‘And he did it, did he not? If he had been worthy of you, he would have told me to go to hell and claimed you. But he didn’t.’
‘Connor, he was just a boy.’
‘Old enough to be involved with my daughter,’ he said.
‘He would never have stood up to you. Your men fear you. He was too young.’ Even she could hear the sadness in her mother’s voice. Sadness and disappointment, not in Rob, but in her father. Lilidh understood she was witnessing something between them she’d never seen before.
‘He had another chance and, once more, he did not choose you, Lilidh. He chose his clan and my gold instead of you,’ he explained. ‘He is still not worthy of you.’
Her stomach rolled then and she knew she was going to be sick. Whether the bairn or the facts she’d just learned, it mattered not the cause. Without a word, she raced from the solar and sought her chambers.
Lilidh discovered that her chambers were the worst place for her to seek relief from the pounding in her head or the piercing pain of her breaking heart. Something she’d not thought possible since that terrible day long ago—carrying Rob’s child—was now a reality and was now her responsibility to handle. To her shame, part of her would have taken Rob back this moment if he returned to her and asked. Another warring part made her spine stiffen and her chin tilt up and want to refuse him no matter her condition. But now, now there was a bairn to consider, another life—her child’s—to care for and that put this in a different light for her.
Walking to the battlements above her chambers, she stood, eyes closed, allowing the winds to buffet her along until she reached the corner. The fact that it was her parents’ favourite place to stand and watch the yard below was not missed by her and she waited for some idea, some plan, to strike her.
Hours later, her head was clear but her heart was no less heavy than before. But since Rob had had two months to come back to her, if he was going to do it, she had little choice but to look elsewhere for solutions to her dilemma.
And once more, her heart would bear the cost of giving her love to a man who wished it not.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Silence surrounded them for several minutes. Connor went and poured himself a large cup of whisky and, after offering it to her first, drank it down. He sat down on one of the benches there. She was so angry at him that she could not even look at him.
He’d always been overbearing and controlling and a hard man, a beast, but this was worse. This was … hateful. And Jocelyn just could not understand why. If he objected to Rob because he was baseborn, so be it. But he’d accepted Rob and brought him up as part of their household and never treated him as such. At this moment, though, she cared not. She was so angry that she wanted to …
‘Do you think she’ll ever tell me about the bairn?’ he asked in a low voice.
Somehow he knew. It should not surprise her, but it did. Was that what had brought him to the solar in the middle of the day?
‘I doubt it,’ she said, still not meeting his gaze.
‘Did you speak about what she can do about this?’ She heard something creeping into his voice then—pain? Doubt?
‘Yes. I gave her several things to think about. The Murrays’ visit might be fortuitous for her.’
‘Jocelyn,’ he began in that tone that would tear out her heart. She shook her head and walked to the door.
‘I am so angry with you that I cannot speak about it now. I will see you at dinner.’
Jocelyn left him in the solar and went to find Lilidh.
The only thing that lightened her mood was knowing that she’d already sent her note on its way. If she was not as furious, she might have explained her reasons to her husband. But not now—she was that angry that she decided she would not tell him at all.
Connor sat back and watched Jocelyn leave. She was right—damn her!—too much of the time and this was another of those times. He’d thought about his actions those four years ago and realised he was wrong.
When the first rumours were reported to him, he’d had a long talk with Rob about Lilidh’s future and his own and how they would go along different paths. Mostly because her marriage would be used to make or strengthen political alliances and he would not rise to that level as the illegitimate son of the Matheson with others ahead of him to inherit and lead. But Connor understood the passions of youth and had hoped he impressed on Rob the boundaries of his behaviour.
Then more specific things were reported back to him—Rob’s lewd boasts to his friends about the way it was between him and Lilidh. The boundaries were being pushed and so Connor spoke to him again, talking about honour and loyalty and obedience. He’d even spoken to Lilidh about the same matters, but he knew she was attracted to the young handsome boy in their midst. Connor had recognised, as a father and a man, the glimmer of first love in her gaze and it had scared him.
So, when Rob came to him to ask his permission to speak to his father about a betrothal, Connor exploded with an insulting challenge to see if he would rise above himself and stand up for what he wanted, for who he wanted.
Instead, Rob did every outrageous thing he demanded in trying to pacify him into not starting war with his clan and to save himself from the humiliation of being disgraced as the cause of it. When Connor told him to make it look as though he was rejecting Lilidh, the boy did it.
Worse, the terrible mistake escalated and there was no way back from it. It caused a break in the long friendship Connor had had with Angus and left them both bitter and angry over it.
Now, four years later, there were even more repercussions from his stupid decision and actions.
Now, Rob still believed himself unworthy because of his actions. Connor just prayed the boy would see the truth before it was too late.
‘And what exactly do you think is going to happen?’ Dougal asked him as they walked up the steps to Rob’s chambers.
‘I will not repeat the past, Dougal. I have lived as though Connor’s words to me were true. I will not do it any longer.’
‘So,’ he asked as they entered the bedchambers filled with thousands of memories now for Rob, ‘you think the MacLeries will just let you ride off with Lilidh? Do you think she will even speak to her after what you said? What you did?’
