by C. A Ellis
I pull the blanket off and stretch, instinctively looking over at Luca. He smiles at me and says, “You seemed to sleep well.” I nod in response. Considering the circumstances, I really did; I think it came down to pure exhaustion from yesterday.
The plane stops and I hear the click, click of passengers starting to undo their seatbelts. Luca stands to get his carry-on luggage out of the overhead lockers. He places his small suitcase on the seat and leans over it, looking at me. “It was lovely meeting you, Ella. I only wish for your sake it had been under better circumstances.” He holds out a card to me. “Here is my number; I will be staying here for a few weeks. My parents own a few properties, including some rental farmhouses around Tuscany, so if you do decide to stick around for a while, give me a call and I’ll get Mama to sort something out for you.”
I take the card, not knowing if I will ever call, but I’m in a foreign country and know no one. “Ella, I mean it; if you need anything, please just give me a call,” Luca says sincerely.
“Thank you,” I say, tears filling my eyes at the kindness of this man I had met just a few short hours ago. It was true, he hadn’t hit on me; he had shown me nothing but kindness, and after what I had been through, I couldn’t have asked for more than that.
I stand up and grab my bag, and as I turn back to Luca, he takes my head in his solid hands and kisses both my cheeks. “Take care,” he whispers, and then he grabs his case and is gone. I think I may see him again as I make my way to passport control, but I don’t, and I feel strangely sad about that. I touch one of my cheeks where he had kissed me as I make my way to baggage claim.
While I stand waiting for my bag, wondering what my next move will be, I look at Luca’s card that’s still in my palm. In a masculine but lovely, bold font, it reads, Luca Goretti, Interior Designer. I turn the card over, and in large, handwritten scrawl, there is an address in Verona.
Written underneath, it says, please get a room here; at least I’ll know you’ll be safe. I close my palm back around the card, as I well up yet again at the kindness of a man I had only known for a few hours, and had spoken to for mere moments. I don’t know if I deserve this amount of kindness after what I have done—running out on the love of my life before he is even put to rest. I mean, what sort of person does that?
The sight of my bag on the carousel is the kick I need to get my arse in gear before I go and jump on the first flight back; I miss Luke so much. I grab my bag, and I stand in the taxi queue for only minutes before it’s my turn. The driver hops out, takes my bag and I climb in the back. When the driver gets back in the taxi, I give him Luca’s card and point out the address on it. I’d been wondering where I was going to stay; I don’t think I could’ve faced staying in the romantic luxury villa Luke had booked us into—not alone. The driver smiles and hands the card back to me, and I put it safely away in my bag.
Eventually, we pull up at a small, chic, boutique hotel. I’m sure we must’ve passed some amazing scenery, but in my comatose state, I noticed nothing. The driver runs around to open my door, and I pay him and retrieve my bag. I walk into the lobby of the hotel and it’s absolutely beautiful—just what I would have picked out myself. It’s a very old building, with all the original features and Italian charm but with modern furniture worked into it.
I go to check myself in at reception and the staff is so friendly, it’s almost as if they know who I am and were expecting me—which I know is ridiculous, but I breathe a huge sigh of relief when they say they have availability for as long as I need it. Pretty miraculous, considering I don’t know how long I’m going to be staying. I know I will move on, but at this stage, I have no idea when and where I’d go. The only thing I’m sure of is this evening, I’m going to lock myself away in my room, as tomorrow night is going to be hard.
La Traviata at the Arena de Verona; I had dreamt of this moment since I was a young girl. It was Mum’s absolute favourite opera; she had seen it in London, and Dad had promised over the years he would take Mum to Verona to see it, but had never gotten around to doing it before their lives were so sadly cut short. Then Luke had surprised me with this trip before his life too was tragically cut short. Life can be too cruel at times.
