For some reason I found myself off the bed, frantically trying to get dressed. I checked my pocket and found I still had my key card, and very quietly headed for the door. I turned my head to look at Jake one last time and timidly shut the door on my way out.
By the time I got to my room I was in bits. I went through the motions taking my make-up off and washing and brushing my teeth, but I was suddenly overcome with exhaustion. Every part of the hotel now was deathly quiet—so quiet it almost felt like I was the only one there. It was the loneliest feeling in the world.
I checked the alarm clock on the nightstand and it read, 03:24. No wonder it was so quiet around, I didn’t realize it was so late. I climbed into bed welcoming how good the sheets felt against my skin and quickly fell into a coma.
Chapter 18
I woke to the sound of the phone ringing. I moaned and pulled my hand out of the covers to answer. “Yeah,” was all I could manage.
“Ana, I didn’t think you’d be there. I haven’t disturbed you and Jake have I?”
It was Jessie and her delightful morning voice that I came to loathe first thing. She was definitely a morning person and I hate mornings.
Her words didn’t sink in straight away, but the events that took place last night suddenly bolt through my mind. My heart constricted. “He’s not here,” was all I could manage.
Jessie sighed, “What do you mean he’s not there? Hold on a sec, I’m coming down.”
I was about to protest when she hung up. I really couldn’t deal with this first thing in the morning. I know she isn’t going to be pleased with me and the thought made my head pound.
I didn’t drink a lot last night, but I suddenly felt very hung-over. I sat up looking at the clock and it was a little after nine. I moaned as my feet found its way to the mini bar. I pulled out an orange juice and took a swig. The feeling of the cold running down my throat was just the ticket to wake me up a bit. The bliss of it didn’t last very long when the sound of a very unhappy Jessie is pounding on my door.
I answer, and she’s standing there, hands on hips before she barges past me into the room. Oh shit, I’ve really pissed her off.
“Well, come on, tell me? Why aren’t you and Jake back together and loving each other up this morning? What happened when he whisked you away last night, you just drank hot chocolate together and made small talk?”
I sit on the bed suddenly feeling a heavy weight on my shoulders. “It wasn’t like that.” She sits with me searching my eyes and her voice softens.
“Then what was it like? Tell me?”
I explained to her what happened after he left and her face looked stunned.
“I don’t understand, Ana. He’s your forever, isn’t he?”
I try not to let it take over but my heart gives in letting the tears flow. I nod my head and Jessie takes me in her arms. I suddenly felt worse as Jessie was being so nice to me when all I was expecting was a fight.
“Why don’t you let your heart tell your head what it wants and give in? I know what Jake did was bad, but I have no doubt in this world that he won’t spend the rest of his life regretting what happened and trying to make it up to you.”
She grabs a tissue and wipes my eyes for me, waiting for my answer.
“What if he hurts me again Jessie? What if something else comes up between us and he pushes me away again, just like last time? I don’t think I could take that. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if he rejected me like that again. I don’t think I would ever recover.”
She wipes more tears from my face and sighs. “Is that how you really feel? You think he’s going to do it again to you?”
I nod my head, “Yes,” I sob.
“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. You’re obviously hurting more than I realized and nowhere near being able to forgive and forget about what happened. I’ve fucked up and I can only apologize.”
I look at her for answers, “What do you mean?”
Her eyes downcast she speaks, “I called Jake last night and asked him to come. When I saw the look on your face when Jerry and I kissed it was like agony for me. I only did what I thought a true friend should do, so when I left you all at the table together, I went to the restroom and called him. I told him that you were miserable without him and that if he hopped in his car right then and got here, that I would near enough guarantee you’d be in his arms by the end of the night. I was right about one thing, but I completely messed up. You should have heard the hope in his voice. I have no doubt that he didn’t grab his keys and head for the door the moment he put the phone down. And now I’ve gone and fucked up, hurting the pair of you. I’ve turned what should have been the best night of your life into the worst nightmare for you, and I feel like shit because of it.”
I should have been angry at her but I wasn’t. She was my best friend and was only doing what she thought was best for me.
“Jessie, last night was perfect in every way. I couldn’t have pulled a better night for anyone myself. You have no reason to feel guilty. I couldn’t hate you for that.”
The mood all morning was indescribable. I was miserable as sin and it wasn’t long before I was in the same depression I felt after I first left Jake.
I made up some time after getting ready to write a note to Luca—the lovely, dangerous gentleman who bought me champagne. I didn’t care whether he was dangerous or not, I wasn’t going to leave without even a thank you.
I wrote the note on checking out and ran to Jessie’s car as fast as my legs could carry me. I did offer to drive as she was the one who drove down here. She could tell I wasn’t in the right frame of mind, so declined my offer.
