by Rinelle Grey
Gretchen though, was already moving. “Come quickly, a dragon!” she shouted at the top of her lungs.
Her actions spurred Karla to move, running towards the lair, calling for the others to follow.
Even before they reached the entrance, Taurian’s clan was pouring out of it. “What’s going on?” Kyrian demanded.
“There was a silver dragon, just here in the trees,” Gretchen said, her voice breathless.
“Ultrima?” Mesrian asked sharply.
Karla found her voice. “No, I don’t think so. Too small.”
Their eyes shifted to her. “Where is Taurian?”
“He went after it.”
Karla tried to calm her breathing, and bring her heart rate back to a normal beat. Taurian would be fine. The other dragon had been smaller than him, he could defeat it easily. But that didn’t stop her from worrying. Worrying that it had friends with it. Worrying it was leading him straight to Ultrima.
Worrying that if he was injured in the fight, he would sleep with Wayrian to heal.
As he should. But she didn’t want to watch them walk into his chambers hand in hand. Didn’t want to imagine what they’d be doing. Why couldn’t this have happened after she’d left, when she wouldn’t have to know? Another fifteen minutes and she would have been blissfully unaware.
“He’s back!” Jayrian called out, pointing behind her.
Karla turned in time to see Taurian land gracefully behind her. She scanned his body, but could see no sign of injury. Relief filled her.
Taurian shifted before her eyes, returning to his human form. Naked.
Karla tried not to stare. Her friends averted their eyes, though Lisa did so rather slowly. His clan didn’t seem to notice.
“What happened?” Kyrian demanded.
“A Trima dragon was scouting the area,” Taurian said shortly. “I chased him to the edge of the scrub, but he was too fast to catch. I know where he’s going though.” His voice was hard and angry.
Karla could guess what he wanted to do—gather his whole clan and go after the dragons. The thought both terrified her, and at the same time filled her with exhilaration.
There was no exhilaration in the crowd around her though. Their feet shifted, and they looked from one to the other. Parents scooped up children, and couples clutched at each other. Eyes were wide, and whispered voices shrill.
“There’s no need to panic.” Taurian raised his voice so that everyone could hear it. His voice was so calm, so controlled. “I fought with one of Ultrima’s dragons yesterday, and after I defeated him, he admitted he was there against Ultrima’s wishes. Ultrima is not after us right now.”
His words seemed to have no effect. “Maybe that’s because he wanted to follow you back here to find out where we live,” a dragon near the back of the crowd called out.
Karla saw Taurian wince as guilt twisted her own stomach. It was entirely possible. What if they had led the Trima clan right to them? She could imagine how much pain that would cause Taurian, whether it was true or not.
“We need to leave,” Kyrian said immediately. “Before the rest of the Trima clan finds out where we are and comes after us. We can’t risk losing everything now.”
Taurian stared at him. “You want me to run?” His voice was as cold as ice.
Kyrian didn’t seem to realise the mood he was in. “Yes,” he agreed eagerly. “You need to run, quickly. We all do. Your responsibility is to protect the clan. We can’t defeat Ultrima now. We need the rest of the princes and princesses and a strong plan before we can do that. Running is the only choice.”
Karla could see the refusal in every bone of Taurian’s body. Running went against his grain. He had hated it, even when he hadn’t been at full power. He would hate it even more now. But he had to see that it was the only option.
“Where are you planning to go?” Taurian demanded. “How many times are we going to run before saying enough is enough?”
“Until we have a chance of winning,” Kyrian said.
“Until we have a life dragon,” Ostrian said at the same time.
Taurian glared at them.
He wasn’t going to listen. He was going to get himself killed before he’d had a chance to wake any of his brothers and sisters.
Karla couldn’t let that happen. Even if she left, she wanted to know he was safe, and perhaps even happy.
She put a hand on his arm and he reacted instantly, turning to her, his eyes burning into hers.
“You can’t fight him, Taurian,” she said gently. “You need to be there to protect your clan, wherever they go. They need you. If your clan is important enough for you to walk away from the feelings we have for each other, then it’s important enough for you to suppress your need to fight Ultrima.”
She heard a couple of indrawn breaths, and wasn’t sure if they were from her friends, or Taurian’s clan. It didn’t really matter.
Her eyes were locked onto Taurian’s, and she almost felt like they were having a conversation in her head. She knew that he could do that, but this wasn’t talking directly, it was more a shared understanding.
She could see the indecision warring on his face. “They need you,” she said quietly. “And they need you alive.”
In that moment, she admitted all her feelings for him. Let them fill her up, knowing that they could never be. Somehow, it didn’t matter. All the jealousy faded away. Her love for him was greater than that somehow. At this point, she just wanted the best for him, and his clan. Even if that best didn't include her.
Just as long as he stayed alive.
Taurian nodded slowly. “I know.”
*****
Taurian stared into Karla’s eyes as she spoke, and she looked more beautiful than ever before. He could see her love for him reflected in their deep depths, even though she hadn’t spoken of it. Her acceptance of what he had to do was greater than his own. She didn’t seem to burn with a need to change things, to find a way to make it work. And it wasn’t a reflection of her lack of feeling, quite the opposite in fact.
