“I’m sorry I was eavesdropping, Papa. I know you taught me not to, but Ami fell asleep and I wanted to see if we can still take her home with us. I will help take care of her. She doesn’t cry.”
Bor clasped Kenzie’s shoulder and said, “I send her home with you with my blessings. She is an angel in my eyes, so I want her to have a wonderful life. I hope she continues to improve.”
Loki turned to Fergus. “Congratulations to you, and if you are truly interested in making Castle Curanta your home, I’d ask you to consider being my second. I would be happy to have such a hard-working warrior.”
Fergus’s face lit up as he glanced first at Davina and then back at Loki. “I’d be honored, my laird.”
Chapter Ten
Loki led the group up through the narrow ravine, the winds whistling through the tall pines. He had tucked Ami under his brat against his chest and she’d fallen asleep instantly, her wee face almost peeking out of the top.
They’d had to wait two more days before they dared to travel with her, but she’d steadily improved with Kenzie’s help.
The delay had forced them to miss spending the winter solstice with the rest of the family, but it had given him plenty of occasion to observe Davina and Fergus as a couple. Despite the quickness of their courtship, they definitely seemed to be a solid couple, though Loki had sensed a touch of doubt emerging in Davina every now and then. He’d told her once that, in his opinion, she’d never find a gentler warrior than Fergus MacNicol.
Davina had nodded, a tear escaping her eye, and replied, “I believe you. He’s a fine man.”
Davina’s daughter Raina had brightened up the big cottage with her smiles and laughter. He knew Kyla would be pleased to see both Davina and Raina, but would the rest of the Grants be upset to learn she was betrothed to one of their own? That the young couple would be living in Castle Curanta? Time would tell.
When they drew near Grant land, Kenzie’s questions began bubbling out of him as fast as they popped into his head. “I know the winter solstice passed while we waited for Ami to get better, but do you think Aunt Maddie has saved us any food? Mayhap she saved some fruit tarts. I would share with Ami. She would love a pear tart, for certes.”
They were quickly greeted by a Grant contingency led by Jamie Grant. Kenzie opened his mouth, clearly eager to ask about the tarts and the festivities, but Loki said, “I’ll speak first, Kenzie. You must hold your questions.”
Jamie drew up next to him on his mount. “Welcome home. Was it a productive journey for you, cousin? And is that a wee lass peeking out of your brat?”
“Aye, the lass is a long story better saved for later. Our journey was verra productive. How is Bella? And Kenzie is dying to know if we missed all the fruit tarts.”
“I’m sorry, Kenzie—the feasting is done at our keep. We’ll lead you on to Curanta, but Bella should be the one to tell you all that has transpired in your absence.”
Loki had no idea what Jamie meant by that, or why his normally jubilant cousin looked so serious, but he decided not to read into it. They were almost home. The Grant guards surrounded them, assisting their travel through the more treacherous areas. Once they arrived at Castle Curanta, he hopped off his horse. “Forgive me,” he announced to all of them, “but Jamie and Fergus will assist you from here. I must go to Bella. Jamie—” he handed Ami over to him, “—please bring her inside but ‘tis verra important that you keep her warm.”
With that, he raced across his courtyard and up the steps to his hall. There were few people inside, he noticed, but all were somber, including his mother. He waved at them as soon as he was inside the door and asked, “Bella?”
“Upstairs, Loki.” His mother pointed to the staircase, and he chose not to focus on the sad expression on her face. Surely it just meant that Bella hadn’t delivered yet, that they were overanxious waiting for the bairn to come.
He took the steps three at a time and arrived at his chamber, opening it with a knock so as not to startle his wee wife. He stepped inside, surprised to see Gracie, Aunt Caralyn, and Aunt Maddie at Bella’s bedside.
He could hear her sobs under the covers, and all he could think was the worst. Their bairn. What had happened to their bairn?
“Aunt Maddie?” he whispered.
She strode over to his side and took his hands in hers. Caralyn grasped his shoulders. “Loki,” she said, “Bella lost the bairn. I’m so sorry.”
