“I’m over you,” she says again.
I wince. “I know.”
“Then why did you come here? If it’s for absolution, you needn’t have bothered. I don’t blame you for what happened. I don’t blame you, because I’ve moved on. You should’ve, too.”
“I came here because I’m not over you.”
Her eyes cloud over. The lovely blue turns into a stormy gray. “No.”
She tries to move around me, but I plant my palms on the rail on either side of her body, caging her in.
“There are things you need to hear.”
She turns her head away. “No.”
“Don’t be afraid of the truth. The truth is all we’ve got. I’m going to give you what I couldn’t the day Sam’s phone call and the storm interrupted us, what I couldn’t give you the night Clive walked in on us at the country club. I’m going to give you what you deserve.”
“Brian…”
I grip her chin and turn her face back to me. This way, she can’t hide her truth and the way it brims in her eyes. She can’t hide her pain and love from me. I know her too well, this woman who invaded my heart and life. My everything. My obsession then, my obsession now. I itch to kiss that scar, to show her that I love every old and new part of her, but what needs to be said can’t wait.
“I met Benjamin in Oscars.”
“I know. He told me everything.”
“Let me finish. He showed me a photo of you and asked me to help him avenge his dead friend who you’d allegedly cheated on. I only found out later he’s Evan’s brother when I saw his poster on a lamppost. He offered me a lot of money to sleep with you.”
She flinches and tries to pull away, but I hold on.
“He offered me fifty grand to sleep with you and give him photos as the proof. I said no. The truth is, from the minute I saw that photo of you my curiosity was piqued. My gut stirred. I was already obsessed without even having seen you in person. I had to meet you. I had to see if the reaction that photo had on me would be the same in reality. I can’t explain it. I can’t justify it. I just knew I’d regret not looking you up for the rest of my life. I stalked your house. It looked deserted. The lights were dark, and the garden was overgrown. I thought maybe you’d moved. Maybe it wasn’t the right address. Diving into your pool was an irrational decision I made on the spur of the moment after one beer too many in a bar. I wanted to be in your space, to feel what it felt like around the things that were you. I never expected you to be there that night, but I’m glad you were. I’m glad you came outside in your tight T-shirt and pants. I’m glad you cooked me breakfast. Every moment I spent in your company, every minute I was around you was premeditated, but not for fifty grand. The grand prize was you. It was making you mine.”
“Brian, stop.”
From the furrow between her eyes and the quivering of her lips, I know this is hard for her to hear, but I’ve got to lay this out between us. She has a right to know.
“I fell for you before I met you, when I met you, and every day after. I couldn’t tell you about Benjamin. I knew you’d bail, and I couldn’t lose you. Yes, I watched you on the security feed. Yes, I jacked off to the images of you, but I never showed another soul. When you brought me those photos, I was boiling with rage. I knew Benjamin had hired someone else for the job. I promised I’d cut off his fingers if he harmed you, and I don’t break my promises.”
Her eyes widen in alarm. “Please tell me you didn’t amputate Benjamin’s fingers.”
“I almost did. I found the scumbag before he skipped the country, but he told me you’d made peace. He told me about the camera he’d hidden in the house, and how Dorothy had made him destroy the photos and films.”
She lets out a breath.
“There’s more. I’m not a good man. I killed two people.”
“Your mother’s assailants,” she whispers. “I put two and two together.”
“Cowan found the gun that would’ve incriminated me in the cellar after what happened to you, so I cut a deal. In exchange for walking free, I delivered Monkey Williams, Lindy’s father, who ran a crime syndicate in the north and west. I wore a wire and got Cowan the evidence he needed to shut the whole mafia operation down for good. Monkey had me in a corner. He made me witness a murder and blackmailed me to marry Lindy. This was the only way I saw out. It took us a year to get enough evidence to wipe out the syndicate.”
I wish she’d say something, but she’s only looking at me, deadly quiet.
“Monkey’s in for life. Lennert, the guy who cut you up, got killed in a shootout with the cops. Clive pulled a gun. Got shot in the heart. He was the one who told on us. Eugene and Albert left the gang before things got heated. Lindy was charged with the murder of three men she’d commissioned. She won’t be seeing anything but brick walls and orange jumpsuits for the rest of her life. Staying away from you for a year damn well nearly killed me, but I had to do it to keep you safe. Lindy threatened your life. I owed Cowan to finish the job and honor our deal.”
“What about your engagement?” she asks softly, a lingering pain simmering in her eyes.
I’m going to take that pain away. That’s the sole objective of the rest of my existence.
“I swear I never touched Lindy. I didn’t lay a finger on her except for the day I was forced to put a ring on her finger and the day I almost strangled her when I found out what she’d ordered Lennert to do to you. I’m sorry. More than I can ever express. The whole engagement thing was a farce, and I made sure everyone knew it the day Lindy went to prison.
“I needed to tell you this so you know I’m coming to you clean. No more secrets. I know I fucked up, and I’m going to work harder for you than ever. I betrayed your trust, but I’ll win it back, if it’s the last thing I do, because there’s one thing you can’t argue. We belong together. You may be over me, but if we both try, you can fall for me again. We can start over.” I glance back at the bar. “Here. Anywhere you like.”
