Placing my head on the cushion of my sofa, I let the tears flow. I rub my belly, looking down as I stroke my bump. “It looks like it’s just you and me, Kumquat.” I laugh at the joke, but memories of that day flash before my eyes. Before I know it, new tears start to stream down my face. I didn’t mourn Kyle when he left.
But I’m definitely mourning Ethan.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ten weeks later
Everyone who lies does it to fit their own agenda. But what if someone does it to fit your agenda? Does that automatically make the lie acceptable? Should you forgive it simply because it was told to save your feelings? Should that lie be accepted because the person who lied did it because they cared? Could you trust that person again? Could you believe whatever that person tells you in the future?
All this has been running around my head for the last ten weeks. I want to forgive Ethan, but something inside me asks how I can after what he did. Unlike Kyle, Ethan has given me the space I’ve asked for. He still comes over to make sure I’m okay, attending every single medical appointment just like he said he would. Every time I am with him, my heart wants to forgive, but my head always remembers what he did.
“When was the last time he was over?”
Snapping me out of my daydream, I look over at Sally. “Who?”
She nudges me with her elbow. “Don’t give me that. You know perfectly well who I’m talking about.”
I sigh. “He came over a couple days ago. I haven’t heard anything from him since.”
She smirks. “And that obviously bothers you.”
I shrug. “Not really. It’s just not like him.”
“Oh, come on... It totally bothers you. It’s written all over your face.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, it bothers me.”
Sally smirks. “Yeah, you’re thinking about the fact he should be bending over backwards for you.” She nudges me again. “Come on. Admit it. You’re pissed he hasn’t been fussing over you the last couple days. Not only that, but you miss him. And I bet that pisses you off, too.”
I laugh at that because, again, she’s right. It has been pissing me off. “He just made this big fuss, you know? Now, all of a sudden, I haven’t heard from him.”
She stands. “I’m sure whatever it is must be important. I doubt he would deliberately leave you for two days without it being something.” She points to the kitchen. “Do you want more of Mrs. Bellingham’s lovely ginger cake? I tell you, she’s been making even more of a fuss over you lately. Everyone loves her because when she brings cakes in for you, they get to have a taste before I snatch it away from them.” She laughs. “Oh, and she said to say thank you for the flowers and wine. She thought it was a thoughtful gift.”
Although I should say something to that, I can’t stop thinking about what she said about Ethan. “Do you think he might be ill or something?”
“Wow, you do have it bad, don’t you?”
I start wringing my hands together in concern. “Maybe I should call him. Do you think I should call him?”
Sighing, Sally walks over to the coffee table and sits on it, leaning forward to grab my hand. “Honey, don’t worry yourself sick over him. When he’s ready, he’ll call. If it were anything bad, I’m sure you would know by now.”
I nod. “You’re right. I should just let him call when he’s ready.”
She gently smacks my hand with hers. “Attagirl! You show him who’s boss.” We both laugh. “Now, do you want some cake or not?”
Exhaling, I rub my belly. “No, thanks. I feel full enough as it is. This baby’s getting bigger by the second.”
She smiles. “Well, you only have four more weeks before you meet him or her. Are you prepared?”
I nod. “Yep. I bought some paint for the spare bedroom, but Ethan insisted on decorating. He actually got angry at me for buying and carrying the paint on my own. I told him I was pregnant, not an invalid,” I snort.
“Ah, he just loves you.” She points to the kitchen. “Are you sure no more cake?” I shake my head. “Well, I’m going to get a sneaky one, if you don’t mind?”
“Sure. Have as much as you want.”
Smiling, she disappears into the kitchen. As she does, the doorbell rings. Sighing, I slowly get up from the sofa. When I look through the peephole, I see Ethan. My heart starts racing. I take a deep breath, swallow hard, and open the door. When he sees me, he sighs in relief.
“Thank God you’re here. I have some news for you.” Frowning, I notice he’s clutching a piece of paper. “Can I come in?”
