In that moment, when her heart had almost burst from fear and love and a mother’s gratitude, she had held Tom’s hand and willed her strength into him.
Tom’s eyes had fluttered. His hand had tightened on hers.
And he had asked for the one person he loved most.
“Ava?”
Luisa had known bitter shame in that moment.
Shame enough to be honest. “No. It’s Luisa.”
“Please,” he had croaked out. “Tell Ava I love her.” He had visibly gathered strength to continue.
“Shh,” she had cautioned him. “Save your strength.”
“No, you—please, Luisa. Tell her I didn’t mean it. Tell her I need her. Tell her… I’m sorry. Tell her to keep writing.” He had fallen back, his breathing tortured. The nurse had stepped up, asking her to leave.
Tom had squeezed her hand once more with surprising strength. “Promise me. Promise me you’ll tell her I don’t want to leave her.”
Choked beyond bearing, it had taken every ounce of discipline to grate out the words. “I promise, Tom. But you’ll tell her yourself when she gets here.”
“I…want to.” Then his eyes had rolled back, and they’d taken him away to fight for his life.
In the intervening hours, Luisa had had plenty of time to face what she had done. She had told herself that she only considered him a friend, but she knew now that she’d been lying. His presence, his strength had given the lie to her assertion that she needed no one, that no man could be trusted. In the deepest part of her, she had begun to weave a fantasy, ready to break her self-imposed rule in a heartbeat for Tom. Worst of all, she had betrayed her friend.
Tom would never be hers. Shame suffused her, but even through the cloud of guilt, she saw one thing crystal clear. All men were not Ramon, and it was time she quit hiding behind the past.
Now, if only Tom would live so that she could make things right.
A sudden commotion broke out in the hallway. Luisa heard Ava before she saw her. Never someone you could overlook, Ava was making a spectacle of herself right now, arguing and pleading by turns with the nurse in charge.
“You have to let me see him. I was gone—he could—he could die without knowing—” Hair a wild nimbus around her face, Ava was a Valkyrie, an Amazon. Fierce in her love and her terror, she looked ready to break down the operating room door.
Luisa took a deep breath and rose to face the friend she had wronged so deeply, knowing that in Ava’s place, she would have spat contempt upon the woman who had betrayed her, if only in her heart.
And if Ava did, so be it. Just please, dear God, don’t make her suffer for my sins. Let her see him again. Let him tell her himself that he loves her.
Ava broke away from the nurse and ran down the hallway. Luisa heard the nurse call for security. It was now or never.
“Carlos, I must talk to Ava. I’ll be back.”
“Want me to go with you?”
“No, son. I have to do this on my own.” She crossed the waiting area to intersect Ava, pulling open the door in haste and almost colliding with her friend.
Intent upon her destination, Ava barely looked at her until Luisa placed herself squarely in Ava’s path, drawing her into an alcove away from the traffic.
Ava’s green eyes shot sparks. “You—” she growled low in her throat. “Get out of my way. This is your fault. Get the hell out of my way.”
Ava was taller and stronger, but Luisa dug in her heels. “Not until you listen to me.”
“Haven’t you done enough? I have to see him, doesn’t anybody understand? He’s all that matters. Nothing else. If he dies—” Naked anguish clawed its way out of those green eyes.
Luisa could sense Ava’s whole body vibrating like a guitar strung too tightly, catgut ready to snap. A low, keening wail started in her throat, a sound so eerie, Luisa felt the hair rise on her neck. “Ava, listen to me. Tom made me promise to give you a message.”
The words were slow to penetrate her agony. When they did, the green eyes turned predator. “What do you mean? When?”
“Before they took him in. I—” It was time to admit all her sins. “I told them I was his wife. I couldn’t—” She lost her grip on her own mask. “I knew you were gone. I knew he was hurt very badly. I couldn’t let him die alone, even if you hated me forever for being there when you weren’t.”
Ava sucked in a harsh, rattling breath, visibly steeling herself. “Go on.” She gripped Luisa’s hands so tightly Luisa could feel her bones nearly cracking.
