by Nicole Dykes
She stands and so does Linc, both coming closer to me. I feel numb as I look at my best friend and see the worry on her face.
Linc looks worried as he looks me over, and I tuck my hand behind my back. I can’t believe I hit him. I’ve never hit anyone in my life. “Lols, what’s up? We’ve been worried.”
“We were about to send a fucking search party after you. You looked crazed when you left.” Penelope takes my non-swollen hand in hers. “What’s going on?”
“He’s your brother,” I blurt out without even thinking in my still numb state.
“What?” Her eyes search mine. “I don’t have a fucking brother.”
My entire body feels heavy, but especially my head as it droops, my eyes taking in the sand below my feet. “You do. Hayden.”
“Your client?” I hear Linc’s booming voice, but I don’t lift my eyes.
“What the hell are you talking about, Lola? I don’t have a fucking brother.”
My eyes lift to meet hers, which is a daunting task. “You do. He admitted it tonight.”
“He’s a fucking liar. Do you really think I wouldn’t have told you if I had a brother?”
Linc wraps a protective arm around her shoulder. “It’s okay, P. Calm down.”
“No.” She turns to me. “He’s a liar. There’s no way. Why do you even think that?”
“He’s from Kansas City.”
She scoffs. “A lot of people are from Kansas City, and a lot of them move here. We did.”
“He had a rough childhood.”
She laughs angrily, folding her arms. “Oh, well. You didn’t mention that. He comes from a shit childhood? Then we must be related.”
“P . . .” Linc’s tone is careful but still a plea to calm down.
Her eyes meet mine. “I’m an only child. And thank god, because my mother was awful. You really think I wouldn’t know if I had a sibling?”
“Your nose. The bump.” I nod my head toward her face. “He has it. And the little golden flakes in your eyes. He has them too.”
“Big deal.”
My eyes move to Linc’s, and I see him processing the information. “It is a big deal. He told me you’re his sister. He admitted it tonight.”
“And you just automatically believe him?”
“I . . .” I don’t know what to believe.
She’s angry, and I can’t blame her. Penelope grew up in hell. Her mother was terrible and treated her so awfully that Penelope never had a good experience with her actual blood-related family.
“I’m going home. I’m glad you’re okay, but he is not my brother.”
Linc looks sympathetically at me as she takes off toward their house, and I nod at him to follow her, which he does.
I go back to my patio and take a seat, staring at the ocean, seriously feeling pain in my hand now.
When I hit him, he looked hurt but not physically, and I feel sick.
“You’re home.”
I turn when I see Asher come out of the door that I didn’t even hear open. He takes a seat next to me, and I barely move. “I am.”
“Good. They were all losing their fucking minds.”
“I didn’t mean to scare anyone.”
He laughs. “I wasn’t scared. Maybe scared for whoever you were going after.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “You still hate me?”
I lay my head on his shoulder, and he doesn’t push me away. “I can’t believe you talked her into leaving, but I'm glad Baz has a safe place to live.”
“You really think you guys had a healthy arrangement?”
“It was ours to figure out, Lola. At least I had Baz there with me.”
I know how much he loves Baz. And I know it ripped his heart out when Viv moved. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.” I turn to look at his face, and he isn’t joking. But he isn’t all that angry either. “You want to fix everything, Lola. You always have. You’ve put your own life on hold, trying to fix all of us, and it isn’t your place.”
I swallow, my throat feeling dry. “I wasn’t there when I should have been.”
“You mean when you were a teenager? And when you were in college? It wasn’t your place to fix us then either.”
“You guys are my life.”
He shakes his head and wraps an arm around me, pulling me close. “We’re siblings. Always. You’ll always be my big sister, but that doesn’t mean that you can control our outcomes. Or that you can save us from pain.”
“That’s all you and Viv were causing each other.”
“Right before she left, yeah. But it was our pain to experience. Can’t be afraid of a little agony.”
