“I believe this is from a guy called Alan Martin. He was the reason why my mum and I moved all those years ago. He was an Accountant from New Jersey and he wanted my mum and I to move in with him. My mum wanted a new start away from London and thought that bringing me here would be a better a start, as any. She was wrong about one thing though. Alan was a monster. He—”
I tried to get the words out but they felt heavy on my lips. Michael looks at me, clocks ticking away in his head, as he’s trying to gather what it is I’m trying to say. Somehow I get the words out. “He did things to me when I was twelve. Unspeakable things. He made me do things also.”
I pulled my hand up and gripped my top as if this was the only thing here to protect me from the monsters. I suddenly felt twelve all over again knowing he’s out there, and I’m back to where I was all those years ago.
“At first it was touching and groping, but a little after I turned thirteen he came into my room expecting more. I screamed, he hit me and a neighbor thankfully saved me. My mum and I fled and she changed our names.”
Michael’s mouth was open in shock. He manages to gather himself and moves across to where I’m seated. He grabs my hand and holds it to his chest.
“You’re shaking. Can I get you anything?”
I didn’t realize I was shaking until Michael mentioned it. “No, I’m fine. I just wish he was caught a long time ago, and I also wish he had forgotten about me.”
Marcos picks the card up carefully and places it in a plastic cover.
“We’re going to need to dust this for prints to make sure it's him. You okay with that?”
I knew it wasn’t really a question, but nodded in answer.
“What could he possibly want with you after all this time?”
Marcos quickly cuts in. “I think he feels there is unfinished business with Ana, and she was the one that got away. I assume this is the first piece of contact that you have had with him?”
“Yes, I haven’t heard a thing since that horrible night.”
Marcos finishes his coke and rises to leave. “Have you got someone staying with you tonight, this friend of yours—?”
He looks toward Michael and I immediately feel I have to defend myself. “This is Jessie’s apartment. She’s staying with her boyfriend tonight.”
He looked a little unhappy. “Is there any other place you can stay, or do you know someone who will stay with you tonight? I’m not saying he knows where you are as he sent that card to the station, but I would still feel happier knowing you were being watched.”
Oh great, a babysitter.
“I’ll stay with her,” Michael blurted.
I quickly turn my head towards him and frown.
“I’ll sleep on the couch, I don’t mind. I want to know you’re safe.”
He gives me a look that means business before brandishing his killer smile.
“Right, well that settles it then if you’re happy, Ana?” I look over at Michael, silently asking if he is sure, and he determinedly nods his head. “Okay, I’m happy. Thanks for coming, Andrew.”
“It’s no sweat. I’ll take this in now and I should be able to have a result for you in a day or two.”
I show him the door thanking him every step of the way.
After shutting the door I lean my forehead against it. How could I get myself into this mess? Jake was right about me. I am a magnet for trouble. I don’t want it to find me, it just does. I feel a set of hands on my shoulders and I jerk a little, my unease still engulfing me. I quickly turn around and I’m met with a pair of sympathetic deep blue eyes.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you. You just look so lost standing there.”
I bury my head in his chest and start crying yet again.
“How can you stand me Michael? I’ve been nothing but trouble. It always seems to find me no matter what I do, and it always comes with a fucking cherry on top.” He starts laughing but not in a way that what I said was funny. Nothing about this is funny. He grips my arms firmly and looks deeply into my eyes.
“Ana, you’re not to blame for this. It’s not your fault that he’s decided to send you that card. You’re the most beautiful, intelligent, special woman I know and sometimes people take advantage of that, but it’s not your fault. Please understand that.”
The pain in his face is evident as he loosens the tight grip of my arms. We stand there for a few seconds as he just stares into my eyes. His breathing hitches slightly as he traces his eyes down to my lips. My heart starts to beat rapidly as I wonder what it is he’s thinking. He seems to want to kiss me, but I can see the little bolts in his head spinning again as he tries to figure out what to do. In another life I would want him to kiss me, who wouldn’t. He’s beautiful inside and out, but it always still boils down to the same thing with me ever since I met the obnoxious, overbearing, but unbelievably sexy caveman, Jake.