Luisa welcomed the penance. “He asked for you, Ava. Only you. He hoped I was you, but he knew I wasn’t. He made me promise to tell you he was sorry, that he didn’t mean it. That he loves you and needs you. He said he didn’t want to leave you.” Her voice lowered. “And he said for you to keep writing.”
The last words broke Ava. She sank against the wall, arms wrapped tightly around her middle, her body rocking side to side like a child unable to find comfort.
The security guard skidded to a stop a few feet away. Behind him came Ellie.
“We won’t need you now,” Ellie told him. “We can take care of her.”
“But—”
“Stay if you must, but give her distance. Her husband may be dying. Get an update for her if you need to do something.” Her voice brisk, her eyes icy, she turned to Luisa. “You can leave or you can be her friend. Which will it be?”
Ellie knew. They probably all knew. It was no worse than she deserved. For a moment, it was tempting to run. But she wasn’t leaving. If she turned tail and ran now, she would never find her way back to her friends, never be a part of the group again. If she ever could.
Despite the contempt they probably felt, she had been one of them, that charmed group. She needed them. Of all the tough things she’d faced in her life, this was one of the worst, but she was not a quitter.
“I’m staying.” With her look, she dared Ellie to send her away.
“Don’t you say one word to upset her,” Ellie’s voice went low and fierce. “I can’t cast any stones, but I will not stand by and let you hurt her any more.”
“I’m here because I care. About her and about Tom.” Her voice broke. “It’s my fault that this has happened. I owe Tom my son’s life. Whatever madness came over me, it’s finished now. I want to help her.”
Ellie studied her carefully, not the easy, gentle Ellie anymore. This woman was impassioned in her love, powerful in her anger.
Luisa bore the examination. She must have passed because Ellie nodded and turned toward Ava, wrapping her arms around her friend, murmuring soothing sounds and rocking her.
After a moment, Luisa walked around to Ava’s other side, taking one cold hand in hers and gripping it hard. “He’s not going to die, Ava. He loves you too much. He will fight to come back to you.”
Ava didn’t answer. Her sobs quieted, however, and after a pause, Luisa felt Ava’s hand squeeze her back.
It was more than she deserved. A benediction of sorts. Tears rolled down her cheeks, scoring deeper grooves on her already stained soul. Maybe someday she could accept forgiveness for losing her way so badly.
Unless Tom died.
Luisa closed her eyes and prayed for all of them.
Chapter Seven
‡
Ellie dropped the quarters in the coffee machine, wishing she’d worn her watch so she would know how long Tom had been in there. She’d gotten Ava to come into the waiting room but couldn’t get her to accept the sedative the doctor had given her. Laken was here now, and Gabe had come by, hugged Ava close, passing along Sylvie’s love and wish to be there.
Siobhan and Grayson were with Ava now, and Ava’s mother was en route. But Ava sat in the midst of them like an island, still and unhearing, so focused inward that she might have been invisible. Every ounce of her being was concentrated on Tom. Every tick of the clock brought them closer to knowing if the love of her life lived or died.
Now, in the empty alcove, E
llie had a few moments alone. She leaned her forehead against the machine and listened to the hiss, smelled the burnt odor of the coffee. A hundred years had passed in the last few hours, and all Ellie could think was how badly she wanted to see Wyatt. To touch him. To find the magic words to make everything right again.
“Ellie?” As if she’d conjured him up, she heard his voice.
He couldn’t be there, but she turned anyway.
And there he was, the green eyes she loved looking at her, for once, without distance. With concern and sorrow and… maybe even love.
She couldn’t move, though she wanted nothing more.
Wyatt took a step closer. “Are you all right?” He sounded like her Wyatt, not the angry stranger who had replaced him.
