Crystal, fire up that Mack truck….
The bitch is back!!!
Take it Deep (Take 2).
By
Jaimie Roberts.
Chapter 1
I didn’t realize emotional pain could feel this bad, but it does. Why did I do it to myself? Life was pretty simple before all of this. It was hard at times but bearable. Why did I let myself get carried away and fall so hard for Jake?
I clutch at my stomach, moving into the fetal position as the thought of his name hits me like a ravaged bulldozer. The betrayal I feel is enormous. I don’t know how I am ever going to get over it.
I have been in Jessie’s apartment for three days now, and for three days I have hidden in her spare room, never seeing daylight, never wanting to get up, and being too sick to eat. I remember the day I arrived here all too well.
“Oh my God, Ana, what in the hell has happened?”
I walked towards her living room at the back of the apartment. I can barely speak, but I knew I had to get the words out. I knew I had to tell her something. “My mother’s back. I came home and she was there with Jake, as if nothing had ever happened. Jake completely ignored me, Jessie. It was like I never existed.” The pain stabbed right through my heart making me cringe with agony.
“I don’t understand, Ana. Jake loves you. I know he does.”
I gave her an undignified huff. “Well obviously not that much if he has welcomed my mum back with open arms even after all that she has done, and acted like whatever was happening between us was nothing. Like I am nothing.
I couldn’t stifle the sob that escaped my lips. I have never cried like that in front of Jessie, but the torture was nothing short of unbearable. I couldn’t help it.
“That fucking asshole. Who does he think he is upsetting you like this?” She looked off into space obviously in deep thought. “I just don’t understand it, Ana.”
She opened her arms out to me and gave me a big hug, which I accepted with more than a welcome. I could tell she was just as confused as I was. “I know, tell me about it,” I said, as she released me from my hug and looked me in the eye.
“Tell me everything from the beginning.”
So I did. I tell her about my trip back home and how happy I was. I tell her about getting home and seeing a car outside not realizing it’s my mum’s. I tell her about seeing her with Jake and what she said, how I ignored her and tried to reach out to Jake, who just stood there with his gaze transfixed on the floor, not once looking in my direction.
She took a moment to process all that I had said.
“What is the deal with your mom, Ana? You don’t speak about her that much.”
“There’s not much to say, Jessie. She raised me in London until she met Alan, and we moved to New Jersey. When things didn’t work out with him she quickly met another guy called Jason, who owned his own business and was very successful. We stayed with him for another year and then she moved onto someone else. It is a regular pattern, Jessie. She likes men who are successful and have lots of money. She has hardly ever had to work in her life, as she picks only men she knows will take care of her. The only man I have ever heard her talk about with any kind of affection is my dad.”
“Who was your father? What happened to him?”
“He was a Corporal in the army back home. He was sent to the Gulf war when I was only a couple of years old. He went into Kuwait to help expel the Iraqi troops. There was a ground assault where my father was shot and badly wounded. They tried to get help in, but he died soon after he was brought to the medical station. My mum was obviously devastated and she concentrated for a while in bringing me up on her own. It was tough for her though, you know, financially. I think she feels that no matter what, she never wants to be like that again, a single parent on her own and a partner that left her with nothing. I think she still blames him for dying and has tried her best not to get involved again. The only problem being is, she has led this life for so long now, I don’t think she really knows anything else. I have never once heard her say that she loves any of the men she has been with. I don’t know how she can live life like that. I don’t know why she has come back, that’s a first. I don’t think I really want to know to tell you the truth.”
Jessie shook her head, “That is a mystery. I’m sure we will find out soon enough what her intentions are. I know she is your mom, but she hasn’t given you the best of childhoods, Ana. She could have given you her love and tried hard enough to make it work for you both. She didn’t need to keep going from one man to the next and dragging you along with her. That’s awful.”
She doesn’t know the half of it.
“It’s a pity Jake wasn’t called Jack, so I can call him a Jackass. In fact, I think I’ll call him a Jakeass instead.”
I started to laugh, but soon the laughter turned into more tears, as I sobbed on Jessie’s shoulder. She held me for a while giving me the time I needed to get it out of my system. I was going to owe Jessie a lot for this.
I finally managed to gather myself up enough to ask her a question. “Is it okay if I stay with you for a while, until I find my own place that is?”
She gave me a scornful look. “Ana, you can stay with me as long as you want. It will be quite nice to have a roomie. I’m more than happy that you’re staying.”
She stroked my arm and I smiled at her. Jessie is my best, and really the only friend I have. I wouldn’t know what I’d do without her.
After some more tears, she led me into the room where I will be sleeping, which is lovely and cozy with a double bed, and lovely pastel pink sheets. I was grateful with the fact it has its own bathroom, as I seem to be spoilt in that department. The only problem is, I had no clothes or toiletries. I was so intent on getting the hell out of there that I forgot all about it. I turned around and looked at Jessie. As if reading my mind she told me that I could use her things, that tomorrow she will organize getting a bag of essentials for me, and that I should not worry about a thing. She was and still is my savior.
