by H. D. Gordon
Once we reached the main room, the kids all wandered off to eat with their parents, who were already sitting at the tables with lunch trays waiting for them. “We get a break on the lunch hour,” Fae told me. “The children like to eat with their parents, so we keep them on the same lunch cycle.”
I had to force myself not to let my eyes follow Madison to see which person received her. I had a feeling that what had happened earlier in the day with the little girl’s drawing had put all three of us in a precarious situation. Surely the reverend would want to know about something like that. The question was, would Fae eventually tell him? And if she did, would she also tell him about my reaction to it? I’d stood stupefied for several moments when I’d first seen the drawing, and only my drawings ever made me react like that.
My mind was moving slowly, and I realized Fae had said something to me and was waiting for a response. “A l-lunch cycle?” I asked, as I followed her over to the lunch line, where I was disappointed by the tray of food I was offered. It held a modest portion of rice, chicken and broccoli, and was the only option available. It seemed feasts like last night were not everyday practices at the ranch.
“Yeah,” Fae said, leading me over to a table where only a few others were seated. “We break the breakfast, lunch and dinner hours up into half-hour sections, that way it doesn’t get too crowded in here. Your hours are the same as mine, so you don’t have to worry about it for now.” Her eyes went down to our trays. “Oh, and we all get a chocolate-covered pretzel for desert with our dinner every night. Wait until you try them. They’re amazing.”
I set my sparse tray down on the table and sat down across from her, trying not to let my dread show on my face. Glancing around, I saw that Kayla apparently wasn’t in my lunch “cycle”. Of course she’s not, I thought, sighing internally. They’re keeping us separate. They don’t trust me yet.
The talking stopped for a moment while both Fae and I tore into our food. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who was starving. In fact, as I looked around the room, I saw that not much conversation was going on; not like last night. Today, other than a few parents talking to their children, the room was eerily quiet as everyone paid full attention to their food. I stole quick, casual looks around the room, searching for Madison. I spotted her over in the corner, sitting with a blond woman who could not be much older than me.
As I watched the little green-eyed girl and her mother, the way the two interacted, I wondered if the mother knew about Madison’s ability. For some reason—and it may have just been my personal experience—I thought that she must not know. They looked too happy.
“You look kind of sad,” Fae commented, speaking around a big bite of broccoli. “Everything okay?”
I nodded and stuffed some chicken into my mouth to buy me a little time. I swallowed. “Yeah,” I said. “Juh-just a little s-sleepy, I think.”
Fae’s smile held, but something small altered behind her eyes. “Didn’t you sleep well last night? I thought you were out like a light.”
I chose my words carefully. “I wuh-was. I don’t nuh-know why I’m so t-t-tired.”
Fae seemed to consider this, then she leaned forward and lowered her voice. “I might be able to get hold of some coffee if you want. We’re not supposed to drink caffeine because Father says it’s not good for us, but I know it can be hard when you’re not used to the schedule.”
I couldn’t keep my head from nodding eagerly, even though I suspected some ulterior motive here. I hadn’t known caffeine wasn’t allowed. This situation was getting slightly more torturous by the second.
Fae giggled quietly at my reaction, and when she did, I was reminded of how young she was. She had to be a few years short of my age, and was obviously one of the reverend’s closest followers. I wondered how such a sweet, pretty girl like Fae ended up in this situation, or if I was mistaken, and a monster hid beneath the mask she wore as well.
Monsters don’t cry themselves to sleep at night…and they certainly don’t throw away an obviously important drawing to protect a little girl.
True. Then again, it could all be a trick. Fae could be planning to retrieve the drawing and show Reynolds later, having just thrown it away to fool me. I resisted the urge to rub my forehead. Things were so twisted here I couldn’t decide which way was up.
“Okay,” Fae said. “I’ll go talk to Marty. She works in the kitchen, and I think she might have some coffee in her secret stash. Do you think you can lead the kids back to the room while I get it?”
My heart jumped, and I did my best not to look too eager. Maybe I would get to speak to Madison after all. “Sh-sure. I can duh-do that.”
Fae stared at me, and then her eyes darted over my shoulder, in the direction I knew to be where Madison and her mother were still sitting. A slow smile crept over Fae’s face as she seemed to reconsider. “I have a better idea,” she said. “How about I ask Troy to walk back with you guys.” She wiggled her eyebrows in a way that made my cheeks want to go red.
It took me a minute to remember who Troy was, and then I realized he was the man who’d been in the daycare center with Madge this morning. I wanted to tell her that was in no way necessary, but knew doing so wasn’t wise, as she was obviously extremely suspicious of me already.
“Okay,” I said, and shrugged like it didn’t matter either way.
She let out a short laugh and hopped up from her seat. A moment later, she returned with Troy. He gave me his easy smile, and Fae winked at me around his back before taking off toward the door that led into the kitchen. I suppressed a sigh. It seemed I wouldn’t be getting a chance to speak with Madison.