Michael’s decision is finally made when he lets me go and pulls away. I can see he’s debating whether he’s doing the right thing or not, but I think he is just trying to be a gentleman. He knows I’m still hurting over Jake, so I think he feels it would be exploiting the situation. I feel I must say something to let him know how I feel.
“Thank you, Michael. I truly mean that. You’re very unique and one day I hope you will meet someone who is just as special as you.” My words don’t seem to go down well as he looks on still in the same despair.
“Have you got another beer?”
I start laughing and lead the way to the kitchen to fetch him one.
After the awkwardness we manage to sit and eat potato chips, laughing and drinking together. We sit for ages quizzing each other with the knowledge of the Friends sitcom and coming out with lines from famous movies. It was nice to be able to be with a friend and forget just a little while about all the troubles that seem to surround me. We spoke about when we were little and the tricks we used to get up to, like replacing the salt container with sugar, and vice versa. We were in stitches reminiscing on the days when he first noticed girls and I first noticed boys. I was having such fun; I didn’t even realize it was close to midnight until I spotted the clock on the wall.
“Wow, would you look at the time. We’ve been talking for ages. I must get to bed and get my beauty sleep.”
Michael smiles up at me and I go to the closet to fetch him some blankets and a couple of pillows. I spy what looks like a big enough T-shirt for him and grab that also, thinking he would appreciate getting into something a little more comfortable. I make sure he’s okay before saying goodnight and making my way to the bedroom to get ready for some sleep. I set my alarm and get snuggled under my sheets sparing a thought for Jake and the beautiful flowers. I’m lying down dreaming of the way he used to trail his fingers up and down my spine and how that used to make me shiver all over. No man has ever made me feel that way. After a few sexually frustrating memories, I finally get off to sleep.
Chapter 10
The smell is here again. The smell that I can only assume is offensive to me, as rotten dead bodies are to anyone. I try to stop myself breathing it in, but it’s no use. The whiskey aroma is filling my nostrils and stinging the back of my throat. Please not this again.
I can’t see him, but maybe that’s because I don’t want to see him. I feel him though, and I can hear his disgusting heavy breathing. The panic is rising again, as I can’t seem to move or will my eyes to open.
“You like it like this don’t you, Ana?”
I feel the blood pumping in my veins at the sound of his voice. “No, please just get off me,” I beg. His breathing is becoming more erratic as I feel his hardness digging into me again. I sob like a baby. I can’t believe how weak and feeble I have become knowing this man is on top of me. He has always made me feel as tiny as a flea, and he loves every minute of making me squirm.
“Ana, I’ve come to collect the goods. You know you owe me.” He breathes the words in my ear and I scream.
“No, get off me, ge
t off me,” I yell. I’m kicking and screaming, but suddenly I have his arms around me.
“Shh, it’s okay. It was just a bad dream. I’m here.”
Jake is here. His words soothe me and I relent into his arms. The feeling of having him so close overwhelms me so much, that my body reacts to it quickly. I pull at Jake hungrily to my mouth and I feel his warm lips to mine. He moans into my mouth and I return that beautiful sound to him. I’m gripping at his T-shirt and pulling him into me. He complies immediately positioning himself on top.
I spread my legs longing to feel his hardness on my crouch. I don’t care if he dry humps me, I just want to feel him near me, on me; anything just to satiate my need for him. I want to feel his lips on mine, the way he touches me so in the right spots that he knows will render me completely his.
