‘I feel almost guilty, Debbie.’
‘About what?’
Amber hugged a sleeping Rico against her, gently kissing his forehead. It was so good to have him back in her arms. Her beautiful baby boy. The only man who wasn’t giving her any problems. ‘About loving him.’
Debbie fixed her with a look. ‘What’s happened?’
‘Nothing’s happened, it’s just…’ She turned to look out at the pitch as the final whistle was blown, her eyes going straight to Jim as he walked over to Dave French, Red Star’s new manager, shaking his hand and exchanging a couple of words, before she scanned the pitch, trying to find Ryan. And she watched as he headed off in the direction of the tunnel, watched as he and Jim briefly looked at one other before Ryan disappeared into the tunnel and back to the dressing room. ‘It’s nothing.’
‘I hate it when you start a conversation with that.’
‘It’s nothing,’ Amber repeated, standing up and balancing Rico on her hip, slipping her phone into her back pocket. ‘Really.’
‘The honeymoon period over then, is it?’
‘No. Things are just… they’re complicated.’
‘They always are. You know the F.A. are about to come to a decision about Ryan’s punishment regarding his involvement in that betting ring. They’re claiming he’s brought the game into disrepute, apparently. And it’s rumoured he’s going to get a lengthy match ban, possibly until the end of the season. Dave French is going ballistic, but there isn’t a lot he can do about it…’
‘Let’s get out of here,’ Amber said, cutting Debbie off mid-sentence.
‘Amber, did you hear me?’
Amber stopped outside in the corridor, turning to face Debbie. ‘It was Jim, okay? He was the one who leaked the story about Ryan and that betting ring; it was him. I don’t know where he got the information from, I’m almost frightened to ask, but… it was him.’
‘Okay…’ Debbie didn’t sound altogether surprised. ‘And he told you that, did he?’
Amber nodded. ‘When Ryan told me he suspected… I had to, Debbie. And I hated myself for doubting Jim but – I had to ask him. Ryan left me no choice.’
‘So, Ryan was right.’ It wasn’t a question.
Amber said nothing as they made their way down to the Players’ Lounge.
‘Does Ryan know?’ Debbie asked.
Amber shook her head. ‘No. It’s not really gonna help, is it? Telling him.’
‘You don’t think he deserves to know the truth?’
Amber stopped walking again, taking her baby’s tiny hand in hers as she looked at her friend. ‘All that would do is reignite the stupid war between him and Jim, Debbie, and I’m not sure I’ve got the strength to deal with that any more.’
‘You think what Jim did was right?’
‘Of course I don’t! What he did was wrong, and I’ve told him so. And I was that close to walking away from him, believe me. That close. But I can’t do it again, Debs. I can’t turn my back on that man, no matter what he’s done. I can’t do it. And I don’t care how weak that makes me sound, or how morally wrong some people may think it is, but… I love him. I love him so fucking much. And I feel for Ryan, I do, because I will always care about him. But I can’t let this destroy me and Jim. I can’t.’
Debbie smiled a small smile, reaching out to gently touch Amber’s arm. ‘Okay, chick. I kind of understand where you’re coming from. But you have to know how Ryan still feels about you…’
Amber vigorously shook her head, picking up the pace again as they headed downstairs. ‘I don’t want to know, Debbie, do you hear me?’ She stopped only briefly to throw Debbie a determined look. ‘How he feels doesn’t matter. It can’t. So, no. I don’t have to know how he still feels about me.’
Because she already knew.
*
Ryan stood in the Players’ Lounge, leaning back against the wall, his hands in his pockets as he looked out around him. ‘I hate fucking losing.’
‘It was a close-run thing, mate,’ Gary said, handing him a bottle of lager. ‘You worked your arse off out there, there wasn’t much else you could’ve done.’
But Ryan’s attention was elsewhere now. Amber had just walked into the room, all hot, red hair and incredible smile, Rico balanced on one of her super-sexy hips. Ryan couldn’t take his eyes off her. He watched as she walked over to Jim, standing up on tiptoes to kiss him slowly, a smile spreading across her face as she looked up at the man who had everything he wanted. And it tore Ryan apart.
