by Maz Evans
‘Zeus is right,’ said Hypnos. ‘If you think my dearest brother is going to let you carry on your party down here, you’re as blind as a pirate with his patch on the wrong eye.’
‘Precisely,’ said Poseidon. ‘Which is why I need those Chaos Stones here with me. Insurance policy.’
‘And what’s more,’ said Zeus, ‘the Titans are on the loose.’
‘What a load of bum!’ scoffed Poseidon.
‘You don’t believe him?’ said Virgo.
‘No,’ laughed Poseidon. ‘I’m just saying he’s got a load of—’
‘This is no time for your childish jibes!’ cried Zeus. ‘I saw them with my own eyes – the Titans are free!’
‘Don’t be so daft,’ said Poseidon – a little less certainly, Virgo thought. ‘We put the Titans down in the pit of Tartarus ourselves. They’re brutes. Beasts. Monsters. Why would anyone be stupid enough to let them out?’
Virgo shifted uncomfortably on her feet. She realized this could be an excellent moment to share what she knew about the Titans in order to give everyone up-to-date information.
‘AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!’ With an almighty roar of frustration, Zeus ripped up the desk and hurled it across the tavern, showering a nearby group of mermaids with splinters.
‘I KNOW!’ yelled Zeus. ‘AND WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THEM, I’LL GIVE THEM A THUNDERBOLT WHERE THE SUN DOESN’T SHINE!’
Virgo reconsidered. Perhaps now wasn’t such a good moment after all.
She looked back at Elliot, standing pale and shaken in the corner. There were other matters that needed addressing.
‘Your Majesties,’ said Virgo, ‘if what Elliot understood in the Afterlife is correct, he needs to return home urgently to administer the potion to Josie-Mum.’
‘I wish I could help ye, sprat,’ said Poseidon more gently. ‘But in truth, there’s nothing I can do for ye. I wish ye well.’
‘You are an unbelievable, belligerent old piece of . . .’
Zeus ranted at his brother and Elliot shook with rhythmic sobs. Virgo felt the room grow darker, as if it was actually . . .
She looked out of the cave’s mouth. There was the giant shadow.
‘And that’s just for starters – then I’d—’
‘Er, Zeus,’ she said, tugging at his shirt. ‘I think you need to see this.’
‘I see it perfectly,’ said the King of the Gods. ‘My brother is a spineless, useless—’
‘Huge butt!’ cried Poseidon.
‘OH, WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT MY BOTTOM?’ hollered Zeus.
‘No – look out there,’ said Poseidon, pointing. ‘There’s a huge butt!’
All heads turned to the office door, which was filled entirely with a vast Titan backside, muffling the screams of the sea creatures in the tavern.
‘What be the meaning of this!’ barked Poseidon.
‘We saw them on Circe’s Island,’ said Zeus. ‘They’re rounding up the Elementals.’
‘Well, they ain’t rounding up mine!’ said Poseidon, reaching under his desk and producing his trident. He held it aloft and slammed it down in the sand. But nothing happened.
‘What is the ruddy matter with this?’ he said, shaking it.
‘I’m telling you,’ said Proteus quietly. ‘It needs to be reunited with its brother.’
‘Or it needs to be reunited with something else,’ growled Poseidon. He strode over to the office door and aimed his weapon squarely at the huge buttock in his path.
‘Oi, you great whale fart!’ he yelled. ‘Round up this!’
And, with an almighty thrust, he shoved the prongs of his trident straight into the Titan’s bottom.
‘YOWWWWEEEEEEOOOOOUUUUUWWWWW!’ screamed The Brain, leaping in the air, clutching his rear end and clearing the entrance for Poseidon to walk into the main tavern.
‘Now this here be my establishment and ye aren’t welcome,’ said Poseidon. ‘So sling yer scurvy hooks!’
‘We’re following Zodiac Council orders,’ said The Ram.
‘Pah!’ laughed Poseidon. ‘Well, I pay about as much attention to them as I do to the hair growing out me ears. Be on yer way.’
‘No can do,’ said The Ram. ‘So what you going to do about it?’
‘Don’t ye threaten me, ye overgrown whale blubber,’ said Poseidon, shaking his trident. ‘I’ve seen off monsters twice the size of you.’
‘Have you?’ said The Ram. ‘Or do you go running like a chicken, just like your brother?’