I had one appointment to get to in the morning I had arranged via reception, but apart from that, I would just walk about and try to clear the fuzzy feeling clouding my head since Luke’s accident. I unpack a few toiletries and head for the shower. I always feel mucky after a flight. I have the quickest shower in history, as even they evoke painful memories of long, emotionally-charged, love-making sessions with my beautiful man. I put on my lounge bottoms, a T-shirt and rough dry my hair; I realise now how unimportant it is to titivate. It all doesn’t matter anymore in my eyes. It seems regardless of what I look like, life is still going to throw a ton of shit at me.
I walk back into the bathroom, with all its ultra-modern amenities of porcelain and chrome, and brush my teeth. As I wipe my mouth on a towel, I look up in the mirror. It’s something I now hate doing, as I know once I see myself, memories of Luke and I together will instantly come flooding back, and although all of our memories are good ones, they are just so abominably painful at the moment.
I immediately walk away from the mirror and get into bed, saddened but also disgusted with looking at myself any longer. It just clarifies in my mind the decision I had made, resulting in the appointment I have booked for tomorrow, is exactly the right thing to do.
Chapter Fifteen – Katy
I approach Lucas’s drive on my way to get Lizzy. I have the strangest feeling in my belly, and once I leave my car and I head toward the front door, the ball of anxiety in my stomach is so strong it’s almost painful. After I knock a few times and get no answer, panic sets in and I start to beat myself up. I am so cross with myself as I call Lizzy’s mobile and think, There’s no way I should have left her alone last night. Her phone rings and rings until I hear her happy little voice on the answering machine. “Damn,” I say out loud as I walk back to my car, thinking about how I hadn’t slept a wink last night, so God only knows what her night had been like…on her own here at Lucas’s, with all these reminders.
I jump back in my car and immediately head to the hospital, all the while frantically redialling Lizzy’s number. I try to console myself with the thought that maybe Lizzy had woken up early and had wanted to get to the hospital sooner. If that is the case, I’ll be over the moon, because it’s important that she is there with Lucas at this dreadful time. Unfortunately, in the pit of my stomach is a nagging feeling that won’t go away, and it stems from one question—why didn’t Lizzy ring me? I just hope she hasn’t gone and done anything stupid, and with this thought in my mind, I press my foot harder on the accelerator.
When I arrive, I park the car, run into the hospital and up to the floor where ICU is. I quickly approach one of the nurses and describe Lizzy to her, asking if she is here or has been. The nurse shakes her head at me apologetically, saying, “I’ve only been here since eight o’clock, and that’s when the nightshift leaves. I haven’t seen her in the last hour, sorry.”
“Okay,” I say, “have there been any changes overnight?” I ask hopefully.
“Let’s see…” the nurse says, checking a book. “Oh, yes, Mr. Castle had some movement around 6am, but nothing since. That’s a good sign though,” the nurse enthuses. My mind, as always, is already off and thinking if Lucas has had any sort of brain activity or movement so quickly after the accident and being in the state he was, I know Lizzy was here. Lucas is a strong guy, so he would never give in easily to death, no matter how grave the doctors are about his recovery. But with the feelings Lucas has for Lizzy, and how much he loves and adores her, I know she is the one person who can bring Lucas out of a coma. Lizzy would be a better cure for his condition than any drug.
“Oh, Miss,” the nurse calls to me as I turn to go and see Lucas myself, and to see if there is any indication that Lizzy has been here.
I turn. “Yes?”
“I take it you are family?”
“Yes, his sister,” I say quickly.
“A couple more things then—the police have returned Mr. Castle’s belongings they found at the crash site, and also, before you go in there, you might want to wait a minute. There is already a lady visiting Mr. Castle, although unfortunately, not the young lady you just described. And to be honest with you—and I’m not one to normally bitch about other women—but she’s quite a moody little thing, with a face like she’s chewing a wasp and she also claims she’s his sister”, the nurse finishes raising her eyebrows at me.
“Thank you for the heads-up,” I say as I quickly walk away and open the door to Lucas’s room to see who this mystery woman is. I walk in quietly and see a woman sitting on Lucas’s bed, and she is holding his hand. On seeing the light enter Lucas’s room, the woman turns toward the door; she immediately drops Lucas’s hand and stands up.
