by H. D. Gordon
Dear Lord, I thought. Dear Lord…How does this all go so wrong?
“Joe?” said a familiar voice behind me, drawing me out of my thoughts like a cold splash of water in my face.
Dorie and I both turned to see Kayla standing beside me. When she realized it was me, a smile lit up my old friend’s face and she drew me into a tight hug, but unless I was mistaken, something else I couldn’t quite pinpoint flashed behind her eyes for the shortest of moments as well.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, pulling back to look at me. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
I returned her smile, genuinely happy to see her, and trying to let that be my dominating emotion. Out of everyone here, Kayla would be the hardest to fool, because she actually knew me, and worse, she knew about my special ability. I would need to tread the most carefully with her, at least until I could determine how far gone she was, and whether she could still be trusted. Until then, I needed her to think my presence here was nothing more than coincidence.
“I wuh-was at the service y-y-yesterday, and the reverend invited muh-me,” I said. “I didn’t nuh-know you were a muh-member. I’m glad t-to see you. Huh-how have you been?”
Again, something flashed behind Kayla’s eyes and was gone too fast for me to decipher. The smile on her face remained. “I’ve been great,” she said. “I live here at the ranch now, and so does my mom.” She glanced around, then shrugged. “She’s around here somewhere. The church has really changed things for us.”
Dorie, who I knew had been watching this exchange closely, spoke up now. “Oh, you two already know each other?” she asked.
Kayla answered before I could say anything. “Joe was a good friend of mine growing up,” she said.
I smiled and nodded my agreement, not missing the fact that Kayla had referred to our friendship in the past tense. I’d be lying to say this didn’t sting a little. I’d known Kayla and Kyle since grade school. How could so much have changed in eight months since I’d last seen her at the little party Kyle had thrown because she was going away to college?
A lot, I realized. After all, since the last time she’d seen me, I’d shot a man dead in the middle of a college campus, dropped out of school, learned my neighbor was a telepath, and fallen in love. And that was just the overview of things. So much, no, everything could change in eight months, because truly life-altering things always turned on a dime.
If Dorie was suspicious of our preexisting friendship, she didn’t let on. Her smile appeared as genuine as a smile could. “That’s great,” Dorie said, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “See, you’ve got friends here already.” She looked at Kayla now, and if I hadn’t been watching so closely, I would have completely missed the slightest of cringes from Kayla as Dorie’s eyes fell on her.
“Why don’t you come sit with us too then, Kayla?” Dorie asked, though I got the certain feeling it was not a question. “Help to make Joe feel more at home, and maybe you can share some stories about old times.”
Kayla’s smile was easy, but I knew her well enough to see the subtle tightness in it. “Of course,” she said, linking her arm through mine. “I’d love to.”
I nodded and smiled as if this were great, though with Dorie on one side of me, and Kayla so close on the other, I felt a little like the center part of a sandwich. Or maybe I was just claustrophobic because of all the people and the situation. When the reverend had invited me to the dinner, for some reason, I hadn’t thought that dinner would include every person who lived at the ranch. On the up side, at least I wouldn’t have to be alone with the reverend just yet, though I had a sinking feeling that sort of encounter was inevitable, and it made my skin crawl just to imagine it.
As Kayla and Dorie led me into the building, these thoughts were pushed from my head. Inside was a large open space with dozens of long tables set up. Buffet lines ran around the outside of the room, and people were already filling up their plates and taking places at the tables. I did my best to take stock of my surroundings without appearing to do so. On the west end there were double doors that swung both ways, and people holding various food trays were coming in and out of them, so I assumed that must be the kitchen.
On the opposite side of the room were two more doors, only these ones were made of metal, and hanging above them was a sign that read Bakery. I wondered what kind of bakery needed steel doors when the rest of the doors I’d seen on the property so far were made out of wood.
“That’s where we make our famous chocolate-covered pretzels,” Dorie whispered in my ear, so close I could smell the onion she must have had for lunch on her breath. “The metal doors are an inside joke, because the pretzels and the chocolate are both made in-house, and supposedly using a secret recipe.” Dorie winked at me and laughed as she said that last part.
My stomach twisted, but I nodded and returned her mock-conspiring smile. It seemed I wasn’t the only one who was paying close attention. Dorie must have been watching me carefully to have noticed the couple of seconds my eyes had lingered over the bakery doors.
After that, I stopped my surveying of the area, for now, anyway. Kayla and Dorie led me over to the row of tables in the center of the room, throughout which I was stopped several times by random people to exchange more blessings and peace-be-with-yous. Every time another person—an old lady with a kind face, a young man with so much life still left, a new mother with her baby wrapped in her arms—stopped to hug me and whisper these kind things in my ear, I felt like a fissure was spreading a little deeper into my already battered heart. I tried not to look too closely at their faces. I didn’t want to start caring about these people any more than I had to. Caring about them, should I fail in my mission, would only serve to make matters so much worse. This, I knew from experience.
