by J. H. Croix
He forced himself to breathe over the hammering of his heart. The way he felt with her—this deep connection, a physical need that drove him like no other, and a warm, buzzing joy—was like nothing he’d ever experienced. He shook himself mentally and looked out over the water. The moon was rising over the bay, hanging low and round above the mountains.
“Look. There’s the moonrise I wanted you to see,” he said, pointing over her shoulder.
Jessa spun around, her hand coming to her chest. “Oh! It’s so beautiful.”
He stepped to her side, leaning against the railing. She stood still for a long moment. He glanced over, and she had a look of wonder on her face. She turned to look up at him, her eyes shining. “It’s amazing. Thank you for bringing me out here.” Her words were simple and reached right in and grabbed ahold of his heart.
21
“Hey Ryan, we’re leaving soon!” Eli called out as he grabbed a few granola bars out of a kitchen cabinet and stuffed them in his backpack.
He paused to listen and chuckled to himself when he heard Ryan’s feet hit the floor upstairs and move in the direction of the bathroom. The sound of water running commenced. Eli sat down at the kitchen table and opened his laptop. A few minutes later, Ryan came downstairs, dressed and ready to go for another day of work on the charter boat.
As Eli drove toward the harbor, Ryan spoke. “I’m not sure it’s okay to ask this, but do you think we could somehow get Mom to send my stuff here? I don’t have much in my room, but it’d be nice to get what I have.”
Eli was momentarily startled, but he immediately realized he should have expected this. Of course, Ryan wouldn’t even want to consider asking until the guardianship was finalized. He glanced to the side when he came to a stop sign. Ryan was staring intently out the window at a small field by the road. Only the slight flush on Ryan’s cheeks cued Eli that he had probably been nervous to ask and was worried about Eli’s possible answer.
“We can ask, but I’m not so sure how likely it is. Even if I send money to cover it, with Dad there, it’s a gamble. If you want, we could take a few days off and fly down there. What do you think about that?” Eli wasn’t so sure how he felt about it, but he figured the only way Ryan would get any of his stuff was if they went there to get it.
Ryan whipped his head to look at Eli, his eyes wide. “Really? You’d do that?”
Eli nodded. “Of course. That way, you can see Mom, maybe see a few of your friends and get your stuff. It’s no big deal.”
“You’re not worried about seeing Dad?”
“I’m not thrilled to see him, but whatever. He’ll be an ass, but it’s nothing I can’t deal with. How about I make some reservations tonight? We’ll go as soon as we can. I’ll need to work around the charter schedule, but I think we have a few charter free days next week.”
Eli drove through the intersection, turning onto the road leading to the harbor. “Let’s grab some coffee for me and get you something to eat,” he said as Red Truck Coffee came into view.
Ryan was quiet until they were in line at the coffee truck. A brisk breeze gusted off the bay, and he shivered in his t-shirt. Typical teenager that he was, Ryan rarely bothered to dress with the weather in mind. Eli had quickly discovered it was best to keep an extra windbreaker in his truck and on the boat for Ryan.
His eyes scanning the mountains across the bay, Ryan spoke. “Thanks for offering to take me to get my stuff. I kinda figured I might just have to forget it.”
“No problem. We’ll get your stuff, and it’ll be good for me to see Mom.”
Ryan nodded, his eyes still focused on the mountains. Within a few minutes, they were walking back to the truck. Eli had a strong cup of coffee in hand, while Ryan was already nibbling on a blueberry muffin.
Later that evening after a busy day on the water, Eli reviewed their charter calendar and clicked through options for flights to Juneau next week. They had only two days without any charters scheduled, so that’s when they’d go to Juneau. Ryan sat down in the chair across from Eli and slid a plate across the table. Eli glanced down to see a perfectly grilled fillet of silver salmon. Ryan seemed to like trying to cook things, so Eli had encouraged him to try grilling some of their catch tonight. After some guidance, Ryan had insisted he could handle it on his own. Eli took a bite and looked over at Ryan. “Damn good.”