This woman is stunning, although clearly older than Lizzy and I. She has thick, long, wavy auburn hair, surrounding the most striking features all cleverly made-up and she’s tall and slim, with a catwalk model’s figure. “Who the hell are you?” the perfect princess spits viciously. Well, clearly her looks are where her beauty ends. There’s nothing beautiful about that voice; in fact, it could cut glass. I don’t know who she is yet, but a venomous bitch would be my guess.
“I was about to ask you the same thing,” I say in what I’d like to think is an assertive but poised manner; I don’t want to stoop to this bitch’s level. “I’m Saskia, Lucas’s very good friend and ex-girlfriend. And you are?” She says the you part like I’m something she’d find on the bottom of her shoe.
“Well, I am also Lucas’s very good friend, and best friend of Lucas’s current, very serious girlfriend, Lizzy.” I smile annoyingly, folding my arms and silently willing this prat to bring it on, because I can hold my own, especially after a night of no sleep. I’m ready for this one.
“Oh, Lucas’s current, very serious girlfriend, or do you mean his current squeeze of the week,” she sneers.
“No, I’d definitely call a girlfriend of six months a very serious girlfriend,” I state smugly.
“So where exactly is this very serious girlfriend, when her very serious boyfriend is in critical condition with his life hanging in the balance?” the bitch threw at me, her hands on her hips, her eyebrows raised and her lips pursed in a disapproving pout.
She has me though; I don’t know where Lizzy is, but there isn’t a chance in hell I’m going to let her know that, so I bluff. “Lizzy’s been here most of the night. She’s gone home for a change of clothes. Anyway, I don’t have to explain anything to you, and your visiting time is up, lady. Or shall I go call a nurse to confirm that?”
“No need, I was going to make a move anyway. I just wanted to pop in and pay my respects to Lucas before I hit the spa for the day,” the ex from hell says as she retrieves her bag from his bed.
“The spa? Oh, how moving; if you’re not careful, you’ll have me in floods of tears at your sentimental ramblings,” I say sarcastically.
“I’ll be back to see him later,” she growls, giving me the filthiest dirty look I’ve ever been given as she shoulder-barges me on her way out.
Once that awful woman leaves, I step closer to Luke and speak to him. “Lucas bloody Castle, I know you were a womaniser before you met our girl, but what in God’s name did you see in that troll?!” I roll my eyes in mock exasperation and then glance around the room wondering why this nightmare was continuing, when I spot a Louboutin box with a letter on the top. It’s addressed to me and in Lizzy’s handwriting. I nervously pick up the letter, noticing that my hands are suddenly shaking.
Oh, please, God. Lizzy, please don’t have done anything stupid—two funerals I can definitely not handle right now. I slowly open the envelope and pull the letter out. I catch Lizzy’s scent as I open the folded letter and it makes me smile, regardless of what I’m about to read. I should probably sit down for this, I think to myself as I perch myself on the end of Lucas’s bed. There are a couple of chairs in the room, but I feel I just need to be close to him right now, as being close to him makes me feel closer to Lizzy.
I look at Lucas as I mentally try to prepare myself for what I’m about to read, and then I look down at my letter and begin.
To my dearest, darling Katy, my best friend,
Firstly, I need to tell you that I love you with all my heart, you strong, beautiful girl, and before you think the worst, I haven’t left to end my life, but I have left, and I’m sorry. I’m not going to end it all, although selfishly, that was my first thought. I love Luke so very much; he’s everything to me, and the thought of a life without him is not a life worth living—not to me anyway.
So I am going to end my life, but not in the way everyone would expect me (a heartless, selfish, pathetic coward) to; I’m just going to disappear. I have spoken to Luke about my intentions, and I know he would understand. I can’t go through with losing someone else in my life; you saw firsthand what it did to me losing my parents—what a complete mess I turned into.
You saved my life once with your friendship, when all I’d been was a hindrance, a catastrophe and a complete drain on everyone around me. I simply cannot go through that again. I can’t and I won’t put everyone else through it either. I’ve left you my lovely, sparkly Christian Louboutin heels. I’ve also left my Tiffany necklace and bracelet Mum and Dad bought me, and I’d like you to see they get buried with Luke, just so a part of me is with him forever.
