‘Sshh, it’s okay. It’s okay. Let’s not think about the past any more, alright? And let’s mean it this time. None of that matters now.’
He threw his head back, releasing a long, slow sigh. ‘I don’t deserve to have you in my life, Amber. Not after everything…’
She shut him up with another kiss, letting it build, her mouth opening to accept him more, his tongue sliding inside and she pushed against him, all those confusing feelings filling her head and she just wanted to forget them. For a few, short minutes she wanted them to go away.
He turned her around, lifting her up onto the countertop, pushing her legs apart with a gentle force that signalled the beginning of something Amber needed now. She needed sex with a man she’d never really known, but he was a man she couldn’t walk away from. She’d known that before, and she knew it even more now.
Leaning back, she placed her hands palm-down behind her, wrapping her legs around him as he pushed into her once more, so hard and so quick it rocked her whole body back, causing her to cry out loud, but it was a beautiful pain, and one she welcomed. To feel him back inside her was the only thing she wanted right now.
He slid the t-shirt she was still wearing up over her breasts, his mouth covering them in tiny, almost feather-light kisses, sending her beyond crazy as the rhythm suddenly changed, and everything slowed down. Everything became calmer. He was kissing her so softly it was making her cry all over again, his arms holding her so tightly, as though she’d break if he let her go. And she just wanted to stay there, in his arms, feeling him move inside her as he kissed her. She wanted to feel that, forever.
So when they both finally came, in a climax that was so beautiful yet understated in its intensity, once again she didn’t want to open her eyes. She didn’t want to step back into reality.
‘The next time, I want you to look at me when you come,’ he whispered, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. ‘I want you to look at me.’
She stared into those green eyes of his; eyes that she’d never really been sure of. Eyes that had never really told her the truth, until now. Now she could see something in them she’d never seen before. Honesty. A whole new start. A different man.
‘I love you so much, Jim. But I never really knew you, did I?’
He rested his forehead against hers, his fingers now lightly stroking the back of her neck. ‘You know me now.’
She smiled. ‘I’m beginning to.’
He kissed her again, his lips soft and damp against hers as those tears still fell from his eyes, more slowly now. ‘Stay with me tonight, Amber. Please. Stay with me.’
And if there was one thing Amber knew for certain now, it was that she wasn’t going anywhere.
Chapter Six
‘You look happy.’ Freddie smiled as he handed Amber her son, clean and freshly changed.
Amber breathed in Rico’s beautiful baby smell, kissing him gently. ‘That’s because I am.’
‘So, what’s changed since yesterday? Because when I saw you last you looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders.’
‘Jim and I, we’re back together.’ It was probably best to just come out with it. There was no sugar-coating the situation or waiting for a right moment that may never come. She was in love with Jim and he was in love with her. End of story.
Freddie just looked at his daughter, an expression of not-altogether-unexpected surprise covering his face. ‘I… Amber, I… When did this happen?’
‘Last night.’
‘I thought you were with Ronnie last night?’
‘It’s complicated, Dad.’
‘It always is, kiddo. And I have to admit, this isn’t something I was ever expecting to hear. I’d thought you and him were finally over.’
‘We’ve never been over, Dad. I don’t think we ever will be over.’
Freddie sat down on the arm of the couch, clasping his hands between his knees. ‘Well, I just hope you know what you’re doing, Amber. Because it isn’t just you and him any more. You’ve got that baby to think about now. And speaking of which, does Ryan know about you and Jim?’
Amber shook her head, cradling Rico in the crook of her left arm as she gathered all of his things together. ‘Not yet, no. I’m going to see him this afternoon. I suppose we do, kind of, need to talk.’
‘And how do you think he’s going to take it?’
She threw her father a look. ‘How do you think he’ll take it, Dad?’
Freddie sighed. ‘Amber, sweetheart, I have no idea how you make your life such hard work.’
‘I love him, Dad.’
Freddie looked at her, his expression softening slightly. ‘I should have seen what was happening all those years ago. I should have stopped it. You were so young. And I should have stopped it.’
‘How could you? You didn’t know any of it was going on, so how could you have stopped it? I fell, Dad. I fell so hard and so deep and it’s impossible to let go or walk away now, but… believe me, there are things about Jim Allen… there are things you know nothing about. He’s not the man I thought he was. He’s different. It won’t be like every other last time. It won’t be like that any more.’
Freddie’s head shot up, a fleeting expression of something verging on suspicion sweeping over his face.
‘He told me things last night that explained everything – why he acted the way he did all those years ago, why he did what he did…’
‘And you believe him?’
She stared at her father, cuddling her baby boy closer to her. ‘I do now.’
*
Jim sat back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling for a few seconds before sitting up, re-reading the email that had just arrived in his inbox. Things were changing so quickly it was difficult to take it all in, but maybe this was a sign – a sign that things were meant to change and that his life was meant to go in this direction. And it was what he wanted, after all; Amber back in his life, back in his bed – that was all he’d ever wanted.
A knock at the door made him jump, pulling him out of his thoughts. ‘Come in.’