Finally, though, we made it through the crowd and to the center table. There were so many people gathered around that I didn’t see the reverend sitting in the chair at the head of the table—the chair right beside the one Dorie had subtly directed me to—until I was already seated. Actually, I felt him before I saw him, and I mean that in exactly the creepy way that it sounds.
His large, warm hand fell over mine where it was resting on the table top, and I looked up into the dark brown eyes of the reverend. The same dirty feeling I’d gotten yesterday when he’d touched me came back, and I had to swallow hard before I could force a smile to my lips. That leering smile of his had no such issues.
The reverend leaned forward, ignoring the buzzing of people all around him and zooming in on me, as if I were the only other person in the room. He was close enough now to kiss…or throw up on, more realistically.
“Joe,” he said, in a low voice that said mine was the most beautiful name he’d ever known. “I’m so delighted you could make it.” His hand, still over mine and slightly moist, gave a little squeeze. “Something told me you’d come back to us, that you’d come back to me.”
Yeah, I thought. I told you, yesterday, when you invited me to this dinner and I accepted.
I widened my eyes the smallest of fractions. “R-r-really?” I asked.
His smile pulled up higher, and his dark eyes twinkled as he stared off over my shoulder for a moment, as if an invisible message were hanging in the air there. I had to suppress rolling my eyes. His hand didn’t move from over mine. “Yes,” he said. “The Lord told me to look out for you. He said I would know you when I saw you, and that you are more than you would seem.” His piercing gaze came back to me again. “Is that true, Joe? Are you more than you seem?”
Though plenty of people were talking all around us, I could hear my heart thumping in my ears. It took enormous effort not to glance over at Kayla, who, along with Dorie, was watching. I could feel their eyes on me. Kayla’s especially. She knew for a fact there was more to me than seemed.
“Nuh-not that I nuh-know uh-of,” I answered. I looked down at my lap, letting some of my hair fall into my face again. “I’m nothing sp-sp-special.”
Now I could feel Kayla’s eyes burning holes in my head, but I didn’t look up. Instead, I continued on with my misfortunate act and clenched my teeth a little, waiting to see if my one of my oldest friends was going to betray me.
A few seconds passed, and a few more. I could still feel her looking at me, but at least she wasn’t saying anything…for now. This gave me a touch of hope I prayed I could afford.
As the reverend leaned forward again and rubbed circles on the back of my hand with his rough thumb, I had to bite my tongue hard to keep from squirming. “I don’t believe that for one minute,” he whispered in my ear, and my back went stiff enough to break a board. “I think you came to me because you are special, and the Lord needs special people serving him.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “That’s v-very kind of y-you,” I said, and then for good measure, added, “Father.”
His answering smile told me this was a good measure indeed, but the look I stole at Kayla as the reverend turned to speak to someone behind him said that I wasn’t out of the hot water yet. If anything, it was just beginning to boil. Speaking of which, I was going to need to boil my hand just to sanitize it if he didn’t stop holding it soon.
The seat directly across from me was empty, but now an older woman I recognized from the service yesterday had approached, and with her arrival, the reverend finally released my hand. She offered me a warm smile, and I returned it, not missing the way her eyes had darted down to my left hand; the hand the reverend had been holding. If this affected her in any way, she didn’t let on.
“Ah, there you are,” the reverend said. “Joe, I’d like you to meet my lovely wife, Sharon. Sharon, this young lady is Joe.”
Sharon sat down across from me, a motherly smile on her face, and extended her hand over the table. “Pleasure to meet you, Joe,” she said. “We’re glad to have you here this evening.”
I took her hand in mine. “Guh-glad to be h-h-here, ma’am,” I said.
After that, I was introduced to several more people, so many that I couldn’t possibly remember all of their names. A pretty girl named Fae brought me a paper plate filled with turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans and cornbread, but since I noticed no one else had taken a bite of their food yet, I waited as well. Despite the fact that the dinner smelled delicious, and my stomach grumbled, I wasn’t exactly anxious to eat their food. I was even less anxious to drink the Kool-Aid Sharon offered me. If that hadn’t been a legitimate concern, it might have been kind of funny.
Around me, everyone had grown quiet, all conversations stopping as though hinged on a switch. I looked around to see all of the people, men, women and children, with their faces turned toward the reverend, who was climbing up to stand on the seat of his chair beside me. Voices shouted out good evening, always while calling him “Father”, and some yelled out hallelujah just at the sound of his name.
His smile was wide and white and he spread his arms out as if offering a hug to the entire room, making the white sleeves of his robe look like the wings of an angel. More people cheered at the sight of this, because they didn’t know what I did. They didn’t know that if Ron Reynolds had ever been anything close to an angel, he’d long since fallen. Despite all the things that would happen next, I would never be able to deny the fact that most of the reverend’s followers really loved him.
