By the time she finished her explorations of where she would go and how to get there, and figured out how much she could spend right now, much of the morning had flown. She walked back to the window, surprised to see that the city had reappeared, and the fog was gone.
She smoothed the bed and raised it back into its cabinet. Then, she stepped into the bathroom and marveled at the ribbed glass and gleaming brass. This was the only part they hadn’t attempted to keep Victorian, and that was fine with her. She startled herself looking into the mirror at her hair and eyebrows. That’s Elise, she thought. That’s Elise. Elise. Elise. Elise.
Back in the main room, she opened her second bag that she hadn’t looked into yet and found that someone had the good grace to pack a jacket for her. It was teal fleece with teal and black fleece gloves. It had a fold-over turtleneck collar which would feel good today, she was sure.
She found the bath linens and took a quick shower. Blow drying her hair and trying to emulate the look they had given her in the salon took a bit of doing, but she quickly got the hang of it. She definitely wasn’t used to the contacts, but putting them in and taking them out a few times made her feel more confident.
She had lost nearly all of her things several times over, but she had always managed to keep her basic makeup kit, so at least she could dash on some eyeliner and lipstick and added a bit of brown sable eye pencil, which she had bought yesterday at the salon. She dabbed a bit of lipstick onto her cheeks and rubbed it in. There. Now, she looked decent enough to go exploring.
She looked at her feet and realized she would want some boots soon, too. She laughed. Living in the dome for so long, she hadn’t needed hardly anything other than a pair of tennies. At least they were black and looked okay with her outfit, but maybe, if nothing else today, she would make that purchase.
She looked in her wallet and found the thousand dollars cash she had. She really didn’t want to carry that much, but if she found a decent place to buy a computer, she wanted to be able to do it. She removed the nine thousand dollar check and put it in the drawer in the lampstand. Banking could wait until tomorrow.
It was two o’clock by the time she got on the bus, and she was hungry again. She got off at the Pacific Place Mall and stared open-mouthed as she looked up. She walked through the doors into the main mall and again craned her neck up and around. She felt like such a rube, but she had never seen anything like it. In Tucson, no malls had more than two floors. This one looked like it went on into infinity. She felt so small.
But when she stopped gaping up and looked around, she couldn’t help but smile. Everyone seemed to be in the holiday spirit, and it swirled and sparkled around her everywhere. For a second she forgot who and where she was. She kept expecting Lucas to reach out and grab her hand. When she recalled that she was Elise and that Lucas was far away, her heart skipped a beat. She was completely alone in this immense city.
She found the directory and made her way to a shoe store to start looking for boots. She passed a sandwich shop and went in, downing a six-inch sub and a water, and moved on.
It only took two stores to find the boots she sought, and she bought them as well as several pairs of socks. She browsed computers in another store but decided she could likely do better online. She saw a number of Fair Isle sweaters and knit caps in a window. She found a style that she liked. She probably didn’t need it today, but she planned on getting a bicycle, too, and thought it would come in handy.
She decided to find a coffee shop and sit for a bit. She got a gingerbread latte in honor of the season and moved toward the window. At first she thought the window must be tinted, but when she sat down she realized it was nearly dark. She looked around for a sign of what time it might be but found none. Finally, she asked the person next to her.
“Four-fifteen,” they said.
“Thanks.” What? Why is it dark at four in the afternoon? As she thought about it, she had never considered the difference in latitude between Tucson and Seattle. Of course, she knew it was “up north,” but she had just never thought about what that meant.
She turned back to the girl who had given her the time. “I’m not used to it getting dark at four in the afternoon.”
“It’s Solstice,” the girl said. “If you could see the sun, it is setting right about now. It starts getting dark shortly after three.”
“Wow!” Audra said.
“Where are you from?” the girl said.
Oops. She hadn’t thought that out. Was it okay to tell the truth?
“New Mexico,” Audra said, fervently hoping the person wouldn’t ask her for details.
“Yeah, I don’t doubt this early darkness surprises you then.”
“My name’s Elise,” Audra said, just wanting to hear herself say it.
“Joy,” the girl said. “It’s nice to meet you, Elise.”
Audra smiled then looked back outside.
She looked out the window, as she sipped her latte and saw the famous Seattle monorail.
The girl saw where she was looking. “Have you been on the monorail?”
Audra shook her head.
“Oh, you must,” Joy said. “Especially at this time of year.”
“I’d really like to.”
“Right now?”
Audra looked at the girl and saw she was smiling. “Sure,” she said. “Why not?”
She was able to purchase a ticket and embark near the mall. The sights from the monorail were fascinating, and everything was twinkling. It reminded Audra of one of her favorite Christmas songs about strings of lights blinking red and green. She could barely take it all in.
“C’mon,” Joy said when they stopped at the Space Needle. “Let me show you another treat.”
When they got to the top, Audra was very glad she had her knit cap because the wind was strong.
“There’s not as much to see at night, of course, as there is during the day, but the lights are very cool,” Joy said.
“You should see the lights from my apartment window.”
“Really? Where do you live?”