Ryan grinned ear to ear and took a bite for himself. “It came out pretty good,” he said, a touch of wonder in his voice.
Unless things had changed, Ryan likely hadn’t had many chances for fresh seafood growing up, which was a sad state given the plentiful seafood on the docks on Juneau. When Eli was young, his mother’s long hours didn’t leave much time for her to cook. Once upon a time, there had been a grill on the tiny back deck. In a fit of rage, his father had kicked it over, breaking the hinges and bending the cooking surface. It had never been repaired. Eli’s work on the docks gave him opportunities to enjoy barbecues with his work buddies, but unlike so many Alaskans, he hadn’t been spoiled with the bounty of seafood Alaska had to offer. As such, he thoroughly appreciated the side benefit of running charters, which meant fresh seafood of whatever happened to be in season. Between Ryan’s arrival and Jessa’s explosion into his life, he realized he had forgotten to replace the chest freezer.
After they finished eating, Eli stood and gathered their plates. “I can help,” Ryan said, starting to get up.
“Nah. You cooked, so I clean up. Give me a sec, and let’s confirm out flights next week.”
He put their dishes in the dishwasher and snagged a beer before returning to the table. “I’m looking at booking us on a flight next Tuesday morning and returning Wednesday evening. I’m assuming that works for you. I wish we had a little more time for your sake, but the calendar for charters is just too damn full. Honestly, if we don’t go next week, there’s not another two days free until halfway through September. You ready for me to confirm?”
Ryan, who’d been fiddling with his phone, glanced up. A flash of worry flickered in his eyes. “You sure it’ll be okay?”
“You mean going, or me taking you?”
“Just going.”
“Look, Dad’s gonna be exactly what he’s always been—an ass. But we’re not staying there. I’ll take you to the house to get your stuff and we can maybe take Mom out, but as far as Dad making this miserable, I don’t plan to give him much of a chance. I get that you’re worried, but let’s just get through it.”
Ryan looked at him for a long moment, the worry lingering in his eyes. He finally nodded. “Okay. Do you think maybe I could stop by my friend’s house? The one whose parents let me go with them to Whittier.”
“Sure. I’m guessing you can text him or something.”
Ryan was already looking down at his phone, likely doing just that. Eli took a swallow of his beer and snagged his laptop to move to the couch. He used evenings to manage the business end of his business—matching up daily totals, replying to the endless stream of online inquiries about scheduling charters and guided trips in the fall, and generally getting to what he usually only managed in fits and starts during days at the store.
Ryan followed him over and plunked down in the other corner of the couch. Eli clicked the remote and turned the television on before tossing the remote to Ryan. “You pick.”
They’d developed this habit in the evenings when Ryan was home and when Eli wasn’t out with Jessa, those events usually occurring in sync. Ryan was a casual sports fan and usually selected something to do with sports or sci-fi. Tonight, he settled on some sci-fi movie while Eli stayed focused on work.
Much later after Ryan went to bed and Eli finally put his work away, Jessa came to mind. The truth was, she came to mind so much, it was distracting. They’d fallen into a pattern, a pattern Eli had never fallen into with any woman ever. In the last few weeks, they saw each other every few days at a minimum. The nights between, Eli thought of her just before he fell asleep, as soon as he woke and any minute
he wasn’t completely occupied with something else. Because he missed her—her warmth, her quirky sense of humor, her generosity, her lack of cynicism, and of course her alluring, knee-buckling beauty and sensuality. When Travis had run into them the other night at the Boathouse Café, Eli had held his breath when Travis asked her what her plans were. Her indecisive answer wasn’t a surprise. What was a surprise was the fact he was worried about her plans. In his usual state, he’d be able to be relaxed about it and just figure they were having an amazing time that would eventually end. The idea of ending what he had with Jessa knotted his chest and not in a good way. To complicate matters, he most definitely didn’t like how he felt and wanted to knock his feelings into submission, so he felt like he had some semblance of control once again. Keeping a clear boundary between himself and any possibility of a relationship had been his way of ensuring he never had to worry about becoming like his father. Problem was, with Jessa, he wanted more, so much more, and it sent that old worry spinning through him.
