by Harper Wylde
I could barely breathe, my eyes were glued on the two sexy men standing only feet from me. Surprising me, I saw Ryder’s eyes heat as he leaned into Hiro, no longer fighting his hold. His lips were hungry as he returned Hiro’s kiss, pressing their mouths tightly together. Hiro pulled back with a deep chuckle, tightening his hold on Ryder’s neck. “Oh no. You started it, and I’m going to finish it.” He pushed forward, pressing himself more fully into Ryder’s body. I could see the muscles of his back arching as he held Ryder in place with his body. “Open your mouth,” Hiro ordered with a dark growl, as he laid his lips back over Ryder’s. Shockingly, Ryder complied, opening his mouth to allow Hiro to plunge his tongue deep inside. I groaned, watching these two strong, sexy men tasting each other right in front of me. Hiro tilted his head, thrusting his tongue deeper into Ryder’s mouth and drawing Ryder’s back into his own.
The kiss was hot, hard, and wet. Hiro pulled back, nipping at Ryder’s full, swollen lips. Hiro turned and sent me a wicked smile. He didn’t even try to hide his arousal as he headed back to his chair, falling into it and reaching for his water glass as if nothing had happened. Ryder still stood against the wall, staring speechlessly at Hiro. His soft lips were dark and swollen, his chest heaving where he stood. His arousal was prominent in his tight blue jeans. I hadn’t realized I was panting, my breath coming in heavy gasps until Damien stroked the back of my neck. His voice was husky as he leaned over to whisper in my ear, “I guess you understand now why we think it’s hot. Why I liked watching you kiss Kill, and Theo liked watching you kiss Hiro.”
I heard several groans echo from my guys and looked up in surprise. I would have thought they were all too far away to hear Damien. Killian’s eyes were hungry as they met mine. I had enjoyed the sensation of being watched, knowing that Damien had been aroused watching Killian and I and that Theo had chosen to watch fully knowing that Hiro would kiss me. It had been hotter than I would have thought possible to see Hiro kissing Ryder. I had never known I was into that, but God, it had lit all kinds of fires in me.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Nix
Theo, Damien, and Killian had been staring at me all night. It seemed more than their reactions to all the kissing that had been going on lately. Their faces all mirrored concern, confusion, and sadness. As Ryder coaxed Rini and her guys into yet another raucous round of Cards Against Humanity, I angled my head, inviting the others to follow me outside.
Nearing the clearing—I wanted to be sure we were mostly out of Rini’s hearing—I turned to face the guys. “What’s wrong? You’ve been staring at me all evening.” God it was cold. I rubbed my hands up and down my crossed arms, trying frantically to gain some more warmth. The guys exchanged a pointed look and I rolled my eyes. “None of the mind speak.”
Killian grunted and shoved his flannel shirt off of his shoulders to toss to me. “We gave you time, Nix. We thought you’d come to us. You’re still shutting us out?”
Ok, now I was really confused. Shutting them out? I had opened up more with this group than I had in my entire life. They were home to me now. Eyebrows rose as each of them studied me in turn.
“You haven’t been shutting us out?” Damien’s voice was unsure, his glance returning to his brothers as if they would reassure him that they saw the same thing in my face as he did.
“No. Why would I do that? Why would you even think it?”
“You were shot, Nix. Other than wanting to know that we were all safe, you haven’t questioned who did it. We’ve given you time to process it, we knew you weren’t ready to talk but its been days and you still haven’t come to us.”
Ah. So that’s what this was about. I wrapped Killian’s flannel more tightly around myself, breathing in the intoxicating scent of him—clover, spice, and magic—as I struggled to find the words that would convey what I was feeling. “I wasn’t trying to shut you out. I’m sorry if it felt that way. I’ve been busy with the start of classes and spending time with all of you and I’m pretty sure that the isn’t that important.”
Theo blinked rapidly behind his glasses but it was Killian who got the words out first. “Not important?! You were fucking shot! You died! Bloody hell, how is that not important!”
I shot a glance at Damien as I checked my mental walls were intact. The smile he sent me was wary and I think he realized I was trying to ensure he wasn’t in my head. “I told you that I didn’t have a happy childhood. I’ve died before. A lot. I admit, I was paranoid at first. It’s why I didn’t object to you guys going to classes with me, or staying with you for the last few days. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was probably just an accident—some idiot who should never have been given a gun permit who was hunting too close to the trail.” I shrugged. Maybe it was because I was a city girl rather than from the wilds of Alaska, but I had assumed walking into the woods came with some risk. I was sure that there were always people out hunting for wildlife.
“You were paranoid but didn’t talk to us?” Damien’s voice was calm, in stark contrast to the hard anger etched across his features.
I turned my gaze to the ground and tried not to squirm. I felt like I had disappointed him. I wasn’t used to be being included in a family and I felt like I had made a misstep. “I really like you guys. I’m sorry I didn’t share my concerns with you. You’ve become friends—and more—so quickly, and fill a hole in me I never expected to have filled. I’m not used to having people to talk to. The truth is, I’m a girl and I still need my privacy. I probably won’t tell you everything I think and feel all the time.”
