Melas’ breath caught in her throat.
Love.
The word felt like a slash through her flesh, opening her up in the most painful way. She wanted to pull her hand away from him, shove the rest of the clothes in the duffel and escape this moment pulling all the air from the room.
She was broken. Even without her memories, she knew that much.
Something happened to her that completely shattered her. In her haste, she picked up what little pieces she could manage and hoped it would be enough to get her through the rest of her life. It was just enough to love Zura with all the dulled and jagged pieces. She couldn’t even begin to think she could have room for anyone else in her heart.
There wasn’t enough of her left.
“I’ve decided I don’t need your love,” Andrei whispered, his voice husky. “I don’t even need you to like me.” He turned his face then, his stare more forceful than if he reached out and held onto her wrists, slamming her to the wall and boxing her in. “I would live in the flames of your hate if it were the only way to feel your warmth.”
Slam.
She jolted as she felt the brick and mortar walls around her heart crumbled at Andrei’s words.
Just as Ridhor had done, he was getting under her skin. Trying to stoke her back to life. They were trying to piece her back together, trying to show her there was more to this life than whatever she was doing.
Reaching up, she ran a hand over her chest to try and ease the tightness building there.
They were doing something to her. She didn’t know how to protect herself against it. Doing the only thing she knew how, she forced a smile she was sure looked more like a grimace. “Is this where you tell me you’re going to kiss me?”
Lifting his hand, he ran the pad of his thumb along her jawline to her chin before tracing her bottom lip. “No.”
Shock lifted her brow towards her hairline as she kept her eyes on him, unable to look away. “No?”
He let out a long sigh. “I’ve also decided I’ll let you kiss me. When you’re ready.”
“And if I’m never ready?” It was meant to tease him but it was a very real possibility. She didn’t know if she could repair herself enough to give him what he wanted.
Her relationship with Ridhor was one built on fear and violence. She used her body to transform a vulnerable moment, to feel a little more in control. Even then, it had been him who made the first move.
Hadn’t it?
She was lost, kissing someone would be something she might be comfortable doing if ever she found herself again. There was no guarantee that would happen. She felt like she’d been lost for a very long time, even before being found by Ridhor in the woods.
Andrei was engaged to be married. He knew what a relationship was supposed to be. It must have seemed almost magical, being engaged to the woman whose smile could transform your darkness, could pull you into the light alongside her.
She couldn’t do that.
Her darkness was all-consuming. She would snuff out any light he had left. Melas was venomous, dripping with consequences. If she weren’t, she wouldn’t be alone with no one looking for them.
Melas didn’t want anything else weighing her down. She wasn’t sure she could handle the guilt of holding onto Andrei while she continued to drown. Happiness may still be a possibility for him. She couldn’t take that away.
Lifting his shoulders, he dropped his forehead to rest on hers. “The thing about being immortal is you can wait an eternity.”
“Andrei, I don’t want you to wait an eternity. You should find someone who is not so broken they don’t know how to accept all you have to offer.”
“Broken is not so bad.” He smiled.
A laugh pushed its way out of her throat. Void of happiness, it was one of disbelief and sadness. “It seems pretty bad where I’m standing.”
“I think you’ll find our broken pieces fit together quite nicely, once you stop hiding them from me.”
Her eyes dropped down to his lips, tracing the line of them before lifting to find herself once again wading through the honey of his eyes. “What a twisted picture we’d create. Dark, jagged, and full of haunted shadows.”
“Torturous beauty,” He whispered. “The most beautiful things in existence have a haunted beauty to them. They reach out, calling to your obscurity, painting it with harsh strokes of anguish. There is depth to that beauty no soul can resist. It’s the closest we can come to heaven.”
Melas laughed again. “I don’t know a single person who would want that heaven.”
“No?” Andrei laughed lightly. Catching her chin between his finger and thumb, he turned her face up to his. “What truer heaven is there than relief? What truer relief than to have someone reach inside you, allowing you to feel all your unbridled emotions? If that is not heaven, I don’t know what is.”