‘How dare you!’ roared Zeus, coming to stand beside Poseidon. ‘You want a fight? You can bally well have one!’
‘Oh, yeah!’ said The Ram, dropping his sack to smash one fist into the other. ‘So bring it!’
‘Suit yourself !’ cried Zeus. ‘But don’t say I didn’t warn you! Aaaaaargh!’
The King of the Gods launched himself at The Ram, pounding him with angry fists, landing punch after punch on the Titan’s colossal legs.
‘And . . . have . . . that . . . and . . . these . . . and . . .’ puffed Zeus, starting to tire.
‘You done yet?’ yawned The Ram.
‘Never!’ cried Zeus. ‘Go on, you great brute – give it your best shot!’
‘All right,’ said The Ram. ‘Now clear off.’
And, placing his giant forefinger behind his massive thumb, he flicked the King of the Gods away like a pesky fly. Zeus sailed across the Coral Cove, slid along the length of the bar and landed smack on the floor at the other end with a barrel of nectar on his head.
‘Ye’re a useless bag o’ britches,’ said Poseidon, shaking his head. ‘Leave this to the experts. Oi – fish-face! Have some of this!’
The God of the Sea charged at The Brain with his trident. But he was simply picked up by one leg and tossed across the bar to join his brother.
‘Ow,’ he groaned as he landed on top of Zeus.
‘Given up yet?’ said The Ram, scooping up a handful of water nymphs and putting them in his sack.
‘And this is for Gorgy!’ screamed Virgo, running over to The Ram and stamping on his toe.
The Titan stopped and looked down at her.
‘Lucky for you you’re not on my list,’ he said. ‘Because someone needs to teach you some manners, missy. Just because you voted for this, it doesn’t mean you’re above the law.’
‘Virgo?’ said Zeus incredulously. ‘You voted to release the Titans? Why ever would you do such a thing?’
Virgo felt as if she’d just eaten seven Maximus meals. She didn’t have an answer for Zeus. She didn’t have an answer for herself.
‘Not that it’s any of my business,’ said Proteus, flying in parrot form to where Zeus and Poseidon lay in a crumpled heap on the floor, ‘but perhaps your weapons might come in handy?’
Poseidon sighed.
‘How about it, brother?’ he said, holding out his trident. ‘Are ye prepared to reunite?’
‘From the bottom of my heart,’ said Zeus, unsheathing a thunderbolt.
The two Gods brought their mighty weapons together and shouted at the top of their voices:
‘I GIVE YOU MY POWER AND I ACCEPT YOURS. TOGETHER WE’RE STRONGER TO WIN ANY WARS!’
The cave filled with an incandescent golden glow as the two weapons shone with the light of a million stars.
‘Uh-oh,’ said The Brain, and The Ram dropped the sack filled with sea creatures.
‘Brother!’ roared Poseidon. ‘I think we be back in business!’
‘So let’s kick some Titan bottom!’ cried Zeus. He unleashed a thunderbolt, sending the Titans flying across the cave and slamming into the bubble wall beyond.
‘YE THINK YE CAN COME HERE AND TAKE ME HEARTIES?’ yelled Poseidon, raising his trident aloft. ‘WELL, YE CAN TAKE THIS!’
And, with an almighty battle cry, he slammed his trident into the ground. At his command, a mighty crack opened up along the seabed, snaking towards the Titans, threatening to tip them into the dark depths below.
‘Quick, bruv – run!’ said The R
am, pulling The Brain to his feet and bursting through the bubble into the sea beyond. Virgo watched as the Titans swam desperately for the surface.
‘Oh, I think ye can go a bit faster than that,’ said Poseidon, aiming his trident at the sea. A flash of golden sparks flew from its prongs into the water beyond the bubble, turning into a shiver of sharks that began to nip at the Titans’ feet.
‘And let that be an end to it!’ shouted Zeus at the retreating Titans. ‘No buts!’
Poseidon pulled his brother to his feet.
‘Ye might not be as quick as ye used to be,’ he said, ‘but I’m glad ye were here. Brother.’
‘Me too. Brother,’ said Zeus, and the two Gods embraced one another warmly.
‘Proteus!’ Poseidon called. ‘I need ye to—’
‘I know,’ said Proteus, transforming back into the Shepherd of the Sea. ‘I have it here.’
He produced the watch and walked hesitantly over to where Elliot was huddled in his blanket. Proteus crouched down and placed the watch in Elliot’s palm.