Or at least, they thought they did.
“Welcome, brothers and sisters!” he began.
The reverend kept talking, but I tuned out the rest of whatever he said, and even the reaction of the adoring crowd, who seemed to believe gold dripped from his every word. I didn’t mean to lose focus, but my attention had been drawn elsewhere. Every single person in the room, even the small ones, had their heads tilted back and their eyes on “Father”. All, except one little girl, who could be no older than six.
Instead, this little girl was looking directly at me.
And that’s when I knew with complete certainty that not caring would not be an option. Like always, I felt like all I had was a penny, and was in for a pound.
Chapter 35
Michael
Michael’s fist pounded on the top of the bar. “Damn it,” he said, staring down at the note Joe had left for him. “What did she say when she gave this to you?”
Susan raised her eyebrows. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse before,” she said, and sighed. “She said, ‘Aunt Susan, I’m not coming to work tonight, but Michael will be there to cover for me. I don’t know when I will be back again. I’m sorry.’” She pointed at the note Michael was still staring down at. “Then she told me to write that down and give it to you.”
Michael ran a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. “And you didn’t find that a little bit weird?”
Susan gave him a droll look. “It’s my niece we’re talking about here, son. Of course, it’s weird,” she said. “The sooner you learn to stop trying to pry your way in, the better. Trust me, I’ve known Joe since the day she was born. She’s my crazy sister’s only child, and the only family I’ve really got left. Don’t you think if there was a way to get more involved with…the things Joe gets herself involved in, that I would have done it already?”
Michael stared at her for a moment, then nodded, his shoulders slumping a bit.
Susan placed her hand over his. “Look, son, if I’m being honest, I’m surprised she even told you about her…secret,” she said, her voice low, even though the only customers in the bar were a couple of older men watching a golf tournament on one of the flat screens. Monday nights didn’t bring in the younger crowd during football’s off-season.
After making sure no one was listening, Susan sighed again and turned back to him. “Joe has been dealing with her gift, and all the burdens that gift has come with for a long time. Truth is, she thinks she’s more alone than she really is, because she makes it that way. For whatever reason, she only lets folks get so close before she slams them into a wall. I’ve been trying to find a way around that wall for years. Whether it’s because she’s trying to protect me, or for some other reason, doesn’t matter. That girl is as sly as a fox. If she sets her mind to keeping you out, that’s probably what will happen.”
Michael rubbed a hand down his face and let out a long breath. He could hear the desperation in his own voice when he spoke, but was helpless to do anything about it. “So I’m just supposed to sit here and let her charge in there all alone?”
Susan gave him a sympathetic smile. “I don’t know the details and I don’t want to since I know there’s no point, so I don’t know where ‘there’ is, but,” she pointed down at the note from Joe, “I’d say she’s already gone charging in all alone.”
Michael looked down at the small piece of paper, reading the words again for the millionth time in the past hour, since he’d shown up at the bar to find Joe was not coming.
I’m sorry, Michael. You know where I went and you know why you can’t come after me. Love, Joe.
“If it makes you feel any better,” Susan said, “I didn’t add the ‘Love, Joe’ part, she told me to add that.”
“I’m sorry about my foul mood,” Michael said. “But it doesn’t make me feel any better. I don’t know what to do.”
One side of Susan’s mouth pulled up in a humorless half-smile. “I know the feeling. You do the only thing you can do with Joe. Trust that she knows what she’s doing. She’s much more capable than anyone gives her credit for, even herself. You’d be amazed at the situations that girl can claw her way out of.” She gave his hand one last squeeze before turning and heading for her office. Before she stepped out of sight, she called over her shoulder. “Just let it go, son. Let it go.”
If only it were that easy, Michael thought. How could he let it go when the girl he loved had thrown herself into a pit of vipers? He couldn’t. He had to do something. When he knocked on Susan’s office door a few minutes later to tell her he had to leave, she didn’t get upset, or even loo
k surprised. She just sighed told him to go, and to be careful. He was starting to see why Joe loved the woman so much.
Ten minutes later, he was pounding on the door to Mr. Landry’s apartment. When the old man answered, he didn’t look surprised either, and not for the first time Michael wondered if there wasn’t something important about Joe’s elderly neighbor that he didn’t know. But that was far from the biggest concern at the moment.
“I was wondering when you would get here,” the old man said, as if he’d been waiting for Michael all day.
Michael’s brow furrowed in momentary confusion. He was so worked up he couldn’t help a sudden rush of anger. “You knew she was going to go back there alone?” he asked. “And you let her do it?”
Mr. Landry raised one silver eyebrow. “I don’t ‘let’ that girl do anything, but yeah, I know her well enough by now to know how she operates…Even if she does try her best to keep it from me.” That last part he seemed to mumble to himself.