Again Audra had to think whether or not it was all right to tell. She had to remind herself that this was her life. That she didn’t have to be secretive about what went on here, only what came before.
“I have an apartment on Queen Anne Hill.”
Joy’s eyes flew wide. “Wow. What do you do that you can afford that?”
Audra laughed. “Well, I just got here, so I’m not working yet, but let’s just say I have rich parents.” Whew. That wasn’t so hard. She realized she would simply have to invent a few hard and fast lines so that she would never contradict herself. But for now, she changed the subject.
“What do you do?” Audra asked.
“Student at Seattle U.”
“Now who’s got the rich parents?” Audra laughed.
Joy shrugged. “I don’t know about rich. Just devoutly Catholic. I’m a product of Catholic schools, and I got all sorts of scholarships.”
“Wow. You must be really smart.”
She shrugged again. “I guess so.”
“What are you studying?”
“Kind of a weird mix. I’m getting my degree in cultural anthropology, but for fun I’m combining it with a minor in digital design.”
Audra’s eyes lit up. “Digital design? I just got my AA in graphic design.”
“Really?” They fell to talking animatedly then and quickly abandoned the too windy Space Needle.
They went to a favorite pub of Joy’s, which was a first for Audra. She hadn’t realized how claustrophobic her world had always been.
She admitted to Joy that she hadn’t a clue about beer on tap, so Joy described several microbrews to her, and Audra chose a winter stout. She was pleased with its thick, spicy, chocolaty flavor.
She liked Joy a lot--liked her red hair, fair skin, and freckles, the conversation, and the “girlness.” It struck her that she had been surrounded by nothing but men for months. It was good to
have a girlfriend again.
43
All Lucas wanted to do was stay in the tiny bedroom at Fetsko’s and think about Audra. What will happen? How will I ever find her again? Can I face never seeing her again? Will she just move on, never looking back?
His thoughts shifted between that and pondering over what was going to happen at the review board. What is wrong with my mind? he wondered. He had never been a worrier. In fact, until Blanco entered his life three years ago, he had been a pretty laissez-faire guy.
“C’mon, Lucas,” Fetsko said, knocking on the bedroom door. “No more pizza, and I’m sick of eating out. What say you and I cook?”
Lucas just lay back on the bed, ignoring the voice at the door.
Fetsko tried the door, and, finding it unlocked, opened it.
“You gotta put yourself back together, bud,” Fetsko said.
“I’m just not sure what’s wrong or how to do that,” Lucas said, still staring at the ceiling.
“Well, helping me fix dinner would be a start.”
“I don’t know anything about cooking,” Lucas said, growling.
“Well, it’s either that or dish duty.”
Lucas finally hauled himself up and drug his feet getting to the kitchen.
“I finally got to talk to Marlena,” Fetsko said. “They’re releasing her day after tomorrow.”
“That’s great,” Lucas said without emotion.
“Aw, don’t be a drip,” Fetsko said. “Maybe she has a girlfriend that she can—”
“Hell, no,” Lucas said. “No way I’m ready for a trip down that lane.”
“C’mon. Gettin’ laid would do you some good. Something’s gotta.”
Lucas flashed on how quick Marlena had made him come that one time she touched him. He flushed as he thought about it now, wondering if Fetsko knew. Instead, he said, “No. I’m not going anywhere. I’m too close to Michaelson and to Blanco’s men,” he said.
“Have you figured out where you want to go from here?”
“I guess that depends on what happens at the review board, and whether they return me to duty.”
Fetsko didn’t say anything, but he wasn’t holding his breath.
# # #
“Based on an audit of your entire record with the U.S. Marshals Service,” the chief said before the board, wrapping up the review, “we have decided to grant you a medical retirement. You will receive your full pension as if you had completed your twenty years, and you will have the same medical benefits. In addition to your pension, you will receive a status of one hundred percent service-related disability.”
Surprise and relief both washed over Lucas as he heard the pronouncement. This possibility hadn’t even entered his mind. It wasn’t that he no longer wanted to be a U.S. Marshal, it was that he felt truly broken and needed a lot of healing before he returned to duty. Being brought back too soon, and then with all the betrayal, the wounding, the stress of both his and Audra’s situation, it had been like kicking a wounded man. The results had been psychologically disastrous.
He stood and shook the hand of each member of the review board—men he had known and worked with for years.
Back in the chief’s office, he shook his hand again.
“Thank you for all the support you’ve given me, and I know you must have gone out on a limb for the medical retirement.”
“There were only one or two who had to be convinced. The rest understood as soon as I explained it all.”
“Sir, I know it’s technically none of my business now, but what are you going to do about Michaelson?”
“Roberts, I recommend you get as far away from here as possible. We’re going to find Michaelson and deal with him, but please don’t bring any more grief or stress on yourself by trying to be in on it.”
Lucas nodded.
“Any idea where you’ll go, son?”
“None. Until today I thought I was either going back to work or to an institution, and I wasn’t sure if it would be a mental hospital or a prison.”
