“You’re a good mother, Eden. I’ll be waiting to hear from you.” He nods and heads out the door of the main lobby. No kiss, no ‘I will miss you,’ no ‘please come back to me.’ It makes me realize how unaffectionate he really is, how cold and lonely my marriage was. Is it possible for him to change? Can I bury my feelings for Dixon and give Blythe a second chance?
When I think of Dixon, I remember he’s waiting by the bar. As I make my way over to the bar, I send Matilda a quick text. She responds quickly. Grant has had a bath and is sleeping. I let out a breath as I walk up to the bar. Dixon is sitting with his head dropped low and what looks like a club soda in front of him.
“Hi,” I whisper and he lifts his head. Our eyes meet, and I can see the emotion in his eyes. It makes my heart ache for him even more.
“Can you stay? Where is Grant?” he asks, and I almost want to laugh and cry because his own father never asked about him.
“I can stay, but not for long. Grant is sleeping. Matilda is watching him.”
“Should we sit at a booth? You look tired. Why were you sick in the bathroom?” he asks, talking quickly.
My mouth turns into a sad, slow smile as I take him in. I can’t help my feelings for him, yet I can’t be with him either.
“A booth sounds good.” I nod and he stands from the stool and walks over to a vacant booth. I fall back onto the seat.
“Should we order you some food? You look tired and drained,” he says, and I love this about him. How he thinks of everyone else.
I nod. “Yes, I’m hungry.” I would also like to spend as much time with you before I have to say goodbye.
The waitress comes by and we order lots of food. Dixon asks if I would like some wine, but I ask for a club soda instead.
When the waitress walks away, he begins. “Eden, I know I messed up. I need you to understand a few things,” he says, and I want to break down and tell him about the baby and Blythe, but I also want to hear him out. I want to understand why he blocked me out every chance he got.
“Okay.”
He runs a hand over his head. His hair looks freshly buzzed. Then he gazes directly into my eyes as he says. “My wife cheated on me with my best friend. My business partner.” He pauses to exhale, and I reach across the table and place my palm over his hand. His eyes gaze down to our hands, and he looks back at me with reverence. “When Ma took me in I was so angry with my father for passing me up like that, that I never really appreciated Ma and the new family I had. I felt like an outsider, even though they treated me like one of their own. I was blinded by the hurt of my mother and father walking away from me and didn’t understand what I had. That they were my family. On the inside I told myself I would one day have the wife and kids, and they would be mine for real … as if Ma, Phil and Ge weren’t real.” He chuckles softly. I don’t say anything, waiting for him to continue. “I got around a lot at college with the girls.” He grins, revealing his dimples. “Then I met Cassidy. She was a waitress. We started dating and moved in together. I asked her to marry me and then we had kids. I was working really hard and I was gone a lot. I figured she understood that I was working to make a future for my family. When Google bought out Socialite, I took the day off to spend with my wife. I came home and found her in the shower. Only she wasn’t alone. Carter was fucking her from behind. I beat the shit out of him. Cassidy was scared I was going to kill him, so she called the cops. He never pressed charges, but he continued to date my wife and when the divorce went through he married her.” He finishes the story, and I can see how painful it was for him to go back and tell me the truth. I stand up from my side of the bench and walk over to sit beside him, placing my arms around his neck. He buries his face in the crook of my neck, and I feel him inhale. “I missed you,” he whispers, and it makes me want to cry because we can never be together. My secrets will destroy any feelings he has for me. “I’m sorry, Eden. I have a lot of trust and abandonment issues, and I should have known you were different. Let me make this up to you and Grant,” he says, and my heart just about bursts that he includes my son in all his thoughts.
“I need to tell you a few things too, Dixon. Things you aren’t going to like to hear. Things that will make you run in the other direction,” I say as my eyes fill with tears.
The waitress arrives to the table with our appetizers. I’m suddenly not hungry anymore.