My eyebrow lifts. “Shouldn’t you be terrified of that? Avoid pain at all costs. I mean, we’ve had so much of it already.”
“Pain is inevitable. And I’ve felt plenty of it, but nothing like the day I hugged Baz goodbye and watched him leave.”
“I’m so sorry.” It’s a strangled whisper. And I am. “For the record, I still hope you’ll move here someday. Soon.”
He laughs like that’s ridiculous. “So you can continue to manage every situation? No thanks.”
“You make me sound like a monster.”
“You’re a control freak, Lola, but it’s not malicious. You just care way too damn much.”
“I don’t want to see you in pain. I should have been there after . . .” I still can’t say his name, and I fight the cry that bubbles up in my throat. I want to scream. I should be able to say his name. “I should have been there. I knew Mom wasn’t dealing. I knew you were having to step up, and I wasn’t there.”
“You were as much as you could be. That’s not on you.”
“I’m the oldest.”
He laughs and hugs me tighter. “You think being the oldest makes you immune?”
I shake my head slowly, trying not to let all my feelings crush me. “I was supposed to protect you, and I didn’t. I don’t know what that time with Mom was like.”
He tenses. “It wasn’t your battle. You were dealing with your own shit, Lola. I don’t blame you. You deserve to be happy even if that means going through some pain to get to it.”
I think about Hayden and how upset he looked. How desperate he was for me to come inside and talk to him, but I refused.
“I’m stubborn.”
He laughs. “You’re a Sterling.”
I pull away and turn to look at my little brother, only seeing a sickening ache in his eyes and demeanor. “I have to go.”
“Okay. You okay though?” He looks suspicious, and after earlier, I can’t blame him.
“Yeah. I just . . .” I sigh. “I think you’re right. Maybe I try to shield the people I love and myself a little too much. And I don’t want to miss out on something that’s possibly great.”
“Well, I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about, but you’re one of the smartest people I know. So go ahead.”
I ruffle his hair and kiss the top of his head before dashing to my car. My heels are filled with sand and uncomfortable, so I kick them off once I’m in the car. I drive barefoot back to Hayden.
When I get there, I leave my heels in the car and run to his front door, ringing the doorbell and not caring how late it is.
He doesn’t answer, and my chest squeezes tightly in my chest.
Please be here.
I knock on the door and then ring the doorbell again. Desperate to talk to him. Hoping I didn’t screw it all up.
I’m still angry, but I don’t want to take the easy way out and bail without talking to him.
“Please answer.”
“Lola?”
I turn to my right at the sound of Hayden’s voice. He’s outside. He has a shirt on now along with his sweats, and my heart hurts enough to make me cringe when I see his swollen eye.
“What are you doing here?”
I leave his porch and walk to meet him as he comes from the backyard. “I wanted to hear your side.”
&nbs
p; He looks stunned, rubbing the sexy stubble of his jaw with his hand as he studies me closely.
He probably thinks I'm completely insane.
Lola is here. Standing in front of me. It feels like a dream, like maybe I'm just overworked and tired. After earlier, I never thought I’d see her again.
“I didn’t think you’d come back.”
She looks sullen and tired, her pretty face full of so many expressions. “I probably shouldn’t have. Penelope . . .” She bites her bottom lip nervously. “She’s my best friend, and you lied.”
“I know.” I feel like shit as I look down at the manicured grass of my front lawn, standing bare foot, and I notice she is too.
“But . . .” My eyes lift to hers. “We’re adults, and I want to hear your side of the story. I feel like I owe whatever we’ve had together . . . I owe us that.”
Us. The word makes my heart clench tightly in my chest. I take another step closer to her but try not to overwhelm her. “Ask me anything.”
“Were you looking for her?”
“No.” It’s the truth. I’ll only tell her the truth from now on, if she’ll let me.
She’s calmer than earlier, but not by a lot. I still see her anger under the surface and know I deserve her wrath. “Then how did you find her? You can’t tell me that hiring us was a total fluke.”