Miserable after two months without her, Rob knew he had been a fool. And he had been as unworthy of Lilidh as her father had accused. He’d let Connor scare him off four years ago, doing the laird’s dirty work for him on the way out, but no more.
These last two months had been hell.
So many times he returned here to share something with her or to get her opinion or to discuss a plan, only to realise she was gone. He’d chased her away in spite of the love she had given to him.
Because of his fears.
What the hell kind of laird could he be if he was ruled by fear?
‘Rob,’ Dougal said, grabbing his arm to make him stop packing, ‘the elders are not in favour of this either.’
‘I do not give a damn whether they like it or not. If I am laird, I will decide. If they do not want me as laird, there is always Symon.’ He stopped a moment or two later when he noticed the horrified expression on his friend’s face. ‘I ask you again—will you come with me?’
‘And do what?’ Dougal crossed his arms and glared at him.
‘Pick up the pieces of my body and bring them back for burial?’ he asked. Though he said it in jest, it was one possibility of what could happen to him at the hands of the MacLeries. ‘Guard my back.’
‘If I was guarding your back, I would convince you of the folly of such an action. Let some time pass before approaching them. Send a message or two to gauge their willingness to talk. Use an intermediary to establish talks.’
Rob held out the parchment then, letting his friend read it. It was similar wording to the one from a year ago, but this time he had received it.
My husband is seeking an appropriate match for Lilidh’s hand in marriage.
‘The
re is no time,’ Rob said. ‘I leave at first light.’
Dougal looked from the message to Rob and back again before letting out a loud sigh. ‘You know he’ll send Rurik up against you first. Can you defeat him in battle?’
Could he defeat the MacLerie’s champion? The largest and strongest man he had ever met?
Could he?
The answer, as he discovered just a week later, was no.
Rurik was as unbeatable now as he’d always been. As Rob forced himself up from the ground for the fourth time, he reminded himself of why he was doing this. For her. For Lilidh.
Yet, he had not seen or heard her. Barely through the gates of Lairig Dubh, Rurik had charged him. Dougal had been dragged aside and now the battle went on through the yard. It was hard to see who observed them since one eye was swollen closed. It was hard to breathe with the broken ribs Rurik had caused with the first punch delivered. The blood streaming down his leg from the gash there made the ground underneath it slippery.
He’d begun fully armed with his sword, targe and dagger. As Rurik circled him now, only the sword was left. When those in the yard stopped cheering for Rurik and taunting him, Rob knew that Connor had arrived.
‘What are you doing here, Matheson?’ Connor called out. Rob turned in the direction of the call, hoping he faced Connor, but not certain because he could not see well.
‘I am here for Lilidh,’ he answered back, wondering if she was watching this and cheering for Rurik.
‘You are not worthy of her. Go home and do not return here.’
‘I think I am, MacLerie. I will not leave without her.’
The quiet at his approach now gave way to complete and utter silence, only the sounds of his hard breathing breaking into it. He’d challenged their laird—something few men had done and lived to tell of it. Thinking about it, the only man he knew who had was the one who had greeted him—Rurik.
‘Then show me how worthy you are, Matheson.’
The gauntlet had been thrown now. Rob would have to take her father down to prove himself to all the MacLeries. But even that did not guarantee Lilidh would accept him. This was just the next step in what would undoubtedly be the most painful experience of his life. Well, he thought as he took in as deep a breath as his chest would allow, she was worth it.
That was the last coherent thought for some time as he charged across in Connor’s direction and attacked. He gave it his all—never giving ground, never slowing, always moving forwards. He swung that sword until his arms screamed and until he could barely draw a breath. The noise overwhelmed him—so loud that it sounded like an army in a pitched battle around him. Or that might be because Connor had struck his head with the hilt of his sword and his ears were ringing.
He knew from the grunts that he had hit Connor several times, though the man never slowed down or tried to evade him. He only thought about Lilidh as he struggled to keep up.
Then, somehow, he managed to catch hold of Connor’s sword and fling it away with his. The crowd roared again, but he did not waste time listening. He chased Connor down and ploughed into him, knocking him to the ground as he tried to grab for the sword. Though he was certain his shoulder came out of its socket from the force with which he landed on Connor, he swung around and pinned Connor on the ground. Then, with his sword at Connor’s neck, he demanded his surrender.
Instead of hearing the words, he heard swords being drawn around him. MacLerie warriors surrounded him and pointed their swords at him now—killing their laird simply would not be allowed, whether he’d won or not. He put his hand up then and dropped his sword. Connor climbed to his feet and strode up to him, to deliver the death blow, no doubt.
‘Tell her I tried,’ Rob said quietly to Connor.
‘Tell her yourself,’ Connor growled back, looking over Rob’s shoulder towards the keep. Rob forced his battered and bleeding body to turn.
She looked like an angel, her hair streaming out behind her as she moved towards him. Her mouth opened and suddenly he realised it was not an angel—she was the legendary bean-shithe, the fairy woman whose scream foretold one’s death. Men moved out of her path in fear that she shrieked for them.