She let me be alone in my thoughts the whole journey home and I appreciated her for that. I know I was wallowing in self-pity again, but I couldn’t help it. I felt as lonely as hell and a part of me was wondering whether I had done the right thing. Jake was the one in the wrong and now I’ve made him suffer for it. Big time. I didn’t wish that on him at all, I would never really want to truly hurt Jake intentionally. I was fucking up like nothing else unintentionally though. I felt raw and disgusted with myself for giving in last night. The timing couldn’t have been as perfect as it was, him turning up at that precise point that song came on. It gave me butterflies in my stomach thinking about what happened between us. It would be so easy to give in and ask to be his again, but the thought scared the hell out of me. What if I let my walls down again, and again he hurts me? I know I’m vulnerable and I know I’m insecure, but I can’t help the way I feel.
Once we get back to Fairfax, I’m exhausted. I thank Jessie profusely again and make my excuses to get into bed. I must have cried for hours before my body gave in to sleep. I never heard a thing from Jake, but how could I blame him for that? He chased me and pursued me relentlessly and this is how I repaid him.
My mind was restless in sleep. I must have dreamed over and over again about last night. It was like my mind was trying to re-enact what happened, taking note of more and more detail about our love making. I didn’t even realize I was sobbing until I heard Jessie’s voice.
“Ana, baby, you’re dreaming, wake up. Ana, it’s only a dream; he’s not here to harm you. I swear.”
I grab at Jessie, clutching onto her arms. She strokes my hair as I sob painfully into her shoulder. I feel like someone is stabbing me multiple times in the stomach, the pain is so excruciating and nauseous.
“I wasn’t dreaming about him,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Oh, Ana, I can’t stand to see you like this, it breaks my heart. I wish you weren’t so insecure about your feelings for Jake, but I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. I’m your number one fan,” She says creepily.
I start laughing through my sobs. She always knows the right things to say, even in the worst circumstances.
“It’s almost six, do you want me to make you some coffee, or do you want to try and get some more sleep?”
“Don’t you want to go back
to bed? I feel terrible waking you.”
“That’s okay, I was awake anyway. I was about to make myself some coffee when I heard you.”
“Thanks, Jessie, coffee would be great right about now.”
The rest of the day was hard; being back to square one was not a good feeling. My mind constantly raced along with my heart. Every time the phone rang or a text was heard, I jumped. Of course none of the calls or texts were from Jake, they were all for Jessie. She and Jerry were very much in love, so of course they were going to be constantly calling and texting each other. I just wished I wasn’t so self-involved to make the effort to be glad for her. I felt so selfish and the more I felt that way, the crappier I felt.
I wasn’t looking forward to tomorrow at all. I was going to have to face Jake again and I didn’t know how I was going to be able to do it after what I had done. He’s going to despise me now and who could blame him.
Chapter 19
I get into work with Jessie and I feel sick with nerves. I place all my belongings on my desk, spying a few people staring at me. I spot Tom and he comes over with a big grin.
“Great night Saturday, Ana and it would seem you did, too. What have you done with him?”
“Excuse me,” I say confused.
“Mr Bennett, he’s not here. Have you exhausted him that much that he’s still in bed?”
I look toward Jessie and she shrugs her shoulders. I started to panic a little. I had a bad feeling in my stomach and the only way to find out if he’s okay was to call Matthew.
I tell Tom and Jessie I have to make a call rummaging through my bag to grab my phone. My heart nearly stopped when I saw a text message from Matthew wondering if his dad had stayed with me since Saturday night. All my panic buttons were pressed at this point and I started frantically dialling Jake’s number over and over again about twenty times before I gave up.
“Jessie, I’m shitting bricks here. I really think there’s something wrong.”
“Try ringing the hotel, maybe he’s taking time out there,” she suggested.
I was so glad she was with me right now, my head wasn’t thinking straight. I dialled the number and sure enough he was still staying at the hotel. I asked the lady at reception to dial his room for me, but again there was no answer.
“I have no other choice, Jessie; I’m going to have to go down there after him. I can’t leave him like this. It’s all my fault this has happened anyway.” She looked at me grimacing, I could tell she still felt guilty about what she had done, but there really was no need for her to be. I was the one that fucked up here, so I had to be the one to sort this out. My mind and body cried to be with him again anyway. There was just no other solution.
“Okay, call me please once you’ve found him. I still feel terrible.”
“Jessie, please don’t do this to yourself, it wasn’t your fault, believe me.”
I didn’t want to stick around too long so I grabbed all my things and headed out.
I was on a mission.
I got to the hotel in no time at all and raced to the reception, hardly giving myself any time to breathe before I spoke. “Jake Bennett’s room, I need to get in there, now please.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t just let you in a guest’s room, it’s against hotel policy.”
“Listen lady, I don’t much care for your policy. I was in his room the night before last and need to get in there again. Please give me the key.”
“Is there a problem here?”
I looked across and saw Luca standing there with all his belongings. I felt terrible asking him for help again after he supplied me with champagne the night before last, but I was desperate.
“The man I was telling you about on Saturday, he’s here. I stayed with him that night but then I left. I’m worried about him. He’s not turned into work or answering his phone. He could be injured in there or worse. You can see this is an emergency.” I looked at the lady through my last sentence imploring her to see sense.
“Of course, what number is he in?” Luca asked.
“8124,” I spat out quickly.
“Veronica, please give the lady the key card to 8124. I think it may be a good idea if you send someone up with her just in case he needs help.”
