Love and Decay

by Rachel Higginson

  There was a tense moment of silence that stretched through both sides of the discussion. It twisted the air with promise and bent the breeze with conviction. I could feel their fear to respond to my brother’s obvious gravity.

  Finally, Luke made a sound in the back of his throat and threw his weaponed hand to the side. “What are you doing here then? If you’re so afraid to lose someone you should have stayed where you were!”

  Hendrix looked at me this time. “That is the exact reason we didn’t stay where we were.”

  Luke’s focus drifted to me, too. He stood silently, seeming to read all the unsaid things in Hendrix’s speech. The hazy moonlight highlighted one side of his face, obscuring the other side in total darkness. He looked savage like this. Half demon. Half man. His high cheekbones and full lips were only half complete. His dark eyes and tussled dark hair only accented the warrior in him, the raging fighter that struggled tirelessly for peace and freedom.

  When he spoke, his voice dropped, his tone became something demanding and frightening. “You want to fight, Page?”

  I swallowed a hundred different responses. I could have written a book on all the reasons I was here. Instead, I told him the most honest truth I could think of. “I want to win.”

  The lightened side of his mouth lifted in a startling smile. I swallowed again as I tried to make sense of this new version of him.

  He held out his hand to me and I let him shake mine in a hard, firm grip as a sign of solidarity. As a coming together of two different camps. As an alliance that would shake the Colony to its very fibers.

  Electricity sparked between our palms, zinging up my arm and down to my belly. I flinched from the force of it… from the sheer power buzzing between us.

  Luke held my gaze and I watched the surprise play out in those mysterious eyes of his. Then I watched as he accepted whatever that was… As quickly as the sensation shocked him, he conceded to it. His gaze turned accepting… allowing…

  Approving.

  “And now you’re finally here,” he smiled at me, repeating the sentiment for the hundredth time. “Now you’re finally a part of this.”

  I licked dry lips and realized that this handshake meant more than his hug earlier. I realized that my presence meant something significant to him.

  I realized now was the exact moment I joined the revolution.

  This was it.

  This was finally the place in my life where I would kill Matthias Allen.

  Chapter Two

  We left the barn the next day at twilight. Luke had wanted to be able to make use of the night as best he could.

  I learned that Luke and his people usually traveled at night. Not that it was easier. Not that there was such a thing as easy anymore. Traveling blindly through the dark made it simple to get lost and off track. It often took them twice as long to travel the same distance at night than it would during the day. Also, the Feeders were the most troublesome in the dark. Traveling at night was not ideal.

  But Luke’s people would rather face all of those obstacles than Matthias’s men.

  The survival of Luke’s people hinged on secrecy. If Matthias found them, he killed them. If Matthias caught them, he killed them. If Matthias heard of anyone in his Colony connected with them, he killed them, too.

  If Matthias ever found their base of operations, the whole thing was over.

  Just like that.

  He’d kill every last one of them. Man. Woman. Child.

  Luke had to fight just as hard to stay out of Matthias’s way as he did to take down the Colony. It explained why he hadn’t made a great deal of progress over the years.

  For as hardass and dedicated to the cause as Luke and his people were, a large settlement of family and survivors did not regularly battle or go on missions. Luke called them the Underground.

  I would soon learn that he meant that literally.

  We packed into vehicles of all shapes and sizes. Luke had farmers in his settlement that knew the basics of biodegradable fuel. None of the trucks was pretty. None of them ran well. None of them was comfortable. But they did the job. And after walking across countries, deserts, endless miles of highway and Zombie-infested lands… I was happy to have something to ride in.

  Travel was slow as we worked our way toward the middle of America. Luke explained that we were headed toward a place that used to be called Kansas.

  I tried to match my head knowledge with my experience, but it was difficult. In my memories, America was nothing but a wasteland of death and destruction. I knew the names of the places we’d been, like a tangible timeline of my life.

  Illinois- where I was born.

  Missouri- where we’d met Reagan and Haley for the first time.

  Arkansas- where we’d run into the Colony for the first time.

  Oklahoma- where we’d found Gage and the Compound.

  Oklahoma- where Kane, Miller’s older brother, had died.

  Oklahoma- where I’d killed Linley Allen, Matthias’s wife.

  Oklahoma- where we’d finally escaped the Colony.

  Texas- where we’d crossed the border into Mexico.

  But I also possessed a head knowledge that outlined the Colony’s territories based on Luke’s description of them in his letters and the testimonies of the men that had visited us on behalf of Luke and his dad over the years.

  My head knowledge wanted to experience being back in the former United States with cool calculation. But the emotional side took every familiar thing… every trigger to a memory I didn’t know I had… every English word I could read and American style housing and construction and sense that I was home and where I belonged… very hard.

  I wanted to weep for my homeland. I wanted to explore it all and protect whatever was left of it, all those good but hidden places I knew still existed.

  My grief for my parents, for my older brother, for this world felt freshly ripped open.

  I was no longer a stranger to a strange world. I was a resident. I was a citizen.

  This was my home that was ravaged by an insidious infection.

  This was my land that was ruled by an evil, psychotic dictator.