22
Jessa closed her studio door behind her and headed downstairs to the gallery. Risa had asked her to drop in to see the display area she’d set up for Jessa’s furniture. Jessa glanced around when she entered the gallery from the back hall. Risa was at the register talking with a customer even though it was past closing time for the gallery. She caught Jessa’s eye and gestured toward the front corner of the gallery, immediately turning back to continue her conversation. Jessa wove through the displays, pausing to admire a collection of soapstone carvings, before reaching the front corner.
She stopped and simply stood there. Risa had created a charming display. She’d assembled a miniature rock garden, likely with rocks straight off the beach behind the gallery, and artfully arranged several of Jessa’s pieces around it. She’d included a small tea table set, brightly painted with fireweed flowers. Jessa clasped her hands together and sighed. Relief and joy rolled through her. She knew this was only one step, and certainly not enough of a step to get her back to financial independence, but it was putting her on the path.
The bell to the entrance jingled as the customer exited the gallery. Footsteps sounded on the hardwood flooring as Risa walked to the door to lock it and then came to Jessa’s side. “What do you think?” she asked.
“It’s lovely. I see why your gallery does so well. You have a knack for bringing out the best in everything you display.” She paused and turned to face Risa. “Thank you. I know you didn’t have to give me a chance like this. It means more than you know.”
Risa smiled warmly, her brown eyes twinkling. “Maybe it doesn’t seem that way to you, but this is a mutually beneficial arrangement. I don’t know if you noticed…” She paused and pointed to a small tag on the chair leg. “But, I already sold this set. Fortunately, they didn’t want to pick it up for three days, so I figure you can let me know what you’d like to display next.”
Tears welled in Jessa’s eyes, and she felt silly. It was such a small thing, the sale of one set, but it was huge for her. After the fire, she hadn’t been certain she could pull everything together again. Risa tugged her in for a quick hug. “See! I told you I could sell your pieces. Don’t you dare try to pretend it’s because I’m a good salesperson either. I’ll take the compliment on my displays, but I have to have something good to work with. So…we need a plan for inventory. After I sold this, I had three other requests to buy it today. Please tell me you have some other sets ready. They don’t have to be the same, but anything with an Alaskan theme will probably sell more quickly.”
Jessa turned away, looking back over her shoulder. “Come see what I have so far, and we’ll decide what might be best.”
A while later, Jessa drove up the winding road to Last Frontier Lodge, which was strangely starting to feel like home. She was buzzing with energy after her impromptu planning meeting with Risa. They’d established a plan for inventory Risa had permission to put on the floor when needed, and Jessa had a short list of projects to start. Risa knew what would sell and wasn’t hesitant to let Jessa know. As far as Jessa was concerned, it was an ideal partnership. While she loved to be creative and go off on tangents with her designs, she was also practical.
When she pulled into the parking lot at the lodge, light was spilling out of the front entrance. Harry often propped the double doors open in early evening. The parking lot was close to full, so Jessa took a spot in the back corner before making her way inside. She paused by the reception desk. “Hey Harry, I’ll be down in about a half hour. I need to get the paint out of my hair,” she said, lifting a lock with dried paint streaked on it.
Harry grinned. “See you in a few then.”
After she showered, she was getting dressed when her phone beeped, indicating a text had arrived. She tugged a stretchy blue min-skirt over a pair of black leggings and strode over to the table where she’d left her phone. Picking it up, she saw Eli’s name blinking on the screen. With a swipe, his full message showed.
Hey Jessa, wanted you to know I’m taking Ryan to Juneau in a few days. Between now and then, we just booked a two-day charter trip with an overnight in Halibut Cove. Guess this means I won’t be seeing you for a few days unless you can see me tonight.
