Ryan said nothing for a couple of beats, he just dug his hands deeper into his pockets and looked down at the floor. ‘I can’t deal with another relationship, Ellen. I’m sorry.’
‘You’re going to let her ruin your life, Ryan.’
‘And that’s my choice.’
‘You’re crazy! You could have any woman you want, yet you seem determined to throw everything away on someone you’ll never have.’
‘You don’t know that.’
She narrowed her eyes as she stared at him. ‘Someone you’ll never have, Ryan.’
He said nothing for a few seconds. He just stared her out, a determination growing inside him that he’d never felt before.
‘I’ll see you around, Ellen.’
He turned to walk away, but her voice made him turn back around.
‘I’ve said this before, and I mean it, Ryan. You deserve better.’
‘Do I?’
‘You deserve someone who loves you.’
‘Yeah. Maybe I do. Or maybe I just really want the woman I love.’
*
‘Leave him, Amber.’
She looked up from her laptop, throwing Ronnie a look that told him she really wasn’t in the mood. ‘When I told you all of this, Ronnie, I really should have added that I don’t want your opinion.’
‘Leave him.’
‘What did I just say?’
‘He lied.’
‘I’m not talking about this with you.’
‘Well, forgive me, Amber, but it was you who chose to share this information with me.’
‘And I should have remembered how you can’t keep your mouth shut. I’m trying to work here.’
‘So, it doesn’t bother you that he lied? Again.’
She threw her pen down and sat back in her chair, swinging her legs up onto the desk. ‘I’m disappointed, Ronnie, that’s all. Disappointed that he did it, and yes, it bothers me. Of course it bothers me. I’m angry and confused and there was a second – a split second – when I thought I really was going to walk away. For good this time. But I can’t do it. I can’t.’
‘You won’t. And there’s a difference.’
‘I don’t need the lectures, alright? He’s my husband, and I love him. Simple as that.’
Ronnie raised an eyebrow, perching himself on the corner of Amber’s desk. ‘You make it sound like he just forgot your anniversary or something. Now, as I know you’re all too aware, I’m not Ryan Fisher’s biggest fan, not on a personal level, anyway. But for someone to want to destroy his career… Amber, Jim wanted to destroy the career of Rico’s dad.’
‘And you don’t think I’ve made all this clear to him?’
‘What did you do, exactly? Give him a light telling-off, then offer him a blow job he’d never forget?’
‘I’m not listening to this.’ She stood up, kicking her chair back under her desk. ‘You’re out of order, Ronnie. You’re my best friend, and I love you, I do. But you’re out of order.’
‘I care about you.’
‘Then start acting like you mean that, because, right now I just feel as though you’re trying to make me feel guilty about staying with the man I love.’
Ronnie walked over to her, tilting her chin up so she had no choice but to look at him. ‘I care about you, Amber. And all I can see in front of me is a woman who has no idea what the fuck she’s doing.’
‘I don’t need this.’
‘Yes. You do.’
She pushed his hand away and walked out of the office, but he followed her.
‘Amber, wait!’
She swung around to face him. She really wasn’t in the mood for this.
‘Where are you going?’
‘Nowhere,’ she sighed, her shoulders sagging.
‘Come home with me.’
‘Why? So you can nag me into submission?’
He couldn’t stop a smile from appearing and she backed up against the wall, unable to stop smiling herself. ‘Hey, if you want to submit to anything, beautiful, you won’t find me stopping you.’
‘I hate you sometimes.’
‘The feeling’s mutual.’
He held out his hand and she took it.
‘Come on. We’ll go back to mine and you can talk to me. Properly.’
‘Fine. But only if you’ve got alcohol. Because I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna need it.’
*
‘I shouldn’t have said anything, should I?’
Ryan looked at Debbie through slightly narrowed eyes. But he said nothing.
‘I mean, I might just be reading this completely wrongly, because I’m only going from how she sounded over the phone… is Rico alright?’
‘He’s fine,’ Ryan said, gently rubbing Rico’s back as he lay over his shoulder. ‘And how did she sound over the phone, exactly?’