Once back in the apartment on Saturday with my bag, Jessie lets the horror of the story unfold. Jake wants to speak with me to explain—which Jessie kindly told him to take a run and jump. My mum wants to see me also, but she told her that she doesn’t think it’s a good idea for now, and to give me some space.
Then there was the real news. The shocker of all shocks that sent me into Jessie’s spare room and I haven’t surfaced since. My mum is five months pregnant. That was the kick in the gut right there. I know Jake betrayed me, but knowing that he out and out lied to my face was the ultimate kick in the teeth. How could he do this to me? How could he say all those sweet things to me, make me believe every word he says, and all the time he was laughing behind my back? The devastation I feel is beyond words. How am I ever going to recover from this?
Chapter 2
For the next two days I’m lying on the bed, hearing all the text and voicemail messages pile up on my phone. Not once do I look at them. I just lie there clinging to the sheets like it’s the only friend I have to give me comfort.
I turn and look at the time. It’s 6pm, so Jessie should be home any minute from work. I asked her to say I was sick, as I really can’t face Jake right now after what he’s done. I may even have to get a transfer now. I don’t want to ever look at him again.
I stare at the painting on Jessie’s wall. It has a mother with her son. I think it’s by Picasso. The mother holds onto him lovingly and the thought makes me wonder why Jessie picked this particular painting. I never thought she was the maternal type. Maybe I am wrong. There seems to be a lot Jessie and I don’t know about each other, even though we’ve been friends forever.
I’m lost in my own thoughts when suddenly I h
ear the door open. My bedroom is the first door you come to on the right, so I’m always the first to hear when the door opens or closes. I’m shocked to hear voices. Jessie is with someone and it distinctly sounds like Michael.
Oh God, this is all I need.
“I don’t know what else to do, Michael. She’s in a terrible state. She’s been in her room since Saturday and hasn’t left. She won’t eat, go out. She doesn’t even leave her bed.”
She timidly opens my door and calls my name. I don’t acknowledge their presence. I don’t think I even have the strength to speak. Michael takes one look at me, shock evident on his face.
“Shit, Ana, I’ve never seen you like this. It’s like you’re half the woman I saw three days ago. What the fuck has he done to you? The fucking asshat.” He paces the floor evidently annoyed and runs his fingers through his hair.
Without warning a sound escapes my lips. I didn’t intend for it to do so, but suddenly the noise is getting louder. It is a sound I haven’t heard for a while. A sound of my own laughter.
I can’t help it; the thought of Michael calling Jake an asshat has me in sudden stitches. At first, Michael and Jessie stare at me perplexed. I wonder if they think I’ve finally lost my trolley, until their faces soften and they laugh with me.
“Thank fuck for that, Ana. You really had me going there. I thought I was going to have to get a doctor over to see you. Don’t ever do that to me again.”
Jessie’s right, I have been selfish. She has done nothing but look after me these last three days and I’ve taken advantage of that. “I’m sorry Jessie. It just hurts so bad.”
Michael makes his way over to the bed, sitting on the edge, he grabs my hand. “Ana, I’m really am sorry about what happened. Nobody understands it. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. We all are. Don’t ever think there is no one out there who ain’t got your back. We all love you and want you fit, well and happy, just like the Ana we know so well.”
I squeeze Michael’s hand, extremely touched by his sentiment. “Michael, that’s really sweet. I appreciate that, thank you. How was work today?”
Michael looks over at Jessie as if needing confirmation to speak.
“It was pretty shit to be honest,” Jessie says. “Jake was stomping around like the prick that he is and there were a few people who let it be known just how pissed we are at him. He shouted at Mike in his office and stormed over to me demanding that he come round and see you. He wants to know why you’re not answering any of your calls or texts. You want to know the thing that really pissed me off, and I told him in no uncertain terms?”
I shake my head as if knowing what the answer will be.
“He told me that Matthew was pining for you and that he really wants to see you. I told him how dare he use his son in all this mess that he has caused, and that you will see him or Matthew whenever you feel the time is right. I can’t believe the gall of the man.”
That hurt more than anything hearing that Matthew was hurting too. In all my self-possessed agony I was neglecting the people I loved. The tears started falling again.
“Oh Ana, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to—”
I hold my hand out to her before she could finish. “Jessie, its fine, I needed to hear this. I will have to contact Matthew. I miss him anyway. It’s not his fault all this has happened.” Michael grabs a tissue from a box by my bedside and hands it to me.
“I think you need to get up, get a wash and come with us.”
I look startled. “Why, where are we going?”
“Jessie and I are going to take you out to get something to eat and maybe even get a few drinks in you. You need to get out of the house and you need to get drunk.”
I start laughing. I’m not in the mood for it, but I know if I protest, I will just be dragged out anyway. Maybe going out with two good friends is just what I needed. I smile at both of them. “Okay, well you need to get the hell outta here guys so I can get a wash; otherwise you’ll see my ass in a bit.” I make a move to get up and Jessie laughs and heads for the door. Michael however is still sitting on the bed staring.
“Michael, come on. What are you doing?” Jessie asks.
