Travelling to Mum’s place has got me thinking. I should go check on some other people too. I have managed to survive this long. Maybe I can help some others too. If they are still alive that is. I’ll go to Rory’s house tomorrow. They were safe last time I heard, maybe they are still holding out. I should also check on Kelly. Not that we were close or anything. It’s just that I think about her all the time. Lastly I want to find out about Nana and Pop. They are quite a distance away in Richmond so I’ll have to give that journey some thought. I can’t really think of anyone else that would be worth the risk and effort. Quite depressing really.
17th December. 17.36pm.
Nothing to report today. Couldn’t be bothered doing anything. Oh, I’ve decided to go to Kelly’s house first. Her picture in the yearbook has got me fantasising again.
18th December. 12.03pm.
It took me awhile to find Kelly’s house. I took a wrong turn and got all confused. I had to backtrack to the main road and retrace my steps from a direction I knew. I’m sitting on her porch having a bite to eat before I go inside. The front door is slightly ajar. I have come to recognise this as a bad sign. Up till now I have never entered an unlocked house and found it unoccupied by a vampire. But I came all this way, might as well finish it off. I have to know what happened to her. It will eat me alive if I turn back now.
18th December. 12.34pm.
Jesus. I can’t believe only half an hour has passed since I went inside. I very nearly threw my life away in there. I’m back on the porch now. My hand is shaking so bad it’s hard to type. I have to get away from here right now. Else I’m afraid I’ll go back in there and never come out.
18th December. 14.58pm.
I’m still shaking. No, shaking is the wrong word for it. Trembling is more like it. I’m back at the safe house now. I don’t dare leave. If I do, I know I’ll go straight back to her house. Back to her. I have this horrible yearning. It terrifies me. And captivates me. I have to resist it. I’ll try to explain what’s happening. Maybe I can understand it better and hope my rationality wins out.
I went inside her house. It was very dark compared to the cloudy day outside. I had never been inside before so I didn’t really know what to expect. Once my eyes had adjusted I looked around the first floor. There were no bedrooms but a couple of closets and the pantry. The closets were all empty. A grabbed a few handfuls of the tinned goods and stacked them outside. Then I went back in and climbed the stairs to the second floor. From the top of the landing I could tell which was her room. Her door was closed. It had a couple of ribbons and photos taped to it. I examined the photos and was surprised to see myself in one. It was taken at a school swimming day. There was a whole group of us together so it wasn’t like an intimate shot of just the two of us. It still threw me a bit. My stomach turned over once and that familiar ache I have for her returned.
I opened her door as quietly as I could and looked inside. It was extremely dark in there. I stood at the doorway and waited. Nothing. I stepped inside and was overwhelmed by the smell of the room. It was incredible. Like freshly shampooed hair and moisturiser. I knew instantly where I had smelt it before. That one time we had sat together on the school bus. It’s funny how scents can trigger memories like that. I started to cross to the curtains to let some light in when I bumped into the bed. Her bed. I could see better in the gloom now. She was lying on the bed. I stood transfixed. I hadn’t expected this. Was she still alive? Was she just sleeping? She didn’t move a muscle though. I moved to her side for a better look. God what a sight. I can’t get the image out of my mind. She lay completely straight on her back on top of the covers. The bed was neatly made underneath her. Her dark honey-coloured hair lay thickly around her bare shoulders. Seeing that bare flesh sent a tremble throughout my body. She was wearing a white silky nightdress. Her shoulders and lower neck were bare. I could see all the curves and smooth contours I had dreamed about for years. This was when the trembling started in earnest. I have never seen anything so beautiful and desirable in my life. I reached out my shaking hand. Somehow I found the strength to stop and look at her face. Her lips looked full and slightly pouting. The lashes of her closed eyes curled upwards luxuriously. I looked back at her chest again and that was when the spell broke. Her chest wasn’t moving.
When I say the spell broke you have to understand that it was only the tiniest fraction. I was still 99.9 percent transfixed. But some small sliver of logic permeated my flaming mind. She wasn’t breathing. For all intents and purposes she looked alive. But she wasn’t breathing. She wasn’t alive, but she wasn’t dead either. She was a vampire. Even though this registered it didn’t change a thing. At that moment I didn’t care at all. I wasn’t scared. The only thing that mattered was my desire, my desire to be with her, to be taken in her arms. Lord help me if I ever see her awake. I wouldn’t stand a chance.
Something had to give in this stalemate and it was me. I reached out and placed my palm on her bare shoulder. Two things happened then and I thank God for the second one because it broke the trance I was under. She sighed at my touch. The movement accompanying the sigh was incredibly erotic. She arched her back and neck slightly and parted those pouting lips. Her breast heaved and moved in a wonderful weighted motion. I thrilled at the sight.
Then I realised my hand was cold. Freezing cold. Her flesh was alive and supple underneath my grip but it was bone cold. As cold as a mortuary slab. The chill seemed to seep into the very bones of my right hand. I recoiled in horror and backed away. She didn’t wake up though. She just relaxed her body, moaned and returned to her frozen sleep.
