by Amber Garza
“Where is she?” Ryan’s gaze darted around. Sarah was nowhere to be seen.
“When did you ask her to meet you?”
“I texted her last night.”
I nodded, scouring the area around us.
“Hey Holden.” Trent, a wide receiver on our team, waved in my direction. “Hey, Ryan.”
I said hi and waved. Ryan barely glanced in his direction. His jaw was tense and twitched slightly the way it did when he got angry.
“Maybe she’s just late or something,” I said, even though I knew that wasn’t the case. The most likely scenario was that once Sarah sobered up she’d regretted sleeping with Ryan. But I didn’t want to stand around and watch this train wreck, or deal with Ryan when he got angry. So I stepped away from him. “Good luck, man. I’m gonna head to class.”
“Fine. I’ll catch up with you later.” He waved me away with a flick of his wrist, while still searching the parking lot. “What are you looking at, loser?” He hollered toward a small kid wearing braces. I was sure the kid hadn’t even meant to look at Ryan. He was just walking into school. Not that that would matter to Ryan. Logic wasn’t his strong suit. “Get the hell outta here before I kick your ass.”
My chest tightened. I watched the kid scurry off, and I blew out a breath. Smart move. If the kid had mouthed off to Ryan, I was pretty sure he would’ve regretted it. Ryan seemed like he was out for blood today. And when he realized that Sarah wasn’t going to show, he would lose it. That was something I didn’t plan to be here for. In all the years of friendship with Ryan, I’d learned when to walk away.
“Oh look. It’s the band geeks,” Ryan shouted from over my shoulder. “Doo-doo-doo-doo.” What the hell was he doing? I spun around in time to see Ryan marching in place, holding an invisible instrument in his hand. “I’m a band geek. The only thing I’m good at is looking like a big, fat loser.” Looking past him, I saw who he was making fun of, and my stomach dropped. Chloe and her two friends walked past Ryan, all of them wearing expressions of disgust.
“Yeah, you do look like a loser all right,” Chloe muttered under her breath.
“Look, Holden,” Ryan hollered in my direction. “Marching band chick just insulted me.” He clutched his chest and chuckled like it was the funniest thing ever. “Oh, it hurts. It really hurts.” His laugh heightened.
Chloe followed Ryan’s gaze until our eyes met. Frowning, she shook her head. My insides knotted, and I wished I had gotten out of here sooner. Now Chloe would associate me with him. She’d think I was like that. Before I could say anything to defend myself and make this better, Chloe grabbed her friends’ arms and guided them away from Ryan and me. Holding my breath, I watched her, hoping she’d turn around. Hoping she’d give me something. Anything to show that she was upset with Ryan, not me.
But she didn’t look back. Not once.
“You’re really a dick sometimes, Ry,” I spat.
“What the hell is your prob, dude?” Ryan looked thoroughly confused, and I knew that no matter what I said, he’d never understand. So I didn’t even bother.
“Nothing,” I muttered under my breath before walking away from him.
CHAPTER 10
Chloe
It was like he had a split personality. Like he was one person outside of school, and a completely different one in it. And I wondered which one was the real Holden. Was he the guy who spent Saturday nights watching movies with his mom, the guy who seemed interested in my music? Or was he the guy who stood by while his friend bullied me and my friends? Perhaps he was neither. Perhaps he was both. Either way, I knew I wasn’t okay with it. Bullying was never all right. And in my opinion, standing by and letting it happen was just as bad as participating in it yourself. Besides, who knew? Maybe Holden did participate. I mean, there was no way he was innocent if he chose to hang out with Rude Guy. I’d seen the two of them together multiple times. Clearly they were friends. I had known that even before I met him at the spa this weekend. And now I mentally chastised myself for my lack of self-control. I should have known better. I should have stayed far away from Holden. It was obvious that we were too different. He may have seemed like a nice guy, but clearly there was another side to him. A side I didn’t like at all.