“You’re very strange. Has anyone ever told you that?”
Pulling away, Andrei threw his head back and laughed. “Living with Orren and Ridhor? Of course, I’ve been told that. Only every day.”
Those two stoic males would be sure to mention he was the odd man out as often as they could. Especially with his constant swinging door of emotions broken up by moments of logic and depth that surprised her.
Andrei was an enigma. Light and humorous one moment, wise and broken the next. He was very much the torturous beauty he thought heaven was made of. This dark phantom floating in a fog of acceptance, relief, and pain. It shouldn’t be possible, but he was that all the same, unapologetically.
There was such beauty in his pain, in not overcoming, but bathing in it. Wearing it not like a mask, but a second skin. It was enough to squeeze her heart, making her want to cry.
Andrei.
Ridhor.
Orren.
All broken in different ways. She hadn’t allowed herself to reach out and touch any of their edges. Too afraid to get cut.
Vampire.
Berserker.
Incubus.
Fated mates.
Fated to burn in her hell with her.
“What’s so odd about me, anyhow?” He asked, pulling her from her thoughts.
Melas smiled, thinking. “The countless personalities you switch between, I suppose.”
“I’m just supposed to consistently be one person all the time? How very boring. No, I like to be all I can as often as possible. The jester, the lover, the philosopher, king to the shadows, slave to my emotions.” He wagged his brows at her. “Every day is a chance to be a different me. What an adventure.”
“I suppose today, you’re the philosopher?” He was trying to force her to be at peace with herself, in all the unknown. She wasn’t sure if she knew where to start.
Pausing, he turned back to the bed continuing his task of sorting clothes. “Today, I’m just Andrei.”
The word just didn’t fit. She didn’t believe he was just anything. There was always more to what he let her see. Always more Andrei.
“This conversation wasn’t what I was expecting.” She admitted.
“Is that right?”
“I expected you to try and get me to admit I belonged here with you guys. Have another tired conversation about mates. How I was just fighting against the tide when it came to you three.” Andrei was a force, no matter the context. She always left conversations with him feeling worn.
“Ah.” He nodded, understanding what she meant. “I grew tired of having the same conversation over and over. Especially since it doesn’t seem to do any good. That was another decision I made.”
“Another one. You seem to be a man of decisions lately.” She joked lightly.
“I am,” He agreed. “No more talk of mates. It’s rather tired.”
“No more convincing me of my place here?” Melas raised a brow, unsure if he was being serious. Giving up the conversation tormenting them lately seemed sudden.
“I can’t speak for the other two, but I’m done talking about all that. You don’t need t
he additional stress. With us moving soon, it would be easier to have a little less to focus on. I know what you need from me.”
“You do, do you?”
Reaching out, he took her hand. “Yes. You need me to be your friend.”
Melas’ eyes widened as she turned to look at him. “A friend?” She drew the word out like it was foreign on her lips.
He squeezed her hand lightly before letting it go. “Yup. A friend. Let me know if those two start getting on your nerves and I will use all my crazy in your favour. I can usually clear a room, doesn’t take much with those two.”
It was her turn to laugh.
A friend.
Andrei was full of surprises.
39
ORREN
Their trip to America loomed over them like a dark cloud. They would gladly travel to the edges of all seven realms for Melas and Zura but there was so much unknown.
They didn’t know who was after them. Who or what cast the spell hiding their memories, who or what they were. They didn’t know what Thiriel wanted with them.
The unknown was eating away at him, burrowing a hole in his belly that would’ve caused him indigestion if he were human. He would have heartburn and all those other ailments that hinted at how uneasy all this made him. Instead, he was rife with so much emotion he felt he’d burst from it all.
Melas packed, even though they told her she didn’t need to. Her packing stung. It was another way for her to tell them she didn’t want to owe them anything more. As if they were keeping a tally of gold and gems spent on the two of them while in their care.
