“You look it.”
“May I?” he asks, motioning to the seat opposite me.
I nod. “Of course. I’ll be glad for the company.”
Upon sitting, he points at the magazines. “It looks like the gossip mags have been doing it.”
I laugh nervously. “Yeah. I don’t gossip myself, but I’m ashamed to admit I do like to read about others.”
“That’s nothing to be ashamed of. I do sometimes take a peek when I hear about another celebrity beating up a journalist.”
I jokingly roll my eyes. “Is that because it makes you feel more ‘manly’…” I raise my hands to make air quotes, “if you read about people getting beaten up?”
He smirks. “Okay. First, what’s with the air quotes? Second, I’m sure it’s not only men who read about things like that.”
I start laughing. “Okay, okay, you got me. I won’t make another attempt to question your manhood.”
He stares at me for a moment, smiling. “You look better than when I last saw you. Happier.” I smile back, then it fades. “Uh-oh, that doesn’t look too good. Have I put my foot in my mouth?”
I shake my head. “No, no. I am happier. It’s just...” I pause.
“Just...?”
“I’m having problems with Kyle. He won’t accept the divorce and is threatening to move back in.”
He leans forward, a concerned look on his face. “Can he do that? From a legal standpoint, I mean? In any case, he should respect your decision.”
“As soon as he threatened it, I went to my solicitor. He said that since he moved out voluntarily, he would need a court order to move back in. My solicitor is currently filing a motion with the court for temporary exclusive possession of the marital home. I hope that will buy me some time.”
He places his hand on my arm. “If you have any problems with him, I am just around the corner. I can be there in under a minute.”
“Thank you. My solicitor did tell me to call the police, but it definitely makes me feel safer knowing you’re so close.”
He leans back. “Well, it makes me feel better, too.” Just as he says this, a server comes by to ask him if he wants to order. Ethan looks at me, eyebrows raised. “Would you mind if I eat with you?”
I shake my head. “Go ahead.”
He orders the same as me, then turns to me with a smile. “Yours looked too good to pass on.”
Taking a bite, I cover my mouth when I speak. “It’s really good. It’s one of the only things I can...” I catch myself before I spill the beans. Confused, he looks at me as I widen my eyes. “I mean... It’s one of the only things I allow myself the pleasure of from time to time. Cheese is so fattening.” Waving my hand, I try and laugh it off, hoping he doesn’t see right through me.
He chuckles. “Me, too. I’m a doctor and supposed to advise against eating anything fattening or bad for you, but... You have to allow yourself some pleasures in life.”
I nod. “Every Saturday, I buy myself a big bar of Galaxy and sneakily eat it in the kitchen.”
He smiles, then frowns. “Why did you need to sneak it? Why not in front of the TV while watching a good movie or favourite program?”
“Kyle used to berate me if I ever ate anything he deemed too fattening. He kept saying he liked me the way I was and didn’t want me to change.”
Ethan shakes his head. “Well, that’s impossible. We all change as we get older. Especially our bodies. You wanted a family together, right? It’s only natural that your body would change with that alone. Your boobs get bigger, along with your waist. Also, stretch marks are extremely common. They are a sign of womanhood.”
I laugh. “Womanhood. I don’t think any woman would call it that.”
He smiles. “Why not? It’s true. Statistically, it’s very hard for a woman to become pregnant, yet there are hundreds of thousands of them out there carrying babies and giving birth. The marks you receive for carrying that child are just marks for a job well done.”
At first, I am nervous when he starts talking about pregnancy, but I can’t help but smile at that comment. “A job well done, huh?”
He chuckles. “Okay, it sounds a little formal saying it like that, but it’s true. In fact, I loved the subject so much, I actually started my career delivering babies.”
“Really?” I ask, just as his sandwich and drink are placed on the table. “I had no idea. What made you decide to run your own surgery?”
He nods to the server before turning to me. “It’s a long story. Basically, a friend needed help running his surgery. I stepped in to help out, then he got sick and died. His wish for me was to continue running it for him. He said his patients had just gotten used to me and that changing to another GP would only unsettle things.”
I frown. “Are you saying you’re only running this because of a man’s dying wish?”
He takes a bite of his sandwich before shrugging. “I guess so.”
The thought makes me sad. “If you had a choice to do anything, what would it be? Say a Genie granted you a career wish—”
He raises his eyebrow. “A career wish?”
I playfully scowl. “Hear me out. If you were asked to pick your dream job, what would it be?”
He thinks for a moment. “I would either go back into obstetrics or be a paediatrician.”
“I bet dealing with a child’s death would be hard, though. It’s bad enough to see them sick, but to see them die...” I shake my head. “I truly admire anyone who would want to go into that field.”
He nods. “There is that. But there’s always a sense of great achievement when you help a sick child get better again.”
I think on his words a moment. “I know you’re carrying on what your friend left behind, but don’t you think if he were a true friend, he would want you to be happy in what you do?”
“Oh, I am happy.”
“But would you say you are a hundred percent fulfilled?”
As he looks into my eyes, I can tell he’s thinking about the question. Then he offers me a grand smile. “You’re very good, you know.” He starts laughing, which sets me off.
