by Quinn Loftis
“Princess,” he whispered. It was a plea that nearly drove him to his knees.
“It is because I know you that I’ve asked for Raphael to protect you. I love you, Dair. I never thought I would experience the kind of love I feel for you. And if you know me, then you know I will do anything to protect those I love. Please tell Darla, Wayne, Glory, and little Emma that I love them. Tell them to live and not to mourn but to know that I have no regrets. I would make the same choice over and over and over. And you, my love, must let me go and do what you were created to do. You are important, Dair. The Creator has tasked you with something that keeps evil from taking hold. You are so much more needed in this world than I am. Do not let Lucifer have what he wants. Do not let him remove you from the path upon which your feet have been placed. If you stray, he will have that much more hold on the world. My place in this world will soon be over, but yours will not. I love you, so, so much.”
Dair felt her presence slip back away from him, her mind closing off. “DON’T YOU DARE! DON’T YOU LEAVE ME!” He felt as though his heart was going to stop beating at any moment. Dair grasped her face in his hands, tears falling from his face onto hers. “This is not how this ends, Princess. He will not win. He cannot have you. Not while I still exist in this world. Don’t you dare give up. Please, Sarah, please don’t give up.” There was no response from her. Though her chest rose and fell and her skin was still warm with life, she was gone, out of his reach once again. Dair had the sickening feeling that it was the last time he would hear her voice, in his mind or otherwise. He laid his head on her chest and wrapped his arms around her. His shoulders shook as he wept over the woman he couldn’t save.
Dair felt Raphael’s hand on his shoulder, giving him silent support, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, not anymore, not without her.
Chapter 17
If you dream you are standing at the gates of heaven, do not assume it means your time is up. Rather consider that the time you still have left is meant to be lived in such a way that when it is time for you to pass through those gates you will be bringing many with you.
Lucifer stood in Serenity’s mind, in a prison he’d created that he knew she couldn’t escape. The fires of hell surrounded them, and heat blistered her skin. Perhaps he wouldn’t have to destroy her physical body after all. Dair was already being destroyed, and soon he would be useless to the Creator. His fear, his selfish need to have Serenity, was crippling him.
Sometimes Lucifer forgot how powerful the human mind was. It wielded control over the body in a way that humans did not fully understand. Weaken the mind, weaken the body. Destroy the mind, destroy the body. As Dair watched Serenity slowly deteriorate before his eyes, his own body would begin to fail him. He would no longer feel he has a purpose, and he would lose his way. Once off the path the Creator had designated for him, he would no longer be a threat to Lucifer’s plans. It had almost been too easy. The heart made humans weak. Their emotions constantly leading them instead of paying attention to the truth and making the hard choices, they focused only on what they wanted.
“You aren’t giving him enough credit,” Serenity said. Her lips were dry and cracked, her eyes bloodshot and weary. “He’s in shock right now, but he won’t be forever. It may take him time to heal, but he won’t be out of commission forever.”
“You obviously do not understand the depth of his emotions for you. He cannot see past his life without you. He doesn’t realize it would be more selfless to continue living, to carry on his with purpose. In choosing a human as a mate, he himself has become more human. No longer thinking only with the reasoning given to him by the Creator, he now thinks with his emotions.”
“He’s stronger than you think,” she argued, but Lucifer could see the small shadow of doubt.
“Well, then we shall just have to make sure to crush whatever strength you think he has left, once and for all.”
Serenity didn’t have a chance to respond to the ruler of hell before he disappeared, and she was once again alone inside her own mind. Suddenly, the surroundings changed, and she was in a hospital room. Dair was wrapped around her, and she could feel his body tremble and feel the dampness of his tears through the gown she wore.
She knew she still wasn’t awake, but she was also sure that what she was seeing was exactly what was happening. Why was Lucifer letting her see this? She didn’t understand it, but she wasn’t about to waste a moment to see her Sandman.
She reached her hand out and ran her fingers through his thick hair. It felt so real. She could feel each individual strand as they brushed against her skin. His shoulders stilled, and slowly, he lifted his head. His wounded eyes met hers, and she felt her breath catch.
“Serenity?” he asked, sounding hopeful and angry at the same time.
She nodded.
“You’re awake?”
“I don’t think so,” she admitted. “I don’t know if you’re really seeing this or if we’re both dreaming, or if this is only my dream. I just don’t know reality from fiction anymore. It’s all overlapping.”
“I think it’s real,” he said as he started to sit up. His hands grasped onto her waist, and his eyes narrowed, swirling with dark emotions. “How could you?” He sounded angrier than she’d ever heard him. Though he didn’t raise his voice at her, it still felt as though he’d slapped her. “How could you think you had the right to make such important decisions for both of us? You expect me to just accept that you don’t want to fight for us?”
She shook her head. “It’s not like that,” she said quickly. “It’s not that I don’t want to fight for us, Dair. You don’t understand.”
“I think I understand perfectly,” he snapped. “You don’t feel for me what I feel for you. If you did, you wouldn’t give up so easily. You wouldn’t let the enemy win. I would never surrender, Serenity, not if it meant losing you.”