I don’t say anything as I move out of the way for him to pass. He hands me the paper. “I swear this is bona fide. Sarah had a baby boy yesterday, and the paternity test was done immediately. I paid them for a twenty-four-hour test on Sarah’s behalf. She hated doing it, but there was a court order in place. She had no other choice.” He points to the letter. “Take a look.”
Opening it, I see it’s from a different company. Then I read that Ethan has been excluded as the father. I feel somewhat relieved for him because I know Sarah would be hell to deal with. But then I’m left wondering… If Ethan isn’t the father, who is?
When I look back up at Ethan, he’s smiling. “I’m not the father. Isn’t that great news?”
Taking a seat, I give him a half-smile. “Yes, it is. I’m happy for you. Did she say who it could be?”
I hand him the letter as he takes a seat next to me. “She was resistant at first. She was actually really shocked it wasn’t me. In the end, she had to admit that she and Kyle were having an affair longer than they admitted.”
My eyes widen. All this time, I was led to believe this affair was a spur-of-the-moment thing. A whirlwind affair that ended as soon as it had started.
“Hi,” a little voice says.
Ethan turns to see Sally standing there, a plate in her hand. “Sorry. I didn’t realise you had company.”
“That’s okay,” she says, smiling. “I know you’ll probably want a few minutes on your own, but I couldn’t help but overhear the news. I just wanted to congratulate you.”
Ethan smiles. “Thank you. I must admit, it’s a huge relief. I have had this hanging over my head now for the last eighteen, nineteen weeks. It’s been awful. At least I can just concentrate one hundred percent on us now.” He turns back to me and grabs my hand.
“I’ll leave you to it then.”
“You shouldn’t have to leave because of us,” I protest.
“I know, but you haven’t seen each other in a couple of days. I should imagine you need to talk.” Sally gives me a knowing smile before retreating back into the kitchen.
“I’m sorry about that,” Ethan says. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“That’s okay. Sally doesn’t mind. She’s been my rock ever since I found out I was pregnant.”
Squeezing my hand, he says, “I’m so sorry I haven’t been around these past couple days. I got a phone call from Sarah telling me she had gone into labour. She insisted I be there. As she was so upset and scared, I felt I had to. Just this one last time.”
“That was very thoughtful. I must admit, I did wonder where you were, but I understand you wanted to get things done before seeing me.”
“All the time I was there, I never stopped thinking about you. I miss you, Alice. I miss us. I know I haven’t brought it up in a while, but please. I need you in my life. I’m lost without you. Please say you’ll take me back.”
My heart beats rapidly. When I feel a sharp pain in my stomach, I clutch onto it and wince.
“What’s the matter?” Ethan asks in a panic.
“It’s probably just Braxton Hicks. I’ve been getting them these past few days.”
“Yes, they are normal at this stage. Do you still feel the baby kicking?”
I nod, smiling. “Yes. I think Kumquat’s going to be a footballer. He or she won’t stop kicking.”
Ethan smiles brightly. “That’s because she’s got the Cooper spirit. We
were all a bunch of kickers in my family.”
“Really?”
He nods. “Yes. My mum told me I wouldn’t stop kicking, and my grandmother said the same about my mother. It’s in the genes. I guess we couldn’t wait to get out into the big wide world. We were all early.”
I feel another stab of pain, but try to hide it. “Now you tell me.”
He laughs. “Sorry.” We stare at each other a moment. I can tell there’s a lot he wants to say. “I really want us to be a family, Alice.”
He starts stroking my hand as another pain shoots through me. This time, I get up. Maybe I just have indigestion from the amount of cake I ate. “I really want that, too,” I say, pacing to try and ease the pain. “But I just keep thinking of the lie.”
Ethan gets up and walks to me. “I know, baby, and I’m forever going to kick myself for being so stupid. I was desperate and, quite frankly, couldn’t give a flying fuck if the baby was his or not. In the end, I just felt it would be better never to know. No matter what,” he says, stroking my belly, “this baby is mine. I’m going to love her like a father should love his daughter.”