‘I shouldn’t be talking to you. Amber’ll kill me. I’ve already said way more than I should have done to you.’
‘Debbie, come on. You’ve opened your mouth now so you’re gonna have to tell me.’
‘She sounded… I dunno. She sounded a bit down.’
‘Down?’ Ryan frowned.
‘Yeah. Like she had something on her mind.’
‘Last time I spoke to her she was being a complete bitch.’
‘Maybe there’s a reason for that, then.’
‘Like what?’
‘You know what Amber’s like. When something’s wrong she can sometimes go on the defensive.’
‘That’s true.’
‘Do you know what you two sound like?’ Gary said, making his way into the kitchen. ‘You sound like a pair of gossiping housewives. You ready, Ryan?’
‘Yeah,’ Ryan sighed, handing Rico over to Debbie. ‘Look, Debbie, you said she sounded down. Did she say anything to make you think he’s upset her or done something to… ?’
‘Jesus, Ryan, come on!’ Gary’s tone was slightly irritated now. ‘Forget it, okay? Married people have ups and downs, it’s normal.’ He looked over at Debbie, who just poked her tongue out at him. ‘Nice. Actually, you look quite sexy when you do that.’
‘Are you still here?’ She lifted a gurgling Rico up into the air, bringing him back down for a kiss, blowing a soft raspberry on his tiny cheek.
‘She’s been married to him for all of five minutes, Gary,’ Ryan pointed out, watching as his baby boy let out the cutest little laugh, and he felt his heart break with love for him. He felt his heart break for Rico’s mum. She was never going to go away, not now, no matter how far he ran. And he’d tried that one before, hadn’t he? He’d tried running, and it hadn’t really got him anywhere.
‘She’s been married to him forever, mate. Now start getting your head around that and come on. We’re meeting everyone at the bar in an hour.’
‘Debbie, are you sure…?’
‘Ryan, I’ve told you everything I know. She didn’t say all that much, really. It was just the way she sounded, and she has been extremely busy these past few weeks. She’s probably just tired.’
‘No, that’s not it.’
‘Look, you’ll be able to find out for yourself when we play Endleigh United on Saturday, Ryan, but in the meantime can you get your arse in gear and move it, please? We’re gonna be late.’
‘Did she say anything about her and Jim?’ Ryan asked Debbie, ignoring Gary’s eagerness to head off into town for a night out that Ryan really couldn’t be bothered with. He had far too much on his mind.
‘No. And even if she had I don’t think it’d be my place to tell you anything, so can you please stop putting pressure on me and take him out to play.’ She nudged her head in Gary’s direction as he stood in the doorway, tapping his watch. ‘Amber will be fine, Ryan, okay? She can look after herself. Like I said, she’s had a busy few weeks. She probably just needs some time out.’
Ryan threw his head back and sighed, pushing both hands through his hair before he turned and took his little boy from Debbie, cuddling him close. Sometimes he just wanted to si
t and hold his son because it was the most incredible feeling. It was something he never thought would happen to him, but now it was something he never wanted to be without. It was better than any sex he’d ever had – except, maybe, the sex he’d had with Amber. The sex that had created their beautiful baby son. ‘You gonna be good for your Aunty Debbie, huh?’
‘He’s gonna be just fine, won’t you, poppet? And can we have less of the “aunty,” please? It makes me sound old.’
‘Which is what I’m gonna be if we don’t get out of here,’ Gary said, throwing Ryan a look that told him if he didn’t make a move now he was going without him.
Ryan handed Rico back to Debbie, giving him one last kiss as he let go of him. ‘I need to be with her, Debs. I need to be with her so badly it’s killing me.’
Debbie reached out and squeezed his arm, giving him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. ‘I don’t know what to say, Ryan. I mean, I can stand here and tell you to get over it because she isn’t coming back, but they’re just words. I wish you would listen, I really do, but whatever I say, you’re not gonna do that, are you? You’re not gonna listen.’
He shook his head. ‘He doesn’t deserve her. He’ll hurt her, I know he will…’
‘Ryan!’