‘You’re not just talking about the match, though, are you?’
Ryan turned to look at Gary. ‘It’s not getting any easier.’
Gary leaned back against the wall beside Ryan, sighing heavily. ‘I don’t know what to say, mate. Except that it’s still early days. And maybe you just need to…’
‘Find someone else?’
Gary shrugged. ‘It wouldn’t hurt. Fuck to forget – you’ve tried it before. It’s a good plan to fall back on.’
Ryan looked over at Amber again, their beautiful baby boy snuggling into her as Jim Allen’s arm held them both close, and it was the worst pain Ryan had ever felt. ‘Fuck to forget… that’s all I was to her at times. A fuck, to forget him.’
Gary said nothing for a while. ‘You coming out with the rest of us tonight? The boss has been good enough to let us have the night here in London, it’d be a shame to waste it. What do you say?’
Ryan stared down at the floor. What else did he have to do? While his ex-girlfriend and their son went back to that ridiculously huge house they now shared with a man Ryan would never understand, what else did he have to do?
‘Count me in.’ Maybe fucking to forget wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
*
Amber’s eyes fell upon Ryan the second Jim left the room. He was standing at the back of the Players’ Lounge, looking down at the floor, one hand in his pocket, the other one clutching a bottle of lager.
‘Shall we go see daddy?’ Amber whispered into Rico’s ear. He was awake now and gaining so much attention from anyone close to him with his gorgeous baby smile and his huge blue eyes. ‘Yeah. Let’s go see daddy.’
Ryan looked up as they approached, a smile spreading across his face as he saw Rico’s huge baby grin, his arms stretching out towards him.
‘Hey, kiddo. Come give your daddy a cuddle.’
Amber handed him over to Ryan, her heart melting as she watched Ryan’s whole demeanour change the second he had his son in his arms. ‘Thanks for looking after him while… while I was busy.’
Ryan looked at her. ‘You were busy.’ It wasn’t a question. ‘And it wasn’t a chore to look after him, Amber. He’s my son.’
Amber said nothing, her eyes staring down at the floor.
‘Everything okay?’
‘Why wouldn’t it be?’ she asked, her head shooting up.
Ryan shrugged. ‘No reason. Just trying to make polite conversation.’ Why the hell were things so strained between them now? He’d never wanted it to be like this. It was the last thing he’d wanted. ‘You getting used to living down here, then?’
She ignored his question. She wasn’t really in the mood for a conversation. ‘He’s tired. It’s been a long day for him. We should probably be getting him home.’
When she said ‘we’ Ryan knew she meant her and Jim, and that only served to make that pain flare up all over again.
‘You off out tonight?’ Amber asked, her voice jolting Ryan back to reality. ‘Debbie says you’re all staying over until tomorrow, so…’
‘Yeah. We’re going out. Never one to say no to a night out in London. You know me.’
She looked at him through slightly narrowed eyes, not entirely convinced by his tone, or his conviction. ‘Yeah. I know you. Anyway, come on, baby boy. It’s time I got you home. It’s way past your bedtime.’ She carefully took Rico from Ryan.
‘Does that apply to you, too?’ Ryan asked, an almost petulant tone to his voice. He couldn’t
help it.
‘Grow up, Ryan.’
‘I need to see you alone, Amber.’ He wasn’t sure where that had come from, maybe he’d just been thinking aloud, but now the words were out, he knew he meant them.
‘No. You don’t.’
‘You have the right to tell me what I want now, have you?’
‘If you want to see Rico before you go back up north just give me a call, okay? As long as you’re in a fit state.’
‘What the hell’s that supposed to mean? Amber?’ But she was walking away before he had a chance to say anything else.
‘You’re not upsetting my wife, are you?’
Ryan swung around to see Jim Allen standing there. ‘She’s the mother of my child, Jim. Have you got that? The mother of my child.’