By the time the creature reached him, he thought it was Lilidh, but his open eye blurred from the blood dripping into it from a cut somewhere above it. He tried to reach out for her, but his arm would not obey. She stood before him now and he was grateful that the last thing he saw in this life would be her face.
Then the ground reached up and pulled him down to meet it.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The sting of frigid water woke him and he coughed and choked on it, sending slashes of pain throughout his beaten body. But the pain told him he yet lived.
Forcing his one eye open, he saw Connor and Jocelyn standing above him. The lady was whispering furiously at her husband, who did not seem to be listening at all. Tilting his head back, he recognised the curtain of black silk that cascaded around him—Lilidh’s hair. He wanted to tangle his fingers in it, but one hand would still not obey him and the other was holding hers.
‘Give me your hand, boy,’ Rurik said, reaching down for him. Though Lilidh began to argue and Jocelyn, he noticed, turned away, there was no way to avoid the warrior who grabbed his useless hand and pulled it. The sky above him flashed white and the very fires of hell coursed through his body as Rurik put his shoulder back in place.
‘Good fight, boy,’ Rurik said with a nod in his direction. ‘I would not have thought it in you,’ he added as he walked past.
When Rob could sit up, he noticed that Connor did not look unscathed and he felt some satisfaction in that. He might not have won, but he had given as good as he got. Connor nodded his head at Rob and he found himself hauled to his feet by two guards.
‘Go away,’ Connor ordered loudly.
The yard, now that he could see it, cleared at the laird’s orders, leaving only the four of them.
‘You are not the boy you were then, Rob,’ Connor said, gruffly.
Jocelyn whispered something to him and pushed against his arm. Connor held out his hand to Rob. Rob took it, wincing at the power in the older man’s grip.
‘I want your blessing, Connor. I would have Lilidh to wife if she will have me,’ he insisted, not looking at Lilidh for fear he would lose his nerve then.
‘If she will have you,’ Connor said, releasing his hand and putting his arm around his wife. ‘I was wrong about you, Rob. I was wrong.’
That was as close to an apology as Rob was going to get, but he did not care right now. Lilidh yet held on to his other hand and had not moved from his side. Connor grabbed his wife’s hand and tugged her in the direction of the keep. ‘Come into the hall and tell us if we have a wedding to prepare or not,’ Lilidh’s father called back to them.
Rob lifted their clasped hands up and kissed hers. The bloody mark he left from his split lip was not the most romantic thing he could have done, but she seemed not to notice it. Though he dripped water on her, she leaned against him.
‘I am sorry it took so long to understand your advice, Lilidh.’
‘My advice?’ she asked. Then a smile lit her face and he knew she was going to laugh. ‘You listened to my advice?’
‘These last months I could hear your words in my head. But I want to hear them from you. I want you to help me be the laird and chief I can be—not the one my father was or your father is.’ He kissed her gently and then added something that he had never said aloud to her. ‘I am so sorry for what I did to you, what I said. I understand if you hate me for the cruel words, but I hope you will forgive me and give me another chance. I love you, Lilidh, and I want you for ever, not just a year and a day.’
She kissed his face then, feathering light, gentle kisses across all the cuts and bruises he now wore and he lost himself in the love she showed him.
‘I forgive you, Rob,’ she whispered to him, easing the tightness in his chest that had nothing to do with the fight he’d just survived.
‘And you will have me? For ever?’ he asked, hoping that her answer was the one he hoped it would be.
‘Yes, my love. For ever.’
He would have to wait to show her how happy it made him, for the air around him began to shimmer and sparkle and the ground began to move back up at him. The good thing was that having her at his side slowed his descent and he landed with less of a thud than the first time.
‘Rob!’ she cried out, waking him from his stupor.
‘I am well,’ he answered though his body rebelled at the lie. He did not want to think of the number of broken bones or bruises or cuts on him. He just wanted to think about her.
‘Is this a good time to tell you something else?’ she said, as she brushed the hair back out of his eyes and caressed his cheek.
‘What is it?’
‘I think my parents will want a wedding quickly, Rob.’
‘Do you not want to wait and have one they have time to prepare for? Is that not what every woman wants?’ he asked, feeling the blood whooshing around inside his ears.
‘If we do not marry soon, people will be counting back and calling our bairn a seven-month babe.’
It took a few moments for the news to rattle through his brain and make sense, but when it did, he pulled her close and kissed her breathless.
Well, he tried, but then he began coughing and groaning from the pain. ‘You carry my child now?’ he asked.
She smiled and nodded. ‘Are you pleased?’
For a moment, a vision of her blossoming under his watch, filled with his child, was all he could see.
‘I am very pleased, Lilidh.’
That was the last thing he remembered until he woke in her bed in the keep two days later.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The bride was radiant, or tried to be, everyone agreed, even though her face was a ghastly shade of green as she walked up to meet her husband. The ceremony had already been delayed by her sudden bouts of illness. Though most of the men thought it must be her nerves, all the women recognised it for what it was.
At the Highlander's Mercy Page 20