She had moved past where he was. She could see that there was no way to make this work, not and stay true to who they were. She knew that as a prince, his first responsibility had to be to his clan, no matter how much it hurt him personally.
Ostrian had offered him a way to save his clan. Quite a good way, even if it would take time. If it weren’t for his personal affections for Karla, he wouldn’t even be hesitating.
Taurian had never expected to be put in a position where he had to choose between his own personal wants and the good of his clan. He was the youngest of six. That was his sibling’s responsibility. Sarian, as the eldest, had spoken often about her own struggles with these sorts of decisions, and Taurian had never really understood.
Now he understood only too well. He understood how much it hurt to have to turn away from something you wanted with every part of your mind, body, and soul, because it could not be. Giving up Karla wrenched at his soul in a way he never could have imagined if he hadn’t experienced it.
He struggled to find any kind of acceptance, even though he knew what he had to do. Instead, he drank in the sight of her, letting her love fill him up as full as he could hold.
Because once he took a mate, it would be unacceptable to ever look at her this way again. Once he was mated, he would lose all desire to anyway. Somehow, the thought of losing those feelings was even more painful than he imagined losing her would be. He wouldn’t even be able to pull these feelings out to comfort himself on long, lonely nights.
If only he could bed her, one last time. But even that comfort was denied him.
His hands clenched. He was wallowing in self-pity. That was no behaviour for a prince. If he was going to make this sacrifice, and it seemed he had no choice, then he was damn well going to do it properly.
Karla was right, his clan needed him, and they needed him alive.
He could see the understanding in her eyes, and though it made what he had t
o do easier, it couldn’t completely erase the pain. Nothing could.
But it gave him the strength to turn to his clan and say, “Pack up your belongings, we only have a couple of hours to get out of here before Ultrima returns. I need two dragons to scout the area and check to see if there are any more Trima dragons around. If we’re going to run, we need to make sure we aren’t followed this time.”
“Time for us to go.” He heard Karla’s quiet voice behind him.
His heart clenched at the thought of her leaving, and not just because a piece of him was being torn out. He turned and caught her arm. “You can’t go,” he said quietly. “It’s not safe. Ultrima is on his way.”
“He has no interest in me,” Karla argued. Determination was a poor cover for the flash of fear in her eyes. “Things are over between us.”
“He doesn’t know that.”
Her eyes stared into his, and he could see the reluctance in them, swallowed by the pain. It would be easier for her to leave, but he couldn’t let her. “I know you want out,” he said softly, “but you have to wait until this is settled. Once we’ve moved, and we’re sure Ultrima isn’t following us, then you can go.”
“How long will that take?”
“I don’t know.”
She stared at him for several long moments, then her arm went limp in his. “Okay.”
He’d expected her to argue more. Taurian searched her face for a moment, but could see no sign of anything other than acceptance. The panic released a little of its hold on his heart. He nodded slowly and let go of her arm.
He wanted to stay and comfort her, to tell her he would wait to mate until she was gone, so she didn’t have to watch it, but there wasn’t time.
He turned way. He needed to be a prince right now. “I need to talk to the elders in my chambers, now. Everyone else, get packing.”
Without looking back, he headed for his chambers. The elders better have a plan.
Chapter 44
Karla stared after Taurian’s retreating back, feeling like she was trapped in a bad dream.
How had it come to this? How had it come to watching the man she loved with someone else, unable to leave because a dragon that wanted to kill them could show up at any moment? She hoped this would all be sorted before the mating ceremony, whenever that was.
His clan followed him, hanging off his every word. They were counting on him to save them. And he would come through, she had no doubt of that.
“That was quite a sacrifice you made there.” Her father’s voice was quiet at her elbow.
Karla fought back tears. Her heart felt like someone had trampled it in the sand. She was pretty sure she’d done some of the trampling herself. She didn’t want to talk right now. “It wasn’t that big a deal.” She kept pretending, even though she could hear her voice giving her away as soon as she spoke. “Taurian and I have only known each other for a couple of days. He’ll get over me.”
Bruce’s eyes reflected her pain. He knew what it was like to lose someone you loved, and to accept it because it was best for them. He backed away, taking Lisa’s arm and practically dragging her back near the cars.
“You won’t get over him as easily.” Her father’s voice was so gentle it threatened Karla’s calm. “I was surprised you said no. Taurian obviously cares for you a great deal. And you for him. What is it about this girl he is going to marry that is better than what you can offer him?”
Karla drew in a deep shaky breath, then another one. When she was sure she wasn’t going to burst into tears instead of words, she said, “The mating has the potential to produce a very strong dragon, one who could defeat Ultrima, once and for all. Taurian can’t choose me over that. His clan comes first, as they should. He’s a prince. That’s his job. If I hang around, I’m only going to distract him from that.”
It was so much more than that, but that would have to do. That was reason enough, surely her father would understand.