“How can you say that?” Her own anger was beginning to override her sorrow as she stared at him. The betrayal was plain on his face and, frankly, it pissed her off. “I love you. I don’t know what emotion could be stronger than that. But you don’t understand what’s at stake. You aren’t the only thing in my life that is important. I can’t only think about you, not because I love you less, but because my love extends to others. You have to accept that. You can’t expect me to choose your life over theirs.”
“Is that what he has convinced you will happen? That you have to choose?”
“He didn’t convince me! It’s the truth. It’s either my life, your life, or theirs. I choose mine. I can accept my own death. I cannot accept yours or theirs.”
“I don’t accept that,” Dair said, shaking his head and pushing away from her. “I don’t accept your decision.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“There is always a choice, Serenity. Always. And you’re making the wrong one.”
Serenity felt the tears building, and she bit her lip to keep them from falling. She would not cry. She would not appear weak. Dair was wrong. Lucifer was right. Dair was only thinking with his emotions, and those emotions were selfish. He couldn’t see past his own wants and realize that she was in an impossible situation. “I don’t understand why you’re saying these things. I don’t need your condemnation. I need your support. I need the unconditional love that you claim to have. Where is that now, Brudair? Things don’t go the way you want so you throw a tantrum? Is that what this is? A two-year-old moment because you can’t be in control? Welcome to the human experience called life. It sucks in more ways than one, and you can either suck it up and deal, or you can walk away.”
His mouth dropped open, and then he shut it only to have it drop open again. “Are you saying it’s your way or nothing? No compromise? No give and take? You’re giving me an ultimatum? I have existed thousands of years. You are but a child, and yet you claim to know more about the workings of life, good and evil, selfishness and generosity? You know nothing of true sacrifice. You know nothing of what I’m willing to give up fo
r you.”
“What about what you’re willing to GIVE for me?” She yelled, unable to contain the emotions inside of her. “Giving up is easy, Dair. What? You think it’s a testament of your love to me if you just stop living? If you stop doing what you were called to do, suddenly you are sacrificing for me? Well don’t do me any favors. If that’s what you claim is selflessness, I’d rather you be selfish. But if you really want to see the meaning of selflessness, then you choose to keep living and keep fighting and keep doing what you need to do to help others. You don’t give up simply because you don’t get to have everything you want.”
“You aren’t just something I want! You’re something I need. Don’t you see that?”
Serenity did see it. She saw the desperation in his eyes, the pain and fear of losing her, and she understood. She felt the same way. But what could she do? She was powerless.
Dair walked over to her and sat down. He leaned forward and wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs, his touch whisper soft, so gentle despite his anger. “I hear you. I understand what you’re saying. But I don’t know if I have it in me to do what you’re asking,” he admitted. “I know my purpose. I’ve done it for so long. But I was so lonely. I moved through this world, unseen, unheard, watching everyone live and love around me, but never being a part of it. Until you. I’m begging you not to ask me to give that up. I don’t want it with just anyone. I want it with you, Serenity. You’re it for me. There will never be another. Don’t ask me to accept this. Please. I will get on my knees and beg if I must.”
She reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand. The rough stubble was such a contrast to the softness in his eyes. How could she deny him? How could she tell him to walk away? Was that fair of her to ask? She didn’t know. She knew it was killing her to see him in such turmoil. She knew that, if their roles were reversed, she would not want a life without him.
Dair leaned forward, moving slowly, giving her the chance to turn away. Serenity simply watched him and waited. When she didn’t move, he leaned closer until his lips pressed against hers. The heat of his body met hers as he pressed closer. Serenity’s arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers tunneling through his hair as she pulled him closer.
Dair bit her bottom lip, gently tugging on it until she opened her mouth. No other invitation was needed as he delved deeper. He tasted like home. The rumble in his chest made her smile, and she pressed herself more tightly against him. “Don’t ask me to give this up,” he whispered against her mouth. He moved his lips to her jaw, pressing gentle kisses across it, moving down behind her ear and then down her neck. Serenity arched her back and leaned her head back, exposing more of her neck. His arms slipped beneath her, his hands running up her sides until they slid under her shoulders and wrapped around their top. His fingers dug into her flesh, causing a mixture of pleasure and a hint of pain. It made her feel alive, and awake, though she was pretty sure she wasn’t.
“Dair,” she breathed out his name as his lips and tongue traced her collar bone. She shivered under his rapt attention.
“I love you,” he told her as he looked up at her, a sly smile slowly forming on his sensual mouth.
Serenity knew, dream or not, they needed to stop. “What happens now?” she asked.
“Should I spell it out for you?”
She laughed. His flirting and humor caught her off guard after the heated argument they’d just had. “No, there’s no need for that. But that’s not what I meant.” She grabbed his shirt and pulled so he would move back up her body until his head hovered over hers. “This isn’t real. This is a dream. I’m not awake.”
Dair’s eyes closed. “I know. But I want so badly for you to be.”
“Are you asleep?”
“I don’t know. I’ve only slept once, and that was with you. But it hasn’t happened again. So maybe you’ve slipped into my subconscious.”
