“Can I touch you?” She asked hesitantly.
“I’m not flesh and bone like you Emma. I’m a different kind of matter. I guess you could say that I’m pure energy. I’m the energy that fills your body with life. So you can’t really touch me in the sense of how you'd touch another human, but there is a way our spirits can connect. It would be like your definition of touch.”
“Okay,” Emma said as she tried to calm her thundering heart.
Micah reached his hand slowly, hesitantly toward her, not wanting to frighten her, and ran his finger lightly down the side of her face.
Just like he'd said, it was nothing like human touch, this was warm and very light, like the feel of the sun on your skin, or goose bumps, and there was an intense tingling almost electrical sensation that accompanied it.
Emma felt it deep inside, like it really was connecting with her own spirit.
She was practically frozen in time while her mind tried to grasp hold of the fact that Micah was touching her! It was the most amazing sensation she had ever experienced and it didn't last nearly long enough to satiate the hunger for more it created in her.
“Thank you,” were the only words that came to Emma's mouth. She knew that it was a silly thing to say, but she was turning to butter again. “That was amazing!”
“I liked it too,” his eyes were peaceful as he spoke. “We don’t experience human touch very often. It’s kind of a treat for me as well.” Micah smiled and Emma's whole being felt like it was smiling with him.
“You're beautiful,” Emma swooned, and then hoped that she hadn’t offended his manliness. Most guys wouldn’t appreciate a girl telling them that they were beautiful, but no other word did him justice. He was tall and muscular, perfectly proportioned.
“I’m glad you’re pleased. I think we're all sort of beautiful to mortals though. It’s probably the heavenly glow.” He laughed lightly and Emma thought his glow became more intense in that moment, if that was even possible. “So, am I what you expected?” His unfathomable eyes were questioning now.
Emma knew that she couldn’t tell him what she'd been thinking when she'd first seen him. He hadn't been what she'd expected, but she didn’t know what the unmet expectation was that he hadn’t lived up to.
Emma couldn’t explain the void that she felt when she looked into his eyes. He was the most beautiful and perfect thing she'd ever seen. But there was a small part of her that was still waiting for something else to show itself. There had to be something more. Something was missing.
“You are perfect Micah.” It was the truth, and it was all that she could give him.
“I hope you realize how important you are to me Emma. Showing myself to you was a big step for both of us. Things can never go back to the way they were before. We're more connected now than ever.”
His eyes were burning into her. She could feel pure love flowing from him and it was aimed directly at her. Emma didn't know how to react. She was shocked that he was talking to her this way. He'd always been very reserved in the things he’d said to her before. Was this some kind of confession on his part?
“I’ve been waiting a long time to be more connected to you too, Micah. You're the most important thing in my life,” Emma admitted truthfully.
Micah reached out and stroked her cheek again. She leaned into it. She loved feeling this close to him.
"How is this possible if you're pure spirit?" Emma wondered. "Shouldn't I be able to see right through you or something?"
"I draw particles out of the air around me so that I can appear solid, but I'm still just energy, that's why I can't touch you like a human would."
"I like how it feels when you touch me," Emma smiled.
“I should probably go now Emma. I can’t stay in this form for very long. It’s actually quite a lot of work keeping everything together like this. And, the way your heart is pounding, I'm afraid it might stop altogether if I stay much longer.”
“But I’m not ready for you to go yet,” she was afraid for him to leave.
Would he ever show himself to her again? Would this euphoric feeling that she was experiencing go away with him?
“You’ll see me again Emma, I promise.” Micah said, answering her thoughts. He sounded pleased that Emma wanted him to stay. “I really must go though. Don’t worry, I won’t be far away. I'm always with you, remember?”
He smiled warmly as his form began to grow fuzzy and to split up into a million pieces that resembled tiny fireflies flying at a rapid speed in a swirling configuration and then shooting out in every direction.
He was gone.
The barn suddenly seemed very dark without his warm glow, and Emma felt very alone, very vulnerable. She didn’t like the feeling. She ran out of the barn trying to escape the emptiness that had been left behind with Micah's departure.
She'd already missed Calculus in all the excitement. She knew she wasn’t in any shape to go back to school anyway. So she went to her room and fell onto her bed in a daze and tried to memorize the feeling she had just experienced so she could keep it forever.
There is a saying: Faith is believing without seeing, but this was different. Emma had actually seen Micah. She could not deny what she now knew—yes, Emma knew it! She had seen it with her own eyes.
Thinking back, Micah had said she was important to him. Could it be possible that he was finally reciprocating the feelings she'd held for him for so long?
Showing himself to her, and touching her, was definitely a big step in the right direction. However, Emma couldn't be positive about his intent.
One thing was for sure though—she couldn’t wait to experience it again.
He’d crossed the line and he knew it. Desperation had driven him over the edge. The elation he felt at having her see him and touching her, couldn’t override the guilt it brought on for long.
He had never planned on it going this far, but he’d been hurt when she couldn’t hear him. She was forgetting about him, losing interest.