I take another step closer to her. “I have no one, literally no one. I’ve always been a loner. But around six months ago, I got drunk and started thinking about that. That I had no one.” She’s listening, but I don’t see pity in her eyes. “I hired a private investigator to find my mom.”
“She died.”
I nod. “So Penelope knew that?”
She nods her head. “She did.”
“I’m not sure why I wanted him to find her in the first place. I hated her. I still do, even if she’s dead and buried. But then, he found out she had a daughter after me.”
“How did you not know about her?”
“I’m older than her. I was out of the house when I was six years old. I never knew she existed, and I’m sure she had no clue about me. My mom . . . fuck. Let’s just say she wasn’t sentimental, not even about her own kid.”
She looks sad, but her guards are still up. She takes a step in my direction. “So why not just contact her like a normal fucking person, Hayden? Why the scheming? Why the lies?”
She’s back to fired up. “My mother was a shitty human being. So was my father. I don’t trust anyone with the same blood as my parents running through their veins.”
“Do you have the same father?”
“I don’t know. I doubt it. My father left before I did, but I don’t know if he came back or even if he was my actual father.” Dear ole Mom really got around.
“Still. If you wanted to know her, why go through all the effort of hiring us?”
I don’t blame her for being suspicious. I know I would be. “I wanted to get to know her. See if she was a fucking shitty human being too. Or if she was decent. Because if she was anything like my mom, I’d have run far, far away.”
“You could have done the same thing just meeting her, telling her who you were. It doesn’t make sense.”
“It does.” I’m now mere inches from her, trying to ignore the fact that I can smell my cologne on her from earlier today.
“It doesn’t.” She holds her chin high, elegant, stubborn and beautiful. “Explain it to me.”
“I didn’t want her to know who I was until I was sure she wasn’t a fucking bitch like our mother. I needed to know first. I just did.” I take her hand in mine, and she doesn’t pull away as I lift it to place it over my heart. “I thought I would work with her, ask her subtle questions and see what kind of person she was. But then you guys threw a curveball at me. I didn’t see you coming, Lola.”
I swallow as I look down into her eyes, the lump in my throat not disappearing as her eyes meet mine. “You lied to me.”
“I didn’t know you.”
She pushes me away, angry again. “You should have told me when you started to know me, Hayden. After I handed you my virginity and then gave you my body over and over. You’re a coward.”
“You don’t know me, Lola. No one has ever called me a coward in my life.”
She pokes my chest with her finger. “I. Am. Because you are. You didn’t tell me the truth. I gave you something . . .”
“Something you said was no big deal.”
“Well, of course it was.” Fuck, I can’t win with her.
I scrub my hand over my face, tired from the day and fucking worn-out from this infuriating, intoxicating woman. “You know what? I can’t do this. I don’t date or mess around for long because of this very fucking thing.”
I spin on one foot, sick of this. Knowing I'm doing what I do best and bailing, but also knowing it’s for the best. I take off for the backyard, going through the gate and groan when I hear her behind me, slamming it shut behind her. I turn to look at her.
“Lola, go home.”
“I thought you said to ask you anything. I’m here.” She points to her chest. “I’m willing to scream it out with you, but you don’t get to run. You’ve always gone for easy and convenient in the past? Fine. I’m not that, but you don’t really want that. I know you want to try with me. Something is different about us.”
There’s that word again. She makes me want to rip out all my hair as I approach her. “You’re not going to forgive me. I’m a liar. I fucking lied, and that’s all you see.”
“Yeah. You are. And yes, you did.”
“So, what's the point? You’re just going to leave.”
“First of all, it takes a lot to make me leave. A lot.” Stubborn fucking woman. “Admit it, you’re a coward.”
I groan as I place both my hands over my face, internally screaming as I drag them down over my neck, gripping the back of it and looking at her. “Fine. I’m a fucking coward. I liked what we had. I had no fucking clue what it was or what it meant, but I liked it.” I drop my arms and walk closer to her, letting one hand wrap around her waist and tug her body to mine. “I liked fucking you every single time we were near each other.” My mouth dips to her ear. “I loved hearing you scream my name.”