I felt the familiar thrill returning at the sight of her. I had a horrible feeling that her cold touch wouldn’t deter me the second time. I imagined myself laying down next to her and waiting for the sun to set. To see her slowly rouse and smile at me, an unexpected but welcome surprise. She would run her tongue gently over those lips and blink those large doe eyes slowly. She would claim me then and I would be in heaven.
I ran. This time I fled before her spell could take hold.
I didn’t realise until I was halfway home that I had forgotten my bag and bicycle. I stopped in the middle of the road panting and heaving. I almost turned to go back but instead kept running. If I went back now I wouldn’t return. Ever.
18th December. 23.55pm.
I think her hold on me is slipping. But it has taken nearly eight hours. I’ve been struggling with myself all that time. Should I go back? What is the point of enduring? At least I could end it all in style. Every time these thoughts started to gain a foothold I would force myself to say out loud what she really is, “A Vampire.” No longer is she that sweet kind girl I knew at school. She is something else now. She won’t remember me. All she will recognise is a sack of blood. As shocking as it sounds, this line of thought seems to have helped. I have to denounce the girl I once loved. She is dead. Some other thing inhabits her body now.
But she isn’t like the other vampires. They all seem to bear the wounds of their initial death. Sure they have that incredible healing ability, but the original wounds, the ones inflicted before their death and resurrection, they don’t heal. If she were turned she would bear the marks. Maybe she was struck down during that first wave of infection? Maybe she committed suicide or died some other way and the curse/virus bought her back. But that doesn’t explain the power she held over me today. All the other creeps I’ve encountered have instantly revolted me. They give off bad vibes. Except for one other: the Master that had destroyed the Robinson’s. For those brief moments he toyed with me outside my window I was captivated and repulsed in equal measure. It was the same feeling as with Kelly. Except his lure was power and grace. He was trying to put me under the spell as well! I just fell for Kelly’s charms more because I loved her. And he couldn’t succeed where she did because I just saw him slaughter my next-door neighbours.
Kelly MacKenzie is a Master Vampire. And I left my bag and bicycle outside her front door. I even lef
t the laptop open and running.
If Master vampires have a bloodhound sense of smell and tracking then I’m in for a visit tonight. If she calls for me tonight I doubt I will be able to resist.
19th December. 10.25am
Well I’m still here. At least I now know one thing for sure about the Master Vampires, they cannot track me. If they could, then Kelly would’ve followed me right to this house. I’m not too big to admit I spent the night cowering. It wasn’t so much that I was afraid of her, I am afraid of what I’ll do if I meet her face to face. But I don’t have to worry about that now, unless I go back.
And I have to go back. I left my stuff there including this laptop. Whoa! You’re probably thinking how can he be typing this out if the laptop is a couple of suburbs away? Since I returned last night I’ve been writing in this notepad. I will copy these entries into the electronic journal later.
I’ve forgotten how writing so much can hurt your hand. I haven’t felt this since Mrs. Ketcher made me write, ‘I will not pretend to pass gas during study time’ one hundred times. Physically writing is just not the same as the laptop though, I feel lost without it. I need it back. I’ll give it another day then retrieve it tomorrow. I think my willpower will be strong enough by then.
19th December. 14.22pm.
I made it there and back in one piece. I felt good on the journey to her house. I just had this feeling that I rationally knew what she was and that knowledge would hold me in good stead. All this bravado evaporated when I got a good look at her front porch.
Two days ago I had left a haphazard pile of canned goods all over the porch. I remember dumping my bike in the front lawn and throwing my backpack next to it. This was the scene I envisioned finding again. Instead I found something else.
I stood in the street and stared at the house, reluctant to get closer. The canned goods had been stacked into four little neat piles. My backpack was propped up on a chair and the bike was standing upright on its kickstand. My laptop was turned off and returned to its case. I was further surprised to see a couple of large bottles of water arranged neatly next to the canned food. I hadn’t seen them before.
My stomach flip-flopped as I approached, there was something attached to my backpack. It was an envelope. My stomach lurched even more and my hands began to sweat. I plucked the envelope off the bag. It had been secured with a ribbon. I knew exactly where I had last seen that ribbon. One word was written on the envelope in neat cursive script, the style a teenage girl would use. It simply said, “Tom.” I panicked then. It was a combination of the shock of seeing my name and that familiar burn of desire beginning to blossom. I shoved the envelope in the backpack, collected the laptop bag and jumped on the bike as fast as I could. I rode across the lawn, pedalling furiously. I hit the kerb too fast and skidded at a crazy angle. I fell off and instinctively thrust my right arm out to break the fall. I was lucky not to snap the bones in my wrist. I did graze my forearm on the bitumen quite badly though. I didn’t notice the pain however until I was ten minutes down the road.