Light-headed with relief and terror, she threw herself into his arms. “Oh, Wyatt,” she sobbed. “I wanted you here so badly. I love you so much and I’m so sorry I hurt you and messed everything up. All I could think was what if it was you instead of Tom and we were still—”
Without a pause, the strong arms she’d missed for endless hours and days tightened around her. Wyatt buried his face in her hair and spoke in a low, choked voice. “I’ve missed you, too. Ellie, I hurt so damn bad I just couldn’t figure out how to forget the way you looked—”
She tightened her arms around his neck. “I was so stupid. I just got lost, Wyatt. I got so lost in wondering who I would be when I wasn’t a mother anymore, and then you were so busy and you weren’t interested anymore and—”
“Shh, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Maybe I drove you into his arms. I have so many jobs going at once that maybe I didn’t make you feel how much I love you. Maybe he gave you something I—” His voice cracked, then turned fierce and low. The green eyes turned to shards of jagged anger. “Ellie, I wanted to kill him that day. I wanted to howl at the sky. I wanted to hate you, you hurt me so bad.”
Ellie dropped her gaze and pulled away but Wyatt’s arms held her close. “It should have been enough, what we had. I’m so ashamed. I can’t explain it. It was seductive that he wanted me so badly, but I never—” She lifted her gaze to face what was in his. “I never, ever loved him, Wyatt. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved in my whole life.” She tightened her fingers in the fabric of his shirt. “You’re the only man I ever will love. Can you ever love me again?”
The lock of mink-brown hair fell over his forehead while Wyatt’s green eyes studied hers very seriously. He lifted one hand to cradle her cheek. “I never stopped. I wanted to—I prayed to learn to hate you or to forget you. But I never could.”
“I shouldn’t have tried to be someone new. I won’t paint anymore—”
“No—that’s wrong, Ellie. You can’t give that up. We just have to find a new path.”
He leaned down, his gaze resting on her lips for a moment before returning to her eyes. “I love you, Ellie Preston. You’re my best friend in the world and the only woman I’ve ever loved. I want to believe that I can give you what you need or that I can let you find it if I can’t, and you’ll still be in love with me. I don’t want to lose what we had, but maybe there’s a way to make it better.”
She laid one hand over his, her eyes brimming with tears. “We weren’t the perfect marriage everyone thought. I fell from grace and took you with me.”
“You’re the closest thing to an angel I’ve ever known, so the fall was steep and did a lot of damage.” Then Wyatt smiled, and it was like the sun rose in the morning sky. “But it’s nothing that can’t be repaired. I’m a builder, right?”
She nodded, smiling softly.
“A slightly worn builder and an angel fallen from grace. Sounds almost like one of Ava’s stories.”
Ava. She’d forgotten all about her. “Oh, Wyatt, Ava—” She turned to look toward the waiting room.
His eyes turned grim. “We’ll go be with her, but there’s one thing I have to do first. Kiss me, Mrs. Preston. I’m a starving man.”
He drew her close and lowered his head. With the feel of the kiss she’d wondered if she’d ever feel again, Ellie’s eyes overflowed with tears. With a small cry, she deepened the kiss, pouring into it all the sorrow and shame and relief and joy that bubbled inside her. Their bodies pressed together, as though their skins could open and let the other inside.
Then, though she wanted the kiss to go on forever, she pulled back slightly and sighed. “I want to go home with you right this minute, but—”
Wyatt turned toward the waiting room and tucked her into his side, pausing to hug her once more, hard. “I know. I just hope to God Tom makes it.”
“They had a fight before she left this morning.”
“Damn. It’s so easy to think you’ve got forever.” Wyatt trailed one finger down her nose, shaking his head. “I’ll say an extra prayer that they get to make up, too.” His eyes studied her face slowly. “I want to come home, Ellie. I want to climb in our big bed and not come out for a week.” His grin was touched with rue. “We’ll see to our friends first, and then we’ll go put our life back together, all right?”
Ellie closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist. “It sounds like heaven.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Me, too. Want your coffee?”
She shook her head. “I’ve got what I really wanted.”
They walked, arm in arm, down the hall toward the waiting room. Just as they neared the door, Ellie felt a tension invade Wyatt’s frame. She looked up.