I trail my hands down around his hips and immediately I notice a difference in him. He’s lost weight. Maybe the stress of being away from me has gotten to him, too. Ever since I left I have been dreaming of these moments with him. I wrap my legs around his waist so I can feel the true force of his body pressed against mine. With both feet, I push him into me again, and again he moans. He wants me just as much as I want him. I must be soaking wet against his boxer shorts and he must be able to feel my longing for him. He runs his hand across my tank top and down towards my breasts. He finds my hard nipple and squeezes it gently. If I don’t have him inside me soon, I’m going to explode. I hear him growl against me as I scratch at his back. He traces gentle kisses against my neck and down towards my breasts. “Jake,” I cry.
I’m so lost in the moment that I’m unaware for a few seconds that he has stopped. What happened? Going from complete confusing, I’m suddenly jolted into the here and now. I quickly realise I’m in Jessie’s spare room, and that Michael… oh shit no, Michael stayed with me.
I feel his heavy breath in my ear and his sudden deflated body is hovering over me still. “Michael, I’m so sorry. I—”
“Don’t, Ana, please.”
The tears are streaming down my face now, ashamed at what I’ve just done. He must be so pissed at me. All he’s ever done is be nice, gentle and kind to me, and I’ve just thrown that back in his face. I wouldn’t blame him if he ups and walks out of the apartment right now. I would. It would only be what I deserved.
He climbs off me, the disappointment screaming from every pore of his body. He sits positioned at the edge of my bed. I’m starting to tremble with my tears, I feel so mortified.
“Please don’t cry, Ana.”
He tries to comfort me, but that just makes me feel even worse.
“I thought this was too good to be true. You’re obviously very much in love with Jake still and I understand that. I wish you didn’t love him, but I understand. I also know exactly why Jake’s been such an asshole since you left. If it’s like that with you all the time, no wonder he’s such a jerk. I can understand now exactly what he’s missing.”
I know he’s trying to make little light of the situation, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like a complete dickhead.
“I have nightmares a lot of the time. Jake used to be there for me when I had them before. I’m so sorry, I think in my subconscious I thought—”
There was no point trying to explain. I think I’m only making things worse.
“Look, if it makes you feel any better, we’ll just pretend that this never happened, okay? I probably should have realized what was happening anyway and stopped it myself. You just made it so hard to say no.”
I suddenly want him to stop talking. I feel terrible, and Michael trying to make me feel better, is only making it worse.
“I’m going back to the couch now. It’s all forgotten, okay?”
I nod my head, as it is all I can do after my massive blunder. Michael says nothing more and makes his way out of the door.
Once it’s shut, I heavily fall back onto my bed and sigh aloud. What an absolute numpty I am. I try to go back to sleep, tossing and turning, but it’s no use. I feel too stupid, and quite frankly, sexually frustrated now that I’ve had a taste of what sex used to be like. I toss and turn a few more times willing my body to give in, but it’s not having any of it. I eventually turn over to look at the time and it's nearly 6am. The only thing I can think of to do is go for a run. As soon as my decision is made I get up and get ready.
I try to be as quiet as I could when I left, so I didn’t disturb Michael. I put the key in the door and gently pulled to lock it on my way out. I get to the lift and press the button. It soon comes as no one else is around at this time in the morning—only this fucked up twat of a woman whose body I have to endure living in. I get in and it makes one floor before it opens again. Who could be out this early? To my pleasant surprise, it's Brian. “Hey, Brian, how are you?” I notice he is also wearing running gear. Obviously two minds think alike.
“I’m fine; I guess you’re going running, too? Mind if we go together?”
I was actually glad he asked. It probably would be better if he came with me just in case. I don’t want to give Alan a reason to think he can get to me that easily. “Sure thing that would be great, thanks.”
We head outside and we both decide to do some stretches.
“So do you normally like to get up this early in the morning to run?” he asks.
“Sometimes yes, but normally no. I had a bad dream and couldn’t get back to sleep. Also, if I’m brutally honest with you, I need to let off some sexual tension.”