Other girls might be able to overlook something like this. They’d make excuses like, “He makes me happy.” Or “He treats me well, so isn’t that all that matters?” But I wasn’t like that. Integrity was important to me. Kindness was important to me. And if a guy didn’t have those things, he wasn’t going to have me.
I avoided him the rest of the day at school. During lunch I could feel his eyes on me, watching from the table he shared with the jocks. At one point he got up from the table and appeared to be moving in my direction. Desperation surfaced. I knew that if he spoke to me, his charm would win out. One look into those dark eyes and I’d melt like a puddle at his feet. No doubt that’s what he was banking on. So, I mumbled an excuse to Jasmine, snatched my backpack off the ground and hurried out of the cafeteria. Out in the quad, clusters of students ate lunch while sitting on the concrete. I wove through them and headed toward the library. Maybe I could hide out in there until the end of lunch. It’s not like I could avoid Holden forever, but I definitely didn’t want to talk to him today. I needed some time.
I rounded the corner, passing a row of lockers. To my right was the boys’ bathroom. The rancid scent of sweat and urine smacked me in the face, and I wrinkled my nose. As I turned away, doing my best to ignore the smell, I heard gruff voices and scuffling from inside. Even though I couldn’t make out what was being said, their tone caused my stomach to curl. Clearly whatever was happening inside wasn’t good. Pausing, I glanced around. Not one campus monitor in sight. A few students chatted a little ways down the hallway, and a couple made out against a locker several feet away. But no one seemed to hear what I did. The need to help was overwhelming, but I knew I couldn’t enter the boys’ bathroom. Helplessness swept over me, and I hesitantly inched toward the door.
Two boys stepped out. I recognized them instantly as two of the football players. One of them was that friend of Holden’s – the one that teased me this morning. I stiffened when he caught sight of me. His lips curled upward in a look of amusement.
“The girls’ bathroom is over there.” He pointed. “Unless you’ve got a penis under there.” His gaze lowered down my body, causing me to feel exposed and kind of sick. “Are you one of those trans-whatever people?”
This guy was seriously an idiot. Shaking my head, I didn’t even bother with a response. Instead, I swung around and headed toward the girls’ restroom. I wasn’t planning on using it, I just wanted to get away from him. Chuckling followed me as I slid inside. It didn’t smell as bad in here as it did near the boys’ bathroom, but it didn’t smell good either. The real difference was that at least in here there was the faint scent of hair spray and perfume lingering. I listened to the sound of footsteps and male voices retreating down the hall. Once they were gone, I stepped outside. Just as I did, a boy walked out of the boys’ restroom. My breath caught in my throat when his head turned to mine.
“Oh, my god. Preston, are you okay?” I hurried to him.
His eyes were watering behind his glasses that were sitting funny on his face. That’s when I noticed one of the sides was bent a little, so it wasn’t sitting right on his ear. A bruise was starting to form on his cheek. A sick feeling dropped into my gut, remembering what I’d heard and who I’d seen moments earlier. Seriously, did Preston ever get a moment of peace? School must be a living nightmare for him. Bile rose in my throat, and I swallowed it down.
“I’m fine.” With shaky fingers, Preston adjusted the glasses on his face. But it was no use. They were messed up.
“Did those guys do this to you? The ones that just came out of the bathroom?” I glanced down the hallway to the direction they had most likely gone. “Do you know their names? We should report this.”
Preston snorted. “Of course I know th
eir names. Ryan and his friends have been harassing me since elementary school. I’m his favorite pastime.”
Disgust filled me. “That’s unacceptable. This needs to stop.”
“Who’s going to stop it?”
I was stunned at his behavior. Didn’t he want this to end? “You need to.” I reached for him, my fingers circling his wrist. “Let’s go to the office. We’ll talk to the principal.”
“You don’t think I’ve tried that? The school knows what goes on, but they don’t care. I’m a nobody. Ryan’s a big football star. Trust me, no one’s ever going to help me.”