I have also left a note for Luke, which I would like buried with him. Although I’ve spoken to him, through this letter, I just need him to know I love him so much, and that this wasn’t an easy decision for me. I know it may sound crazy, but as you know, I do believe there is an afterlife. I have to believe that so I can go through with this (which I know sounds like a ridiculous plan) knowing one day I will see you, Luke, Mum and Dad again. I understand all these things I’m asking of you may seem trivial, when what I am doing is so unbelievably drastic, but they mean a lot to me, and the absurd situation I’m about to live in…actually, no—live is the wrong word—exist would be a better way to describe it. It’s the only way I know how to save myself. I’m so sorry I can’t be stronger, but I don’t have it in me, no matter how deep I dig. I love you so very much, and you and Luke will be in my thoughts until the day we all meet again.
I know you disapproved at first, but he would have been my forever, you know.
Goodbye, for now.
Love, Lizzy X
I crumple the letter in my hands as I sob for the friend I now know I have lost. Lizzy could be anywhere by now. I finally pull myself together, stand up, fold my letter up and put it in my pocket, still shaking my head at what I’d just read. Part of me is glad that at least she hadn’t tried to take her own life, but to me she is still gone. Of course I would search the world for her if I could, but I know Lizzy won’t run to the obvious places where I would look for her. The bottom line is if Lizzy doesn’t want to be found, I won’t be able to find her. I don’t have the resources anyway, and where in the hell would I start?
I walk over and look in the shoebox; I smile then at the crazy thoughts Lizzy must have been having, and how totally out of her mind she must have been if she thought that leaving me a pair of shoes would help me through these awful events. I mean, yes, of course an expensive pair of the most gorgeous shoes I have ever seen could help me through most things, and Lizzy obviously knows that, but at the cost of having her with me—never.
I pick up the Tiffany necklace and bracelet; these are her most precious possessions in the world, and I think I’d go as far as to say that in a fire, she would save these before me—that’s how much they mean to her. They were the last gift her mum and dad bought for her before they died, for goodness sake. This is a sign of how serious she was, and also how determined she would be in her plan for a new life. Tears start to drip down my cheeks again as I pop th
em in my bag, along with Lucas’s letter. I will do all she’s asked of me, but she’d know that; she knows I will do anything for her—always.
As I go to pick up the box with the shoes in it, my eyes are drawn to a few items placed behind them. Noticing Lucas’s phone, it suddenly dawns on me that it must be the belongings the nurse had mentioned the police had found in the accident. An iPad, his iPhone, his car and house keys…Man, men travel light, I think as I look through the battered, dirty items. My goodness, this situation is awful. And how must’ve poor Lucas felt during those terrible moments of the accident?
My thoughts come to an abrupt halt when my eyes hit a small box; it looks like a jewellery box, maybe for earrings or something. I pick it up; it’s filthy—dirt and grime caked onto the velvet of the box—and I struggle as I try to open it. It must have taken a real battering. Eventually I get the lid open, and my eyes widen and I gasp as my other hand flies up to my mouth.
It’s the most beautiful, gorgeous, teardrop diamond ring I have ever seen in my life, and I know instantly it isn’t just any old ring, but a glorious engagement ring—an engagement ring Lucas was obviously going to present to Lizzy. My eyes widen further as I think of the trip to Verona Lucas had surprised Lizzy with for this weekend—the romantic trip I am now sure he had been going to propose to her on. Oh, this is so sad, so very, very sad. I whimper as I sit back down on the bed, just staring at the ring and thinking of the possibilities if this tragic accident had not struck.
Lucas and Lizzy in Verona…him producing this gorgeous ring whilst going down on one knee—which I know he would have done, he was nothing if not traditional. Through my tears of utter sadness over a series of events that now would not be, I smile imaging Lizzy and how shocked she would have been, and then that look of shock would have been replaced by her glorious smile as she screamed Yes!