‘Be very, very careful with these,’ he said, his faced lined with worry. ‘You can’t begin to imagine what they will do in the wrong hands.’
Not till much, much later did Virgo realize what Proteus was truly warning Elliot about. But in that moment, there was only one thing on Elliot’s mind.
‘I need to get home!’ he cried, shaking off the blanket. ‘Now.’
‘C’mon then, sprat,’ shouted Poseidon, striking the floor with his trident. ‘What are ye waiting for?’
Immediately, water began to swirl around them, fizzing as if burning pokers had been plunged into it. A head of steam began to form on the surface, at first just a few droplets dancing above the water, but becoming bigger and denser with every drop of vapour until it formed a large cloud. It began to envelop them all, growing and growing until it lifted Elliot, Virgo, Zeus and Hypnos clean off the ground. For a moment everything was lost in a sea of white vapour. But then Virgo felt her whole body rising with the cloud into the air.
‘See ye, landlubbers!’ cried Poseidon, as the cloud burst through the bubble and up towards the surface. ‘Ye know where to find me!’
And with a strong sea breeze, the friends were whisked away by the cloud towards Home Farm, Josie and whatever dangers lay in wait.
28. Daddy’s Home
‘Come on – we’ve got to go!’ cried Elliot, as the cloud washed up on the banks of the River Avon early Wednesday morning. They’d been travelling all night, but Elliot only had one thing on his mind – getting Panacea’s potion to Mum.
‘No,’ said Virgo firmly. She whistled for Charon. ‘You go, I’ll catch up with you later. There’s something I have to do.’
‘Like what?’ shouted Elliot. ‘We have to get back to Home Farm, to Mum . . .’
‘I know you do,’ said Virgo, as the immortal ferryman burst out of the river before them. ‘And I must do this. I’ll find you later. I promise.’
‘Mornin’ all,’ said Charon cheerily. ‘Nice to see someone! Business has been deader than a Daemon’s doorknob lately. And me bin’s not been collected this week. Where to?’
‘Elysium please, Charon,’ said Virgo. ‘As fast as you can.’
‘Virgo?’ said Zeus.
‘I can’t explain now,’ said Virgo. ‘But I need to make the right choice.’
‘Then get to it,’ said Zeus softly. ‘We’ll see you later. Charon – lickety-split!’
‘Right-o, guv,’ said Charon. ‘Next stop – Elysium!’
‘So . . . see you then,’ said Elliot.
‘See you,’ said Virgo quietly. ‘Good luck.’
‘You too.’
Elliot felt as if he had more to say. But before he could find the words, the Ship of Death whisked Virgo away down the river.
‘Come on!’ Elliot shouted again, speeding off towards Home Farm.
‘Er – Elliot?’ said Zeus, puffing to stay alongside him. ‘What’s the plan here?’
‘I don’t care,’ said Elliot, quickening his pace. ‘We just have to get to Mum and give her the potion before 11.17 this morning.’
‘And then what?’
‘And then – she and Dad will know what to do,’ said Elliot firmly. ‘Hurry up!’
Elliot sprinted on across the fields towards Home Farm, leaving Zeus behind. He hadn’t mentioned Grandad’s warning about Dave to anyone – what was the point? Grandad was mistaken. He had to be.
As he ran over the hill, Elliot saw in the distance a bulldozer knocking down the remains of Hephaestus’s fence. Why would his dad do that? But this was no time for questions. His chest was aching from the pace, but he clutched the potion in his pocket. Everything was going to be OK.
He ran down the hill into the final field between him and his beloved home. Ignoring the protests of the builders, he leapt over the remnants of the fence and reached the front door, hammering on it with both fists.
‘Dad!’ he shouted. ‘I’m home! Dad!’
He banged on the door until his fists ached. He didn’t care if he had to punch through it. He was going to get to Mum.
‘Dad! Please! Open up! Open this—’
The door slowly creaked open, to reveal Dave standing in the hallway.
‘Dad!’ Elliot panted in relief, throwing himself across the threshold. ‘Where’s—’
‘Now, now, now, Elliot,’ said Dave, holding his son back and pushing him firmly back outside. ‘Where are our manners?’
‘Wh-what?’ said Elliot, pulling the potion from his pocket. ‘I’ve got it, I’ve got the potion – let’s go and give it to Mum. Together . . .’