I froze, trying to process his words. Releasing his arm, I stared into his eyes, reading the hopelessness inside. None of it made any sense. How could the staff allow a student to be bullied like this? They might be able to look away, but I couldn’t do that. “I’ll help you.”
Preston’s eyes widened. “What?”
I stood up straighter, and repeated, “I’ll help you.”
In his eyes was a small flicker of hope, but it dwindled as quickly as it had appeared. “Yeah, that’ll go over well. As if I didn’t get picked on enough, now I’ll have a girl defending me.” He shook his head. “I appreciate the gesture, but no thanks.”
“I’m not saying that I’ll beat them up for you. This isn’t kindergarten.”
His eyebrows raised in a question.
“Oh, I used to get in fights a lot in kindergarten.” I shook my head. “Don’t worry about. I’ve since been reformed.”
He chuckled. “You’re funny.”
“So I’ve been told,” I responded with a smile, glad I could make him laugh after the day he’s had.
“If you’re not offering to beat them up for me, then how exactly were you planning to help?” Preston asked, and there was so much hope in his eyes that it made my stomach twist. Maybe I shouldn’t have offered to help. What if I wasn’t successful?
I shrugged. “I’ll come up with something.”
His face fell.
“Hey,” I said. “I’m not one to give up. When I say I’ll do something, I do it.”
Preston nodded. “I can see that.”
“You gonna be okay?” I studied the bruise on his cheek. It was swelling by the minute.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. Before I could walk away, he touched my arm. “Thanks.”
“Sure.”
“I owe you an apology,” Preston said abruptly.
His words surprised me. “For what?”
“When I first met you, I assumed you were only being nice because you were new and didn’t know anything about me. I figured once you heard all the rumors and stuff you’d start treating me the way everyone else does. Clearly I’d misjudged you.”
“Clearly you did,” I said with a smile. “But I get it. You’ve never had anyone stick up for you before. It makes sense that you wouldn’t trust anyone. But you can trust me.”
“I can?” His eyes darkened. “And you won’t let me down?”
I faltered, unsure if I should make such a lofty promise. It was obvious that Preston was hanging by a thread, and I didn’t want to be the reason it all unraveled. The bell rang out, and I was relieved that it had saved me from answering. However, one look at Preston told me that wasn’t the case. He hadn’t moved. Instead, his gaze was fixated on me, awaiting a response.
“I’ll try not to,” I finally said.
A smile swept his face, and I was glad that my answer had appeased him. The halls started to fill up, so I said goodbye to Preston and headed toward my next class. Elbows and backpacks bumped me as I made my way through the students all racing to their classes. Fingers closed around my wrist, and I almost cried out.
“We need to talk,” Holden’s voice tickled my ear. His musky scent enveloped me.
My heart flipped in my chest. I wanted to stay angry with him, and I hated how my body betrayed me. When I glanced up at him, I sucked in a breath. His hair fell haphazardly over his forehead, and the messiness of it made him look sexy. As his gaze met mine, his rich, brown eyes swallowed me whole. I felt paralyzed, bound, unable to move away.
Ryan and his friends have been harassing me since elementary school.
My mind locked in on the image of Ryan teasing me this morning and then joking about it to Holden. The memory was a stark reminder of the fact that Holden was one of Ryan’s friends. Most likely one of the friends who had been harassing Preston. No matter how good looking and charming Holden was, there was no way I could go out with a guy who treated people like that. I glanced away from him so I could regain my bearings. Then I shook my arm out of his grasp.
“I need to get to class,” I spoke through gritted teeth.
“Chloe.” The tender way he said my name almost broke me. Almost, but not quite. I’d known guys like him. They could seem sweet when they wanted to, but it didn’t mean a thing. “Please, just talk to me.”