Her father though, raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure that producing a strong dragon is going to help Taurian right now? More than the two of you working together could? If you support him, it can be something you accomplish together.”
Her father went straight to the heart of the matter. She wasn’t just refusing Taurian because he could father a life dragon with Wayrian, it was more than that. Could Taurian love her without it detracting from his responsibility to his clan? It was a pointless question, because he’d already shown it would. “When you love someone, it becomes the major focus of your life. Like Mum supporting your love of adventure. She gave up all her own hopes and dreams for that. I can’t let Taurian do the same. His responsibilities are too big.”
Her father stared at her, his eyes wide. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, Taurian is a prince, and his clan needs him. I can’t get in the way of that.”
Her father shook his head impatiently. “No, I mean the bit about your mother giving up her hopes and dreams to support me.”
His face was such a picture of surprise and concern that Karla felt sorry for him. She no longer resented the fact that her mother had given up her dreams. She could understand why. But she wasn’t going to do the same thing, nor was she going to let Taurian. Her voice was soft as she replied. “She regretted the fact that she left before she received her music degree, and gave up the things she could have had if she’d finished it. She told me right before she died.”
Karla was surprised at how good it felt to tell him. She’d decided not to, since it wouldn’t achieve anything, but apparently it had been weighing on her nonetheless.
Her father’s brow furrowed. “Are you sure? I find it hard to believe that she could have regretted that all those years and never have mentioned it. She told me that she was happy to leave it, that she’d only started it because her family had expected her to pick something.”
“Maybe she just said that because she loved you, and she didn’t realise she had dreams of her own. That love can overwhelm everything else, and make it easy to forget that you wanted other things when it’s new and exciting, but that feeling doesn’t last forever.”
Karla wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince her father, or herself.
She wasn’t sure if it was working, either way.
“No, the new and exciting feeling doesn’t last forever,” her father said gently. “It matures into something so much better. Into really knowing and understanding someone else. Your mother and I didn’t keep any secrets from each other. We talked about everything openly and honestly, even the hard stuff. That’s why I’m sure I would have known if she’d harboured regrets about her life.”
This time, Karla did feel the tears prick at the back of her eyes. Not the gulping, ugly sobs that would come from letting go of her feelings for Taurian, but sad tears, dulled a little by the years, of missing her mother.
She had always known that her father and mother were in love. When kids at school made faces about their parents kissing, she’d stayed quiet, because she’d always treasured how much they cared about each other. It had made her feel safe and loved. Like the world was a beautiful place. It was something she’d never had to doubt.
So why had she started doubting it? Why had a chance comment by her mother changed her whole perception?
Karla replayed the conversation in her mind again. Her mother’s voice had been so quiet, almost a half wondered thought. She’d been talking about their lives together, remembering some of the places they’d been, and funny things Karla had done as a baby. Then she made that one comment. Almost a throwaway line.
As she replayed the conversation in her head, Karla realised that she’d gotten it all wrong. Her mother hadn’t been wishing she’d stayed at uni and finished her music degree, she had been realising how much she would have missed out on if she’d chosen that path.
It was all so clear, Karla wondered how she’d missed it all these years.
Moisture welled up in her eyes, and ran down her cheeks. “I’m sorr
y, Dad. I got it all wrong. I don’t know how. I know Mum loved you, that the two of you had such a wonderful life together. I don’t know if I was trying to make it less wonderful, so it would hurt less that she was gone, or what. But I can’t believe I’ve let that fear stop me all my life.”
Her father put his arms around her and pulled her close. “We all have our ways of dealing with the pain, K. I know I was so devastated at the time that I probably wasn’t there for you as much as I should have been. But you seemed to have it all together. You seemed to cope so much better than I was coping, that I didn’t think I should interfere.”
Karla leant into her father’s strength, and let herself cry all the tears that she’d denied. Tears for the wonderful person she had lost, far too soon. For all the things she’d lost, not because of wrong choices, but because of the absence of her mother. If only she were here now, to give her some advice when she needed it most.
But she didn’t need her mother’s presence to know what she would have told her.
You only get one shot at this life, don’t waste it. Do the things you love, not what you think you should do. Take risks. Love like there’s no tomorrow. Don’t look back on life with regrets.
Exactly the opposite of what she had been doing.
What she wanted to do was crystal clear. Mate with Taurian.
Realising that it was the right choice for her didn’t mean it was the right choice for him. Oh, she had no doubts that if she agreed, he’d choose her instantly. This time, that thought warmed her in all the right places. She had no doubts at all about his feelings, or his dedication to them.
He would ignore his clan’s plans and needs to come to her, she could tell without having to ask him.
That was why she couldn’t.
Unlike her, he had a destiny he couldn’t give up or sidestep. He was a prince of Rian clan, and that was part of what she loved about him. If he gave that up, or even skimped on his duty, then he would lose an integral part of himself.
She refused to be the cause of that.
But right now, she didn’t feel like trying to explain. So she pulled back from her father’s arms, and wiped her face. “Let’s go see if they need any help with the relocation.”