  This place belonged to me.

  To my family.

  To the men and women fighting for freedom.

  But as we moved in the cover of darkness, I could see why the people had handed their rights over to Matthias.

  Everywhere we turned we witnessed more war torn desecration and ruin than the last. The infection seemed to have evolved into something beyond human decay. This disease plagued everything it touched. It rotted buildings and homes. It brought cities into ruins and countryside into wasteland.

  It turned life into death.

  Living into dying.

  Settlements did not exist that were outside the Colony’s protection. Whatever remained of the population clustered together under armies of men that were as dangerous as the Feeders outside the gates. They clung to the shreds of their humanity with weakened fists and jagged fingernails.

  They were as worn and changed as the Feeders that drove them inside their freshly reinforced walls.

  Houses had been ravaged and destroyed by men or weather. Buildings crumbled. Cities were plundered and left to rot. Country sides had been infested with dead bodies and roaming hordes.

  The land I had dreamt about was still the wasteland from my memories.

  Only more so now than ever.

  I wanted to see that I had been wrong. I wanted to find hope and a world worth fighting for.

  Instead I found despair and a war bigger than I could have ever imagined.

  “It’s worse than I remembered,” Reagan muttered next to me, echoing my exact thoughts.

  I continued to stare out the window. I was sitting in a middle seat with Reagan and Jagger on one side and Miller on the other. Hendrix sat in the front seat next to Luke and Vaughan sat between them. Tyler and Shay had called the small space in the back. The rest of our group and Luke’s were dispersed
in several vehicles, including the one we’d stolen from the Colony.

  “These areas are completely abandoned,” Luke explained, his voice carrying over the roar of the engine. “The Colony has focused all its rebuilding efforts on the colonized cities. They’re spread out through most of the Midwest, but left a lot of empty spaces. Feeders fill in wherever humans abandon and just… well, you can see what they do.”

  “They live together?” Shay asked from the back. “Like in nomadic hordes?”

  Luke turned around briefly, “Yeah. From what we can tell. They run together in packs. They’ve become pretty advanced, especially in the last few years. They can set traps. They can play dead. They can be soundless if they want to be. They just keep getting smarter.”

  “How does the Colony handle them?” Hendrix asked.

  Luke answered, “They don’t. They let them run wild. It’s easier to control the population when the hounds of hell are waiting outside the gates of your city.”

  “And everyone just puts up with that?” I demanded. “Why haven’t they rioted? Why haven’t they stood up for themselves?”

  Luke glanced over his shoulder at me, a condescending smirk on his face. “Riot with what? Pitchforks? The Colony doesn’t allow them to have weapons. These people don’t know how to protect themselves against a Feeder, let alone armed soldiers that are ordered to execute any outspoken zealots on the spot.” His hands wrapped so tightly around the faded steering wheel that his knuckles turned white. “It doesn’t even have to be that extreme. They’ll kill any threat of opposition. They silence the people by feeding them fear and a healthy dose of public torture. And if that doesn’t silence them? Death. Immediate and final. The people don’t stand a chance.”

  I slid forward in my seat, resting both hands on the bench seat in front of me. “What about the ones you rescue? They’re standing up for themselves just by getting out. Doesn’t that set an example for the others?”

  “All the people in the cities know is that their neighbors have disappeared,” he snapped back. “They don’t know where they went or if they went of their own free will. So no, it doesn’t set an example. It just heaps more fear onto already terrified people.”

  “That can’t-”

  He cut me off by saying, “And those people we rescue? They don’t know how to fend for themselves. They’re like abused puppies. They cower in the corner waiting for the Colony to show up and drag them back to the pits of hell. They can’t defend themselves. They can’t provide for themselves. They can’t even think for themselves. They’re helpless and hurting and…” He ran a hand over his face, scrubbing at it roughly. “Useless. They’re useless.”

  Tension spiked in the car. Resentment and anger burned through me, pooling in my belly and searing up my spine. Reagan sat up, clutching Jagger against her chest.

  “How can you say that?” she hissed. “They’ve been living in the worst kind of conditions for ten years. How can you call them useless?”

  Luke stared straight ahead, his body frozen with matching irritation. “Because they are,” he growled. “Because I can’t teach them to fight. I usually can’t even get them to go outside again. I need men and women willing to fight the Colony so this shit stops happening. For every person we rescue, more of our resources are drained. We’re put at a bigger risk of being discovered. We have more people to protect and feed and train. And yet my fighters keep dying. The people that will actually do some good in this world keep disappearing and I’m left with people who can’t crawl out of the fetal position. You can cry all you want and call me any manner of asshole, but this is the truth. And this is what you’re walking into. There’s no hiding it. There’s no denying it. It’s better that I warn you about it now rather than let you walk in blind.”

  I couldn’t stay quiet. I had to speak up. My heart raced with conviction and the argument on fire inside me. “B-but you’re saving people! Isn’t that the whole point of what you’re trying to do?”

  His gaze lifted to the review mirror and held mine. “For every casualty of war I have to take care of, I take one step back from defeating Matthias Allen.”

  I slid forward and dug my nails into the vinyl seat. “So what’s your goal? Are you even trying to save America? Or are you just trying to win?”