“I don’t know where to begin.” I laugh sadly.
“At the beginning is always good.” He lifts a finger to wipe away my tears.
“Okay. The night of my high school graduation, my father—at least the man I thought was my father—came into my room and tried to have sex with me.”
Dixon gasps. “Eden, holy shit.” He cuts me off. “Sorry,” he apologizes for his language.
“It’s okay. He came into my room and basically started touching me. He was drunk. I fought him off, but he got angry. I asked him what the hell was wrong with him, and he admitted that he wasn’t my father and had been waiting until I was old enough so he could screw me.” I bitterly recount my stepfather’s words, and Dixon takes my hand and holds it between both of his.
“Go on.”
“I left home. But before I tell you where I went, there’s something else you need to know.” I pause. This is the part that will make him run, for sure. “My stepfather was one of the developers on the waterfront project in Williamsburg. It was because of him that the manufacturers closed down. He initiated the projects and petitions for redevelopment along the waterfront. I moved to Williamsburg, into the apartment across from you, so my father wouldn’t have to commute while the development occurred. You thought you got a new friend that kept you busy, but what you really got was the devil living across the hall. My family penetrated your life and ripped it apart. My father promised your father a relocation of his business, but he lied to him. He also promised him a cheaper unit in the condo development, but he never kept that promise either … to your father or any of the other people he made promises too. It was because of my family that your family was destroyed and you were given away. Meeting me was probably meant to be the worst day of your life, and I don’t know how to take any of it back. I don’t know how to make what happened okay for you!” My voice turns shrill and shaky as tears spill down my cheeks. My emotions are running so high, they force me up and away from the booth, and before I know it I’m running away from the restaurant out into the lobby and straight through the electric doors into the cool night air, where I try to find the oxygen to just breathe.
Not even a moment later, Dixon is running behind me. “Eden.” He takes me by the shoulders and gazes into my eyes. His own blue eyes are filled with such raw emotion my heart splits in two.
“Please, Dixon, just go. Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” I plead.
“Would you stop and listen, you stubborn girl,” he insists, pulling me out of the emotional fury threatening to envelop me. “I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. How could you believe that any of that was your fault?” he asks, his eyes unfocused and scared. “You clearly had no control over your parents. Your stepfather sounds like the devil, that’s true. He was a bad man that messed with my family, and he messed with you too, but none of it was your fault,” he says, shocking me, as he presses my face into his chest. I take in his scent, and I want to relax because he feels like home, but I can’t relax. This story is far from over.
“You don’t hate me?” I ask, and it’s almost a pathetic whimper.
“I don’t hate you, Eden. I fucking love you. That’s why I came here tonight because I wanted to tell you to your face.”
“And what I just told you … it doesn’t bother you?” I mutter. The truth about my stepfather and his role in the demise of Dixon’s family made me feel so broken and dirty. I believed that if Dixon knew the truth, he would regret our friendship or ever meeting me, so I buried the secret deep inside me and held on to him. Then one, cold night he was gone, and I realized we were never mea
nt to be. His departure saved me from revealing the dirty secret, but it also kept my soul mate away from me. I never expected to find him again, only to have him ripped away.
“Yes, it fucking bothers the shit out of me. I could look up your stepfather now and kick his ass for ever trying to lay a finger on you,” he says. “But I’m not angry at you. Nothing you have told me could remotely be your fault.” I want to believe him, but I have been living with those sins buried deep inside me for so long now that they’ve become a part of me.
“There’s more, Dixon. Don’t say you love me, please,” I beg.
He turns his head sideways as if he doesn’t believe anything I could say would make him stop loving me.