She froze, her heart clamoring for her to call down to Harry and ask if she could have the night off. She didn’t want to go that many days without seeing Eli, and just what the hell did that mean for her? Eli was coming to mean so much, it was starting to bother her that they never spoke about anything between them. She glanced at the time on her phone and called downstairs quickly. Harry picked up.
“Didn’t I just see you?” he asked in greeting.
“How’d you know it was me?”
“Um, you know we have caller ID here, right? Gage must’ve listed you, along with the rest of the family, because whenever any of you call, your name shows up. Anyway, what’s up?”
“What are the chances I could leave a little early tonight?” she asked, biting her lip, hoping he would say yes. She didn’t feel right calling out completely, but she thought if she worked the first two hours, the busiest time of the night, that would be a good compromise.
“What are the chances you’ll tell me why you’re asking?” Harry countered.
Jessa could practically feel his sly grin through the phone. She flushed even though she was all by herself in her room with no one to see. “I’m asking because Eli has to go out on an overnight charter trip and then he’s taking Ryan to Juneau for a few days, so if I want to see him before he goes, tonight’s the night.”
“That’s an automatic yes,” Harry said with a chuckle.
“Really?” Jessa couldn’t hide the glee in her voice.
“Of course! I’m all about romance, and Eli has seriously got a thing for you.”
“Yay! Okay, how about I cover until eight?”
“Sounds good.” He paused and she heard him say something to someone in the background. His voice came back on the phone. “Gotta go. See you in a few.”
The line clicked dead in her ear, and Jessa immediately sent Eli a text. Tonight. 8pm. Meet me at the lodge.
Eli’s reply was swift, her phone beeping again as she adjusted the small bow at the center of her blouse. Fiddling with the bow with one hand, she spun the phone on the table. See you then.
He wasn’t much for conversation via text and kept to the basics, but right now, the basics were just fine. She’d have one more night with him before he was gone for more days than she wanted to consider.
Eli lay in the dark with a shaft of moonlight falling across the bed. Jessa was curled against him, the feel of her curves and soft skin so damn good he didn’t know what to do about it. He was becoming more and more muddled inside about her. He couldn’t seem to stay away, yet he was unsettled by that fact and by how good he felt with her. This wasn’t supposed to happen for him. Steering clear of relationships had been a simple matter up until now. Even worse, Jessa was so good in so many ways that he was terrified of lett
ing this go further because he couldn’t tolerate considering how he might hurt Jessa if he ever became anything like this father.
He figured a few days away from her would be a good thing. Maybe he just needed time to get his footing back under him. He turned to look at her, her skin limned by the silvery light of the moon. His heart clenched and that unfamiliar feeling she elicited—longing mingled with hope—rose inside.
A few days later, Eli slung his backpack over his shoulder and walked alongside Ryan toward the car rental place at the airport in Juneau. Ryan was keyed up and had been ever since they’d boarded the plane to Juneau in Anchorage. Eli himself was wired given this was the first time he’d returned to Juneau since he moved away a decade ago. Situated in Southeast Alaska, Juneau was simply breathtaking. While it shared similarities to Southcentral Alaska, this sliver of Alaska was its own world with rainforests surrounding it and mountains flanking it on all sides. None of this part of Alaska was accessible by road, so one could only travel here by boat or plane. Juneau was the largest city in the area, really the only place that could be called a city. If it hadn’t been established as the state’s capital, it likely would have stayed much smaller due to its geographic isolation. Yet, with legislators flying in each year and its location along the fabled Inside Passage, Juneau was a bustling port city, host to commercial and sport fishing and cruise ships.
Once they were driving away from the airport, Eli took stock. Not much had changed, the mountains rose steeply to one side of the town with the ocean on the other. Driving through downtown with its colorful storefronts and streets busy with tourists, Eli felt detached. He’d spent more time, mathematically speaking, here than anywhere else—a full twenty-two years. Yet, the ten he’d spent in Diamond Creek held so many more positive memories that the place felt like home. While Juneau felt familiar, it didn’t feel like home. Probably because he’d never been comfortable here, always on edge, always waiting for the next blow up.