She shakes her head, already retreating mentally from me. “You forgot an important factor. No matter what we lived through and survived, the difference between us is still twenty-three years.”
I wipe the hair from her forehead, framing her face between my hands. She’s straining against me, trying to pull away when I bring my lips closer to the white lines that mar her cheek.
“Please, don’t,” she whispers.
“I own this scar.” I press my lips to it. “I own it because I’m the cause of it.” I look into her eyes so she can see the truth in mine. “You’ve never been more beautiful.”
“Brian.”
“You have to hear this. Before the accident, I would’ve used everything in my power to keep you, even blackmailing you with those damned photos myself.”
Her eyes flare, but I continue mercilessly.
“I didn’t only lose you. I had to let you go. I set you free so that I could claim you back the way it’s supposed to be.”
I’m clinging to the fact that she’s not pushing me away. I’m clinging to the way her chest rises and falls faster, to how her nipples grow hard under her top. Looking down, I’m met by her delectable cleavage and the white lace of her bra peeping out from under the strappy T-shirt. My already hard dick strains in my jeans. Leaning closer, I let her feel the effect she has on me. Damn, it feels good where the little hard pebbles push against my chest. I want to dip my fingers between her legs to test her, but I have to slam on some brakes.
With a whole lot of difficulty and some more, I pull away.
Her eyes are hazy, like when she’s battling with lust, but they’re also uncertain. “What do you want me to say, Brian?”
“Say yes. Say you’ll give me another day. Another week. I’ll take anything. Whatever you’re willing to give.”
Her gaze flitters to the bar. “It’s hard work. Long hours and little pay.”
Hope blooms in my chest. “I’ll take it.”
She bites her lip. “It’ll have to be a sleep-in posi
tion. It’s a small town. There aren’t any other flats for rent.”
“Is that where you sleep, up there?”
She nods.
“Then I’m in.”
“Without checking it out first?”
“I don’t need to check it out. I’ll be in your bed, and I know exactly what’ll be there.”
A glint of humor creeps into her eyes, a little bit of light that expels the shadows. “You’re pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?”
I’m going to work on that, until there are no more shadows in those midnight blue eyes. “I’m sure of my feelings where you’re concerned.”
She looks down at her toes, seeming to weigh my answer. Letting her out of the cage of my arms, I drop them by my sides. I’m done playing and manipulating. I’m done forcing. This has to come from her.
The wait is excruciating. She can send me packing all over again, or she can let me in and give me another chance. The wheels must be turning in her head. She studies my face as she chews her bottom lip. Ever so slowly, she raises the tips of her fingers and runs them over my knuckles. I hold my breath. It’s a fragile caress, and my whole future balances on which way that small gesture of affection is going to tip. Our gazes remain locked as our fingers intertwine. I’m not sure who took whose hand first. It just kind of happened, this small gesture that holds all the meaning in the world.
“On one condition,” she says, already tightening her hand around mine.
“Anything.” Whatever it takes.
“It’s all or nothing.”
My heart stutters with a leap of joy. A year’s agony peels away as I press my lips to hers, tasting her bottom lip with a soft nip.
“I’ll take all,” I say, letting the dam burst inside of me and crushing our mouths together.
There’s surrender in the kiss, but also domination. We’re both surrender. We’re both domination. We’re two of a kind wound together by fate.
Our love is stronger than age and secrets.
Our love was meant to be.
Epilogue
Jane
“Dammit.”
I’m leaning over the dressing table in our bedroom, trying to fit the butterfly part to the earring, but I’m shaking slightly. It’s the rush and emotions.
“It’s not considerate to look more beautiful than the bride,” a deep voice says from the door.
I catch Brian’s profile in the mirror. He’s leaning in the frame, looking ravishing in beige slacks and an open-collar linen shirt. I take a moment to appreciate him. He’s more muscular than when he was younger, thanks to the DIY he does in Panties and the house he’s practically building with his own hands on our new property, a quaint stretch of land next to the river. He still has the advertising exec in him, enough so his company is thriving. Clients fly from Windhoek and Cape Town for a chunk of his genius. It wasn’t always easy. In the beginning, he travelled a lot. Since he employed a manager at his franchise company in Johannesburg, we get to see each other every day. We go to bed together and wake up together, and still it never seems enough. I can never get my fill.
He pushes away from the frame and closes the distance. “Let me.”
Taking the obstinate earring from my hand, he fits it effortlessly. His hands slip down my sides over the apricot-colored silk of my dress to find purchase on my hips.
There’s admiration in his voice as he tilts our foreheads together. “God, you’re beautiful. This dress…” His gaze moves over me. “I’m not sure I can let you out wearing this. I can see your nipples.”
I lean against him, ridiculously happy. “Where’s your sense of voyeurism now?”
“Do you have a jacket?”
It’s scorching hot outside. Is he joking? No, there’s no mocking light in his eyes.
“The dress was Abby’s choice. Come on, we’re going to be late.” I bend down to fit my shoes, but he holds me back.
“You know I love you, Jane Logan, don’t you?”
I melt as I always do for him. “I know.”