“After I left the house that dreadful night he tried to assault me, I got on a bus and road around the city. I had nowhere to go and one hundred dollars cash in my pocket. I was old enough to understand that it wasn’t enough to live on. The first night I slept on a park bench. The second night I spent in a shelter. I met another young homeless girl there and the next morning we took a bus to Vegas. I got a job working as a stripper the first night we were there. Sheila worked along with me. The place was high class. I knew the girls were selling their bodies for sex, and I knew they were making good money.” I pause because I can see the tick in his jaw, but then I take a breath and continue. “I needed money so bad. I was living in an apartment with four other girls. I shared a room with Sheila and another girl, Amber. Sheila was a good friend or so I thought; Amber not so much. I knew they were both selling their bodies. Sheila tried to convince me that it wasn’t that bad. Problem was I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As many times as I tried, I couldn’t go through with it. I came to an understanding with my boss, and he agreed to just let me dance since I brought in a good crowd,” I explain, and Dixon takes a breath.
“Do you want to go take a seat inside? It’s cold out here,” he suggests, and I’m surprised he hasn’t run away from me yet.
“I’d like to stay out here. I need the cool air to breathe right now.”
“Okay, go on.”
“I had been dancing for a good year at the club. I figured out the girls were all on drugs by that point. One night there was a police raid. The police went undercover and caught some of my friends trying to sell their bodies. They also found coke and Ecstasy during the raid. An officer was trying to catch Sheila, she threw a chair at him and then ducked behind a table. The officer thought I threw the chair at him, so he arrested me for assaulting an officer. In Nevada that alone is grounds for imprisonment. I grabbed my little purse on the way out and when we got to the station they were finger printing me they told me they found my stash of cocaine.”
“Shit, Eden.”
“Yeah, not only did Sheila not get arrested, she planted her drugs on me in an attempt to free herself. I understood she was a survivor and life on the streets teaches you that you need to get by any way you can, even if it means screwing a friend over. I knew I was facing jail time. I was brought in front of a judge and just as I was about to make a plea bargain with the prosecutor, Blythe walked in with his fancy suit and high-profile attorney. He was a regular at the club and would specifically request private dances with me. I would give him his lap dances and reject his sexual advances. He wasn’t use to rejection, but somewhere along the line we became friends and when he found out I was arrested, he came to save the day. He had grown up poor and some guy had helped him out at one point. I was his way of paying it forward. His lawyer got all the charges dropped. I left the club and began dating him. I hated that he was supporting me, but he was very rich by then and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He put me through college and I got my teaching degree. Then I had Grant and everything went downhill between us. Blythe had always been about the success and power. Coming from a poor home, it was all he craved. Tonight he admitted that he lost sight of the man he used to be. I owe him, Dixon. Do you see that now?” I ask.
His brows furrow together. “What are you saying, Eden? I know you can feel what’s happening between us. You know this isn’t nothing.” His finger points back and forth between the two of us.
“My story isn’t over, Dixon,” I answer. My tone fills with regret because he’s right. What we have is special.
“What is it?” he asks.
“I’m pregnant, Dixon.” As I say the words, his mouth drops and his eyes swell.
“Eden, that’s amazing,” he says, and I think he misunderstood that the baby is his.
“No, Dixon. The baby is Blythe’s.” As I say the words his face falls.
He doesn’t say a word as he looks to me with his mouth dropped open. Then he snaps it shut. I’m thinking that’s it. What we have between us is over. But then he surprises me.
“It doesn’t matter, Eden. I love you, and I will love this baby because it came from you,” he says adamantly, and I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around his neck and never let go. But I can’t. I told Blythe I would consider his offer, and I will … for the sake of my children.
“I’m so sorry, Dixon. I had no idea I was pregnant. I’m nine weeks along now. Blythe was here because he wants me to give him another chance. I’m carrying his baby. I need to at least give him that consideration after everything he’s done for me,” I explain, but it doesn’t help.
I can see how much Dixon is hurting. How much I have hurt him and continue to hurt him. It isn’t fair. He’s been through enough.
“I can’t believe you’re even considering going back to him.” His tone is filled with shock. “The kids and I want you back home with us. Heck, Ma wants you back,” he says with a pained chuckle.