He raises his eyebrows at me and smiles. “Well, I’m sorry. I can’t help you out there as far as that’s concerned. I can run with you, but don’t ask me to do that.”
I start laughing and he laughs along with me.
“So, what brought this on, was it the flowers yesterday?”
I wish it was just the flowers, but the thought of having Jake near me and touching me this morning, has just alighted fires I had buried deep within me for the last few days. Now I’m hot and ready for him, and I don’t like it. I’m angry with him as he betrayed me. I can’t have my body let me down.
“Sort of, yes. He really knows how to turn it on, in more ways than one.”
“Well, he sounds just heavenly to me. I would love to meet him.”
We start laughing and head off on our journey. I let Brian lead the way as he obviously does it on a regular basis. “So do you normally run often?”
He nods, “Yep, every other morning I drag myself out of bed and do this. I like to keep in shape and I also feel that running sometimes helps me think—if you know what I mean?”
Yes, I do know. Sometimes I find myself in a world of my own when I run. I always tend to find myself drifting off into a daydream. It’s amazing how I don’t end up getting lost at times.
“Yes, I do know what you mean. It is why I like to do it also. So how long have you been dating your man?”
“About four months now. We met through a mutual friend and just hit it off straight away. I’ve never known anyone like him. He makes me laugh so hard at times, and I think you should always need someone like that in your life, don’t you think?”
I wholeheartedly agreed. “Yes, of course you should. No sense in being with a right old miserable bastard now, is there?” He starts laughing again, but it’s becoming more difficult to talk now that we have been running a while. We make the remainder of the run mostly in silence.
On the way back my heart nearly dropped at the sight of Jake’s Range Rover parked in the parking lot. The thought of him being here and going upstairs to find Michael answering the door, has me in a panic. As I get nearer to the car I let out a sudden breath, as I find him easing down from his seat. He spots me, then quickly spots Brian and scowls. Oh dear, this isn’t going to help with the alpha male tendencies. Little does he know.
“Jake, what are you doing here?” I gently jog towards him and stop, trying to catch my breath a little.
“I came to see you.” The whole time he says it, he’s still staring at Brian
. If he was a lion, he would be bearing his teeth and roaring by now.
I try to snap him out of it. “Jake, this is Brian, my neighbor upstairs. Brian, this is Jake.”
Brian puts his hand out to Jake. “So you’re the Jake. Nice to meet you.”
Jake just looks at his hand, but doesn’t take it. I roll my eyes and Jake notices.
“Yes, I’m the Jake and still am, so—”
I quickly stop him before he does something he regrets. “Jake, I think you’ve said enough. Brian, thank you for the run and I’ll see you later.” He gives me a sympathetic smile and runs off.
“So, who’s that jerk off?”
Oh for goodness sake, this morning I wanted him to take me in every way possible and now, I’m just plain angry.
“Jake, why is it you seem to think you can just turn up here unannounced, and jump on every guy you spot me talking to?”
The piercing green eyes are back at me now with a vengeance.
“Ana, every time I’ve come over here, you’ve not only been talking to guys, you’ve been out to the movies with one, and now out running with another. What do you expect me to think?”
I don’t know why, but I felt a little guilty when he put it like that. I suppose it does look a little bad, although in all purposes, they were completely innocent. I’m not sure how he would take knowing Michael stayed the night with me last night. The thought sends shivers down my spine. Instead of being angry now, I feel I must placate him.
“Jake, Brian is just a friend and not only that, he’s gay. He has a boyfriend. I don’t know his name as I’ve yet to meet him, but I assure you there is no interest on his or my end as far as that’s concerned.”
His posture softens a little and he tries to get closer. My body reacts to it straight away.
“Did you get my flowers?”
I nod my head, “Yes I did, and thank you for my Bon Jovi album. That was thoughtful. I couldn’t believe you remembered.” He gets a little closer and my heart rate picks up a few notches.
Take it Deep (Take 2) Page 7
