoes.
"Get up."
I scrambled to my feet and wiped the tears from my face. Tears were a sign of weakness.
He glared at me. "What's this about going to live with Mrs. Stapleton?"
"She said I could. So I thought ..."
He put a hand on the back of my neck, roughly, not lovingly, and pulled me into the room. "You told her about us, eh? You went over there and complained about me?"
"No, Teddy. I asked if she was frightened with the Yankees coming and she said yes. I offered to stay with her and she said she'd like that."
"Without my permission."
Oh, God, I was in more trouble. "I figured you didn't want me around, Teddy."
"I don't, but I'm stuck with you."
Did he know it was a knife in my heart?
"Now what's all this blubbering about? What have you got to tell me that will only take one minute?"
"You can't let Viola marry Jon."
"Oh, you're telling me what to do now?"
I shook my head no.
"He came to me like a man and told me he's the father. Does he not measure up to your high standards?"
"He isn't the father."
"You are privy to this information?"
Tears were coming to my eyes again. His voice was so scathing, so bruising. "I wish you wouldn't be so mean to me."
"I know you do." But it meant no nevermind to him.
I had to be done with this or I would soon die. "She's already married. To Johnnie Cummack. He's the father." There, I've done it.
I could
say no more. Sobs came from my chest and I turned to leave.
He pulled me back, put his hands on my shoulders, and shoved me down roughly in a chair. "Stop that damned crying." There was disgust in his voice.
Somehow I managed to. He walked away and looked out the window, silent, his hands clasped behind his back. "Why didn't Viola tell me?" he asked.
I told him why.
"You damned girls will put me in an insane asylum yet." He turned around. "You can go now. I've broken my vow of silence with you, but I'm renewing it."
I walked to the door. There I turned. "Can I go and live with Mrs. Stapleton?"
"No. Now get out of here and don't bother me again."
I left.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
On the fifth of July, around noontime, the Yankees came within two and a half miles of Roswell.
Teddy was at the mill. He had not come home that morning. He sent around a note telling Carol that he was riding with Roche out to General Kenner Garrard's headquarters at Sope Creek. And that all of us were to stay inside the house.
The sun was hot that day. I wanted to go down to the stream and swim. But Carol, considering herself in charge now, said no. "You know your brother's orders. Don't you dare disobey him now."
Viola and I were not even allowed out on the front verandah to enjoy the occasional breeze. We commiserated with each other in the front parlor. I closed the drapes against the sun. She slept and I fanned her.
At five o'clock Teddy came home, morose and as glum as I'd ever seen him. Primus, waiting for him out front, took his horse.
"Out of his sight," Carol directed me, as if I had the pox. She stood there at the front door, waiting with a tall glass of iced tea in her hand. He took off his hat, wiped his brow with his sleeve, and gulped down the tea.
I hid behind the door of the back parlor, listening.
"Thanks," he said.
"What happened?" she asked.
"You won't believe it."
"Try me."
"My mother was at Garrard's headquarters. My damned mother. "
"What was she doing there?"
He slumped down in a chair in the hall, rested his elbows on his knees, and put his head in his hands. "Seems she's been corresponding with him for weeks, advising him what's going on here."