“Suspending you indefinitely seemed like the wrong thing to do…there would always be this pressure to hurry up and get better. What you’ve been through with your wife and son, and then exacerbated by all of this, it could take you a lifetime to heal. No one can put that on a time schedule, and I’m sorry we didn’t realize that the first time around.”
“Well, thank you, sir, for recognizing that. It’s important for me to know your perspective.”
“You’ll be able to draw a final paycheck today. Roxanne has it ready for you at the front desk. Your other payments will kick in soon. Oh, and this might come in useful sometime. You’re still entitled to it. Just don’t abuse it,” he said, handing Lucas his badge.
“Thank you, sir,” Lucas said. He picked up his check and departed headquarters for the last time.
44
Audra sat nervously awaiting her fourth interview in as many days. She knew it was probably unrealistic, but she just wanted someone to hire her on the spot. Although the other interviews had gone well, in the end she had gotten either, “We have other applicants to interview,” or “We’ll keep your application on file.”
She wasn’t sure how, with her very small experience in job hunting, to read those faces and comments, but she knew she needed to be patient. It wasn’t like she was desperate for money, and she was having a blast getting acquainted with Seattle and some of the surroundings. However, she felt like she needed to actually be doing something with her life.
# # #
Lucas woke up the next morning wondering what he was going to do with his life. He looked over to see Marlena’s friend, Carmen, sleeping beside him. One thing was sure, he didn’t want to do that again.
He and Fetsko had decided that Lucas’s retirement deserved a celebration. Since it had given him a momentary lift in spirits, he had agreed, or rather he had gone along with Fetsko’s pleas to let him fix Lucas up with Marlena’s friend.
It had started out fun—a cantina for dinner, music, moving on to a club where they danced and danced, and ending up in a bar somewhere in Calexico drinking and talking. It had been interesting to observe Marlena and her friend. They were beautiful and full of life, but he could also tell that neither of them had entertained a serious thought in their lives.
Some men would find that not only refreshing but desirable. He could see why Fetsko had thought Carmen could do him good; he had been under so much strain for what seemed like years now that it was good to let down.
As he lay now, looking at Carmen, he had to admit that “getting laid” had helped relieve tension, just as Fetsko had suggested. But it just wasn’t the life he wanted.
He wasn’t even sure that what he really wanted made logical sense. After all the sadness and the wounding and reopening of wounds—both physical and psychological—it would seem that having someone carefree in his life would be good. However, he missed Audra’s dark seriousness. She wasn’t morose, just intense and intelligent.
He wanted to be with her and heal their lives together. Who better than the two of them? They knew each other’s deepest fears. They knew each other’s deepest sorrows and secrets.
The best thing he could do now was to get out on his own and go somewhere else. He got up and showered. When he came back into the bedroom, Carmen was up. He heard all three voices in the kitchen. He was grateful she had spared him the attempts to shower with him or to pull him back into bed.
He packed his single bag. The rune necklace he had given Audra was lying on the dresser. He picked it up to toss it in his bag, but he thought better of it and fastened it around his own neck.
He walked into the living room, dropping his bag into a chair and heading to the kitchen.
“Well, good morning,” Carmen said.
“Hey, everybody,” Lucas responded.
“Marlena and I are whipping up some huevos rancheros con chorizo,” Fetsko said.
“Orange juice?” Carmen asked him.
H
e stood stiffly for a moment but then relented. He didn’t need to be rude.
“Sure,” he said, smiling at her in a way that said, “thank you, but….”
She poured him a small glass, and he sat down at the table with her. They all laughed as they recalled various silly things said and done the night before. He could see from the corner of his eye that Carmen kept glancing at him. Might as well get it out in the open, he decided.
“I’ve decided to head out this morning,” Lucas announced.
Fetsko looked at him, then glanced quickly at Carmen, then back to the stove. Carmen looked at Marlena.
“Are you just going to look for an apartment, or…?”
“Nope. I’m going…away.”
“Have you decided where?”
“East. East and probably north. As far away as possible from anything that looks like a cactus or has the stink of cartel on it.”
Fetsko just nodded, serving up the eggs and chorizo.
“Why you want to go so far?” Marlena asked.
Lucas looked at her, then focused on his breakfast. “I would think you, of all people, would understand Marlena.”
She shrugged. “My life is here.”
“And you don’t think any of Blanco’s organization is gunning for you?”
She frowned, glancing at Carmen. Clearly, Carmen knew nothing about the details of Marlena’s hospitalization.
Fetsko looked at him irritably.
“Okay,” Fetsko said. “Not exactly breakfast fare.”
Lucas finished eating and stood. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to put a damper on the fun. I just have to be real. Nick, thank you, buddy. You’ve been a real prince to put me up like this and to put up with me the last few weeks.”
Lucas kissed Carmen on the forehead, and Marlena came around the table. “Lucas,” she said, running her hands up his front and resting them on his chest, “I will miss you.” He saw unrequited desire in her eyes, realizing she was another bullet he was dodging. He’d hate to have to keep fending her off all the time, especially when Fetsko was so taken with her.
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