“Where you worried it was Michael?” Killian interjected, his voice gruff and I could hear the grit behind the name he had to voice.
“I’m not going to lie and say it never crossed my mind, but I’m not convinced that he would truly put the time into tracking me down and coming after me like that. I can’t see him expanding the energy nor the money to come up here after me and if he did, guns aren’t his style. He likes to be up close and personal when doling out his brand of pain. And…” I cut myself off this time with a shake of the head.
“And?” Theo prodded.
I wasn’t ready to dive into the conversation about my foster brother. It was not the time nor did I want to re-open those wounds. I knew he was still in jail and I had nothing to fear from him anymore. Instead I said, “Logically, it couldn’t be anyone else from my past. There’s no one else who would have the desire or ability to. So unless you have more to share about the shooting than you’re telling me, please… ” I paused, looking at each of them and meeting their eyes, “… please take this at face value for now. I’m not ready to expose everything in me to you yet. It doesn’t mean that I don’t trust you all. It just means that there are some parts of myself that are too raw to want to expose.” My voice was almost a whisper by the time I finished speaking.
I glanced at them from under my lashes and saw them nod. “Alright, Nix. Let’s get you back inside before you freeze.” Damien’s grin was shy as he held out his arms in invitation. I threw myself into them gladly, enjoying the warmth he provided and the sense of safety I felt with them. He scooped me against his chest and we followed Theo and Killian back into the house.
***
I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face as I left the guys’ house with Rini and her bears. We had to drive them home before heading back to the dorm and she was currently standing outside with Barrett, Cayden, and Donovan saying a very long and passionate goodbye. Those four were so head over heels in love with each other that it was almost nauseating. Except that I found myself more envious than jealous. My life had changed so much in the last few weeks and suddenly it wasn’t so hard to picture a more intimate relationship. The kisses between Killian and I and Hiro and I ran through my mind all of the time and tonight I had gotten new images to replay. Very hot images of Hiro and Ryder. Holy hell. I had to fan myself as I thought about it again. It was like these new, good memories were slowly overtaking some of t
he bad ones and I couldn’t deny that it felt good. More than good.
There was definitely an attraction between me and each of the guys. There were plenty of teasing remarks and heated moments between us all but they never pressed me to choose between them. I knew they all saw each other’s interest just like they saw mine in each of them, and I couldn’t help but wonder if someday soon they would press me to make a choice. Looking out the windshield ahead of me I saw Rini being surrounded by all of her bears and a completely irrational part of me rose up and wondered if my guys—I couldn’t help but to think of them that way—would ever be interested in such an arrangement. One never seemed bothered by any of the others giving me attention. In fact, they seemed to enjoy it. Like when Damien caught me kissing Kill and Theo watched me kiss Hiro. I was fairly certain that if they ever asked me to choose, I’d have to turn them all down because there was no way in hell I would—or could—pick between them. Each one of them brought something different into my life and I wasn’t ready to lose any of them. I’d rather keep our relationships platonic than mess up the only friendships I had ever had. They were already starting to feel like family, Rini and her bears included, and I never wanted to lose this new feeling of belonging.
The truck door opening jerked me from my thoughts and I saw Rini climbing into the cab. Her small frame sitting behind the wheel of the large pickup looked almost comical. I had to laugh.
“The look on the guys’ faces when we teased the hell out of them was hilarious!” I giggled, happy we had some girl time now that we were away from all of the men.
“Oh. My. God. I know!” Her tinkling laugh filled the truck cab. “I thought they were all going to combust on the spot. I’d like to say that men are all weirdos but if two girls kissing is as hot as that show between Hiro and Ryder… holy guacamole… I guess I can understand it,” she gushed. “I mean, I know I am totally taken but even I had the hots for Hiro in that moment.” Turning to me with a huge grin she added, “You should totally get some of that!”
My face heated as I thought about the kiss again and I remembered what it would be like to kiss Hiro myself. To have him command me like that. There was so much more I wanted to learn about him… about all of them.
“Speaking of kissing Hiro… you’ve kissed him and Kill, huh?” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.
“Oh God, you heard that too?” I groaned. Damien could have shared that information a little more quietly.
“Hell yes. Spill! Details, woman!” she said with a grin that would rival even the Cheshire cat.
I laughed. “Don’t you have enough of a sex life of your own? You don’t need to live vicariously through me. I don’t even have a sex life. If anything, I’m the one living vicariously through you!” I turned the tables. “Do tell Rini, how are things in the hot and bothered department?” There. That should stop the inquisition. Except she sighed dreamily and actually answered me.
“Girl, the sex is better than I could even explain. Three mouths, three sets of hands, three… well, you get the picture.” She laughed and blushed at the same time.
I gaped. I mean, it was obvious that they were all in love with Rini, and I knew she had sex with them, but the fact that she had sex with all of them at the same time kind of broke my brain. How did that even work? My mind went wild with possibilities.
“You mean… all of you… at the same time?” I questioned, my own face heating. That wouldn’t stop me from asking though, I needed details!