Gracie came over and gave him a quick hug, mumbling some kind words, but he didn’t hear them. His gaze was focused on Bella’s shape under the covers.
He heard the door close behind him as the women left, so he moved over and sat on the edge of the bed. “Bella?”
She finally popped out and threw her arms around him. “Loki, I’m so sorry, so sorry. Forgive me.”
He hugged her to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly and taking in her sweet scent, which reminded him that he was home. They had lost the babe, but she was safe. “What happened? Why are you apologizing?”
She pulled back, her breath hitching between sobs. “I lost the babe. ‘Twas a wee lassie, and she never took a breath.”
“But why are you apologizing? ‘Tis not your fault.”
“Because I should have told you, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to believe it.”
“Believe what?”
“The bairn had stopped moving in my belly.” She wailed two more times before she could stop crying long enough to talk again. “I loved her so much, and I didn’t wish to admit she was gone. But Caralyn had told me a sennight before you left to pay attention to the babe’s movement. The babe stopped moving before you left…and she was born two days afterward. She never took a breath. I held her close and we had to bury her while you were gone. I’m so sorry. I should have told you.”
“Och, sweet Belle. Do not apologize. I’m sorry. I wish I had been here with you. You should not have gone through it all alone.”
“Oh, Loki, she was so beautiful. I wished for a way to breathe life into her, but there was no hope. She was so tiny.”
Loki held Bella while she sobbed, not knowing what else to do. They’d lost a daughter. After all he’d just been through, he couldn’t help but ask why this would happen now.
“Husband, Caralyn said there is a way to keep me from carrying again. She has herbs to give me. I don’t know if I can go through this again. ‘Twas so painful. I hope you’re not upset with me. I tried to be a good mama and eat well so she would be a big bairn, but I failed. She says we can change our minds later, but I could not handle carrying again right away. Please?”
He cupped her face. “Hush, never say such things.” He kissed her tenderly, hoping to let her know how much he loved her. “Bella, you are a wonderful mother to Lucas. We have a wonderful, strong laddie, we have Kenzie, and if you wish to take the herbs, then do it. ‘Twas no fault of yours. I don’t believe such drivel. ‘Tis God’s way…and mayhap ‘tis not for us to question.”
A strange feeling washed over him. He didn’t believe God had purposefully taken this babe from them, but mayhap He had known it would happen…mayhap that was why He’d sent the dreams to him and Kenzie. What if they hadn’t gone? They would never have met Bor, never have arranged to take his place as the helpers of lost children, never have met wee Ami…
Fear gripped him as he thought about Ami downstairs. How would Bella react to the wee lass after losing her own bairn? The possibility of this loss had never occurred to him when he’d agreed to bring Ami home. Before he had time to give it any more thought, Kenzie’s face peeked around the corner of the door.
“Papa, may I bring her in to meet Mama?”
Loki stared at Bella, not knowing how to tell her what they’d done. Ultimately, though, he had no choice but to speak. “Bella, the lass lost her mama. She doesn’t speak, and she had no one but an old woman and old man to care for her. Had I known you’d lost the babe, I would not have brought her to you, but she fell in love with Kenz
ie, and he wanted to bring her home, make her part of our family. If you don’t want…”
Bella stared at him in astonishment, but then brought her finger up to his lips to quiet him. She waved to Kenzie. “You brought a bairn home with you?”
“Aye, Mama,” Kenzie said. “Aunt Maddie told me about the bairn, and I’m so sorry, but Ami had no one, and she loves me, so I thought she could come home with us and be my sister. She needs a mama, and since you are the best mama in the world…” He pulled Ami in through the door. She stood next to Kenzie, gripping his leg, her thumb in her mouth as she sucked away.
Loki looked at Bella, not knowing what else to say. Her hand fell away from Loki’s lips, and she waved for Kenzie to bring the lass closer. “How old is she?” Bella asked.
Kenzie stood next to the bed, Ami still gripping his arm. “Her name is Ami and she’s only two summers. She’s verra sweet, Mama.”