‘Jesus, Gary, will you just leave it! Maybe he doesn’t want to go out, did you ever think about that?’
Gary looked at Ryan, raising his eyebrows in question. ‘Well? Do you want to go out?’
‘Not really,’ Ryan replied, relief sweeping through him. No. He didn’t want to go out. He wanted to stay here and pour his heart out to Amber’s friend and then hope, in some childish way, that she’d tell Amber everything he was about to tell her. That Amber would then know how he was feeling. That she’d think about the life she’d made for herself. And the life she could still have. The life he wanted.
‘You sure? Because I’m out of here, right now.’
‘I’m sure.’
‘Okay. Well, you know where we are if you want to join us later.’
Ryan just nodded, a smile spreading across his face as Rico stretched his arms out towards him. He wanted his daddy. And Ryan didn’t hesitate to take him back from Debbie. ‘Hey there, little guy! Your daddy’s staying in now. Who wants to go out drinking and gambling when I can stay here and be with you?’
‘Well, those are words I never thought I’d hear come out of Ryan Fisher’s mouth.’ Debbie half-smiled as she switched the kettle on.
‘Yeah, well, a lot’s changed, hasn’t it?’
She nodded, leaning back against the counter and folding her arms as she watched him cradle his baby boy. ‘He’s beautiful, Ryan. He really is.’
Ryan couldn’t help smiling again as he stroked Rico’s dark hair and watched his eyes slowly closing. ‘He takes after his mum in that department.’
‘I think you’ll find that his mum actually thinks he looks like you.’
Ryan looked up. ‘Did I fight hard enough, Debbie? To keep her?’
‘It was a fight you couldn’t win, Ryan.’
‘What’s so special about him, huh? What’s so special about a man who’s done nothing but treat her like crap ever since she was a teenager? I don’t get it, Debs. I don’t get what kind of hold he has over her, why she can’t just let him go.’
Debbie shrugged, turning to pour boiling water into the mugs behind her. ‘Who knows what really went on in their past or what’s gone on since he came back into her life? We just don’t know.’
‘We know he hurt her.’
Debbie turned back around. ‘You have to stop this, Ryan. Seriously. Because it’s going to take over your life and you’re going to let it affect everything you do. Stop obsessing about her and stop putting her on a pedestal because she won’t thank you for it. She’s my friend and I love her to bits, but she isn’t worth you destroying your life over. Okay? You need to get a grip, and start thinking of her as someone you once shared something good with; the mother of your incredibly gorgeous son. But that’s it, Ryan. That’s it. You need to move your relationship on or it will destroy you.’
‘And he’ll destroy her, Debbie. I know he will, I know it. He’ll destroy her. And I’m not gonna stand around and watch that happen.’
Debbie just looked at him. ‘It’s pointless me trying to persuade you to leave this alone, isn’t it?’
He nodded, his eyes back down on his baby boy.
‘Then, be careful, okay? Just, be careful.’
He looked up. ‘He had something to do with that story being released, Debbie. I know he did.’
‘You have no proof, Ryan.’
He held her gaze for a good few beats. ‘Why else do you think Amber’s acting the way she is now, huh?’
‘It’s a fight you can’t win,’ Debbie whispered.
But, as far as Ryan was concerned, she couldn’t be more wrong.
*
‘Does he know where you are?’
‘He’s not my father, Ronnie. I don’t have to text him what time I’m gonna be home. He’s a big boy now. He can look after himself.’
‘There was a time when you’d rush home just to be with him because you couldn’t bear to be apart for more than half a day. Has the sex lost its appeal already?’
She turned her head to look at him, pulling her knees up further against her chest, hugging them to her. ‘You seem obsessed with mine and Jim’s sex life.’
Ronnie just shrugged, looking down into his glass of whiskey. ‘You’re still just-married, Amber, that’s all I was saying. Isn’t the honeymoon period supposed to last a little longer than a few weeks?’
Amber didn’t answer that. ‘Maybe I should have walked away.’
Ronnie looked at her. ‘So why didn’t you?’