She wasn’t supposed to have feelings for him at all. He wasn’t supposed to feel these things for her, but somehow it had happened. He should have left well enough alone. She was moving on with life. That’s what he wanted for her. But he couldn’t bear being left behind.
This jealousy emotion was like the plague. It ate at you and ate at you until you finally gave in. There was no other choice.
Micah knew that wasn’t true; there was always a choice, and he’d just made the wrong one.
Spring was always unpredictable in Eden. The extreme elevation kept them in wintry weather a little longer than in places lower down. Emma was always looking forward to the warmth that summer would bring, but it never came fast enough. When summer finally did arrive here, it didn’t last nearly long enough. It seemed her convictions and thoughts had become as unpredictable and changing as the seasons.
She sat up in bed and stared out the window at the brightening sky. There had been a fast moving snowstorm over night. A thin layer of snow blanketed everything. Her mind was a mess again as it often seemed to be lately.
Emma was having a hard time convincing herself that yesterday hadn’t been just a dream. It was Wednesday and her date with Destry was looming. Emma couldn't deny that she'd been excited about it before, but after seeing Micah, she wasn’t sure how she should feel.
She knew now that today was going to be pivotal.
Micah had taken their relationship to an all new level. Emma had yearned for that level but now that she'd reached it she felt stuck between a rock and a hard place.
On one side there was Micah who was perfect and beautiful and who trusted her enough to show himself.
She was plagued by the thought that their relationship might never be able to go any further though. He was immortal which meant no flesh and bone. He could touch her spirit, and it was an indescribable sensation, but she couldn’t really touch him.
Emma ached to be able to touch
him.
And then on the other side Destry had come into her life. He was perfect too—of course he had his little human flaws—but he was so thoughtful and kind and handsome. Emma found herself filled with a million tiny butterflies whenever he was near.
He made her smile with his crooked grin and his easy-to-love personality. And then there were his eyes, something about his beautiful sparkling eyes drew her to him like a moth to a flame.
Emma threw herself back down on her bed in frustration. She squoze her eyes shut tightly, not sure she wanted to face this day.
She felt so torn.
Emma couldn't tell which way this was going to go. She wasn’t even sure which way she wanted it to go. And if she didn’t even know what she wanted, how was this ever going to work out?
She could only hope that after her date tonight, everything would be made clear. Emma knew she couldn’t juggle them both any longer. That wasn’t fair to either of them. She would have to make a decision. Someone would have to go.
The school day flew by too quickly. Emma still didn’t feel prepared for tonight, and it was almost here. She'd have to let whatever was going to happen just happen, but that wasn't an easy thing for her. Emma always felt the need to be in control of everything around her. It was a defense mechanism to make sure she never got hurt.
Unfortunately she'd come to realize she couldn’t control her future no matter how much she wanted to. Emma didn’t want things to turn out for her like they had for her parents. They were both alone and miserable, although neither would ever admit it.
Emma was deathly afraid of being alone. She could vividly remember as a child, learning a lesson in church about eternity. “There is no end, and no beginning,” her teacher had stated flatly. “We will all live forever.”
Emma could still remember how much that statement had frightened her. The thought of going on forever and ever with no end was utterly terrifying. What would she do forever and ever?
As she'd gotten older, she came to realize that her aversion to the thought of living forever stemmed from her fear of being alone. After countless more Sunday school lessons about families that can last forever, and love that lasts forever, Emma was less fearful.
She came up with a plan when she was around twelve years old. She would find her true love here on earth. It would be the man that made her feel safe, the man that made her unafraid of the thought of eternity. That’s how she would know him when she met him; he would be the one to make her look forward to spending eternity with him.
This scenario worked in nicely with Emma's inner hopeless romantic. He would be her prince charming, her knight in shining armor, and her hero who would save her from her own insecurities.
It was a tall order to fill she had to admit, but it helped her keep her sanity whenever the fear crept back in.
So this “experimental” date with Destry tonight would be vitally important from that point of view. Either he would or he wouldn’t fill the order and live up to her high expectations.
If he didn't, then the decision to let him go wouldn’t be as difficult.
Emma knew she'd better start measuring Micah against these same criteria. It wasn’t meant to be a contest, but it looked like that’s what it was coming down to.
Destry was worried. Emma hadn't come back to school yesterday after lunch, and he'd only seen her from a distance today. She hadn't looked too happy either.
Was the date still on? She hadn't canceled, but Destry couldn't help but wonder if that's what was making her unhappy. He didn't want to force himself on her.
He needed to be near her though. She was like oxygen to him, she made everything feel better. She eased the burning in his chest when she was near him and calmed the fluttering of his mind.
But did she feel the same when she was around him? He seemed to make her uncomfortable and sometimes angry. How was this going to work out if they were on opposing sides?
One couldn't win without the other one losing.
Chapter 15: DECISIONS
Armed with her inner checklist of what she needed her guy to live up to—in this life and the next—Emma was prepared when Destry arrived to pick her up. A streak of excitement raced up her spine as she heard the roar of his truck pull up to her house.
Emma never would have thought she could feel this giddy about a guy. She wasn’t easily excited. But there they were again; all those butterflies fluttering around in her stomach giving her goose bumps and making her want to throw up at the same time.