“What?” I ask innocently.
“Don’t act like you don’t know. Have you ever thought of becoming a psychologist?”
“I only asked a question,” I respond, acting like I’m offended.
“Sarah always tried to talk me into becoming a paediatrician, but it was only because of the money.”
I almost say “Typical”, but hold my tongue. Sarah has been very self-centred lately, but she wasn’t always like that. When we were children, she was eager to team up with me whenever I wanted to help out at local centres for the homeless or raise money for charities. As the years went by, she started shying away from that and became more interested in how her hair looked and what the latest Prada handbag was going to be. Money and possessions became a big thing for her.
“You should do something you want because it will make you happy, not because of the money. I hate to say this, but I think Sarah was right. Not for the reason she gave, though. You didn’t answer my question regarding being fulfilled, but I think I can hazard a guess. My only advice is to follow your heart. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something because it benefits them.”
He smiles. “Thanks. I’ll have to think about that.”
“Good,” I say with a nod. As I chew my last bite of sandwich, I notice Ethan’s is already gone. “You have quite the appetite today.”
He pats his stomach, grinning. “All the better to treat patients with.”
I start laughing, then look at my watch. I notice nearly two hours have gone by, but I don’t know where it went. I swallow hard, thinking about Kyle. He’ll be coming over in less than three hours. I need to be prepared.
“Are you late for something?”
Ethan’s question pulls me from my frown. He’s mirroring my own. “Not really, but I do need to get going.”
“Okay. Let me pay for this and we’ll head out
.”
“No, no. It’s fine. Let me...” As I stand up, my hip bumps into the magazines, sending them all to the floor. “Shit!” I shout, bending down to quickly pick them up. Ethan does the same, so I attempt to try and hide the obvious ones.
“Here, let me...”
“It’s okay,” I almost snap, but it’s too late. He spots one of the magazines and picks it up. I close my eyes, hoping he won’t jump to the obvious conclusion. When I open them back up, he’s staring at me.
“I think we need to talk,” he says, showing me the cover.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I sigh. “Okay, but not here.”
“Where?” he asks, helping me up.
I think about asking him over to my place, but the worry that Kyle may come around is in the back of my mind. Then again, what if I go to his place and stumble upon Kyle when I return home?
Shit, this is fucking ridiculous. I shouldn’t be scared to go to my own home.
“Do you have time to come over to my place? I caught the bus in, but we can get a taxi back.”
He shakes his head. “No. My car is parked in the car park just across the road. I can give you a lift back.”
Once I nod, Ethan pays the bill, then tenderly holds my arm as he escorts me out. When we’re in his Range Rover, he starts the engine, but just stares straight ahead. I can tell he’s bursting to say something, but he knows here is not the time or place.
Putting his car in drive, Ethan pulls out onto the road. The whole time, I take little peeks out of the corner of my eye. His sighs tell me he’s either angry or upset...maybe both. It brings a knot to my stomach, making me chastise myself for not telling him earlier.
Once we get to my house, Ethan parks next to my car. I breathe a sigh of relief when I don’t see Kyle’s car there.
Walking to the door, I quickly get my keys out and let us both in. Once Ethan shuts the door, I take off my coat and place my bag by the door. When I turn around, he’s staring at me. The look makes the knot in my stomach return. I have enough on my plate with the threat from Kyle. I certainly wasn’t expecting to tell someone I’ve never had sex with that they’re about to become a father. This is all too much.
“Would you like a drink?” He shakes his head. My tears well. “I was going to tell you, but you just found out about Sarah. I didn’t want to add this to the mix, as well. I’m so sorry. Please, don’t be angry with me.”
Walking toward me, he grabs my arms and looks into my eyes. “I’m not angry.” He pulls me in for a hug. I close my eyes and savour the comfort. “How many weeks?”
I sniffle. “Seven.”
I feel the loss once he pulls away. “Have you got tissues?”
I nod. “They’re in the kitchen. Top right-hand cupboard.”
Moving swiftly, he enters the kitchen. A few seconds later, he walks out again, handing me some. “Here.” He motions me to the sofa. “Let’s sit down.” He sits beside me. “Do you mind telling me from the start? When did you find out?”
“Almost three weeks ago. I was a couple days late, so I decided to buy a pregnancy test. I tried calling you, but you were busy. I also tried calling Sarah and Kyle, but both their phones went straight to voicemail.” I blow my nose a little before carrying on. “I couldn’t possibly stay at work knowing that I was pregnant, so I took a half-day off and came home.” I sigh, looking into his eyes. “That’s when I found them in bed together.”
His eyes widen. “You walked in on them?”
Nodding, I frown. “Didn’t you already know this? Didn’t Sarah tell you?”
He shakes his head. “No. She conveniently left that part out.” He briefly closes his eyes, then looks back at me. “You knew all this time?”
Tears start welling in my eyes again. “I’m so sorry you had to learn this way. I wanted to tell you, but a part of me felt you had enough on your plate, and another part of me was scared.”
“Scared of what?” he asks, a small frown on his face.