“Well she did say if I wanted to see her ass.”
He smiles mischievously and I throw a pillow at him. “Michael, get.”
He gets up, stomps towards the door and says, “You spoilsport.”
Chapter 3
After a heavenly shower that makes me feel somewhat more human again, I blow dry my hair, apply some makeup and put a floral dress on. I need to try and make an effort as Jessie and Michael are going out of their way to help me. I suddenly wonder about Jerry, Jessie’s significant other. She hasn’t mentioned him since I moved in. I hope I haven’t completely taken over any plans for her to see him. The thought sends a knot in my stomach. I certainly didn’t want to be the cause of people walking on eggshells because of me. I must speak with her about this.
I also—in my haze—spare a thought for Matthew and what he must be going through. He was never one to hide his feelings on the subject of my mother, and I admired his honesty on the subject. I know I must contact him as he is probably hurting and I’m not helping the situation. I will call him; I just don’t want to pick up the phone right now and have to go through all those messages. The pain in even seeing his name on screen will be too much. I will do it tomorrow, I have to. I can’t be a complete wuss forever.
I look at myself in the mirror thinking I’ve done the best I can to cover up my tiredness from the lack of sleep. The nightmares are back again. Poor Jessie has been running into my room every night trying to calm me down. It’s no wonder she isn’t dead on her feet, too. Damn Alan, damn Tony and damn you, Jake!
I grip the sink in the bathroom trying to regain some composure. I can’t let this take over me. I must kick myself up the backside and move on. The whole situation is just beyond ludicrous. Jake made his choice and I have to live with it, no matter how much it tears me apart.
After completing my pep talk, I make my way out to the living room where Jessie and Michael are sitting, patiently waiting. They both stare up at me and Michael rises from his seat. “Quite the gentleman, Michael,” I say amused. He smiles at me and puts his hand to his chest.
“I do try my best. You look amazing, Ana.”
Jessie rolls her eyes. “Okay, Casanova, I think you’ve said enough. Let’s go before my stomach kicks my ass.”
We all start laughing as we head out of the door. “So, where are we going?” I ask.
“I thought we could go to one of my favorites called, Dino’s. It’s within walking distance so we can all have a drink there and not worry about driving.”
“What about Michael?” I ask, looking toward him.
“Jessie drove me here and I left my car at the station. I’ll get a taxi back. I don’t start work until quite late tomorrow, so I can most probably get a lift in from one of the guys. I’ll be okay.”
We walk outside and the sun nearly blinds me. It is setting now, but it’s still bright nonetheless. Boy have I neglected myself. I’m a sun worshipper; I should be revelling in this instead of hiding away. I rummage through my bag and take out my sunglasses.
“So, Michael, how is Tom doing?” I ask, sliding my glasses on.
We’re at a level crossing, and as we’re the only ones walking, we get stared at. It is a great area of Fairfax that Jessie lives in, as you can walk to lots of shops from where her apartment is.
“He’s found a new best friend,” Jessie says.
“Oh yes, David. Is he still causing trouble?”
“I think he has made it his sole mission to take to bed any woman in a skirt. Tom seems to dig that kind of thing. I know we are good friends—well we’re partners so we have to be—but just because he feels that way, doesn’t mean I do, too.”
We finally manage to make our way across and I spot the Dino’s that Jessie mentioned. “Well good for you, Michael. I’m glad. I always thought you were
the nicest one out of the two.” He smiles at me with that cheeky grin of his.
“Well shucks, Ana, that’s nice to hear. I think that was some sort of a compliment.”
I giggle, “Sorry Michael, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know, I know. Forget about it.” He puts on a New York gangster accent and all of us laugh again.
It’s nice to be able to laugh even though the pain is still simmering on the surface. I feel better knowing I have true friends who are there for me. It makes me feel humble.
“So here we are,” Jessie says as she opens the door.
We walk inside and it reminds me a bit of the Silver Diner, where most of the booths are situated at the side of the restaurant. The only item missing were the little jukeboxes at each of the tables. Our waitress, Sandy comes over with a bright smile and leads us to our booth. Jessie and I sit together while Michael places himself opposite.
“Here are your menus, I’m Sandy and I’ll be your waitress for this evening. Our specials today are John Dory with Saffron, and ribs with a Jack Daniel’s barbecue sauce. What can I get you to drink in the meantime?”
She flashes her bright teeth at us and I can’t help but return the smile. She is quite the stunner with her golden brown locks and bright blue eyes.
“Do you still do those cocktail deals up to eight o’clock?” Jessie’s asks.
“We sure do. You have about thirty minutes left, so I would maybe order a couple each if I were you.” She giggles and we all laugh in unison.
“Well then, I think I’ll have two Sex on the Beach and Ana here, I think should have two Painkillers.”
I look over to her with a frown. “I don’t think they do tablets at a restaurant Jessie,” I smile.
“I think they’ll be just the thing for you, Ana.”
She raises her eyebrow at me and I don’t complain. I’ll try anything.
“What about you, Michael?”
Take it Deep (Take 2) Page 1