‘Work on a Sunday?’ Brandon asked, closing the door of Jim’s Tynebridge office behind him.
‘Did you want to see me about something?’
‘I’m not one of your players, Dad. And yeah, I do want to see you about something, as it happens. I tried calling you at home but you weren’t there, so I figured there was only one other place you were gonna be.’
‘That predictable, huh?’
Brandon shrugged, perching himself on the corner of Jim’s desk. ‘You okay?’
Jim looked at his son, raising a surprised eyebrow. ‘Any reason why I shouldn’t be?’
‘Last night, when I came round… Maybe I shouldn’t have gone in so heavy-handed. I’m sorry.’
‘I’ve spoken to Amber and I’ve told her everything. About Carrie, about how that had affected the way I loved her; how it had caused me to push her away when… when all I wanted was to be with her.’
Brandon took in a sharp intake of breath. ‘Okay.’
‘I’m assuming you went straight back home and tried to find out more for yourself.’
Brandon held up his hands. ‘Guilty. Of course I did, Dad. You weren’t saying much, and… well, there wasn’t an awful lot there if I’m honest. You guys must have kept that relationship of yours pretty much a secret back then.’
‘Neither of us were big enough or famous enough in our fields to be that interesting at the time, Brandon. But, yeah. We deliberately kept things quiet, kept ourselves to ourselves. It was the way we wanted it.’ Jim looked away as he felt a wave of pain return. It was pain he’d thought he’d seen the last of last night.
‘Dad, I’m sorry. For what happened. When she died it must have…’
‘It was hard.’ Jim didn’t really feel much like talking about this or going over it all again. He’d done all the talking he’d needed to do with Amber. That was the only conversation that really mattered. ‘It was a di
fficult time, and that caused me to do a lot of things I’m not proud of. I pushed Amber away because I couldn’t face losing someone I loved so much all over again, but that was the wrong thing to do, Brandon. I know that now. And I really don’t want to go over everything again, but let’s just say that last night a lot of things that were broken got fixed.’
‘I’m glad.’ Brandon smiled at his dad. ‘I’m glad that you might finally start to believe that being happy isn’t something to be scared of.’
Jim stood up, walking around the front of his desk. ‘Shouldn’t you be spending the day with that pretty girlfriend of yours?’
‘Ellen? She’s still in bed. And all she’s got planned for today is shopping. No, I’m meeting some of the guys from the squad in town. We’re going for a few drinks, something to eat, maybe even the cinema later. We’re making the most of having a day off.’
Jim frowned. ‘Is everything alright? Between you and Ellen, I mean?’
‘Yeah. Why shouldn’t it be?’
Jim shrugged, digging his hands into his pockets. ‘No reason. I just thought a young guy of your age would rather spend his free time with a beautiful woman than teammates he spends the best part of every day with.’
Brandon slid down from the desk, pushing a hand through his dark hair. ‘Things are fine between me and Ellen. What about you and Amber?’
Jim smiled, a smile he hadn’t felt much like smiling for a long time now. ‘We’re gonna be okay. We’re gonna be just fine.’
‘You’re definitely back together, then?’
‘We’re definitely back together.’ It felt good to say those words out loud. It felt really good. It felt like a whole new start, and Jim couldn’t stop a frisson of excitement from surging through him.
‘Good. Dad, that’s great! But, what about Ryan…?’
‘I can handle Ryan. He isn’t a problem any more. Now, go on, go. Get out of here and enjoy your day off.’
Brandon started walking towards the door, stopping and turning around before he opened it. ‘Are you sure everything’s alright?’
‘Everything’s fine, Brandon. I promise you.’
‘Okay, well, I’ll call you later. And don’t spend all day in here, huh? Try having some fun now and again. It won’t kill you.’
Jim couldn’t help smiling again as he watched his son leave. Maybe things were finally starting to look up. So maybe he should heed Brandon’s advice and start having some fun. After all, hadn’t he told Amber last night how they’d wasted so much time? Did he really want to waste any more?
‘Can I come in?’
He looked up at the sound of her voice, his smile growing wider as she walked through the door, her baby son nestled in the crook of her arm. ‘Hey! I wasn’t expecting to see you… sorry. Is he asleep?’
‘No, but he’s getting there. I just saw Brandon outside. Is everything okay?’
‘Everything’s fine. He’s on his way into town so he just stopped by to say hello.’ Jim watched as she placed Rico’s carry-seat on the couch and gently lowered him into it, kissing his forehead gently. A stab of pain cut across his chest so fast it almost left him breathless – why couldn’t that baby be his? Why couldn’t he have given her the one thing that could have stopped this latest round of crap from happening? ‘The complications don’t go away, do they?’ Jim said quietly.
Amber slowly turned around, her eyes meeting his. ‘Is Rico a problem?’
‘No, baby. No. He isn’t a problem, of course he isn’t. But his daddy might be.’