Such a frivolous thing, money. The three of them could care less for costs.
Money wasn’t something they worried about, not spending much time in the Mortal Realm. Melas and Zura would have what they needed, regardless of cost or effort.
It was a shared sentiment between them.
He was already lost to her.
To them.
Zura’s little smile captured his heart so fully, he would set the world on fire for her. While she squeezed at his heart, Melas pierced it. Over and over, burrowing into the holes she left behind. They were etched on his soul. Something like that could never be undone.
This was forever, even if they refused to admit it.
Ridhor was right. He was the most logical of the three of them, which Orren struggled with since Ridhor was also the one closest to being fully consumed. He should be behaving as irrationally as they were, but instead, he was level-headed. The voice of reason Orren used to be.
Before Melas.
Before Zura.
His unflappable friend leaned over the large desk in the study, his face unreadable as he moved his hand over the map of the Seven Realms. He marked hard red slashes over ten points on the map, his muscled shoulders bunched around his ears.
“You’ve been working on this a while.” It wasn’t until Ridhor stretched the map out on the desk Orren realized just how much he dropped the ball when it came to Melas and Zura. He spent so long fighting his feelings, trying to figure her out, he was blinded to anything else. His vision tunnelled selfishly, while Ridhor was busy working selflessly.
He provided for them. Shelter, clothing, food, comforts. That alone would be enough, but he’d been keeping a close eye on Thiriel. Gathering information and trying to figure out Thiriel’s plans.
“I heard from a friend of mine in The Veil. Fate is out for her pound of flesh, which means Thiriel wouldn’t be in the Seelie Realm. As arrogant as he is, everyone knows how twisted and unforgiving the Unseelie Queen can be. If he has upset Fate, she would have let the queen know. Which means these two places are unlikely.” Ridhor crossed two marks off the map.
Orren moved to stand on the opposite side of the desk. “I agree. Best for him to avoid the Seelie Realm right now.” He absentmindedly ran his finger down the scar on his brow. He knew all too well how vicious the Unseelie Queen could be.
“I also don’t think he would be in his place in the Mortal Realm. He is much like you, Orren, only going to the Mortal Realm as a last resort.” He didn’t look at Orren, keeping his eyes on the map as he tried to work everything out.
“Ridhor, brother. If this is causing you so much grief, you could always talk to Melas. She is reasonable. If you tell her you don’t think they’ll be safe in America, she isn’t likely to fight you on it.” Zura’s safety was the most important thing to her. Risking that wouldn’t be something she did just because she was going stir-crazy.
“If we can’t protect them there, we can’t prove our usefulness. The three of us with our combined skills should be able to protect them in any realm. I would just like to have a better idea of Thiriel’s plans when we move. He’s been elusive. No one has seen him in months.”
“Since Melas and Zura appeared.” It couldn’t be a coincidence.
“Cricket used her mate bond to find Alette. They followed the remnants of the last used portal out. The one Thiriel used to grab Ela. Because of his wards, neither of them have any idea where they were.” Ridhor frowned. “My guess is he’s either in the Shadow Realm, the Realm of Beasts, or Aquar. We need to narrow that down.”
Orren was sure Ridhor was frustrated, but he gave no sign of it. Staring at the map as though one of the remaining places would just hop out at him and tell him where Thiriel was. “Alright brother, how can I help you narrow this down?”
Ridhor thought it over. “Someone must know something. Once we figure out who, you could likely gather the rest of the information we need from the dreamscape.”
The mirror rippled and Fen walked through. “If it isn’t my favourite Berserker and Incubus.” He gave them both a very dramatic salute before grinning like a madman. “I come with a message from Ela.”
Their eyes both lifted from the map to look at the Cupid. “Ela? How is she? Has Fate restored her barrier?” Orren tried to keep his voice from showing how desperate he was for answers. He barely managed it.