“Scared of what the outcome would be once I told you. This baby was supposed to be for you and Sarah. It was supposed to be part of a family unit, but now that family unit has been torn in half. When I found out what Sarah had done to me, I became protective. Especially when I went to the doctor to make sure I was okay after Kyle hit me and I fell to the ground.”
Ethan grits his teeth and clenches his fists together. “Son of a bitch,” he says, looking away in disgust. Then something seems to dawn on him. “That day I saw you at the hospital...”
I nod. “Yes. That was the day I went in to see if everything was okay with the pregnancy.”
He scoots closer. “And everything is?” he asks expectantly.
I smile. “Yes. Everything’s fine. Apparently, Mum’s are made of steel.” I nervously chuckle.
For the first time since we left the café, Ethan smiles, too. “That’s true.” When it quickly disappears, I’m back to feeling anxious.
“Are you angry with me?”
Snapping his head to me, he grabs my hand. “Of course not. How can I be angry with the mother of my child?”
I visibly relax, feeling more tears coming. “I’m sorry about me crying. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. Do you remember that John Lewis advert that was on over Christmas?”
He nods. “The one with Baxter the dog and the trampoline?”
“That’s the one. I remember saving it on my Facebook page and just so happened to play it again on my phone two days ago. I cried like a baby. I’ve never cried like that before.”
He laughs. “It’s the hormones. Perfectly normal.”
“Now that you know, how do you feel?”
Shaking his head, he chuckles. “If I’m being honest, I think I’m still in shock.” He looks at me. “I also have to admit that I’m a little upset.” Feeling that knot in my stomach again, I nod. He then squeezes my hand. “I’m upset you’ve been dealing with this for the past three weeks all on your own. Yes, I had just found out about your husband and my wife, but you had to deal with both matters by yourself.”
I look down. “Sorry.”
He nudges my hand a little. “Don’t be. It was just you trying to do a selfless thing. But you need to know one thing right now. You’re not on your own anymore. You have me.”
I bite my lip. “This baby… He or she feels like a part of me now. I know I said I’d be willing to give the baby away once it’s born, but I can no longer do that. Not since everything that’s happened. I’m sorry, but I want to be this baby’s mother.”
“I guess that’s the main reason you didn’t want to tell me.”
“I can’t help the way I feel.”
He stares at our hands for a moment before meeting my eyes. “I know you can’t.” He sighs. “We’ll work something out. We have a little over seven months to do it. I’m sure we can come to some sort of compromise.”
Feeling a tremendous weight lift off my shoulders, I smile. “Thank you. I really want that. I want this baby to have the benefit of a mother and father. I’m sure we can work out a schedule between us once the baby is born.”
Smiling, he squeezes my hand a little. “I’m sure you’ll make a great mother. In fact, I can’t think of anyone better to be the mother of my child.”
My heart warms. “That’s the biggest compliment anyone’s ever given me. Thank you. I know you’ll make a great father, too.”
He starts laughing. “Only time will tell. We’re both new at this, but I’m sure, between us, we can provide the best for our baby.”
“Speaking of which, are we going to find out the sex?”
He looks away in thought. “The practical side of me says yes. At the same time, I want it to be a surprise.”
I smile. “Me, too.”
He chuckles. “You got pregnant on the second attempt, eh? I got strong swimmers.” He pulls at his jumper, as if to say he was a big man. It makes me laugh.
“Or maybe I just accept your babies gracefully.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Gracefully, huh? That’s a new one.”
“You seem a lot more relaxed about it now. You seemed so tense in the car. It got me worried.”
“I guess I was just in shock and had a million questions. I think I’m just now wrapping my head around the fact that you’re pregnant with my baby.” He grins, shaking his head. “You’re pregnant with my baby.” He laughs, pulling me in for a hug. “Thank you.”
The crying starts again. “This is so silly,” I say. “I think you’ve seen me cry more in these last few minutes than Kyle ever did in our whole marriage.” I pull away from him. “How long is this going to go on?”
His mouth twitches. “Probably your whole pregnancy.”
Closing my eyes, I sigh. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”
He laughs a little. “No, but the good news is you should feel at your best during your second trimester. That’s when women tend to glow.”
I roll my eyes. “So only another five weeks of feeling like crap then?”
“Morning sickness?”
Standing up, I walk toward my bag. “Yes. That’s why I went to the shop this morning and bought these.” I take out the biscuits and cake, then walk back to the couch. “I hear ginger helps settle the stomach.”
He looks at the contents, then at me. “You can try them and see. The best thing is to make sure you eat little, but often, and mainly protein-rich foods. Also, make sure you drink plenty of water during the day. Have you been taking folic acid?”
I nod. “Yes, for a couple weeks now.”
“Good.” He looks away before glancing my way again. “Can I just ask one thing from you?”
“Sure.”
“That you let me come to every doctor’s appointment, scans, et cetera. Also, I want you to promise me that if you ever need anything—and I mean anything—you’ll give me a call. I don’t care if it’s three in the morning and you’re craving ice cream. I want to be there every step of the way. Can you do that for me?”
Smiling brightly, I nod. “Of course.”
He starts laughing. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me now. I’m going to become a pain in the arse. Sorry.”
A Surrogate Love Affair Page 15