“I have nothing to say.” I broke away from him. Without a backward glance, I practically ran in the opposite direction. I sighed with relief when I finally sat down at my desk in history class. Never before had I been so happy to be in this class. History had never been my favorite subject. I never cared much about what had happened years ago. I was interested in the now. I liked learning about current events, things that were happening today, not things that happened in the past. It’s not like I was too naïve to know why history was important. I knew we had to learn from past mistakes, but sometimes I wondered how effective we were in that. It seemed we were always repeating our mistakes anyway, no matter how many history lessons we participated in. But today I was happy to be in class, far away from Holden Reece. The effect he had on me was unnerving, but I knew that staying away from him was for the best.
Now the trick would be actually doing that.
The remainder of the day was uneventful, and before I knew it the final bell rang. I immediately headed to the band room to pick up my saxophone. Jasmine and Gianna were already inside when I got there. After opening my band locker, I yanked out my saxophone case and headed over to Jasmine, since I’d ridden into school with her. Shortly after meeting Jasmine, we’d realized that we lived only a couple of blocks away from each other, so we’d been carpooling ever since. Gianna didn’t live as close, but sometimes she drove over to Jasmine’s so she could ride with us too. It wasn’t like we couldn’t all drive ourselves, but what fun would that be? I found that carpooling with Jazzy and Gigi made the drive to and from school much more enjoyable than being alone.
After chatting with some of the other band members for a few minutes, we decided to take off. As we made our way outside, I spotted Preston retrieving his instrument. His cheek had worsened, the bruise much darker and more swollen now. I winced. The weight of what I’d promised him crushed me, and I buckled under it. My need to protect everyone was always getting me into trouble, but this time I couldn’t let it. I had no idea how, but I had to pull through for him. Before exiting the room, Preston glanced up at me. I flashed him a smile, and he tossed one back. I was glad that even though he’d had a terrible day, he could still muster up a genuine grin. That alone buoyed me a little. Maybe I would be able to help him.
The bright sun blinded me, and I shielded my face with my hand as I walked with Jasmine and Gianna through the parking lot. Various genres of music played from the many cars pulling out of the lot. Chatter and laughter swelled around me. Vans and SVU’s pulled up along the curb, harried-looking moms sitting in the driver’s seat.
“Did you see that Addison West dyed her hair purple?” Jasmine asked, her eyes alight as we made our way down a lane of parked cars, our feet thumping on the asphalt.
“Yes, it looked terrible,” Gianna said.
“I didn’t think it looked bad. It made her green eyes stand out.” Both Jasmine and Gianna’s eyes widened as if I’d said my favorite hobby was swimming with hungry sharks.
“She used to be super cool, but she’s been a major downer lately,” Jasmine said.
&
nbsp; “I think she’s going through a lot though. Didn’t you hear about her brother?” Gianna asked.
“No. What happened?”
“He killed himself. I can’t believe you didn’t know that,” Gianna said, eyes wide.
Jasmine’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, my god. That’s awful.”
My stomach tightened. It was awful. What’s even worse was that everyone was probably talking shit about Addison’s hair and change in demeanor without trying to figure out why she was behaving that way. I didn’t know Addison. She was in one of my classes, but we’d never spoken. She was really quiet. Now I understood why.
“Anyway, what happened to Preston? He came into my math class with his face all bruised up. When the teacher asked him about it, he said he’d fallen down. But it’s totally obvious he’d been in a fight.” Jasmine shook her head like she thought whatever had happened to Preston was his fault. It annoyed me that she hadn’t even entertained the idea that his injuries might have been a result of bullying. And why hadn’t she assumed that? Everyone could see how badly he got picked on.
“Well, I’m not surprised. He’s always had a bad temper,” Gianna added smugly. “Remember when he got suspended Freshman year for losing it during an assembly?”
“Oh, right. I’d forgotten about that,” Jasmine said. “That was crazy.”
“What happened?” I asked, my stomach tightening.
“Chloe.” Holden jogged toward me, interrupting our conversation.
Jasmine and Gianna’s mouths gaped open, wider than baseballs.
“You ran away from me earlier, but I wasn’t done,” he said breathlessly. “I want to explain about this morning.”