“Mmhmm. They don’t touch each other. Not like Hiro did with Ryder. Now I kind of wish they did, that was so sexy.” Rini’s tinkling laugh rang out before she continued, “But they all touch me, at the same time. God, it’s so good,” she said dreamily as she shifted in her seat. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still intimate with them all one-on-one and those times are special and satisfying too, but there’s just something about us all being together that feels right.” Her blissful grin told me everything I needed to know. Holy shit!
“You lucky wench.” I laughed. I wasn’t sure how I would fare with so many hands on me at one time but it was a fantasy I could definitely get behind. Apparently, it was Rini’s reality. It only fueled my imagination as I let my thoughts wander to my guys. Yeah, I was going to call them mine, at least in my own head. Damn it, it would be one more thing I had to try and block from Damien. I knew he was getting better at reading my thoughts. I needed to get better at building that mental wall between us. It would be nice to keep my most private thoughts from him.
“Now spill! You kissed Killian? And Hiro?”
Now it was my turn to sigh dreamily. “Yes.”
“And?”
“Hiro’s kiss was to piss off Ahmya.” I explained, then blushed at the half-lie. “Well, it was at first. The redo was just because he said he wanted to really taste me.”
“Hot damn!”
“I actually kissed Kill about a week ago. With Kill… God, it was perfect!” I gushed. “He’s been… unexpected. It was the best kiss since…” I trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence.
“Wait, best kiss since what?” she asked curiously.
I winced. How did I tell her that it was the best first kiss I’d had since I’d been raped? It wasn’t a memory I wanted to revisit or a conversation I truly wanted to delve into. Not when it had been such a great night. I shuddered as the memories tried to force their way to the front of my mind, but I refused to give them any ground. It would only serve to send me spiraling down the emotion fueled, consuming black hole that was my terrible past. Gathering my will, I pushed those swirling black edges away as I felt my Phoenix flutter her wings around me protectively.
“Nix.” She scolded, completely serious. I sighed. Rini was too observant. I’d never be able to get anything past her.
“Let’s just say that it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this in control of my life. Moving here, it’s a new start for me, and I plan on taking it. Kissing Killian, and then Hiro… it was freeing. Can we leave it at that for the night?” I stared out of the passenger window and focused all of my energy on staying in the present and not getting pulled into the vortex of my past.
“As long as you’re ok,” she said as she reached across the console and patted my leg. I didn’t even flinch. Instead, my Phoenix hummed happily in my head, grounding me.
“I’m ok.” The reassurance was strong and true in my voice. “Honestly, I’ve never felt more control over my own life than I do now.”
As Rini steered us back to our dorm building our conversation grew lighter again as we talked about the guys, classes, assignments and the possibility of our kicking Damien out of the kitchen one night to cook everyone dinner ourselves—though Rini swore she was terrible in the kitchen. It felt good to have a friend.
We climbed the stairs to our hallway and Rini let us into our dorm room. I set my bag on my bed and reached into my pocket to call Damien. It was going to be my normal routine now that they agreed to my staying at the dorm again, as long as Rini was there that was. Otherwise, I stayed with them, which I couldn’t deny I loved doing.
The usual pocket where I kept my phone was empty so I checked the other then patted each of my front pockets before reaching into coat pockets. Damn. I must have left my phone in the truck. I walked over to Rini’s room and knocked on the open door to get her attention.
“Hey, I left my phone in the truck. Can I borrow your keys? I need to run down and get it so I can call Damien. The guys will be fucking pissed if I don’t check in. Especially on my first night back here.”
“Of course. Do you want me to come with you? I’m not sure I want you going alone. Or, you can just borrow my cell,” she offered.
I didn’t want to admit that I was hoping for a longer conversation with Damien and the others. If I borrowed her phone I wouldn’t be able to talk for long. “No, it’s fine. I’ll just be a second.”
Catching the keys she tossed at me, I grabbed my dorm key and left the room, heading back towards
the stairwell. I couldn’t help the small smile that crossed my lips as I thought about talking with the guys tonight. I loved when Rini and her guys came to dinner but sometimes I missed alone time with my guys. Now that I had been spending so much more time with Hiro, Ryder, Damien, Killian, and Theo I found myself becoming more addicted to being with them. My Phoenix cooed in my head. She loved being around them and basking in their attention.
She wanted to see them all in their shifted forms. So far I had only seen Ryder and Hiro. Was it rude to ask to see a shifter shift? I often felt out of my element in this new world I was learning about. I’d have to ask Rini that. My Phoenix hummed in my mind. She was definitely in agreement.
Unlocking and opening the door I searched for my phone. I wasn’t used to having one so I wasn’t used to having to keep track of it either. I heard it buzz and it lit up as I looked for it. One of the guys must have gotten impatient. Thank the universe they called because it was wedged between the seat and the center console. It would have taken me ages to find in the dark. I pulled it free and closed the truck as I went to answer. When my thumb slid over the answer button on the touch screen, my Phoenix started going crazy. I heard her cry ringing through my body as her wings pressed against my back, itching to be free. The hissing and crying had me momentarily stunned before I swung around trying to scan the lot for whatever had her worked up. She hadn’t been wrong yet and foreboding washed through me as I saw a dark figure step from the shadows.