Jim let out a small laugh, looking briefly down at the ground before his eyes once more met Ryan’s. ‘But who gets to touch her, Ryan? Who gets to hold her, to put himself inside that incredible body of hers and hear her moan out loud? Who gets to do all that?’
‘Fuck you!’ Ryan hissed.
Jim laughed again, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck.
Ryan narrowed his eyes as he stared at his ex-boss. ‘It was you, wasn’t it? It was you who gave that story to the press.’
Jim said nothing, he just fixed Ryan with a look that told him everything he needed to know.
Ryan couldn’t help laughing, too. A laugh of utter disbelief, that this man could still do this shit and yet he was the one Amber wanted to be with.
‘Does Amber know that you were the one…?’
‘She knows.’
Ryan said nothing for a beat or two. ‘Do you hate me so much that you really want to bring me down in that way? Am I that much of a threat?’
Jim fixed him with another look, his eyes boring deep into Ryan’s. ‘I can deal with threats, Ryan. I can eradicate them, just like that…’ He clicked his fingers, and Ryan couldn’t help but feel something akin to a cold punch to the stomach. ‘If I want to.’ And then he just walked away.
Yeah. Tonight Ryan Fisher was going out. And he wasn’t coming home until he was well and truly wasted.
*
Jim opened the door and immediately he felt his breath catch in his throat. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing only a short nightdress, her legs crossed as she filed her nails.
‘I’m assuming Rico’s asleep,’ he said, his heart already starting to beat faster as anticipation built.
‘You assume correctly.’ She didn’t look up, she simply continued filing her nails.
He threw his jacket over the back of the couch, rolling his shirtsleeves up to his elbows as he started to walk over to her, but this time she did look up, her eyes meeting his, sending him so many silent messages it was ridiculous.
‘You stay exactly where you are, Mr. Allen.’
He watched as she slowly opened her legs so wide, he couldn’t help but let out the loudest groan.
‘Exactly where you are,’ she repeated, sliding a hand down between her legs, running her fingers lightly over herself. ‘You only get to watch, remember?’
He swallowed hard, digging his hands into his pockets as he felt his erection spring to life. So quick. Seconds was all it had taken. Shit! Who was he kidding? His hard-on had started while he was driving home and just thinking about this. Thinking about her.
Amber closed her eyes for a second, throwing her head back slightly, her fingers moving back and forth. She could feel that tingling sensation already starting to sweep its way over her body, so she slowed down, opening her eyes as she looked at Jim. It was the most erotic experience, touching herself while he stood there and watched, and she knew it wasn’t going to take long before that inevitable climax hit her. But she wasn’t ready, not yet. So she pulled her hand away, burying her fingers in her hair as she watched him watch her. His eyes were looking down, of course; she was putting on a show and he had the front row seat.
‘Did you speak to Ryan? After the match?’
‘Amber, baby…’ He lifted his eyes briefly, looking right at her.
She stared back, slowly slipping her hand back down between her legs. ‘Did you?’
What the fuck was she doing to him? Talking about Ryan while giving him a hard-on that was killing him. What the hell was she doing? ‘Yes, I talked to him.’
She didn’t take her eyes off him; her fingers continuing to work against a wetness that was turning her on so badly she could hardly get the words out. ‘I hope you were nice to him.’
‘Jesus Christ, Amber… do we have to talk about Ryan while you’re doing that?’
‘Were you nice to him, Jim? Because I wasn’t.’
‘I can’t do this any more,’ he said, walking over to the bed, but Amber quickly pulled her hand away, closing her legs.
‘I said you could only watch, remember?’
‘Are you freakin’ serious? Do you know how fucking painful this hard-on is?’
She smiled, shaking her head. ‘I don’t care. You don’t get to touch.’
‘Shit!’ He backed up against the wall, pushing a hand through his hair, watching as she slowly opened her legs again, even wider this time, and he felt as though he was about to explode, such was the pressure building up inside him. Much more of this and he was going to come right here, right now, without even getting anywhere near her. ‘Baby, you have got to let me…’
She shook her head again, and he couldn’t help but let out another loud groan as she slipped her fingers inside herself. This was crazy. She was killing him here!