I spent the entire trip home in a daze. The envelope in the backpack felt like it weighed a ton. I could feel in boring into my spine, attempting to burrow into my brain and spread its tangled roots. Possibilities both wondrous and grim floated in and out of my consciousness. Through it all though I only had one goal: to get home to my safe house. And for that I am eternally grateful.
Once I made it home I tried to relax. My legs ached from the exertion of the frenzied bike ride. However my heart continued to thud in my chest long after I had recovered. I took out the envelope and held it nervously. I didn’t hesitate. I opened it and took out a single sheet of pale yellow paper. Kelly’s neat bubbly script flowed down the page like a cool waterfall in summer. My fingers seemed to tingle where they touched the paper. I read it through in a rush, my heart pounding louder and louder. I closed my eyes, tried to focus my thoughts and forced myself to read it slowly.
Hello Tom,
Thank you for visiting me yesterday. I have been so lonely these past weeks, as I'm sure you have too. As soon as I woke last night I knew you had been there. I just wish that I could have seen you. It's not fair you know, that you got to see me. I'm a bit embarrassed I wasn't wearing something more appropriate. But then again it was deliciously exciting. Don't you think?
I miss you Tom. After all this went down I’ve had a lot of time to ponder. I realise now we wasted too much time flirting and skirting around the real issue. I desperately want you. And I know you need me, you always have. You can have me now Tom. And I can take care of you. We can be together.
It's funny us meeting again like this, it feels like it was meant to happen. Come and see me again. Please. I don't mind begging because I know I can't go on much longer this way. I'm all alone and scared all the time. Please come and see me again, I will be waiting exactly as you left me.
Love Kelly.
I copied it down into the laptop exactly as you see it above. I glad I did this because it gave me something to do. I made sure I had copied it correctly and then took the letter, envelope and ribbon into the back yard. I dug a small hole in the remains of the veggie patch and hovered over it. I threw the letter and envelope in but couldn’t let go of the ribbon. That was the hardest part. The letter wasn’t written by the girl I knew but by a monster trying to entrap me. The ribbon however was a whole different kettle of fish. She wore this in her hair. Probably the last time I saw her alive. That was weeks ago now at school. We had passed each other in the corridor between classes. She was walking along holding her books to her chest and chatting to some friends. She stopped talking as we passed and had given me a coy smile.
It’s so unfair. Why did all this fucked up shit have to happen? How I wish we could all go back to those times. I wouldn’t be such a wimp this time. I would go right up to her and ask her out. Or even just talk to her. I don’t care if she would reject me as long as I could see her again. All that’s left is me and that thing in her house, the thing that’s using her ribbon as a lure to catch me. It knows the ribbon still holds the scent of her hair. It knows how I feel about the vessel it’s inhabiting. It knows too much. Is there some remnant of her still alive? Or has the vampire merely tapped into the memories of its host? Or has her original persona been twisted and corrupted by this evil curse? It doesn’t really matter one way or another. She’s gone and I’m here all alone. Nothing in the world is going to change that. It’s still not fair though.
I lit a match and dropped it into the hole. I watched sorrowfully as the flame briefly burst into life and devoured the message. It was all over in less than a minute. I kicked dirt over the hole and stared at the makeshift mound. This was the grave that she deserved. My eyes welled up but I choked them back angrily. I looked around for something to take my anger out on, something to put my fist through, something to destroy. Then I realised I was still clutching the ribbon. I had originally intended to burn that as well. I played the ribbon through my hands until I calmed down. This is how I should remember her. All anger and desire left me then. Only the hollow feeling of sadness remained. But there is determination too. Determination to survive. If I survive then the memory of her will too. And Dad and Mum and everyone else.
I looped he ribbon around my wrist and tied it. It felt good there.
19th December. 19.17pm.
Just had a thought: I doubt Kelly could tell I had been in the room, my laptop on the porch was probably a better giveaway. Yet another lie from that monster. If she could smell or sense me then she would’ve tracked me here.
20th December. 10.00am
Couldn’t get to sleep last night. It wasn’t the mass of creatures outside, I’m almost used to their noises now. I’ve was wondering all night what to do. I mean, what do I do next? I am not going to check on my former friends any time soon, my latest experience has put me off that for a while.
Should I just stay in this safe little house? Keep everything nice and quiet during the night so I
don’t draw attention to myself. I could stay here indefinitely as long as that Master Vampire doesn’t find me. I could organize this place, get it outfitted to suit my tastes. Stockpile enough food to last.
But what am I holding out for? To be rescued? Everyone is dead and those who aren’t are freaking vampires. Maybe if I do hold out long enough the vamps will starve to death. Is that even possible? I know they are undead, but they have to eat don’t they? Or they could turn on each other. Keep killing and eating each other until there is only one left, one big fat vampire. The Master. Maybe he will be the last one left. Just him and me. The only two left beings left alive in the country. I know which one of us would win in that final confrontation.
The Journal of Tom Barnett: Vampire Apocalypse Survivor Page 8