I smile. “There you go again. Convinced we’re having a girl.”
He smirks and steps closer to place an arm around me. “Call it instinct. I’m around eighty-five to ninety percent sure we’re having a girl.”
“But what if it’s a boy?”
He smiles. “Then I’m going to love him like any father should love his son.”
Another pain shoots through me so hard, I double over, clutching my stomach.
“Alice, what’s going on?”
I start to pant. “I don’t know. I thought it was just indigestion, but I’m not so sure now.” I grip onto his shirt. “Ethan, I’m scared.” As I say this, a trickle of water runs down my leg. “Oh shit. My water just broke.”
Ethan takes my arm. “Okay. Where are your things? I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“The bag’s upstairs, ready to go.” He starts to move, but I grab him. “I’m only thirty-six weeks. Isn’t this too soon?”
Smiling, he tenderly strokes my cheek. “Lots of people have babies at thirty-six weeks. You’ll be fine.”
Feeling relieved, I watch as he runs upstairs. Sally emerges and immediately places an arm around me, taking my hand. “You’re in labour?”
Feeling another contraction, I nod as I breathe through it. “Yes, and it hurts like a fucking bitch!”
She laughs. “Yes, you’re definitely in labour. Let me know when you’re in that stage where you want to chop Ethan’s balls off. That’s when the fun really starts.”
I moan through the pain and turn to her. “You’ll come with me to the hospital?”
She nods. “Just you try and stop me.”
Another shooting pain grips my stomach. I cry out as Ethan runs down the stairs. “I’ll take Alice in the Range Rover. Do you want to come?” he asks Sally.
“Yeah, but I’ll follow you in my car. I’m going to need it to drive myself home later.”
Pain like nothing else I’ve ever felt before grips me. “Are we going to the hospital? Or are we just going to stand around making insignificant plans?! Oh fuck. This is killing me!” Ethan and Sally look at each other and smile, which just pisses me off. “This is no laughing matter. I’m in agony here.”
“Okay, let’s get going.” Ethan leads me outside and quickly places me and my bag inside the car. He drives off, making sure Sally is following.
“Fuck!” I protest. “Is it supposed to hurt like this? Why the fuck do women have more than one of these? They’re fucking lunatics.” Ethan laughs. “Stop fucking laughing.”
He tries to stop himself, but I can tell it’s hard. “I’m sorry, baby. I’ve never heard you swear like this before. You’re like a different person.”
Scowling, I lean over toward him. “That’s because you put me in this position.” Another pain hits. I slam myself back into the seat and start breathing. “Fuck, it hurts. I’m not ever doing this again.”
Ethan looks worried. “You’re not getting much of a break between contractions. Have you been timing them?”
“No!” I scream. “Have you?!”
“Sorry, baby. I’m driving.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just having a fucking baby here. I’ll let you get back to your driving.”
Ethan’s eyes widen. I can tell he wants to smirk again, but thinks better of it. “We’re almost there. Just hang on a couple minutes longer.”
Pain shoots through me again. “Tell that to the baby.” I place both hands on my belly. “Oh, my god! Why does it hurt so much?”
I can see his smile is gone. Instead, he looks anxious. He pushes the accelerator down a little more, for which I’m grateful. I just want to be there already. “I need drugs!” I scream. “Please, tell me they’re going to give me drugs. I need the drugs.”
“Don’t worry, baby. One more corner and we’ll be there.”
“Ethan, please hurry.” The pain is unbearable. I’m starting to wonder if this is normal.
“Look, we’re here,” he says, relief in his voice. He screeches to a stop right outside and jumps out, then helps me out. I clutch onto my stomach and feel like I can hardly walk. “Can somebody help me?” Ethan shouts. A man comes rushing out with a wheelchair. “She’s thirty-six weeks, her water’s broken, and she’s in a lot of pain.” He nods as I get in the wheelchair. Ethan turns to me. “I have to park the car, but I’ll be right back.”