“In all honesty, she is infinitely more interesting without that barrier. Whatever happened to her,” He gave them each a knowing look, “I’d say she’s better for it. Those Oracles are so stuffy. You’d think with them being all-knowing, they would know how to ease the stick out of their asses— which without that barrier we can see is rather lovely.” He wagged his brows. “Who would have thought all of that was hidden in her barrier.”
Orren crossed his arms over his chest, trying not to growl at Fen. He seemed so unlike anyone else from The Veil. So jovial and sarcastic. “I’m sure she was glad to hear you admired her new, more visible form.”
“I’ll have you know, my compliments earned me a kiss.” He grinned. “It’s nice to be on the receiving end of affection.” He let out a lofty breath. “How goes everything here? Your mysterious fated mate still pushing you guys to the curb. Imagine the men she must’ve had in her life to want to hold out for better offers.” He crossed the room to stare down at the map.
Ridhor was unmoved by his presence.
“What’s all this then?” Fen looked at the map. “Properties. Belonging to whom?”
“Thiriel.” Orren wasn’t sure why he answered. Maybe it was because he knew without a doubt there wasn’t anyone in The Veil who could be bought by Thiriel. Maybe it was because he needed to say something to keep from lashing out. Fen had this way of rubbing him just right, making him want to pounce.
Fen snarled. “That old loon?” He shook his head. “Why are you so interested in him?”
“We’re almost certain he is the one after Melas and Zura.”
Brows shot up so high they almost disappeared into the red of his hair. “Thiriel knows about them?”
“Knows about.” Orren’s silver eyes narrowed, taking Fen in. “What do you mean knows about?” There was no doubt in his mind Fen knew more about Melas than he was letting on. He could very well know everything. Fen was keeping secrets.
Ignoring Orren, he looked down at the map. “Would you like me to narrow this down
for you?” Some of the humour he always carried melted away as his eyes met Ridhor’s. “This is to keep them safe, yes?”
“Aye.” Ridhor nodded.
Dropping his eyes back to the map, Fen stepped away from the desk and back towards the mirror. “I know just the person to narrow this down for us. It may take me a few days to find him though, he’s one of the few who doesn’t stay within The Veil. I’ll have to get a few Cupids on it. I’ll find him and be back soon.”
“Why all the help?” Orren was suspicious. Fen showed up and right away seemed like he was hiding something. Now, he just wanted to help? There had to be a reason.
The cocky bastard he was, just raised a brow grinning in that way that shouldn’t be possible for a being of love. It was mischievous and hinted at anarchy. This Cupid was probably the one responsible for all that toxic love out there, he sure looked like the type that would get off on something like that.
“You’ll see soon enough.” He winked at Orren before walking back through the mirror.
“You make it easy for someone to mess with you,” Ridhor said flatly, sinking into the chair and folding his hands in his lap. His eyes watched Orren, calculating.
Scoffing, Orren rolled his shoulders. “It seems that way. First Andrei, now this new Fen character.”
“Where is the Orren who couldn’t be read? You wear everything on your face now, brother. Making it too easy for someone to toy with emotions already running high.”
Letting his walls down and melting his icy exterior was something he’d been putting effort into for the comfort of Zura and Melas. Lately, he was struggling to put them back up.
“He’s harmless. Playful, which is a characteristic of a Cupid. He’s likely bored. An eternity of giving love you’ll never be a party to, watching lives unfold but not living one of your own, it has to grow tedious. He’s intrigued. He likes being involved in something outside his routine.” Ridhor closed his eyes, tilting his head back. “You’re too tightly wound.”
“Any suggestions on what I could do to unwind?”
A slow smirk touched Ridhor’s lips. “Sex works wonders.” He paused for a moment as Orren’s gaze heated, thoughts of Melas filling his head. “Ask Andrei if he’s available.”
Hidden In Darkness (A Seven Realms Book Book 1) Page 32