“Lucifer has to be controlling this.”
“Not our actions. Maybe he allowed us contact.”
“I don’t want to fight with you,” she said as she ran a finger over his lips.
“Then fight who you need to be fighting. We can figure this out together. Can’t you trust me to find a way to get you out?”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, my love. It’s that I don’t trust Lucifer.”
Dair nodded. “I understand that. Just don’t count us out yet. Okay?”
Serenity didn’t say what she wanted to say. So she simply nodded instead.
Dair frowned, and a minute later she realized why. He was slipping away. She could feel him, his soul going farther from her.
“Not yet.” He growled and reached for her, but it was as if he was grabbing smoke. She slipped right through his fingers. “I’m not letting go, Princess. I’m not letting go.”
His words reverberated in her mind long after he was gone. She was once again alone.
Her surroundings were bleak—an endless world of ash and fire. It reminded her of a scene from the movie Lord of the Rings, when Frodo had finally reached Mordor. All that was missing was the great eye that saw everything. But then, wasn’t that what Lucifer was in this alternate universe he’d built in her mind?
Serenity found a flat spot to sit, leaning her back against a huge, jagged rock. The wind whipped around her, slashing at her face. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She had no idea how long she would be stuck in this place. She had no idea how long it would be until he came to visit her and torment her some more. She had no idea how long it would be or if she would ever see Dair again. And what about her family? Would she never see them again either?
Serenity wanted to have hope. But it was so very hard to find hope in a place where nothing but death existed.
She heard laughter on the wind, rich and dark. He was mocking her.
“Perhaps this will be your hell. To be alive in the real world, but stuck in your own mind, surrounded constantly by danger, death, and fear. To have brief glimpses of what you will never have. I can string Dair along for eternity. I can keep your body running until you are wrinkled with age, your muscles and bones deteriorating as you waste away in a bed, with your family helpless to do anything to help you. How can any of them focus on protecting precious Emma if they can’t stop worrying and hoping and hovering over you?
Serenity wanted to scream. How had this happened? How had she allowed evil to slip in so silently that she didn’t even realize it?
“It only takes a tiny crack.” Lucifer purred. “A whisper of doubt, a moment of giving in to temptation, an inkling of guilt. That’s all I need to have you wrapped in my embrace. You’re mine, Serenity. You’re mine, and soon enough, Emma will be mine as well. Whatever the Creator has planned will fail.”
Serenity didn’t answer. What could she say? So she closed her eyes, and she pictured each of their faces, their smiles, their laughter, their joys, and she sought comfort in those memories. Serenity might never see them again, but she would always have those memories.
Emma’s eyes snapped open as the dream slipped away. She was safe, in Darla and Wayne’s house, but the dream had felt so real. She’d heard the devil’s voice and felt the heat on her face. She’d seen Serenity, sitting, lost and alone, and no matter how she yelled she couldn’t get Serenity’s attention.
The devil had told Emma she was next. He’d said that more of his demons would be coming to visit her. She’d felt his darkness, his evil, as he’d tried to touch her. Then she’d thought about the kids she’d found in the basement beneath the school. They’d been saved. Evil hadn’t won. She thought about how she’d been at Reginald Jones’ house and the horrible thing that had happened to her, but it hadn’t defeated her. The Creator hadn’t left her. And he hadn’t left Serenity either. She knew it to the very depths of her soul. Evil didn’t have to win. They didn’t have to give in, no matter what Lucifer said.
Emma leaned back against the headboard of the bed and closed her eyes. Then she began to
sing. It was a song her mama used to sing to her about shutting the door to keep the devil and lighting a candle to keep the darkness at bay.
The words continued to flow from her, and she could hear her mama adding the harmony. It was a fun song, but it was also a song of truth layered under the upbeat tune and catchy lyrics. Keep the light shining, it said, and the devil can’t get in. Keep yourself closed up tight from his lies and temptations, and keep shining that light into the dark places where secrets want to hide. Keep out the devil, and everything will be alright.
Epilogue
If you dream of holding hands, it means you need to find something to cling to quickly. Something is coming that might sweep you away.
One year ago
Eleanor Whitmore dried the last of the dinner dishes as she watched, from the kitchen window, Emma play in the backyard. She’d been restless the past week. Her mind had been troubled, and she’d been having vivid dreams of darkness.
She believed in the power of dreams. She read in her Bible too many times of how God had used dreams to lead people and direct their paths. And she felt in her gut that something was coming. Something was coming, and it was after Emma Jean.
That night as she tucked Emma into bed, she smiled down at her and said, “I want to tell you a story.”
“Alright,” Emma said as she propped herself against her headboard. “I’m ready.”
“A long, long time ago there was an angel. He was beautiful, and powerful, and loved by God. His name was Lucifer, which means bright-morning star. But over time, his beauty and power wasn’t enough for him. He wasn’t satisfied with what he’d been given. He wanted more. In fact, he didn’t just want more, he wanted everything. He wanted to set a throne even above God and rule over him. Everything that God, his Creator, had, Lucifer believed he had a right to. Who was God to keep him from being just like the Creator … or more?