Gripping onto his arm, I feel the tears well. “Please hurry.” I see the worry in his face as he nods. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m scared. I know women do this all the time, but this feels like someone’s torturing me.
As I’m wheeled in, I can hear Ethan jump into his car and speed off. I start moaning as the guy rushes me to a room, a nurse following.
“Her water’s broken, and her husband says she’s in a lot of pain.”
Under normal circumstances, I would have corrected him about his assumption that Ethan’s my husband, but I’m in too much pain to care.
“It won’t stop hurting,” I complain as they help me onto the bed.
The nurse places a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t you worry about a thing. I’m going to check on you now and get you some painkillers, if need be.”
“Oh, thank you,” I breathe out.
She smiles knowingly. “My name’s Judith. I’m going to be your midwife for today.”
For a moment, I forget about the pain. “My mother’s name was Judith.”
As she sets up the monitor, her eyes light up. “Oh, how coincidental is that? You said was, though...”
I moan as another pain comes. “She died when I was little,” I manage through gritted teeth.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I promise I will live up to your mother’s name and take good care of you.” She starts inspecting me down there. “You’re only four centimetres dilated.”
“Four?!” I scream. “Oh hell. That doesn’t sound good.”
Taking off the gloves, she smiles. “I’ll go ahead and set the monitor up. We need to make sure the baby’s doing okay.”
“Please,” I plead. “Something doesn’t feel right.”
As she nods, I hear a knock, the door opening. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see Ethan.
“The baby’s father?” the nurse asks. I nod.
Ethan comes over and grabs my hand. “How’s it going?”
“I’m only four centimetres, but I feel like I’m going to die. Judith is going to set up the monitors to check the baby.”
Ethan smiles, looks at the midwife, then back at me. “That was your mother’s name.”
Judith laughs. “We’ve already discussed that. I feel quite honoured to be here today to bring her grandbaby into the world.”
She places the monitor straps across my belly, then checks my chart. “You’re thirty-six weeks, right?” I nod as she switches the monitor on. Shortly after, I see concern in both Ethan’
s and Judith’s faces.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
Judith looks at me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Your baby looks to be in distress. I’m going to need to get the doctor.” She runs out.
“I’m so scared,” I cry. “What’s wrong with the baby, Ethan? Why is the baby distressed?”
He places both hands on mine. “Try not to worry, Alice. I’m sure everything will be fine.”
I see the worry lines on his face. “Then why do you look so anxious?”
Just as I ask this, the doctor rushes in and checks my charts. Once he’s done, he looks at me.
“Your baby is in distress, so we’re going to need to perform a caesarean.”
“Oh god…,” I cry as a bunch of people come in and whisk me away. As they do, I lose sight of Ethan.
“Ethan... Ethan, where are you?” I frantically look around
He’s soon by my side as we race down the hallway. “I’m here, baby. Right with you.”
“Are you the father?” the doctor asks. Ethan nods. “Okay. Go with Dave here and he’ll get you some scrubs.”
Just before I’m pushed into another room, Ethan kisses my hand. “I’ll be right with you.”
Once inside, Judith helps me get undressed before helping me into a gown. When finished, she places an IV in my arm and asks me to turn onto my side. “The doctor needs to do an epidural so you won’t feel any pain, okay?”
I nod, grateful, as tears fall down my cheeks. “Please say the baby’s going to be okay?”
Taking my hand, she squeezes. “You’re in the best of care. We’ll do everything we can. I promise.”
“You’re going to feel a little prick in your back, but try to keep as still as possible for me,” the doctor requests.
“Okay,” I say, breathing deeply. Judith keeps hold of my hand and breathes with me. When the needle goes in, I grip my eyes shut. A few seconds later, it’s over and they help me lie flat again.
A Surrogate Love Affair Page 25