‘I’m afraid that won’t be possible,’ said Dave slowly. Elliot waited for him to say more. But Dave merely folded his arms.
‘I don’t understand,’ said Elliot, pushing to get past. ‘I need to get—’
A firm shove from his father pushed Elliot back on to the path.
‘Ow!’ he cried, rubbing his chest. ‘Dad – what are you doing?’
‘I’ve told you, Elliot, you need to mind your manners,’ said Dave coldly. ‘You can’t just come barging in here without asking.’
‘Is this some kind of a joke?’ Elliot laughed nervously. ‘Because I’ll be honest, Dad, it’s not very—’
‘Can we just stop with the whole “Dad” thing?’ sighed Dave. ‘We don’t really know each other. I think it’s best we stay on first-name terms. It’s not like we’re going to be seeing much of each other anyway . . .’
Elliot didn’t understand. What did he mean? Then, for the first time, Elliot noticed his father’s bag in the hallway.
‘Where are you going?’ he asked weakly. ‘When will you be back?’
‘I won’t,’ said Dave plainly. ‘You see, this whole deal – the family, the farm, the fatherhood – I’ve come to realize it’s just not for me . . .’
‘But . . . you . . .’ Elliot fought the tears gathering in his eyes.
‘No hard feelings, mate,’ winked Dave. ‘And, like I promised, I’ve taken care of everything.’
Elliot brushed his tears away.
‘Let me in,’ he said. ‘I need to see my mum.’
‘What the bally heck is going on?’ panted Zeus, limping up the path behind Elliot. ‘Let us in, David, there’s a good chap.’
‘No can do,’ said Dave, picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. ‘You see, it’s not my house to let you into. But the new owner has very kindly agreed to take you on . . .’
‘What?’ said Elliot. ‘What are you talking about? What new owner? And where’s Mum?’
‘Oh, dearie me, pickle,’ piped a shrill voice behind Dave. ‘As your new legal guardian, we’re going to have to work on your behaviour.’
The door opened a little further to reveal the triumphant face of Patricia Porshley-Plum. Elliot felt his fingers wrap around the Chaos Stones in his pocket.
‘Legal guardian?’ blundered Zeus. ‘Don’t make me . . .’
T
he King of the Gods fell silent as Dave Hooper dropped the front door keys into Patricia’s grabbing hand and tossed the legal paperwork at Zeus.
‘Pleasure doing business with you, Mrs Porshley-Plum,’ said Dave, shaking her hand. ‘I hope you’ll be very happy in your new home. If not with your new son.’
Elliot’s stomach filled with burning rage. His dad had betrayed him. His dad had betrayed Mum. And Elliot had stood by and let him.
‘You – you – you . . . TRAITOR!’ screamed Elliot, launching himself at his father. ‘I trusted you! You said you’d take care of everything!’
With a swift lunge, Dave Hooper sent him sprawling on his backside on the path.
‘RIGHT, THAT’S IT!’ roared Zeus, unsheathing a thunderbolt. ‘I’m going to teach you a lesson you’ll never forget . . .’
‘Uh, uh, uh,’ said Dave, waggling a finger in Zeus’s face, unmoved by the ferocity of the immortal. ‘Sacred Code, remember. You can’t hurt me or you’ll lose your kardia. I’ve been paying attention.’
There was a tense moment as Zeus stood poised with his thunderbolt aimed at Dave’s heart. Elliot watched the King of the Gods stare murderously at his father.
‘I wouldn’t waste it on you anyway,’ he said finally, slowly sheathing the thunderbolt and helping Elliot up. ‘You’re evil. No father turns his back on his family. You don’t deserve him.’
‘No,’ said Dave. ‘I just don’t want him. See ya.’
He barged past Zeus and, without a backwards glance, set off across the fields, taking the last of Elliot’s happiness with him.
‘Well, now – I knew there was something strange about you,’ Patricia said to Zeus. ‘Let’s see what the authorities make of you and your family of freaks. You’ll never be allowed near the boy again . . .’
‘Where is she?’ Elliot said, as steadily as he was able. Patricia would have to wait. He needed to find his mum.
‘Where she should have been months ago,’ said Patricia dismissively. ‘In the hospital. Best place for her, really. In her . . . condition.’
Elliot’s heart froze. The hospital? He had to get to her. Now.
‘We have to go,’ he cried to Zeus. ‘Come on.’