“Nice to see you again, Joe,” Troy said, grabbing my empty tray and placing it in one of the bins where people were starting to return theirs as well. The thirty minute lunch break had flown by.
“You too,” I said, and thanked him for returning my tray for me. I followed him over to where the children were kissing their parents goodbye and lining up to be led back to the daycare room. Once we’d counted to make sure all the kids were present, Troy held his elbow out to me. I hesitated, thinking that the gesture was a bit odd for a man I’d just met, and then slipped my arm through his.
I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I felt Troy stiffen slightly at my touch, but then we began leading the children out of the cafeteria and back to the daycare room, and I looked up to see that easy smile still on his face and thought I must have been mistaken.
“So, tell me about yourself, Joe,” Troy said. “Where are you from? What brought you to Heaven’s Temple?”
One side of my mouth pulled up, and I thought, Oh, just trying to stop a drawing of the future that showed everyone at this ranch dead, including the children we currently have trailing behind us. You know, the usual reasons people seek out a church.
What I said out loud was, “Juh-just searching fuh-for some purpose, I guess. I’m from Peculiar. You p-p-probably haven’t heard uh-of it. Wuh-what about you?”
Troy was silent for a second, and I figured he was taking the inevitable moment to process my speech impediment, the way everyone who heard me speak for the first time always did. “I’m from Hannibal,” he said. “But I found the church about six months ago, and never went back. There wasn’t anything there for me anyway.”
“Huh-Hannibal?” I asked. “Mark Twain’s huh-home town?”
Troy looked down at me with his dark eyes and smiled. “That’s right? You a fan?”
I laughed shortly at this, the first time I’d really laughed since I’d arrived here. My first impression had been spot on; there was something about Troy undeniably likeable. “Th-th-that’s an understatement,” I said. “He’s muh-my f-f-favorite…probably of uh-all time.”
Now he laughed. “I knew I would like you from the moment I met you,” he said. “You ever been to Hannibal? It’s real charming if you love Twain that much.”
I shook my head in answer, suddenly feeling melancholy. No, I had never been to Hannibal. I�
�d never ventured further than Kansas City, which was only forty minutes from Peculiar. It was a wonder how I could have seen so much in my short life, and yet really so little. Truth was, I was scared to venture too far from home. I couldn’t imagine the things I might draw if I were to wander further out.
The saddest part was, even if I did live long enough to go somewhere, I wasn’t sure anyone got the amount of time on this earth that it would take for me to work up the nerve to leave. I was rooted, both by my fear and my situation.
Noticing my silence, Troy cleared his throat and gave me a sympathetic look. “Well, I’m sure you’ll get the chance to go someday,” he said. “You know, if you want to.”
I nodded and forced a smile, relieved that we had reached the room. Troy didn’t say anything else as we watched the children file into the room and take their seats. Once they were all inside, I opened my mouth to tell him thank you, thinking that if I could get him to leave, I may be able to hurry inside and speak to Madison for a moment.
He spoke before I had a chance to. “How long are you planning on staying with us?” he asked.
Until the proverbial shit hits the fan, I thought. I said, “Not sh-sure yet.”
Troy nodded slowly, and looked as though he wanted to say something else, but then the door leading onto the hall opened, and Fae stepped through. She smiled widely when she saw us, but I could swear something else passed behind her eyes at seeing Troy and me alone.
“Thanks for your help,” Fae told him, holding two thermos in her hands. She saw Troy glance at them and quickly added, “Nothing like some warm milk after a nice lunch.”
If Troy suspected the coffee, he didn’t say. Instead, he said, “No problem. I guess I better get back. Lots of work to do.” He looked at me now. “I’ll see you around, Joe.”
I nodded and took the thermos Fae handed me, waiting to open the lid until Troy disappeared through the door Fae had just entered through. Once he was gone, I took a big gulp of the liquid and burned my tongue, but I didn’t care. The little bit of energy it gave me was a blessing.
“Th-thank you so much,” I said, taking another swig.
Fae placed her hand on my back and smiled. “Don’t mention it,” she said, and then her voice lowered almost imperceptibly. “After all, we’re friends, right? And that’s the kind of thing friends do. Get coffee for each other,” she raised her eyebrows again in that way that I was starting to hate, “Set each other up with cute men…keep each other’s secrets.”
“Right,” I said, turning to head into the room with the children.
Fae caught my hand as it touched the doorknob, and it took some effort not to cringe. When I looked up into her eyes then, for the first time since I’d met her, her pretty face was lined with worry, her mouth set in a hard line. Now her voice was hardly a whisper. “We are friends, aren’t we, Joe?” she asked.