Ami let go of Kenzie’s leg and stood up straight, yanking her thumb out of her mouth. She looked straight at Bella and held her arms up to her.
She finally spoke her first word.
“Mama?”
Chapter Eleven
Bella looked at Loki with tears in her eyes and said, “I cannot lift her, Loki. Please put her in my arms.”
Loki did as she asked, settling the wee lass on the covers in front of her. The lass’s green eyes looked up at her hopefully. Bella couldn’t believe how perfect she was.
“Mama?” She pointed to Bella’s chest. “Mama?”
“Aye, I’m your new mama, Ami. And this is your new papa and your brother Kenzie.”
Ami glanced at each of them in turn, as if taking her new family’s measure. “Kencie.”
“Aye, Kenzie.”
“You are accepting her, Bella? You’re sure she will not break your heart?” Loki asked. “Please don’t feel compelled to do this if you don’t want to.”
She shook her head, tears coming to her eyes again. “I’m sure she will break my heart someday when she marries, but not until then. She is perfect. Do you know what I wished to name our daughter? Abi. Abi and Ami. Now I understand.”
Loki gave her a strange look but said, “Good, because I wish I did. If you could understand what Kenzie and I have just been through, you’d be amazed. We have much to tell you, but it can wait.”
Bella cuddled the wee lassie against her. The bairn pointed to her one more time and said, “Mama,” then put her thumb back in her mouth. Bella kissed the top of Ami’s head as she snuggled against her.
“Did you meet the man with furs?” She’d hoped they would succeed, but it had seemed like such a stretch. It hurt her to see the people she loved tortured by the past. She’d do anything she could to protect Ami from having such troubles.
“We did,” Kenzie blurted out. “He’s the keeper of lost souls and he wants us to take over for him when he dies.”
Loki rolled his eyes in that way she loved—his normal reaction to Kenzie’s tendency to give away more information that he should. “We’ll explain it all later,” Loki said, “but he has the right of it. Bor is the man’s name. He wants us to take over for him when he passes.”
“We’re the misfits,” Kenzie said with a smile. “We’re almost all orphans now. And Fergus brought Davina back with him. They’re getting married. Lots of orphans live here.”
She smiled at the two of them, something she hadn’t done since they left. “I do love you two so. Thank you for believing in me enough to bring Ami home. Why don’t we take her down to meet everyone in the hall? We’ll never forget Abi, but I have room in my heart for another lassie, and I think you do, too, Loki.”
Loki helped her out of bed and found a night rail for her to wear, then carried Ami out of the chamber and across the balcony. Bella stopped halfway to the stairs and leaned over the railing. The cluster of people gathered by the hearth waited expectantly to hear what she had to say.
“Everyone, meet our new daughter, Ami.”
Ami pulled her thumb out of her mouth, pointed to Bella and said, “Mama.”
The entire hall erupted in a cheer.
Nay, Bella would never forget wee Abi, but the wee lass in her husband’s arms needed her. She leaned over and kissed the girl’s forehead before she said, “Please, let’s celebrate our new daughter, the many blessings we have, and the winter solstice.”
Then she looked at Kenzie and said, “We saved it just for you, lad.”
* * *
A flurry of activity took place around them, but Loki remained focused on his wife and children. He settled Bella near the hearth with Ami on her lap, piled a warm plaid atop them, and then rushed upstairs to wake Lucas from his nap. Pride filled his heart as he introduced the lad to his new sister. Lucas touched her red hair and smiled.
Fergus brought Davina over to the fireplace and introduced her to Bella. “This is my wife-to-be, Davina. Her daughter’s name is Raina. I asked Loki if we could live in a hut in your bailey, but he has invited me to be his second. He said there is an open chamber upstairs we could have after we marry. I hope this is acceptable to you, my lady.”
“More than acceptable. I look forward to having both of you stay in the keep. I do get lonely sometimes when Loki is traveling with the Grants.”
“I’ll be traveling with him, so when we go, neither of you will be alone,” Fergus squeezed Davina’s shoulders. “Davina may have the upstairs chamber until we wed. I’ll sleep with the warriors. And the wee ones will be playmates.”