  His gaze shifted back to the road. “Is there a difference?”

  I shook my head with disbelief. This was not the man that had written me letters. This was not the ally I’d risked everything to help. “Yes,” I rasped so quietly I wasn’t sure he could even hear me over the grumble of the engine.

  His gaze lifted to mine again in that mirror. “You haven’t seen it yet, Page. But you will. America can’t be saved. America is dead.”

  My heart thumped painfully in the cage of my chest. I had the strangest urge to claw at my shirt and my skin and my bones. I wanted to rip that stupid feeling, beating, ridiculously alive organ out of my body and throw it away.

  It had betrayed me.

  It had led me to think Luke and I wanted the same things.

  It had promised this was where my destiny was… where I was supposed to be.

  It had sworn that it would take me here, to this place, and I could make a difference somehow.

  A hand wrapped around my waist and tugged me back, into the curve of his warm body. Miller kept his arm around my waist, resting his palm on my belly. His nose grazed over my ear and temple, reminding me that he was there.

  Reminding me that my heart still had purpose.

  “Let it be, Parker,” he murmured in my ear. “Not everyone is the bleeding heart you are.”

  I pressed my lips together. Maybe he was right. Maybe I couldn’t expect Luke to want to save the whole world when he had to think about the logistics of what it cost.

  We were still united in our desire to end the Colony and Matthias Allen. And that counted for something, right?

  Sure.

  Howling interrupted my thoughts, breaking through the fresh silence in the vehicle with jolting aggression. Miller’s grip on my waist tightened and Luke immediately slammed on the brakes right in the middle of the road.

  I split my attention between staring at the window and watching Luke grab at something under his seat. He yanked out a piece of paper and unfolded it over his steering wheel. A map.

  A flashlight came next as he scanned the map for whatever he was looking for.

  A second howl joined the first. The ungodly pitch screamed through the night.

  Feeders. I recognized them now.

  Shadowy figures appeared on the road ahead of us. From their hunched over and uneven outlines I could identify them without being able to see them clearly.

  “Can’t you drive through them?” Hendrix asked. His arms banded around Vaughan as he dragged his son closer to him.

  Luke didn’t look up. “That’s what I’m going to try to do.” He pulled out a handheld radio and barked orders into it. “We’re going through, ladies and gentlemen. We’re close to Allentown and I’d rather stop at the designated spot.”

  He got a series of responses back. We were the lead car and the caravan behind us stretched on for a while. Nobody argued with him. Mostly, he got a bunch of, “Yes, sirs.”

  Tyler leaned forward. “Is that the original name of the city?”

  Luke turned around and raised one eyebrow. “What do you think?”

  She slapped Miller on the shoulder. “Hey, we have a city named after us. How about that?”

  Miller snorted.

  Luke explained, “More than one. Allentown, Allenville, Allen City, Allen Rapids, Allen Falls, Allen Valley, and my personal favorite… Allentopia. Your old man isn’t very creative.”

  Miller looked out the window. “I’m actually embarrassed for him.”

  “I don’t even know what to say to that,” Tyler murmured as she sat back down. “It’s kind of desperate.”

  “More than kind of,” Luke agreed.

  Reagan snickered and slapped a hand over
her mouth. But pretty soon she couldn’t hold back her laughter. “Oh, my god, it’s amazing.”

  “Stop it!” Tyler cried while trying not to laugh.

  Reagan laughed on. “I can’t help it. Allentopia?” And she dissolved into more laughter.

  It was impossible not to laugh with her.

  “There are Zombies outside,” Miller reminded me. “You don’t have time to laugh at my family name.”

  Which of course only made Reagan and I laugh harder.

  Luke mumbled something under his breath about how he didn’t see how any of this was funny. Consequently, Reagan and I laughed even harder.

  “You two are out of your minds,” Hendrix commented, clearly amused.

  We sobered some when Luke punched the gas and the SUV gunned forward. I wiped a tear from my eye while Luke flipped on the headlights and Feeders sprang forward, ready to attack the vehicle.

  The Feeders waited for us without flinching. I could sense their hunger whipping through the air. I could see the ravenous look on their rotting expressions. They stood there, waiting for us to come to them. They didn’t move. They didn’t run.

  They just waited.

  It was one of the eeriest sights I’d ever seen.

  And that was saying something since not that long ago I’d been surrounded by white-powdered cannibals.

  “They’ll latch on,” he shouted at us. “Be ready to fight.” He glanced around the car one more time. “And no guns,” he added. “Gun shots carry. We’ll have more than we can handle if we manage to grab the attention of a patrol.”

  We sat there in stunned silence for a second. “We don’t have any guns,” I finally explained.

  “We haven’t used guns in more than five years,” Hendrix sounded as bewildered as I did.

  Luke glanced at Hendrix again. “Oh.”

  “Switch places with me,” Reagan ordered me.

  Miller released his hold on me and I stood up as best I could so Reagan could slide to the middle seat with Jagger on her lap. As soon as we were settled again, Hendrix instructed Vaughan to climb over the seat and sit on the ground at Reagan’s feet.