It was her turn to shrug. ‘Like I said, I can’t.’
‘And like I said, you won’t.’
‘He’s been such a huge part of my life, Ronnie. It’s like he’s always been there, you know?’
‘No. Not really.’
‘I can’t just turn my back on almost twenty-three years of loving him. I can’t.’
‘And for most of those years you hated him, Amber, remember? You hated him because he’d hurt you and he’d used you and then he just tossed you aside like you didn’t really matter…’
‘And there’s a reason for that. There’s a reason why he acted the way he did.’
‘Oh, really? And what reason would that be?’
‘I can’t tell you. He doesn’t want anyone else to know.’
‘Why? Why, Amber? Jesus… he’s got you keeping his secrets for him, now.’
‘It’s not a secret, Ronnie, okay? It’s just personal, that’s all. Personal and painful. But it explains so much…’
‘I don’t believe you… I don’t believe you’re actually keeping secrets from me now. We promised we’d never do that, Amber.’ He got up off the couch, walking over to the sideboard to pour himself another drink. ‘Can’t you see what he’s doing to you?’ He turned around, leaning back against the sideboard. ‘He’s taking you apart, bit by bit, piece by piece, until there’s nothing left of the real Amber. Just this – this empty shell that is so in love with him you can’t even think straight any more. Because that’s what he wants you to do. That’s who he wants you to be.’
Amber stood up, too, walking over to him, a wave of anger bubbling up inside her. ‘You don’t get to talk to me like that, Ronnie. You don’t get to dissect my life or believe that you know what’s going on, because you don’t. You don’t.’
Ronnie just raised an eyebrow. ‘Really?’
‘I don’t need this. Coming here was a mistake…’
He grabbed her wrist, swinging her back around to face him. ‘Can’t you see it, Amber? What loving him is doing to you? It’s changing you.’
‘And what if I want to change? Huh? Did that thought ever cross your mind?’
‘No, because I don’t believe for one frigging minute that you want to be the person you are now
. Someone who gives into a man who’s controlled you for over twenty years. I don’t believe you want that.’
‘Nobody has controlled me, Ronnie.’
He let out a loud laugh, letting go of her wrist. ‘Is that what you really think? Then you need to take a closer look at your life, sweetheart.’
‘Fuck you!’ she spat, turning around and walking away from him, out into the hall, grabbing her coat from the rack and making her way to the front door. But he wasn’t giving up.
‘I don’t want to lose you, Amber, that’s all.’
She swung around to face him. ‘He isn’t the fucking devil, for Christ’s sake! Why do people make him out to be this evil, controlling person who doesn’t give a crap about anything except what he wants? Why, Ronnie?’
‘You used to be strong,and independent, and ready to take on the world, Amber. And now… now you don’t seem to be able to do anything unless he’s right there with you. Unless he’s in your life. But he wasn’t there for sixteen years, remember? And for sixteen years you managed just fine, didn’t you?’
She shook her head, folding her arms against her. ‘No. I didn’t.’
‘You did, Amber. You just need to remember that. Because he is killing you and I can’t watch it any more.’
‘I really don’t need this. Not from you, not from anyone. Now get out of my way.’
She tried to push past him but he caught her arm again, stopping her from going anywhere. ‘I miss her. The old Amber. I miss her so fucking much.’
‘Let go of me, Ronnie.’
‘I miss her.’
‘Let go of me!’
His mouth was on hers before she had a chance to even think about what he was doing, his fingers sliding between hers, keeping her close. But she wasn’t in the mood. Once upon a time this may have got her, but she really wasn’t as weak as he made her out to be.
Pulling away from him she took a step back and slapped him, her hand stinging, but she didn’t feel any pain. She was way too angry for that. ‘You don’t get to do that to me, do you hear? You don’t get to stand there and tell me I’m weak and then do that to me. You’re supposed to be my friend.’
‘Amber, please, I’m sorry…’
She shook her head, picking her jacket up from the floor, where she’d dropped it, finally opening the front door. ‘Yeah. So am I, Ronnie. So am I.’
Final Score Page 26