She looked down at the ground, folding her arms against herself. ‘I’m on my way to speak to him. I just…’ She looked back up at Jim. ‘I needed to see you first. I needed to make sure that what we’re doing… that we both still feel the same way. That we’re both sure this is what we want. That we can handle it all this time around, because that little boy over there, he’s involved in all of this now. And I can’t… I won’t mess up his life the way you…’ She pushed a hand through her hair, looking away for a second before meeting Jim’s eyes once more. ‘I won’t mess up his life, Jim. I won’t do that. And I won’t let anyone else do that either. You take me, you take him, too. Do you understand? And if you can’t handle that…’
Jim walked over to her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her gently. And all she could do was fall against him, giving into a kiss she craved like a drug. ‘I can handle it, okay?’
She returned the smile he gave her, running her thumb lightly over his mouth. ‘Good. Because I love you both. And I need you both. But I can’t promise it’s going to be easy…’
He shut her up with another kiss. ‘Will you stop bringing up negatives that may never actually be a problem?’
‘I’m just being realistic. Jim, this is hard, okay? I mean, last night, it was a shock. And my head’s still all over the place.’
‘One day at a time, baby. One day at a time. And we’ll get there. I promise.’
‘No promises, Jim. Please. You know how I feel. No promises.’
‘Okay. No promises. Just know that everything I said last night, it was the truth. Every word, I meant them.’
‘And that’s all I need to know.’
She closed her eyes again as his mouth lowered down onto hers, pulling her back under his spell, but it would be different this time. Everything would be different. It had to be. Circumstances had changed and nothing was the same any more. So it had to be different.
‘I love you so much,’ she whispered, her fingers running lightly over his rough chin. ‘So much. You have no idea.’
He took hold of her hand. Suddenly he felt like a kid again; could he really wind the clock back and try to make everything better? He needed to correct those stupid mistakes he’d made that had almost ruined everything for him. For both of them.
‘I’d better go,’ she said, reluctantly pulling away from him. ‘I need to talk to Ryan.’
‘You gonna be okay?’
‘I never made him any promises, Jim. I never pretended there’d be any kind of happy-ever-after, so, yes. I’ll be fine.’
‘And what if he has a completely different take on things?’
She sat down on the arm of the couch, reaching over to stroke Rico’s dark mop of hair. ‘I hate what I’m doing to him, because he doesn’t deserve it. When all’s said and done he’s just an innocent victim of all the crap you and I created. All the crap we couldn’t cope with. He got caught in the middle, and that wasn’t really fair. So I hate what I’m doing to him.’ She sighed, picking up Rico’s carry-seat. ‘But, this is it.’ She turned to face Jim, her eyes determined as they stared into his. ‘No more running to Ryan Fisher. Because you won’t give me cause to any more. Will you?’
*
‘Looks like my dad and Amber are getting back together.’ Brandon sat down at the kitchen table, watching as Ellen emptied the dishwasher. ‘I’ve just been to see him, and I swear, it looked like some great weight had been lifted off his shoulders.’
Ellen slowly turned around, leaning back against the counter and folding her arms. ‘Your dad and Amber are getting back together? When… when did this happen?’
‘Last night, apparently.’ Brandon didn’t really want to go into the ins and outs of why it had happened. Jim had quite obviously managed to keep his past a secret for this long, which probably meant he wanted as few people to know about it as possible. Which was fine with Brandon. All he cared about was that his father was finally learning to live – and love – again.
Ellen frowned. ‘And does Ryan know about this?’
Brandon shrugged. ‘Not as far as I know. I’m assuming Amber’s gonna tell him, though. I mean, if her and Dad really are getting back together then they aren’t gonna be able to keep it under wraps for too long, are they? Given the circumstances.’
‘No. I suppose not.’ Ellen’s mind had wandered now. This was all happening a little faster and a lot sooner than she’d anticipated, but, if what Brandon was telling her was true then th
is left the door wide open for her to put her own little plan into action. It was time for her to begin making Ryan see sense. And Amber Sullivan had just made it a hell of a lot easier for her to start doing that.
*
‘Hey! How’s my little man? You all ready for a day with your dad?’ Ryan took the carry-seat from Amber and walked into the living room of the new home he was still getting used to. But having a kid, it really had changed him. And all of a sudden that quayside apartment hadn’t felt like such a great place to be. He’d wanted a house, with a garden and space for Rico to run around in. He’d wanted a home. A family home. So he’d moved to a new place on an exclusive estate just outside Newcastle, a lot more suburban but still close enough for him to be near the centre of town. It was everything Ryan had run a mile from when he’d first arrived back in the north-east. But now it was everything he needed.
It wasn’t exactly your average family home, though. He was Ryan Fisher, one of the most famous top-flight footballers around, and he had a reputation to keep up. He hadn’t changed that much. And although the house wasn’t exactly something straight out of Footballers’ Wives, it was still large and detached, with a back garden the size of a football pitch and four huge en suite bedrooms. And it was right next door to Gary and Debbie’s place. He’d needed to be near friends, to make sure that the life he was trying to get right stayed very much on track.
‘He’s had a feed, and he’s just been changed, and he managed a little sleep on the way here, but, I can’t promise he won’t be wide awake for a while now.’
‘That’s okay, isn’t it, kiddo? We’ll find something to do.’ He looked up at Amber. ‘When do you head back down to London?’
Final Score Page 7