Emma opened the door and her breath stuck in her throat. She almost choked on it, but recovered quickly managing an odd looking grin.
Destry looked perfect and warm and almost glowing, standing there on Emma's doorstep. His head was tilted down, looking at his feet, then he peeked up at Emma from underneath his thick lashes and flashed her that grin.
Emma was genuinely glad to see him, glad that he was finally here. She couldn’t account for the feeling, because up until that moment, she'd been a ball of nerves. A sense of calm washed over her, but soon disappeared…
“Is that your boyfriend?” Cody strung out the last word, swooning fakely from somewhere behind Emma.
Why did these things have to happen to her? It’s not like this wasn’t uncomfortable enough already without her annoying little brother having to insert his two cents into everything. Emma was considering strangling him, but when she looked at Destry he was smiling devilishly.
“As a matter-of-fact Pip, I am a boy, and we are friends,” he said, pointing back and forth between Emma and him, “so technically the answer is yes,” he winked at Emma on the sly.
“My name is not Pip! It's Cody!” Cody snapped with indignation.
“Well, it’s Pip now,” Destry stated firmly, “your mother and I discussed it. She agreed with me that it fits you, so we're officially changing it to Pip.”
“That’s not true! You’re making that up. You didn’t talk to my mom about it!” Cody snapped, his irritation building.
“Well you can think what you want Pip. I just wanted you to be prepared when everyone in town starts calling you by your new name.” Destry smiled warmly at Cody, having fun at his evil game.
“You can’t change my name. It’s illegal!” Cody didn’t look so sure as he said it.
“I told you—your mom agreed with me that it fit you. She’s the one that changed it. And she has the legal right,” Destry retorted.
“It does NOT fit me! Pip is a dumb name! It doesn't even mean anything!” Cody was getting irate. He looked like he might pop a vein in his forehead if this went on any longer.
“It’s short for Pip-squeak,” Destry said casually. Emma saw Cody’s eyebrows furrow together in insult. “And I think it’s perfect.” Destry chuckled blackly, tousling Cody's hair as he tried to swat his hand away.
Turning back to Emma he asked: “shall we go then, my friend, who is a girl?” He reached his hand out. Emma placed her hand in his and Destry tugged her out the door, closing it quickly behind them.
“That was clever,” Emma giggled as they made their way down the sidewalk. “Did you come up with that on your own?”
Destry opened the passenger door, and Emma quickly climbed in. He leaned in the cab of the truck, his face just inches from hers. “I’m pretty quick witted,” he said proudly. “I love a good war of words.”
He was so close that Emma could see every fleck of color in his eyes. He was definitely handsome, and he was good with insults too— a man after her own heart.
He went around the truck and got in, turning the key. The engine roared to life like an angry lion. Emma didn't think she would ever get used to how loud his truck was.
“Aren’t you afraid of going deaf?” Emma spoke loudly in order to project her voice over the sound of the engine.
Destry chuckled. “This is nothing,” he spouted, “you should hear it when I have the sound system cranked.”
“I don’
t think I want to hear that,” Emma announced loudly.
“I don’t know,” he teased, “it’s pretty impressive.”
“I think I’ll pass this time,” she said, shaking her head. Emma couldn’t help but notice that his eyes lit up at the last two words.
“So, what do you want to eat?” Destry sounded enthusiastic now that they were alone.
“Well,” Emma said thoughtfully, “what are my choices?”
There weren’t a lot of choices available in Eden, just the one little diner that shared the same building as the general store on Main Street. If you wanted anything different, you would have to drive at least twenty minutes to a bigger town.
Emma wasn’t sure how far out Destry had been planning to go. Gasoline for this noisy monster wasn’t going to be cheap. She didn’t want to be responsible for breaking the bank.
“There’s the diner,” Destry said, crinkling up his nose like that wasn’t his first choice, “or we could just grab something from the deli in the gas station.”
The gas station pretty much provided the staples of a teenage existence. They had chili-dogs, nachos, corn dogs, pizza by the slice, candy bars and donuts, not to mention the well-stocked wall coolers full of caffeinated pops and energy drinks.
Most of the kids in town preferred to hang out there for lunch during the week, rather than braving the school’s cafeteria food. Emma wasn’t fortunate enough to be one of them, most of the time her funds were sorely lacking.
“That sounds good to me,” Emma smiled with approval. It was too easy to feel comfortable with Destry.
The truck jumped forward as Destry let the clutch out too fast. Emma stuck her hands out to keep herself from hitting the dash.
“What are you trying to do, send me through the windshield?” she scolded.
“I’m sorry about that,” he said apologetically. “I didn’t mean for it to be so hard, I swear. I just like to goose it sometimes, and see how much gravel I can throw.” He looked like he meant it.
“Just don’t do it again,” Emma warned, “or I’ll have to smack ya.”
Destry smiled and rolled his eyes. “I won’t do it anymore when you’re in with me, I promise. I wouldn’t want you to smack me and I’m sure you’re just mean enough to do it,” he chuckled loudly.
Eternal (Eternal series) Page 13