He felt his heart beating wildly now, making him even more breathless as her fingers pushed further inside herself, eliciting tiny moans from her, her head thrown back once more as her other hand picked up a slightly faster rhythm. He wanted to touch her so badly; he wanted to taste her, to dive into that wet heaven and take all of her. It was an ache so painful he could barely deal with it, and watching her like this, watching her touch herself, bring herself to a climax he wanted to be a part of – he’d had enough of watching now.
While she had her eyes closed, lost in her own pleasure, he moved towards her with his gaze still fixed firmly on that heaven he was about to visit.
‘Oh, no. Get back where you were,’ Amber said, her eyes springing open.
‘I’m coming over, Amber.’
‘You’re coming over, are you?’
‘Yeah,’ he laughed, pushing a hand through his hair. ‘I’m coming over.’
‘You’re not doing as you’re told, Mr. Allen.’ Her hand was still between her legs and his eyes were still watching her.
‘Well, I’m a bit like that, honey. I don’t take orders too well.’
A slow smile spread across her face as he crouched down between her legs, his hands on her knees. ‘Oh, you want a closer look.’
‘You gonna let me touch you yet?’ His heart was beating so quickly now, he almost felt faint.
She shook her head. ‘No. Not yet.’
He pushed her knees a little further apart, watching as her fingers continued to work against herself, slowly and carefully, but it was too much now. It was too painful, too hard to control. She was driving him crazy and he needed to join in. Observation time was over. ‘Amber…’
She shook her head again. ‘I’m almost there, Jim. You see? I can do all this shit without you.’
‘Okay, that’s enough.’
She couldn’t help letting out the loudest laugh as he pushed her back onto the bed, replacing her hand with his own, and the relief he felt as he finally touched her was indescribable. It was as if someone had turned a valve somewhere deep inside him and now all that pent-up pressure was slowly being released.
And she wasn’t exactly objecting. Those incredible legs of hers had wrapped themselves around him as though it were the most natural thing in the world; her mouth was on his, their kisses urgent and deep, her body telling him how much she needed him. And she was warm and she was wet – Jesus, she was so,
so wet he almost slipped straight out of her, and it took her hand guiding him inside for him to make it in there. But once he’d sunk into her, it was as though a blanket of calm had been thrown over him. A feeling so beautiful he could never explain it. He couldn’t. He just knew it wasn’t something he was willing to give up without a fight.
His fingers intertwined with hers as he pushed deeper, his heart beating so fast it was knocking every ounce of breath right out of him, and he literally had to fight to catch that breath, every gasp painful and raw. But when that climax hit, it hit hard, rushing over him like nothing he’d ever felt before, causing him to cry out so loudly, grip her fingers so tightly and push down into her so deeply it felt as though he was falling right into her.
Her hips bucked and her fingers clung onto him, her head thrown back as she hit her own climax. Every shudder, every convulsion her body made beneath him, he took it all, felt it all, until there was nothing more to give. Nothing more to take. Just this beautiful silence filling the air, punctuated only by their ragged breathing and short, sharp gasps of breath.
‘That wasn’t watching,’ she whispered, her fingers still clinging onto his. ‘That definitely wasn’t just watching.’
He looked at her, unable to keep the smile off his face. ‘Call me weak, but, Jesus, baby, the second you slid those fingers inside yourself I was gone.’
She reached up and touched his cheek, kissing him quickly. ‘You just have no willpower, Mr. Allen.’
‘Guilty as charged.’ He rolled over onto his back, watching as she got up off the bed, watching as that incredible body of hers headed into the bathroom. It gave him a second to get his head together, to try and work out just what the hell was going on here. Because it was so crazy and confusing even he couldn’t really work it out.
‘You okay?’
He opened his eyes and looked at her, sitting cross-legged on the bed wearing nothing but one of his shirts. His beautiful girl. His life. His whole, entire, fucking world. ‘I messed up, Amber.’
Final Score Page 28