I feel her shudder against me. “So, you lied to me so you could keep doing that.”
“I didn’t tell you I’m related to Penelope. Everything else I told you was true.”
“She’s my best friend, which you knew because I told you that. And she’s pissed, by the way.”
My eyes snap to hers. “You told her?”
“Yes.” She doesn’t hesitate. “I was angry. And I don’t want to lie to her.”
Shit, Penelope knows I'm her brother. “I was going to tell you both.”
“When? On our wedding day? Huh? Maybe wait for the inevitable divorce before dropping that bomb? Maybe your deathbed?”
Fuck, she turns me on. I can’t even pretend to hate her witty attitude. I grasp her face in both of my hands. “Who the fuck says I'll ever make you my wife?”
Her lips turn up in a sexy smirk. “I didn’t see you coming either. You came out of nowhere, but the instant attraction was like nothing I've ever felt. Ever. I was a virgin because no one ever made me feel even a quarter of what just talking to you makes me feel.”
“I didn’t expect to fall for you so fucking fast.” Or at all. “I didn’t want to believe it. It still seems surreal.”
Her face is still in my hands, tilted up. “And yet? It’s real, I’m afraid.”
Now’s my turn to smirk. “You’re a real pain in the ass.”
“You should have told me. I didn’t tell you about being a virgin, so you get a pass up until then, but after that, you should have told me.”
“I know.” I can feel my dick growing hard between our bodies just from the close contact with her. My hand smooths over her hip and untucks her blouse from her skirt, sliding under it to feel her smooth skin. “Forgive me.”
Her hands sl
ide under the back of my t-shirt, her nails raking over my back. “Earn it.”
I smile as I pull her face to mine, meeting her lips and kissing her with passion and all my regrets, begging for forgiveness. Hoping for redemption. My other hand grips her ass, pulling her even closer to me.
She moans into my mouth as my erection presses between her legs. “You’re an asshole.”
I smile into another kiss at her breathless words as her back rests against my wrought iron gate. “I am.”
“And a coward.”
I growl at that word, my lips moving from her mouth to her neck and then dragging my teeth over the sensitive skin there. “I’m not a fucking coward.”
Her hands dip into my sweats. I'm not wearing any underwear tonight and her nails dig into my ass cheeks, pulling me against her. “You were with me.”
“So, you made me a pussy?”
She tilts her head to the side, allowing me better access as I suck the sweet flesh of her neck and then move to her collar bone, pulling down the strap of her shirt over her shoulder, baring it for me. “Yes.”
I push the other strap down and lick her protruding collarbone. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I should have. I wanted to. I tried today.” My hand slides over her thigh and up her skirt between her legs, finding her bare for me. She’s started going sans panties, and I fucking love it.
She nods her head knowingly. “I know.”
“Are you wet for me, Lola?”
Her head rests against the sturdy metal of the gate. “Find out, Hayden. Don’t be afraid.”
I would laugh if I wasn’t so fucking turned-on. My finger slides through her very wet folds as she moans. She pushes my sweats down, freeing my cock as I hike her skirt up. “You terrify me, Lola.”
Her eyes meet mine with sincerity, which I never expected to see in a rich bitch’s eyes, but that’s not Lola. She may have come from wealth and privilege, and she may be strong as hell, but she’s anything but a bitch.
She nips on my bottom lip as her hands slide through my hair, and I hoist her up, letting her legs wrap around me. “Don’t ever lie to me again.”
I push inside of her with one sure thrust. Her body accepts me instantly as our foreheads rest against each other. I’m not gentle with her. She doesn’t want it that way, her teeth scraping over the stubble across my jaw. She clenches around me with each movement. We wordlessly speak to each other. Our fears. Our frustrations. Our anger.