Saxon stood ten feet away. “I came because Sylvie said—” He looked away from Wyatt, then to Ellie, a spasm of pain crossing his face. “Tom is a good man.” He glanced to the side, then back to meet Wyatt’s eyes. “I’d like to talk to Ellie for a minute. If you’d let me.”
Ellie glanced up at Wyatt. A muscle in his cheek jerked. His arm tightened around her, a clear mark of possession.
Then he dropped his arm and stepped away, looking down at Ellie. To her relief, the green eyes held no suspicion. Instead, they looked vulnerable. His voice husky, Wyatt spoke to her alone. “I’ll be inside.”
Then he was gone, leaving her alone with Saxon for the first time since the day she had shattered their lives.
“Do you want me to leave without talking to Ava?” he asked.
Ellie swallowed, then shook her head. “Ava needs all the support she can get.”
Silence fell between them.
“I’m leaving town, Ellie.”
Her gaze flew upward to his. “Because of me?”
His eyes held rue… and pain… and traces of something bittersweet. He started to shake his head, but then he shrugged and nodded. “I know you love him, Ellie. I know how important your family is to you. I never really had a chance, but—”
And in that broken sentence lay a world of possibilities that would forever go undiscovered.
Ellie couldn’t mourn them. It was time to grow up. Time to quit letting other people define her. She loved Wyatt and her children. She would build from there. Whatever her life became when motherhood was no longer her largest focus, she would just have to trust that she would find her way.
“I’m sorry, Saxon.” She laid one hand on his arm. They both tensed. “You deserve better. You made me see things in myself that I didn’t believe were there. You made me feel… beautiful. Interesting.”
His electric blue eyes went soft with affection. “You are interesting, Ellie. You’re the only one who doesn’t know that.” He cleared his throat. “And if you stop painting, I’ll come back to haunt you.”
“I won’t stop.” She smiled through her tears, squeezing her fingers into his hard muscles. “Oh, Saxon, I’m so sorry. I caused everyone so much pain, and I never meant to hurt anyone.” Her head bowed, tears dripping on his hand.
He took one step forward, then forcibly stepped back. With a touch so light it could have been a butterfly, he stroked her hair. “I wouldn’t trade it, Ellie. Even the pain. You gave me something, too.”
Her tears came faster.
With one finger, he lifted her chin. “Don’t cry. Please. You’ve made my life richer. I’ve done my best work ever since you came. And I learned that I do need people, after all. I’m not a big enough man to say that I wouldn’t steal you from Wyatt if I could, but I know you’re where you belong. You have the kind of family everyone dreams of. You’ve made them that way because there’s so damn much love inside you. I can’t regret getting even a taste of that love. Even if I can’t have more, I’ll take that taste with me, Ellie. And I’ll just hope that somewhere in this world, you have a twin.”
Ellie choked back a sob, forced herself to step away. Squaring her shoulders, she looked into Saxon’s face. “I care about you deeply, Saxon. I’m not the right woman for you, but I hope you find her. And I’ll miss you. You let this butterfly out of her cocoon.” She smiled faintly. “Even if it took yelling to break it open.”
He smiled then, too, and she almost thought she saw moisture shimmering in those blue eyes. “You scared the hell out of me.”
“Me?”
He grinned then. “You don’t know your own strength. Big, bad Saxon was scared to death of meek little Ellie. All those people who warned me to go easy should have been warning me instead.”
For a moment they stood there, sharing the humor. Ellie wiped her eyes, grasping in her pocket for a tissue.
And then it was over, and she knew she could let him go.
“I’m going to quit being weak.”
Saxon shook his head. “You never were.”
Ellie smiled. “We’re going to make it, Wyatt and me. I was really afraid, but now I believe we will.”
“My money’s on you, lady.” Saxon looked toward the door, then gestured awkwardly. “Well… I guess I’d better go see Ava.”
The Book Babes Boxed Set (Texas Ties/Texas Troubles/Texas Together) Page 31