I swallowed. “Uh-of course,” I said, understanding the ulterior motive I’d suspected earlier. Fae wasn’t just asking if we were friends, she was telling me to keep my mouth shut about Madison’s drawing; more specifically, how she’d dealt with Madison’s drawing. I didn’t say it, but I wanted to tell her the same thing.
“Good,” she said, pushing the door open and holding it for me. As I passed by her to enter the room, where all the children were waiting quietly at their desks, she added, “Because I would hate it if we weren’t friends. I mean, I would really, really hate it if we weren’t friends.”
I paused, turning to look her in the eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was the stress I was under, or just the fact that I’d been here for less than a day and was already tired of all the half-ass threats I kept receiving, but anger swirled in my stomach, and I found I couldn’t have stopped my response if I tried. Which, I didn’t.
I placed my hand on her shoulder and offered a smile that was a touch too toothy. “I wuh-would hate th-that, too, Fae,” I said slowly, both to ensure fluency and make my point clear. “So I’m guh-glad we uh-understand each other, then.”
Chapter 44
Joe
The remainder of Tuesday passed without much more incident, and I didn’t miss the fact that Fae was less chummy with me than she had been before my little moment of mouthing-off. Though I realized this could have been a misstep on my part, I couldn’t find it in me to care. By the time my head hit the pillow that night at around eleven-thirty, after finally talking myself out of the thirtieth board game I’d gotten roped into playing, I was out like a light.
Besides, I figured Fae would keep my small challenge to herself, at least for now. After all, she wasn’t the only one who knew some things that the reverend would be interested in hearing, and she knew this as well.
When I woke up on Wednesday morning to the sound of a terribly high-pitched alarm clock Fae had set, I felt as though I’d just laid down. Glancing over at the screeching digital clock on the nightstand, I saw that it was five a.m. I’d gotten five and a half hours of sleep, and the way my head was throbbing told me that wasn’t close to enough.
Fae was out of bed and shutting off the alarm, then she came to stand over me. “Better get up,” she said. “I’m not having Madge and Troy cover at the daycare again today, so if you want breakfast and a spot in line for the shower, you’ll need to be ready in five minutes. I’ll wait for you in the living room.”
Then she left the room. I looked over to see Marty, my other roommate that I’d yet to exchange greetings with sitting up in her bed and staring at me with raised eyebrows. “Something has got that girl’s panties in a twist,” she mumbled, pushing the covers aside. She smiled at me through a yawn. “I’m Marty, by the way. You must be Joe.”
I nodded. “Nuh-nice to meet you,” I said, dragging myself out of bed with a good deal of effort.
Marty laughed a little at my weary state. “The hours get easier, I promise” she said. “But Debby Downer is right, if you want to get a shower before the hot water runs out and a breakfast before time runs out, you better get going.” She slipped her shoes on and grabbed a towel. “We both better.”
I suppressed a sigh along with the growing question of why in the world anyone would want to live like this. But as I stretched my heavy limbs, I noticed the scars in the crooks of Marty’s elbows, and I remembered that to many of these people, this place was actually a step up in living conditions. That was, if it weren’t for the small matter that they were all slated to die within the next handful of days.
Marty noticed me looking and she covered the insides of her elbows with her hands. I looked away, feeling guilty, and for a long moment, awkward silence hung between us.
Blessedly, she broke the silence. “Heroin,” she said. “I used to be addicted to heroin. I did it for ten years, since I was fifteen years old, until I came to the Temple two years ago and Father saved me.”
She smiled now, and I noticed for the first time that Marty was missing two of her front teeth and looked much older than she probably actually was. If not for those things, she would have been quite pretty. When she spoke now, her voice was lowered, almost conspiratorial. I was starting to see a pattern of clandestine conversations here at the ranch; anything that was even close to truth was spoken in whispers.
“I know it can be strange at first,” Marty said. “But what a lot of folks don’t get is that some of us need discipline. Some of us just ain’t born or raised with the ability to take care of ourselves, to get on in this life, and a lack of discipline is the problem. There’s strength in discipline, strength in working together. You stick around, you’ll see what I mean. The Ranch and the Family changed my life. They believed in me. They saved me.”
I smiled and nodded, because I needed a moment to formulate a response to that. “Th-that’s great,” I said. Since it was just past five a.m., I thought that was probably the best I could come up with. After only a day and two nights, I was already growing weary of the constant indoctrination. If I had to hear how the reverend had saved someone one more time, I might just
scream.
After that encounter, I waited in line to use the bathroom, which had two showers and three toilets, and offered about as much privacy as would a locker room. After that I met Fae in the living room, and we headed out together with her not meeting my eyes and only speaking when she had to explain something to me, which wasn’t often. The day’s schedule was exactly the same as yesterday: use the bathroom, get breakfast, go the child care center, indoctrinate children while throwing in a few normal activities like coloring or playing on the small playground behind the building, then lunch, then more indoctrination, and so on.