Loki leaned down to kiss Bella on the cheek. “I’ll be right back.” He needed a moment alone after all that had happened. His mother and Aunt Maddie were tending to Bella and Ami, so he thought it a good time to leave. Stepping into the courtyard, he huddled into his clothing as he lifted his face toward the sky, surprised to see a few glittering snowflakes dusting the air. Winter was here.
A tear caught in his eye as he thought about the daughter he and Bella had lost. Abi was a most beautiful name. What would she have been like? Would she have looked like him or Bella? He strode across his land, still unable to understand the workings of the world—why one child had been given to him and another taken away. Would aught have happened differently if he had not left for Ayr? Bella seemed truly happy to accept wee Ami into their family, but had he agreed to do something that would prove to be too much for him and his clan? For his wife?
Uncle Alex came up behind him, clasping his shoulder. “My sympathies on the loss of your bairn, Loki.”
He peered up at his uncle and nodded. “The loss is painful, Uncle, and I know we will always grieve her.” His uncle was known for his wisdom, so he decided to ask for his opinion. “My laird, I was asked to assist someone…” He struggled for the right words, but he knew his uncle would allow him the time to form his thoughts. All he could think of was a small hut near Edinburgh full of wee ones without parents. “I met a man who provides care for orphans. He’s dying and asked me if I would take over his life’s mission, to seek out and care for the orphans in our land. Bring them home to Castle Curanta.”
Uncle Alex thought for a moment and said, “I can’t think of a better person to take over that task. What say you?”
“I agreed, but I said I would need your support and Bella’s.”
“Is this the man from your dreams? The one with the furs?”
“Aye. I’m having trouble believing all that transpired. If I hadn’t been there, seen how closely the man matched my vision…”
“May I give a word of advice?”
“I would value it.” More than anything, he needed someone to convince him he was not losing his mind.
“I don’t ever say ‘why me’ anymore. Fate can be a wondrous facet of life if you look at it as an opportunity instead of always questioning everything. You were chosen for this calling for a reason.” He clasped Loki’s shoulder again. “We will support you completely when the time comes. Just tell me whatever you need.”
They were interrupted by shouts from the
gates. Finlay and Kyla had arrived to join the group. Once they greeted them, Alex said, “Shall we return, Loki? Are you ready? Kyla has a surprise coming to her.”
Once inside, Kyla immediately rushed over to hug Davina. Loki returned to Bella’s side, squeezing her hand as he took a seat on a stool nearby. The reunion put tears in both of their eyes, and it was Davina who brought Kyla over to offer her condolences to Bella and greet Ami.
“Did you think your brother would marry so soon?” Loki asked Finlay.
“Nay, indeed!” Finlay said. “But I’m happy for him. I hope it works for them.”
About two hours later, Maddie and Celestina had set up a large banquet table in the middle of the hall, decorated with greens and ribbons, covered with trays of venison and goose, meat pies, a large pot of lamb stew, brown breads made from rye, barley stew, and mounds of peas and beans. There were also several sweet tarts stuffed with blackberries and cherries.
Loki sat next to Bella and Ami at one of the trestle tables while Kenzie moved back and forth to the door, thrilled with each new arrival. Word had traveled back at Clan Grant, so many had come along to meet wee Ami and celebrate the winter solstice.
Kenzie dashed around the hall, telling anyone who would listen about Father Bor and the orphans. Every once in a while, he would run back toward his parents. “This is just how I wanted it. ‘Tis better than having the solstice celebration at the Grants. Do you not agree, Papa?”
After they ate their fill, Loki said, “Kenzie, why don’t you find your sack and hand out your packages.”
More than pleased to do as his sire asked, Kenzie ran upstairs to grab the enormous sack. When he emerged with it, he announced, “Father Bor explained how he liked to choose a special gift for each orphan and give it out on one eve, the winter solstice. So Papa and I traveled to Edinburgh to choose a gift for everyone.”
He made his way around the hall, handing each person a package chosen especially for them. Once he finished, he stood in the middle and said, “Now open them.”
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