She nods dutifully picking up the phone. I can’t help being terribly grateful to this tall, dark, handsome stranger.
“I seem to be making a habit of saying thank you to you lately, but I truly mean it.”
“Don’t mention it; would you like me to accompany you to the room?”
“No, please, you have done enough. I can take it from here.”
I thank him again as a porter comes along to aid me to Jake’s door. I clutch at the key card, willing myself not to lose it. I needed to be strong.
I place the card in the door and it opens straight away. The porter stands to attention outside, as I make my way in. The room is dark as the curtains are pulled shut. I can see bottles of liquor on the floor. Whiskey, oh God no. The stench hits me and my legs threaten to cave under. Jake didn’t know anything about my whiskey phobia, not that it meant anything at this particular moment. I had to swallow my fear and deal with Jake. He is important now.
I see the silhouette of him sprawled out face down on the bed. He has an empty bottle in his hands and the fear soon turns to panic about whether he is okay. I rush to him, trying to shout his name. “Jake, Jake,” I cry, desperately trying to pat his face. He stirs moaning and I nearly sink to the floor in relief.
“Ana, please don’t leave me,” he murmurs.
The words were barely comprehensible, but I knew exactly what he said. I had to help him—boy has he done it for me in the past. It was about time I returned the favor.
“Jake, babes, I’m not leaving you. I’m going to take you home, okay?” I see the resemblance of a smile as he tries to speak.
“Home, home where you belong,” he mumbles.
I waste no more time getting the porter to help me lift him up and take him to the car.
“Don’t you think he needs a hospital?” the porter asked.
“No, I’ll take care of him. If I think he needs one, I’ll take him, but for now I just want to get him home.”
I didn’t want to get any hospital involved unless I really had to. He was off getting plastered when he should have been at work. I wanted to at least try and save him from any possible trouble he could get himself into.
We manage to get him to the car, but with a certain amount of difficulty considering Jake is a big man. It was all worth possibly breaking my back over. It was only what I deserved. I also felt I deserved the stench from him. The nausea was unreal at times and the urge to run was immense—but I held firm.
Once I had him in the car, I took his car keys and headed back with the porter. I tipped him generously and paid the hotel bill for Jake. I gave them the keys asking them to please call a pick-up firm to collect his car and bring it back to Jake’s address. I gave them my number and all the details they needed before running back to Jake.
I picked up a few bottles of water on the way out and set about making the journey to Jake’s house as fast as I could.
Jake stirred quite a bit and mumbled a lot. I was glad of it; at least it meant he was still alive. I was worried about him. I didn’t know how much he had drunk and it scared me to death.
I got to Jake’s as quickly as I got to the hotel, and ran to the backseat with some water. “Jake, Jake,” I said trying to rouse him. “Jake, please sit up. You have to drink some water.” He manages to rise and opens his eyes to me.
“Ana, are you real?”
“Yes, baby, please, drink some water for me?” I place the bottle to his lips and he takes it down in steady gulps. I try looking in his pocket for the house keys and I spot him smiling.
“Ana, we can’t do this here.”
“Jake, I need to get you in the house so I can put you to bed.”
“Yes, come to bed with me. You left me.”
; I felt like I had been whipped. The guilt that washed over me was vast and unrelenting. I tried to put all thoughts aside so that I could tend to Jake’s needs. I pulled at him to get out of the car and wrapped his arm around me.
I tried so hard to hold my nose so I couldn’t breathe in the smell, but it was no use when I was pulling a dead weight up the stairs to his house.
I finally managed to get him in and up the stairs to his bed. I laid him down, glancing around his room. The ache took over remembering all the good memories we used to have here. I open a window to try and get the smell away and hold a bedside vigil in his comfortable chair.
I sit for what must have felt like hours before Matthew comes in.
“Ana!” he shouts.
Of course, he must have seen my car. I rush out of the room and down the stairs to see him.
“Ana, is everything okay? Where’s Dad?”
I see the worry in his eyes and the guilt quickly resumes. “He’s upstairs sleeping. He was staying at the hotel in Fredericksburg. He’s just sleeping off some drink at the moment.”
“What happened?” he asked, startled.
He placed his bag on the floor and we made our way to the kitchen. I started making some coffee, knowing this was going to be a long explanation. I owed it to him after all.
“He came to me on Saturday night,” I began. “I led him to believe that there was something between us again, but then I left. The first I knew he hadn’t returned home was when I got into work, received your text and rang the hotel.”
He scratched his head before deciding to speak. “I know what dad did was wrong, but can’t you find it in your heart to forgive him? He is my dad after all and I don’t like seeing him suffer, or you to tell you the truth. I can see it in your eyes that you’re both miserable.”
I think for a moment, pain still weighing heavily on my heart. “I just need time, Matthew. That’s all. I have always found it so hard to trust anyone and I trusted your dad. He’s not a bad person, I know that, but what he did just eats away at me at times. I know I will get over it and I know that he still loves me. I just need to get my head straight. I’m sorry it’s not the best explanation in the world, but it’s the only one I have.”
Take it Deep (Take 2) Page 14