“Tell me.”
“I love you, too.”
“That’s better.”
He kisses me and goes down on one knee, fitting first one and then the other shoe. His palm lingers on my calf under the long skirt of the dress. The way he stares up at me tells me everything I need to know. We’ve had our share of darkness, Brian and I, but it only brought out our light. He straightens slowly, dragging his hand up to the underside of my knee, the back of my thigh, and finally my buttocks. His gaze never leaves mine as he straightens the skirt and pulls the thin strap of the top back onto my shoulder.
Hand in hand, we make our way downstairs. The tables are set up on the lawn of Panties, overlooking the river. I want to have a last look to make sure everything is perfect. Jasmine and Sam are putting the finishing touches to the flowers. They did a great job with bouquets of wild flowers. Their dresses match mine in color. Only the styles are different.
“This looks beautiful,” I say. “Thank you, Jasmine.”
“It was mostly Sam.”
Sam punches Brian on the arm. “Where’s your tie?”
He grunts. “Abby said casual.”
My God, I still can’t believe it. My baby girl is getting married. “I’m going to check on the food.”
Brian grabs my wrist. “It’ll be fine.”
“I just–”
“Everything will be delicious. Checking on the caviar mousse one more time isn’t going to make it set faster.”
I let out a shaky breath. He’s right. Anyway, the guests are arriving. Daisy is already showing them to the chairs arranged in front of the garden gazebo where the exchange of the vows will take place. Francois and Debbie arrive with their three kids in tow. She’s seven months pregnant with their fourth. We make our way over the lawn to greet them.
“How are you holding up with the heat?” I ask Debbie.
“Oh, God.” She rolls her eyes. “You don’t want to know.”
“Is the guesthouse comfortable enough?”
“It’s great,” Francois says.
“Maybe you should draw the line at four,” Jasmine teases.
“She looks so damn pretty when she’s expecting,” Francois says, “I can’t help wanting to keep her in a permanent state of pregnancy.”
Debbie swats his arm. “I swear to God, this is the last baby you put in me.”
“Famous last words,” Sam says on a chuckle.
I look at Francois. “Ready? She’s waiting for you inside.”
We all glance to where the groom is standing near the gazebo.
“Poor Henry.” Sam snickers. “He’s as nervous as I’ve ever seen him.”
Dorothy comes rushing up, her heels sinking into the lawn. She holds a stylish Queen Elizabeth hat on her head with one hand. “Oh, my gosh. Am I late?”
“Just in time.” Brian offers Dorothy and me his arms. “Shall we take our seats?”
We install ourselves while Francois goes inside to wait with his daughter before walking her down the aisle.
Brian puts a hand on my knee, his fingers toying with the silk. “I have a surprise for you,” he whispers in my ear.
I glance at him. “For me? Why? What’s the occasion?”
“Your birthday.”
My birthday isn’t until another two months. My fingers involuntarily move to the scar on my cheek. I proposed to have plastic surgery to make the ugly mark less unsightly, more as a gift to Brian than to myself.
Brian catches my fingers. “Don’t.” He kisses my fingertips and then the scar. “I own this. You said you didn’t mind it. Does it bother you?”
“No. I was thinking more of you.”
“I love every part of you. You don’t need plastic surgery to make you more beautiful to me. What I love the most, plastic surgery can’t alter.”
What have I done to deserve this beautiful man? “If it’s not that then what’s your surprise?”
He smiles down at me. “I’m taking yo
u to Rome.”
My breath catches. “You are?”
“Just you and me. In June, when it’s summer in Italy. One whole month.”
“Brian…” I swallow away a sudden bout of emotion. “A month! I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll come with me.”
“What about Panties and your job?”
“That’s why I have a manager. Daisy runs this place just as well as you do, and Sam already agreed to help out during her varsity holiday.”
My soul expands at his consideration. “You thought of everything, haven’t you?”
“Is that a yes? Will you come with me?”
“Of course, I will.”
“Good. That means I don’t have to put my kidnapping back-up plan into action.”
My body takes notice. “Hold on. You were going to kidnap me to Rome?”
“Blindfolded, bound, and naked,” he says on a dark whisper, “in a chartered plane. I was going to have my way with you many times over. It’s a long flight.”
My abdomen clenches, and my love spills over. “In that case, I’ll have to decline.”
His lips curve into the most wicked of smiles, exposing his sexy-as-sin dimple. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
The notes of the wedding song fill the air. Abby steps from the veranda door, arm in arm with Francois. She’s the radiant bride I wished upon her. She’s everything I ever wanted for her–happy and in love. As the music rises like a cloud to the sky and tears of joy build in my eyes, Brian takes my hand in his. Our fingers interlock. I can argue that he’s too young or I’m too old, but love knows no boundaries or age. I prefer to say he’s as old as he should be, and I’m enough.
THE END
Afterword
Dear Reader,
Thank you very much for joining me on Jane and Brian’s journey. If you enjoyed the story, please consider leaving a short review (just a line or two will do) on your favorite review or vendor site to help other readers discover the book. Every review makes a huge difference!
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Young Enough (The Age Between Us Book 2) Page 25