“Say hi to the kids. I will see Jaden in school tomorrow.” I cut the conversation short and he takes a step back as if he’s fallen. He clearly didn’t expect this outcome, and I hate it myself right now, but I don’t have a choice. I have two kids to consider, and I want to believe that Blythe can be the father they need him to be. My kids deserve this chance.
“Please go, Dixon. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” I plead as I turn to walk back into the lobby. My body is shaking from the cool night air, but also from the nerves racking through my body.
Dixon pulls me back and wraps his arms around me as he kisses me with fervor. My entire body tingles from his touch. I love him so much, but we aren’t meant to be. I wish he could see that now after all our revelations.
“I love you, Eden. I want to take care of you and cherish you. Please.” His voice is low and breaking. I hate how much he’s hurting.
“Dixon, I love you too, with all my heart. That’s why I’m asking for your understanding.”
He doesn’t respond. I’ve left him speechless. He closes his eyes and then opens them, and I see the redness rimmed around them. Without another word, I walk away … leaving my heart behind.
Up in the suite, I pay Matilda and bid her a good night. Then I slip into a warm bath. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
Talk about a monumental fuck up. I waited too damn long to go to her. Too damn long to come to my own senses. Tonight when I went to the hotel, I planned to confess my love for her, then sweep her off her feet and take her home with me. I was sure I knew how she felt about me, and this whole fiasco was my fault because I allowed my insecurities to prevent me from really telling her how I felt. On the entire ride over to the hotel, I didn’t consider even once that I would find asshat trying to get back together with my woman. I’m not daft. I know he’s her husband, but he doesn’t love her or take care of her the way I do. Most importantly, I don’t think she loves him at all. It’s me she loves, damn it. Now there’s one huge fucking obstacle to our relationship: Eden’s kind heart. She’s carrying the lucky bastard’s baby and now feels like she needs to do what is good for her unborn child and Grant. She’s got it all wrong. Blythe wants the picture perfect family. He doesn’t want to stand by her when the going gets tough. I want to make her my family, to support and love her, and take care of her, even
when the going gets tough. Asshat won’t give her that, and dammit, it’s exactly what she deserves. Unlucky for me, she feels like she owes him. And as long as I’ve known Eden, which is a damn long time, she has been pure, honest, and giving. She will never turn her back on someone who gave her a helping hand, and asshat got her out of a hell of a lot of trouble, and my woman isn’t able to turn her back to that kindness. It’s her pure heart I love so much, but it is also her pure heart keeping her away from me. The worst part is that I feel useless in this battle.
After parking the car in the garage, I head back up to the apartment feeling like shit. I had hoped to surprise Macy in the morning with Eden. It sounds fucking crazy, but even my daughter’s eyes light up like Christmas at the sight of Eden. I’ve nursed a broken heart before, but this defeat is so much worse. There has never been another woman more suited for me than Eden. I may have loved my wife and our family, but with Eden things are so different. My ex-wife never understood me like Eden does. My ex-wife never loved me like Eden does. Eden is my fucking soul mate, and if I can’t have her, I will never feel whole.
I notice the light on in the kitchen, so I walk over to turn it off. Ma is hugging a cup of tea while sitting at the table, looking solemn. I bet she’s thinking of me. That’s a new revelation too. Makes me feel like maybe I failed my new family in some way. Like maybe I wasn’t there for them in the way they were there for me.
“You okay?” she asks.
I take a seat at the table across from her and allow my head to fall into my palms.
“Not really.”
“Mmm hmm.” She pauses. “Macy was asking for Eden tonight. She wanted a good night kiss.” I’m not surprised. Her words feel like salt rubbed in an open wound.
I lift my head and gaze at Ma. She still has that ‘get your shit together look’ on her face. Clearly Ge didn’t call to update her that I was headed to see Eden. I got my shit together, but it was too late.
Dick (Bad Boys #1) Page 24
